Operation: Tilt and Self Awareness

Hi all,

This thread will hold absolutely no strategy content. I will not talk about how much im winning or losing. I will not post hands of any sort. This thread serves no real purpose to anyone but myself, but is meant to hold my accountable on my commitments. Most of this may be out of order or out of place.

I have a lot of tilt problems. I don't play my best all the time. Some of the time, I play very very badly. It scares me sometimes how i play when i tilt because although I have made a very large amount of money playing poker, it may have been much larger if I didn't tilt.

I forgive myself for that, and I don't hate myself for tilting. I have definitely tried to stop it. But as I've learned in life, the symptoms keep coming back if you don't kill the disease.

I could take an easy road and set a 1 buy in stop loss. It's not really a bad idea, and I have tried it in the past with some success. But that is more of a restriction than an awakening.

I'm not really sure what causes my tilt. There are a few things i consider.

1. I am very attached to making a lot of money playing poker and when my desires arent met it throws me way off my game in an attempt to make that money back.

2. I lack self awareness to realize I am tilting.

3. I lack self control to stop playing when i realize I'm tilting.

4. I'm not aware of what factors in my body/environment produce my A game.

I'm pretty sure a combination of all four are the reason. For example, about 15 minutes ago I tilted. During that period i went from up 7k on the day to down 2k (1). I probably did not realize i was tilted till about 15-20 minutes after i went on tilt (2). When I did realize I was on tilt, I wasn't physically and mentally able to quit (3). There also may have been factors surrounding the session and my day that set the tone for making the tilt happen/ making the tilt worse (4).

I experience tilt in life. I want to do hw early sometimes but I don't. I want to do certain things in my day that I dont do.

A thought I'm having right now is part of my problem is that I rarely "choose" to do anything in my life, so I don't know how to control it. For example, today I wanted to and chose to watch the Redskins game. I wanted to do my laundry at half time, I didn't do that until later. I wanted to do my blog hw last night, and I didn't do that. It makes me realize how little structure my life has. In Ayur Veda, I am what you call Vata, and very Vata indeed. I'd rather not explain what it means but Ayur Veda recommends that these type of people need to have structure in their life.

Stopping the Ramble now.

Course of Action: There are two main goals from here till i die that i'd like to have accomplished.

A. Become more aware of myself and my surroundings. In life... im not sure how yet. In poker, by becoming more aware of what my A game "is" and more aware what my tilt state of mind "is."

B. Become more structured in my life, mostly in a way where I go from activity to activity, rather than goooooooooooooooo frrororrormmmmm activity tttttttttttttttttttttttooooooooooooooooooooooo activity.

I do not want to overwhelm myself, so I am going to start with B. "A" may be more important for poker, but I think B is going to be more important for my happiness and a necessary precursor for A.

I will update this nightly before I go to bed. Not at any other time than that. If I fail to do so , please post in this thread saying i did indeed fail to make my post at the time i said i would, and i will donate $50 to charity

Thanks all.[/b]

GL ISF

nice direction.

i wish u luck.

I definetely cannot make a long post tonight. However, I did make some progress today. I had three sessions today. Before my first session i ran and took a shower. The running actually did not help nearly as much as i thought it would, so i think im going to just stick to showering before playing. The first session i ended up losing a lot pretty fast, so i decided to stop and watch some tv and gear up again. The next session i pwned and got money handed to me. The afternoon session I played well i thought but managed to quit immediately when i felt i was tilting. The only fault of the day id say is that i wanted to do finance review from 6-7 and did not end up doing it.

It felt really good today, at some points I had some enlightened feelings. I felt like I was the awareness that was aware of my awareness, almost as if my body was moving and i was doing things but i wasnt really doing them. Idk its hard to explain.

Anyways g2g study for class!

I very, very, very much recommend the following:
http://www.amazon.com/Art-Learning-J...1533808&sr=8-1

It explains a lot including methods to build physiological triggers for motivation and peak performance.

