I've been playing bad and running worse. An insane series of coolers and just weird shit happening to me.

I've temporarily stopped the bleeding; I've gone down 2k then up 1.5k and down another 1k and back up .6k so I'm probably down somewhere in the vicinity of $700 for the last 3 days. I've certainly had worse runs, but I feel like I'm a bit tilt prone. I'm not sure what's done this to me... I've had bigger upswings and bigger downswings. I feel like I'm oscillating from being too weak tight to being too reckless. A cold run of cards doesn't help, but if I want to become a pro I need to find a way through it. Just like I've found a way through all the other ups and downs I've gone through.

I don't really know whether this is normal. I mean, come on! I'm down 0.7k in 3 days, and I'm up 6k for the month and 30k for the 3.75 months of this shit... WHAT CAN I COMPLAIN ABOUT!?!? FUCKING HELL... I think I'm developing an obsession with poker. I only feel happy when I'm winning, and I'm spending my days aimlessly when I don't. I have an unhealthy habit of playing video games after a losing session to console myself. I need to get away from that fucking computer! Do exercise! Dance! Go for a run! Ride the bike! GRRRR... I've resolved again and again and again to find some balance in my life and now let the ups and downs of poker get to me.

It's completely irrational. I've made $30k in 15 weeks, and in that time I've had a few downswings of 3k+, which isn't even that much considering my buyin. My bankroll is huge for the stakes I play... so I speculate the only reason I go through this shit is:

1. I feel guilty about playing so much poker and being so obsessed and doing little else, and I need to be constantly winning to feel like I can justify spending all this time

2. I'm excessively demanding on myself. I get upset when I make a bad play, make a bad call, get the money in with the worst of it. I'm a bit of a perfectionist. Not in all things, but certainly in the things I care about.

3. I am full of myself. Most people dont even realize they are, but I am so full of myself I can even see it. I have IQ of 148. I was dux of my school. I study law and teach economics at the top uni in Australia. I win the dance competitions. I get the girls. My wealth is moderate, but at least 3 std dev. above the average for my age. I think I am just so convinced that I'm so damn good I feel entitled to win. I mean these inferior fish with mediocre intellect and dedication and intelligence should lose to me EVERY FUCKING TIME! On an intellectual level I know this is not how the game works, and they DO lose to me, and that if they lost every time they wouldn't play I couldn't make money. But I hardly ever lose in life, and for me it's a tough pill to swallow.

Anyway, I'm asking for whatever advice or suggestions or just share your own struggles with your inner self.