Just a little update here for folks who wonder where I've gotten to.

Been doing a lot of thinking about recent discussions in this thread, trying to sort my head out. I feel really positive about poker again atm, although I havnt played for a couple of weeks I dont think.

I'm going back to just working on improving my game. 2-3 tables at a time. Forget about bonuses and money goals. Dropping my plans for 'withdraw X at Y BR'. I'll just make withdrawals when I feel its appropriate. This way hopefully I'll avoid that "nearly there...ah shit" phenomenon that messes with my head so much.

Gotta work a bit more on my thoughts on the Drs last post. I dont intend or even desire to ever play poker full time. Maybe its a mental thing, as I just cant imagine ever earning enough to be worthwhile. I'd realistically want to be earning twice as much from poker as from my current day job to go fulltime, as thats the kind of buffer I'd want for variance. I earn pretty solid $s now so that would be pretty lofty. Really I just want to get to the point where I'm winning say $2-4k per month as a part-time hobbyist. How viable that is as a goal remains to be seen. Maybe just winning $1k per month at 100nl is the best I can do? For now though thats all off in the future, playing good poker is my aim atm.

That said, poker does slip down my list of priorities when its not fun. I cant stop playing when I'm winning and the cards are flowing my way, but when times are rough I do just avoid playing. Maybe I do need to focus on my 'B game' somewhat. Tbh the reason I dont play when I'm not feeling right, isnt just that I dont want to, sometimes I really do want to, I just know from experience that I play crap. The times I dont "feel" it, but play anyway are inevitably my big losing sessions. Often its not that I dont want to play, its that I protect my roll by not playing. I should be able to play more though, and start working on that.

All that said, not sure I'm ready to leap back in now. Particularly hectic at work atm, and doing a lot of bike training atm in preparation for a 100km ride in less than a month. Not going to force my way back into it, but once I do start playing regularly again I'll have to work on ways to maximise my effective playing time.