Blaaah, I don't wanna sound ridiculous. I guess it just sucks more to me and is having a larger impact than usual because it all happened within 25 mins at my first shot at 50nl. I'm in no way crying my little eyes out or beating up the dog, I just really don't think I could mentally handle playing this game "professionally"... and I think this proves it.

For a while now I've always wanted to play poker "for a living" because quite frankly, I've hated every single job I have ever had. I hated waking up early, I hated driving there, I hated my bosses, I hated being there when I just wanted to have my own time. Also I think another reason I wanted to is because I'd love to answer the question "What do you do?" with "I play poker."

I don't want to turn my project thread into a soap opera or anything, but I think I just need to write right now. No one is going to care how many bad beats I took or how bad I played, and I'm not looking for any sympathy (seriously).

I guess I'm just not ready atm. I mean if breaking even at 25nl, then a 3 buyin swing at my first shot at 50nl makes me feel this bad, is it even worth it? Not by any means am I saying I'm giving up on this 10k+ per week goal, and I'm still going to get it done... but it just seems that it is becomming clear to me that once poker becomes the primary source of income, it becomes a job. Well duh I know you're thinking, that's the definition of a job. But I hate jobs, I've hated every job I've ever worked. Once it becomes something I have to do rather than something I want to do, it's no longer fun.

lol... I'm going to get out of the house or something right now. No more poker today, hopefully tomorrow I'll run at 49.54 bb/100 and make up for my losses.