So sick, after i wrote that last message i watched a movie with my son and fell asleep. Which was good times until i awoke to find i had 55 mins to make 30points for the bonus. I knew it couldnt be done at the stakes im playing in the time frame so i immediately opened 4 tables of $50 PLO. Which left me $46 in my BR, about 45 mins into the session i realized the pots werent going to get me there, i was pretty much even on 3, and one i had doubled up on. I closed the 3 and sat 1/2 PLO with my entire BR. Wtf was i doing? Its like the logical part of my brain was shutdown or something i was so focused on the bonus that i didnt even acknowledge the fact that i was risking 4 weeks of hard work and grinding the correct way for an extra $15!!!!. I already made the cut for $25 friday night. Back to the epic fail, its 11:58 i need 5 pts and UTG on the 1/2 opens $9 and the entire table calls. Im in BB with ..now my instant reaction is to pot, which i did with no thought whatsoever just mash buttons. It was enough to put UTG opener all in which he called, BTN called and SB called. Flop comes sb shoves, i call, btn folds. I lost to JJ97r on turn and river. The hand doesnt really matter but i misplayed the hand and dumped my BR. Wtfbhappened? I didnt have a downswing or cold deck tilty spots before that, nothing but that stupid promotion. Which btw i missed by literally 02seconds. For some reason that hand took like 15 seconds to showdown after the board was out and the points got put in my account at 0:00:00:02 . Dumped my roll and missed my $40. A saaaaad day. I deposited sunday and managed to tilt off 5 BIs @ $5 zone reallll quick. I deposited again and something clicked, its my last buyin so now it matters. Now my brain has all of a sudden turned on and i dont play. I bought the book "mental game" by jared something. Excellent book.. and i learned that you can tilt from folding too much. I was like whatt.. and that was the sentence that made it all click, (i think) i play a strategy and when i get into spots where i know i should fold a strong hand : when i play correctly i build up "folding" emotions that accumulate over time. When i play incorrectly and i tend to call when i shouldnt. The result of those emotions that have built up. "Folding tilt". Im not exactly sure thats the exact reason but as i get deeper into the book and start working on my mental game i think i will be able to deal with this phenomena much easier. I call it that because thats what it feels like to me i guess. The upside is i played a short session after, and played extremely well. Not run well, but just played correctly is more spots that were causing me troubles. I recieved my bonus today of $25 so my current BR is $58. I will update my stats,br ladder, and goals for my "card" game as well as my "mental" game. I could of not said anything but i felt like i need some well deserved critisicm for this. Most of my friends dont play poker, or if they do they just play for recreation and have no intention of elevating thier game. Which is even more of a reason to post it here.