There is a minimal amount of chess and tai chi content but it's all in the context of what you've got going on here for yourself.

I struggle with this kind of thing a lot. Its really harmful because you can really lose money quickly when it happens. One thing I try to do, is when I become aware that I'm tilting, make a concious judgement as to whether I think I can stop and start playing well again, or whether I really just need to quit.

Its a step beyond just a stop loss, or stoping when you tilt, but still leaves you the option to stop if you really dont think you can get back on track. As you say, if you just quit the moment you realise you're tilting, it doesnt really help you fix the problem, just minimises the losses (although sometimes thats a good idea).

GL!

i have a feeling that this blog/op could be as valuable to everyone here as your last one... some of the best strat posts around, and now solving tilt.

Best of luck getting this perfect!

Originally Posted by bjsaust

I struggle with this kind of thing a lot. Its really harmful because you can really lose money quickly when it happens. One thing I try to do, is when I become aware that I'm tilting, make a concious judgement as to whether I think I can stop and start playing well again, or whether I really just need to quit.

Its a step beyond just a stop loss, or stoping when you tilt, but still leaves you the option to stop if you really dont think you can get back on track. As you say, if you just quit the moment you realise you're tilting, it doesnt really help you fix the problem, just minimises the losses (although sometimes thats a good idea).

GL!

I really agree with what you wrote here. What I'm trying to do right now is focus on one thing at a time, because I'm afraid if I put too much on the table I'm just going to overwhelm myself and do nothing. And right now I'm focusing on making choices in my life at every moment. I am though trying to recognize my own emotions and feelings at various times so I can become more self aware.

I use Barry's method of session management.

When I lose a lot of money, I play to win half of it back. If I continue to lose, I quit. I don't try to get unstuck and when I'm in a total shit gear it's time to quit.

When I'm up a lot, I play until the fish bust, I'm tired or I've given half of it back. It's too easy to quit and book your winnings from a game where you have a very big edge.

I also have a 3 buy-in stop loss on any given table. Often I leave after 2. If I'm not in control of my opponents my favorite plays don't fare well. The joy of online mid stakes is that there are lots of other tables out there. Also, there is a risk that you've run into someone cheating.

Read this:
http://www.amazon.com/You-Mean-Lazy-...1594519&sr=8-3

Originally Posted by IowaSkinsFan

I have a lot of tilt problems. I don't play my best all the time. Some of the time, I play very very badly. It scares me sometimes how i play when i tilt because although I have made a very large amount of money playing poker, it may have been much larger if I didn't tilt.

I forgive myself for that, and I don't hate myself for tilting. I have definitely tried to stop it. But as I've learned in life, the symptoms keep coming back if you don't kill the disease.

I could take an easy road and set a 1 buy in stop loss. It's not really a bad idea, and I have tried it in the past with some success. But that is more of a restriction than an awakening.

Mannnnn I really feel like I could have written the exact same thing. So I know what you mean.

I feel like 80% of my blog is me yelling at myself for tilting and playing like a dumbass.

I hope you're able to figure things out. Good luck, I'm sure you can do it!

Tonight

Damn I really didn't have a great day on this one. My poker sessions continue to go great with me not tilting, and really playing my A game, but I'm not really focusing on my goals, which is to really become more structured in my life. I don't believe my poker routine can be as good as possible if i dont reflect that in my life (Maybe I should start thinking my sessions can start becoming a zone?) I really wanted to do some hw tonight and get it all done so i didnt have to be worried at all for my two tests coming up, but i didnt because i had to go home for one of them to look at my macro book.

Anyways, in poker things are going great, so maybe thats all i should focus on. I hope this post doesn't come off as dumb immature college kid.

Originally Posted by Fnord

Read this:
http://www.amazon.com/You-Mean-Lazy-...1594519&sr=8-3

That said, what's your major and how is school going for you?

