And once again I fall down hard.

Every time I feel like I've turned a corner it's just been some positive variance on my break even poker game. Every goddamned time. I made $2200 in march in 15000 hands. I've lost $2300 in april so far in 13000 hands. I know the sample size is smallish. But how often do winning players go -8 BB/100 over 13000 hands?

I watch videos on this site and I learn nothing I didn't already know. I read the threads and feel like I'm up to par with all of the thinking that is going on. But I'm not getting better and I'm not winning and I don't know what to do about it. I read the books, study my hands, and I just can't win. I am really just utterly baffled. I've tried cutting down tables, trying different limits. The only one I've almost certainly won at is 25NL, and playing there definitely doesn't make me a better poker player. I'm not interested in playing 25NL for the rest of my life.

I don't understand what more I need to do to be a winning poker player. Maybe I'm simply too stupid to do it. Maybe I simply can't contain my tilt. Maybe I'm just not cut out for this. I've surely played more hands in my life time than many of the high stakes regulars. Maybe in the end it just comes down to talent, and I don't have it.

Oh well, I'll just wait til the next bit of positive variance makes me feel like I've finally gotten over the hump. Till next time.