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  1. #76
    I'm going to be taking a break from poker for a while, until I can get some stuff sorted out. I tilted off an extremely large portion of my BR today. I started at $268, it now stands at $108. Bbickes donked around on my account at rush poker today and dropped 3 BIs that he said he will pay back, but still. That means I dropped 13 BIs on my own. That's fucking retarded. 13 BIs= $130, and I did it trying to clear a bonus worth $100. So much lol. Brett told me when he finished playing it to never play rush poker again, but me being the genius I am, decided that it was still worth pursuing and spewed off 5 more BIs not 20 minutes ago.

    I've gotten waaaaaayyyyy too emotionally attached to my BR/the money I make or lose to continue to play even close to profitably. It irritates me so much that the last time I actually felt even somewhat happy about my game was May. Thats almost a year ago, and tbqh, I doubt I could beat 5nl right now. It's so disheartening. My headspace is so messed up. I don't consciously think about my irl problems while grinding, but its gotta be doing something to me subconsciously.

    I know a lot of people out there probably have it 100x worse than I do, but compared to what I've been used to my whole life, whats going on now is just killing me from the inside out. I've never hated my life or myself so much. I'm so disappointed in myself and how I've turned out thus far in life. I've seriously been a huge failure at damn near everything I've attempted. Went to college, quit after a year. Joined the Marines, went UA, and got discharged after 7 months in. I've embarrassed my parents God only knows how much, and the whole time I can't help but think everyone in my family would be better off it I just wasn't around. Which is why I'm seriously considering moving away from everyone I know barring 2 really really close friends of mine.

    Idk, I'm sorry for this huge ass whine/rant, but it's been a long time coming and I don't think I could have made it another day without freaking out on someone. If any of the guys from IRC follow my blog, I want to apologize for going apeshit on all of you. It was extremely childish.

    I honestly don't know how long this break will be for, probably 2 weeks minimum, likely longer than that. I might pop in to say hello every now and then, but we'll see.
  2. #77
    BooG690's Avatar
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    Stop. You went UA in the Marines. You're 19 and haven't gone to college. It's not that big a deal. I honestly think some structure in your life would be great (which is why I think you going to college would be great). I felt like a failure for the short time my life was going nowhere (remember when I wanted to be a doctor?). Now that I'm back at school and working toward something, I feel 100x better.

    That in addition to an IRL bankroll (for everyday living) has helped me get my mind back into poker. I'm still not fully into it but I know as my IRL bankroll grows, I will begin seeing the dollar amount of my bankroll as some sort of score again.

    As for you going apeshit in IRC, thank God I wasn't there cuz I woulda snapkicked you in the mouth .

    A break is great for poker...but you still have to be productive IRL. Find a good job, look for a good school, find something else you want to learn. Just stay productive!
    That's how winners play; we convince the other guy he's making all the right moves.
  3. #78
    oskar's Avatar
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    You definitely understand poker well enough to beat your stakes, and the next couple with ease. Your problem is emotional control and lack of focus.
    The one book I would recommend you read is Elements of Poker. But before you try and play better you need to get your life sorted out.
    Whatever that means for you.

    I think the reason you're frustrated with poker is the same why you are frustrated with life. You set yourself some arbitrary goals, and you missed them. Now the obvious thing to do is to wallow in self hatred and cry yourself to sleep. EZ game.

    But really it's nothing an old fashioned blowjob can't fix.













    also this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qjO1C...C59B8A&index=1
  4. #79
    Yeah, I donked off a few buy-ins @ Rush Poker when it first came out. At first I thought it was new and innovative and that it would bring a lot of fish to the game. That was probably all true, but what took me a little while to realize is that there is little to no skill edge in poker without reads, table dynamics, and player history. When every hand is played in a vacuum, it's basically like video poker or a slot machine. There are some players who disagree, but I feel pretty confident that any edge a player can have in Rush Poker is pretty small compared to what that same player would get playing real poker. So, after the 2nd day, I was done playing Rush Poker and have vowed to treat it like all other casino games I avoid like the plague such as slot machines, roulette, and black jack.

    It sounds like you have several real life issues to work on and taking a break from poker is probably a good idea because it's the type of activity you don't want to play with any immediate baggage. I don't know the details of your life, but it sounds like you need some direction and purpose and you're still finding your way. A LOT of people in early adulthood have this problem. So, don't feel like you're a failure or have let anyone down. You're not old enough to have had a chance to fail You're never too old to go back to college if that's what you want to do. You're never too young to start a business. There are lots of things you can do to make money and be successful. I don't know your motivation for playing poker in the past, present, or future, but I would STRONGLY recommend that you DO NOT consider playing poker as a means to a full time income. Treat poker as a fun hobby that, if you're fortunate, will bring in some side-money.

