Hi all,

This thread will hold absolutely no strategy content. I will not talk about how much im winning or losing. I will not post hands of any sort. This thread serves no real purpose to anyone but myself, but is meant to hold my accountable on my commitments. Most of this may be out of order or out of place.

I have a lot of tilt problems. I don't play my best all the time. Some of the time, I play very very badly. It scares me sometimes how i play when i tilt because although I have made a very large amount of money playing poker, it may have been much larger if I didn't tilt.

I forgive myself for that, and I don't hate myself for tilting. I have definitely tried to stop it. But as I've learned in life, the symptoms keep coming back if you don't kill the disease.

I could take an easy road and set a 1 buy in stop loss. It's not really a bad idea, and I have tried it in the past with some success. But that is more of a restriction than an awakening.

I'm not really sure what causes my tilt. There are a few things i consider.

1. I am very attached to making a lot of money playing poker and when my desires arent met it throws me way off my game in an attempt to make that money back.

2. I lack self awareness to realize I am tilting.

3. I lack self control to stop playing when i realize I'm tilting.

4. I'm not aware of what factors in my body/environment produce my A game.

I'm pretty sure a combination of all four are the reason. For example, about 15 minutes ago I tilted. During that period i went from up 7k on the day to down 2k (1). I probably did not realize i was tilted till about 15-20 minutes after i went on tilt (2). When I did realize I was on tilt, I wasn't physically and mentally able to quit (3). There also may have been factors surrounding the session and my day that set the tone for making the tilt happen/ making the tilt worse (4).

I experience tilt in life. I want to do hw early sometimes but I don't. I want to do certain things in my day that I dont do.

A thought I'm having right now is part of my problem is that I rarely "choose" to do anything in my life, so I don't know how to control it. For example, today I wanted to and chose to watch the Redskins game. I wanted to do my laundry at half time, I didn't do that until later. I wanted to do my blog hw last night, and I didn't do that. It makes me realize how little structure my life has. In Ayur Veda, I am what you call Vata, and very Vata indeed. I'd rather not explain what it means but Ayur Veda recommends that these type of people need to have structure in their life.

Stopping the Ramble now.

Course of Action: There are two main goals from here till i die that i'd like to have accomplished.

A. Become more aware of myself and my surroundings. In life... im not sure how yet. In poker, by becoming more aware of what my A game "is" and more aware what my tilt state of mind "is."

B. Become more structured in my life, mostly in a way where I go from activity to activity, rather than goooooooooooooooo frrororrormmmmm activity tttttttttttttttttttttttooooooooooooooooooooooo activity.

I do not want to overwhelm myself, so I am going to start with B. "A" may be more important for poker, but I think B is going to be more important for my happiness and a necessary precursor for A.

I will update this nightly before I go to bed. Not at any other time than that. If I fail to do so , please post in this thread saying i did indeed fail to make my post at the time i said i would, and i will donate $50 to charity

Thanks all.[/b]