Originally Posted by Fnord

I use Barry's method of session management.
...
When I'm up a lot, I play until ...or I've given half of it back. It's too easy to quit and book your winnings from a game where you have a very big edge.

Hmm I think I should start employing this one. I've ruined some good winning sessions by giving it all back, but it never feels right to leave when I'm currently going really well. The half back "stop loss" seems like a good medium.

Originally Posted by Griffey

Mannnnn I really feel like I could have written the exact same thing. So I know what you mean.

I feel like 80% of my blog is me yelling at myself for tilting and playing like a dumbass.

It starts to get depressing when you go back through your blog and realise the problems you're having now are the same problems you were having months ago. I really feel like the big problems I have are mental, not "poker knowledge" atm, but its been that way for months now. Sometimes it improves but it seems to go backwards too. Hopefully with ISF leading the way here we'll learn and follow .

Originally Posted by bjsaust

Originally Posted by Griffey

Mannnnn I really feel like I could have written the exact same thing. So I know what you mean.

I feel like 80% of my blog is me yelling at myself for tilting and playing like a dumbass.

It starts to get depressing when you go back through your blog and realise the problems you're having now are the same problems you were having months ago. I really feel like the big problems I have are mental, not "poker knowledge" atm, but its been that way for months now. Sometimes it improves but it seems to go backwards too. Hopefully with ISF leading the way here we'll learn and follow .

oooooh its depressing alright.. let me tell you! But I don't mind someone leading the way in the anti-tilt war.. yesss

Yo,
So I didnt post last night! As most of you know I got really deep in the 320 6 max but it wasnt meant to be. I played incredibly well, and my only mistake may have been on my last hand when i ended up betting the flop, although it likely wasnt a mistake.

Anyways, I've been playing without tilt very well, and have been choosing my actions in my life with some decent success, but not incredible success. I'm afraid if i give up on this goal now im going to lose it forever so im going to continue to focus on choosing my actions.

-Danny

So which charity are you donating to?

Fnord I like that system you described.

ISF this is a great great idea for a thread and it already looks sweet in the embryonic phase. Props for starting it ; I don't doubt that your probing and searching will be very very helpful to lots of ppl.

GL

p.s. If you're looking for a charity to donate to you can send the money to

http://www.genitrucsgetunstuckfromde...rgencyfund.com

Keilah your avatar is awesome imo.

Hi,

Yes, I did not post last night. I'm going to take my commitment seriously so I'm donating $100 to my high school golf team fund. I love my high school golf coach and the kids need the money so I feel good about that.

I've been struggling with school recently. I desperately don't want to try hard and school and just pass. But I can't, for some reason my mind needs to feel like I am trying hard and doing well. So I've decided I'm going to study/ do hw 2 hours a day for a specific period of time. When I wake up to lunch time for 2 hours every day I don't have school. That way I get it over with. On days where I have school 2 hours after class on Wednesday. And on Tuesday and Friday, 1 hour after class. Yes, it's only 12 hours a week, but I was doing about 4. (lol). And this way its more structured so I don't have to worry too much.

-Danny

Today I stuck with my commitment and study for an hour after school, then i went to a dinner party all night. im fucking tired. gn

Partied. tired. mood=happy

Dude I got a bachelor's with honors and I hardly ever did homework. TBH poker is much harder than university.

Right back at ya Irish.

I had an incredible Friday and Saturday. Friday night I got invited to a dinner with my roommates at this girls house who is really nice and cute. We all ate some potato salad and international dishes and then got trashed. It was a really great time, not because of anything we were doing or the convo's we got in, but mostly because I really liked the people I was hanging out with.

