I just realized I'm not that good - Salsa4ever

That is pretty much how I feel right now. Maybe even worse. I know understand why I never pursued past 100nl and was pretty much break even the whole way through. In my introduction post I said I ran my br up to ~3500, but it's not like it was a breeze. That took over 4 months, and most was built from 25/50nl - plus a few MTT cashes. Once I hit 100nl, I was pretty much 1bb/100. I had my reasons for cashing out most of it (business, money problems) but I really did feel like I would never progress any higher. I felt that I "mine as well cash out" because I would never do well higher than 100nl. And since I wouldn't I only needed a small bankroll for the smaller limits - and I needed the money - I took it.

As I read everything I just said it sounds ridiculous. I think I am a decent player, I think I can make money playing this game and I know it could be that magical word called variance; but it really isn't that simple. The amount of regulars at 200nl and above (even the amount at 100nl these days) is absurd. Sometimes I just watched the 200/400+ nl games and I see the same people all the time. I just don't see how I could bring my game up to there and seriously think about beating it. I don't know if it is a confidence issue, motivation issue, or whatever; but I can't see me bringing my skill as it stands today and beating those levels. I am even nervous to take shots at 100nl. I have some learning to do.

At the small stakes if someone were having trouble beating it, I would just tell them to play abc smart poker. Why? Because that's what I do and it works for me - kind of. I really like dnuts post Don't be a poker pansy; it pretty much describes how far along I am skill wise. I swear he could have based that entire thread off of me alone. I pretty much only think abc, bet fold to aggression, cbet and check turn if called and I missed, etc etc. Granted I do not need to get tricky at these limits, but if my overall goal is to move to an area where I do, I need to start learning.

I don't know if this post is because of my last 6k hands, or if because I am just in a contemplative mood, but nonetheless I know I need to change. "Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is insanity." If I'm not running hot, I do not make money. It's that simple. If my sets aren't getting paid, my big pairs folding around, etc etc, then I make no money. I hope I find myself emotionally strong enough to make is through this because shit, if I feel this crappy from breaking even at 25nl I can't imagine dropping 5+ buyins at 200nl+. I am not mentally ready to play higher limits. I am not mentally ready to lose even $100 in a hand at 100nl. I even find myself feeling it when I lose a big pot at 25nl. I don't know, maybe I am a "poker pansy" or whatever, but until I learn to get over the fear I will never be as good as I can.

I am glad I did start this thread. I think without it I wouldn't be dedicated to poker nor would I be analyzing my game as much. I have played more hands so far this week than I have the past couple months, and I am happy with that. I am not going to get upset with myself if I do not make as much money as I wanted this month, so long as I play as many hands as I said. I keep telling myself it is long term and just play 1,000,000,000,000 hands and eventually I'll come out on top. I might not be a very good player, but hell I am good enough to be micro stakes.

Only time will tell.