As I have been playing and struggling/running bad/being a spewtard at 10nl, I had a moment where I was taking a walk after some really bad beats, thinking about what my goals are for my play, and why some of my expectations are either unreasonable or hindering my growth as a player.

Right now, I am 22 years old. The player base at FTR seems to be on the younger side, and I see a lot of people in both IRC and on FTR that are much younger than me who are making serious money at the upper levels. Everytime I think about this, I start to feel a little down on myself about how I am only up to 10nl at this point. I start thinking "Hey, what if I had started playing my freshman year in college, I could be making a killing and have already paid off my student loans".

The fact of the matter is, I didn't start playing poker until last June, and I didn't start playing cash until December. From that point, I've gone from 2nl -> 5nl -> 10nl 6max in about 3 months. Thats pretty good. Even if I spend 6 months at 10nl, 25nl, 50nl, 100nl, etc, I am going to be at 200nl by the time I am 24 or 25.

The fact that I could be making around $20-40/hr at 200nl (assuming 5pt BB/100 where I play around 200 hands/hr) as a part time source of income when I am only 25 is so incredibly motivating, its almost stupid to get so upset about running bad right now.

Maybe it takes me till I am 30 to get to 1000nl. Thats almost 9 years of playing poker. But at 30 years old, I could be making $100+/hr sitting in my underwear instead of some stuffy office.

My dream is be able to travel the world with my girlfriend, spending a month or two in a different location and playing poker wherever there is an internet location. I want to be able to save for my children's college educations, pay off my house, and save for retirement all at the same time. I want to buy a Ferrari some day.

To a normal person, on a regular income, all of this isn't possible. But maybe with poker and a regular job for a while, its possible. I could be watching my dreams turn into reality, but instead I am getting down on myself and whining about how I am running bad and my game is stuck in neutral.

Maybe this is egotistical or delusional, but I know that I can do it. I know that I can eventually beat the higher stakes; I can't explain why, its just one of those things that I feel as though I can accomplish.

But I won't get there without keeping my eye on my ultimate goals. Until I just relax and think about the long term and making sure each of my decisions is as +EV as possible, I am going to be stuck in the same cycle.

Poker isn't going anywhere; I have time to accomplish my goals and to get where I want to be. All I have to do is to do the best I can to improve.