Yesterday was even better. I honestly didnt do much, but at night i went out with the same group of friends and we went to a lebanese church festival because one of the girls is lebanese and really wanted to go. When we get there it looks like it is going to be really lame, but there is a dance floor and dancing.
My friend Adam is someone that everyone needs to take a page out of his book. He is known for telling people if "they are ready to have the best time of their lives tonight." If you cant tell, he just makes everyone situation a happy one. He has an attitude that says "why cant we have the best time of our lives tonight?" It's contagious too. We went out on the dance floor and made complete asses out of ourselves doing our "american" dance style while all these lebanese men and women did their lebanese style. But it was a blast, and the lebanese girl was so happy we all had a good time. Afterwards, we went back to the girls apartments, my friend took a whole bottle of cough medicine (lol) and we all just hung out and talked.

Cue today.

I get up this morning and dont do my 2 hours of hw i committed to doing. The reason i decided not to do hw is because i had none, only stuff i had to do in the far future. It still upset me that I didnt do it because its something I committed to and I always dont do what I commit too. Then I play poker and make 4k. I had been on the fence on whether to play the wcoop ME or not but i bit the bullet and did it. I got a really shitty table position and ended up having to play like a nit before getting so short i had to shove AJ in mp. I got called by AK and lost. And it just fucking ruined my day. Everything up to that point had been going really well and then bam, I lose in the wcoop ME, which is going to happen 80% of the time i play in it, and I get upset.

To my surprise I get this book that Fnord suggested in this thread. I start reading and feel a little better because it becomes even more clear to me that I do have ADD. When I was in high school I meditated twice a day so I don't think my ADD affected me as much, but in college it just takes over my life. I'm excited to read this book in hopes it helps me out but I also feel like it may be a huge disappointment.

But one thing I did learn from reading as little as I read so far is that I cant get upset at myself for being the way I am. Thats just how I am at the present and past moments of my life. I accept that this is my life up to this point, but I do want to change it.

As I feel depressed I also remind myself how awesome my life is from an objective point of view. I have tons of money, great friends, people who love me, and tons of free time. That definitely helps me feel better.

I've also decided to quit weed for an indefinite period of time. My mom came over yesterday to give me my car's registration and smelled weed smoke. She asked me if my roommates smoked weed and i said yes. And I asked her if she wasnt okay with that and she said "well i mean its not ideal."

It didn't upset me at all that she didnt like the fact that my roommates smoked. It made me feel like shit that she didnt for one second think that I smoke weed at all. I know what other people think shouldn't affect my decisions if I don't agree, but I think smoking weed is definetely detrimental to my life right now and I need to stop. Maybe ill continue later but right now I'm stopping.

I'm sorry if this is all incoherent and out of place I just want to write it all down.

As far as my goals for this blog, I continually find myself in purgatory with my own actions. I literally am unable to choose to do anything significant. I find this frustrating, but all I can do is recommit to it I guess.

Sometimes I just would like to move to New Zealand. Why you may ask? Two reasons. One is I desperately would like to go on a "mission" of self discovery, something I am having a hard time doing here. The second is a famous poker player did this and when I read the story I realized it was something I wanted to do. I think at this point I realize this is all going to have to wait until after school.

Tomorrow I want to study for my accounting test for 2 hours and then go to the review session for 2 hours. Actually, I dont really want to do it, but I think its the most beneficial thing for me to do so im going to do it.

I hope this becomes a more coherent blog!

good post, nice read. FFS fix your sig plz though.

Originally Posted by IowaSkinsFan

but I think smoking weed is definetely detrimental to my life right now and I need to stop. Maybe ill continue later but right now I'm stopping.

nothing wrong with smoking or not smoking - for the right reasons. And sounds like stopping for now is for the right reasons. Good going.

Originally Posted by IowaSkinsFan

Sometimes I just would like to move to New Zealand. Why you may ask? Two reasons. One is I desperately would like to go on a "mission" of self discovery, something I am having a hard time doing here. The second is a famous poker player did this and when I read the story I realized it was something I wanted to do. I think at this point I realize this is all going to have to wait until after school.!

if you turn up down here, I'll point you to some good places.

