2014 Resolution: Become an Author, One Month at a Time

Originally Posted by surviva316

Could you clarify what you mean when you say it's simplistic?

By simplistic, I meant that the phrasing is what I would expect 'average Joe' to come up with. It says what you want to convey but I would hold a publishable author to a higher standard. It should hold more mystery or intrigue or relay that this character has mack-daddy skillz, lol. Sorry, I'm just being brutally honest, as I'm sure the agent will be. But, I could be wrong.

The religious opium thing is meant to be a reference to Marx's "Religion is the opiate of the masses." I'm not shocked that the phrasing gives pause. I think enough readers have been okay with it for me to keep it for now, but yeah, I'd love to find a better way to word it.

Okay, now I get it. I think I would have understood it the first time if it had read 'toking on the opium of religion.' or actually 'opiate' is more correct. Is that too close to quoting Marx? That's a great quote, btw. So true.

And that brings me to the second sentence of the second paragraph ...

I see what you're saying. Just keep working with it.

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You should probably read this, even if you're not a fan of HST's books. It's his autobiography and details his struggles learning to be a writer and to become published. I think it would be a great read for any aspiring writer. It made me want to become one (in my fantasies lol); not necessarily become one, but it made me respect and admire them.

http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/1..._Proud_Highway

Read some of the reviews to get a better idea about it.

I'd recommend the hard-cover which you can find used on Amazon for about $10.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/offer-listi...qid=1389067576

Later!

Originally Posted by PlayToWin

Sorry, I'm just being brutally honest, as I'm sure the agent will be. But, I could be wrong.

Nah man, that's totally what I look for in feedback, especially for query letter because agents, by their own admission, read the slush pile with the most jaded, sardonic eye they have. What you're doing is much better than scanning it over and being like, "Nope, I don't see any comma splices. You're golden!"

I'll look into the Hunter S Thompson book. I read Norman Mailer's "what it's like to be a writer before you get to be as big and famous as I am" book, but that was before I'd read any Mailer, and the dude's opinions on anything aren't to be taken seriously, so I'm due for another one of those.