I'm gonna add my thoughts after each little bit I read so I don't forget anything (I'm not arsed to take notes) and this way you can map my feelings for the story as I progress through it.

Read up to but not including 1.4.

So far it's good. The pace is appropriate, it's been interesting and witty and the foot notes add to the overall flow of the prose rather than feeling awkward.

The first paragraph if 1.4 needs editing due to a few words needing to be deleted.

The romantic bathroom exchange feels.... I dunno, artificial? It's like you're trying too hard to make it seem natural and real and kinda bumbles along without achieving anything aside from preceding the bedroom scene. It's the first bit that doesn't feel natural.

The irc bit's good. Babel reminds me of yawn for some reason. I

like the ethics and metagame part. Nice examples.

The Evie introduction and conversation seems natural which is good and can be tricky to handle but works well.

That's all for now.