ISF just want to ask you a quick question about meditation since you have experience. I have massive trouble all the time because basically I can't stop thinking about shit when I go to bed and I can't switch my brain off. Would meditation be likely to help me with this problem?

Originally Posted by Irisheyes

ISF just want to ask you a quick question about meditation since you have experience. I have massive trouble all the time because basically I can't stop thinking about shit when I go to bed and I can't switch my brain off. Would meditation be likely to help me with this problem?

Idk, possibly. Meditation is pretty much sitting around and doing nothing for 20 minutes (well, yes more than that). After it a lot of the stress you had during the day just feels like it was washed away. For me I still think the same thoughts but its not as much of a frenzy as it normally is. If you do learn one i'd learn the Deepak Chopra Transcendental Meditation.

Two things:

1. I have two roommates who had been diagnosed in their youth with ADD and ive started talking to them a lot about it. It's made me feel a lot better about my situation but its also made me more set in curing myself of it. As ridiculous as it sounds im pretty sure i can make some lifestyle and diet changes to cure it, and im going to make a plan to do that and see if it works. Hopefully reading this ADD book will help too.

2. I think id rather avoid stress in school than do well in it. So im going to commit to that. I'm still going to study 2 hours a day on non school days but i think im going to spend most of that time doing future work.

Hmm wtf! I made a blog post last night i swear! I must've put it in the wrong place or something? Man some thread people must be laughing.

Anyways so i missed tuesday night, so i owe my golf coach another $50, Im sure he'll love that lol. I really want to stop writing the blog but i feel like i always commit to something and stop and there's no harm in continuing this blog. I mean why not reflect on my life every day? It's on my wall as my five current goals in life!

I'm really excited about this party tomorrow were throwing. My older brothers coming down, so it should be a blast. I'm going to excuse myself from posting that night because ill be totally trashed lol.

I've been playing really well in poker. Not really tilting at all. I decided to make a journal reflecting on each of my sessions and putting important things down. I'm reviewing that every day just to remind myself of what my own poker thoughts and strategies are.

Anyways, feelin happy, hope everyone is doing well.

Yeah Dan Im really excited about coming down tonight as well!!

About the weed thing I ahve always felt bad that mom never thought that we smoked or did anything wrong because I feel like you and I have a handle on things enough to the extent that a little experimenting shouldnt be the end all of her trust.

Id like to comment on meditation since some people have been asking. Meditation to me has been beneficial in most aspects of my life. If you lay in bed thinking about your life in a crazy mind-hurracaine that could just mean you are a thiner which isnt a bad thing. meditation may just organize your thoughts more coherantly. One of my favorite things about meditation is it is a routine and as this applies to ISF, having that routine will promote further routines and practices.

I think it is normal at a 2o something age to question the direction our lives are going. Especially in America, the social system is set up to create unfair and unreasonable expectations for young people. How is one supposed to just know at 18 what they want to dedicate their life to? Then let's say you go to college and just major in whatever, whcih is what i did, then you come out and are even more lost!--I thought college would be more confusing than graduating but certainly not! I believe we should all be doing something we are passionate about regardless of what it is and how your family or friends judge it. Massimo has had a tough time getting through to parents and grandparents that he is passionate about poker and his decision to drop out of school is ok. But I just cant wrap my ehad around the idea that someone should be chastized for folowing their heart. LIFE SHOULD NOT BE ABOUT LIVING WITH PLAN FOR THE FUTURE, LIFE SHOULD BE ABOUT LIVING FOR THE HAPPINESS OF TODAY.

So...if you want to move to New Zealand in 2 years Im in...but id rather australia!

Love you Danny. You are an amazing person and should never doubt that. I could not be more proud as an older brother. (PS Sorry to all of you that this last part doesnt apply to. But since this is a thread about ISF I figured it isnt totally out of place)

Thanks, very nice post.