Read My Novel and Tell Me Why It Sucks (Parts 1-3)

Footnotes!
Huh!
Good god, yall!
What are they good for?
Absolutely nothing (except citing references)

That said, I do like that there are pages with 3+ footnotes that all say, "whatever that means." I think it's cleverly funny; it gets across that constant conceit of marginal self-awareness from the protagonist. By which I mean the protagonist is aware that his internal narrative is inconsistent, but unwilling to sort it out.

"A puddle slept in the middle of the concrete like a watch dog." (Ch 2.2, p. 33)
is brilliant (and my favorite single sentence in the novel so far). Where are the rest of these amazingly evocative descriptions of the world of our protagonist? Why doesn't this tone poke its head up like a skittish groundhog in the first chapter?

Originally Posted by MadMojoMonkey

"A puddle slept in the middle of the concrete like a watch dog." (Ch 2.2, p. 33)
is brilliant (and my favorite single sentence in the novel so far). Where are the rest of these amazingly evocative descriptions of the world of our protagonist? Why doesn't this tone poke its head up like a skittish groundhog in the first chapter?

I've really appreciated some of the suggestions you've had on where to insert more description. I added a half-page description of his desk area with crusty plates and crunchy socks and stacks of papers ready to fall in on him and all thanks to your astute suggestion to give some imagery to the place where he spends so much time throughout this novel.

I'm not at all surprised that the description is weak in several areas, but it's tough for me to spot all the obvious opportunities for myself because 1) spoony is a really matter-of-fact narrator so any thorough sensual descriptions of what's going on around him is kind of breaking character unless it lends to a rant on why Catholics suck or something, so I really have to take advantage of the times where it feels natural to put it in the narrative and 2) "setting a scene" is my least favorite part of writing; I love thinking out long, ridiculous strings of dialog (ala Babel/spoony exchanges), I love thinking really deeply on literary themes and philosophical ideas, I even enjoy mapping out logistics and plotting, hell I even like finding telling details about things that lend some piece of characterization or something, but actually doing it just to get the reader's bearings straight in a scene is abhorrent to me even though it's obviously very important.

So, yeah, definitely keep those suggestions coming.

Originally Posted by surviva316

I'm not at all surprised that the description is weak in several areas, but it's tough for me to spot all the obvious opportunities for myself because...

Identifying a personal weakness is the first step to becoming stronger.

Well, you're already NOT committed to a 100% 1st person narrative, so there's no reason the descriptive passages have to be in the voice of the protagonist. Consider the merits of a chapter from the perspective of a puddle that splashes sidewalk pedestrians on a rainy morning.

It seems like you're cautious to explore the "sensual" world because it's not something our hero would notice or talk about. You already point out some of the things he doesn't say (convo w/ gf). The things he doesn't notice can be equally telling.

Originally Posted by MadMojoMonkey

Well, you're already NOT committed to a 100% 1st person narrative, so there's no reason the descriptive passages have to be in the voice of the protagonist. Consider the merits of a chapter from the perspective of a puddle that splashes sidewalk pedestrians on a rainy morning.

It seems like you're cautious to explore the "sensual" world because it's not something our hero would notice or talk about. You already point out some of the things he doesn't say (convo w/ gf). The things he doesn't notice can be equally telling.

I'm not sure about this novel not being entirely in 1st person narrative. It's told entirely through spoony's journal.

Anyway, I was only giving reasons (excuses?) why the descriptions don't come naturally to me as a way of imploring that you continue to give me good feedback on areas where it could/needs to be added.