    Also, while you're figuring out "what am I going to do with my life", I suggest you take a closer look at what you want out of life to make you happy. It's quite possible you could find a good job with purpose, be successful @ poker, and still NOT be happy. Granted, you would probably be happier or more content than if you didn't have those things, but happiness can be complicated and is rarely defined by anything we HAVE. Look at the relationships you have in life with you family and friends. Look at other fun activities such as books or movies or music. Make sure you continue to exercise and take care of your body. Think about what it is you are REALLY searching for in life - it might not be things like poker or money. At any rate, search and enjoy the journey. Don't put any lofty expectations on yourself. Definitely don't hate yourself or your life. You have the power to make yourself happy.

    As for poker, I don't know exactly where you took a wrong turn, but I think there were two main factors involved. You took an extended break and tried to pick up exactly where you left off, if not a stake higher. I went to the Caribbean for just one week where I didn't play poker and I had a little bit of trouble getting back in the swing of things. Poker is always changing and so do the players and games. When you're on your game and in a zone and take a long break, I think it takes a little time to ease back into it to get back to peak position. Obviously the longer you're away, the longer it will take to get back to old form. By your own admittance, it sounds like you're not following bankroll management and to make it worse, you also admit you are emotionally tied to the money and results. That is a surefire recipe for disaster. The three main components of poker success in order of importance are bankroll management, tilt control, and poker skill - you're having trouble with ALL THREE. Obviously there are likely some real life issues contributing to much of this, but that's still the challenge you'll have to deal with - realize to not play so that you don't lose money instead of losing money to realize you shouldn't have played.

    Whenever you're done with your break, if you still want to play, I suggest you pick up @ $5NL and basically start from scratch until you have $300 for $10NL. If you're not already, be humble. Don't think you deserve to be playing $50NL or whatever. Approach it as if you may NOT be successful @ even $2NL. In poker, I think you need a healthy balance of confidence AND fear. Have the confidence to know you will succeed but the fear to know you may not such that you will do everything you need to do to be successful. If NOTHING else, FOLLOW BANKROLL MANAGEMENT and heed a one day stop loss of 5% of your bankroll. You should NEVER lose more than 5% of your bankroll in any one day.

    Good luck.
    - Jason

  5. #80
    dranger - Sorry you're having a hard time right now. Your IRL issues should take priority over poker obv. Don't be too hard on yourself, life can be tough enough without beating yourself up. Also, along those lines, you're only 19. It's not easy for a LOT of people to figure out what they want to do in life. I certainly had no clue at 19 but I got into community college at 20 and had some direction at that point. Just give it some time.

    One of the toughest situations is if the people in your life are giving you crap all the time. You might have to put up with it for a while (living with parents, for example) but try to think of ways to get a better/happier arrangement.

    Good luck, man!
  6. #81
    Talked with you in IRC about this yesterday (after pretending I wasn't there during the "suck my dick"-rage-period ldfo) so you know that I think a break in which you get your IRL shit sorted is a good idea.

    When asian students come to study at University here, they quite often pick an English name to go by, like "John" or whatever, which is printed on all their ID cards and stuff, so they don't have to put up with the horrendous mispronunciation of whatever their real name is. The class representative for the course I'm doing in summer school at the moment is one such student, but instead of "John", "Ben", "Matt" etc. he went for the excellent choice of "Starseeker" to be his official name whilst he's here. Hopefully that gives you some idea of how much of a strange wee nutjob he is. Anyways, because he's our class rep he gets all our email addresses, and because he's capital-S Special he sends out wee motivational emails like this one which I thought I'd share with you in your time of need:


    Hi People

    great work on the first assignment and lets keep on moving

    Welcome to the first year of the future.

    Trust your daily postitive self talk it will lead you to success.
  7. #82
    Thanks for the support guys, I definitely appreciate it. I totally agree that finding something for me to be working towards would be fantastic for me right now, but thats going to have to wait until next fall to go back to school. I've talked it over with some friends and we are probably going to be moving down to Tampa Bay, Florida over the summer. I need to get away from everything and sort of start my life over again. I'll sign up for a community college over the summer, that way when I move there in the fall I can start going.

    I've just been chilling out about everything today. Haven't played poker, haven't had FTR open that much, just to play WW really. I've had IRC open for most of the day, but I haven't been very active and when I have been it hasn't been about poker. I really think this poker break will be really good for me. When I do go back to playing, its going to be playing no more than 4 tables at a time, regardless if its FR, HU, or 6m. I'm going back to the spirit of this operation, have some Self Control, relearn poker, and move up the stakes. Fuck this mass tabling, grind out the hands and FPPs bullcrap.
  8. #83
    So I stuck to my mantra of not playing today. I sat around and did NOTHING all day. Felt good in a way. Played some GTA4 with a friend where we just googled some cheat codes and unloaded on civilians and police officers lol. Stress relief ftw.

    After that I got bored and seen one of those Mr. T commercials for WoW and for the free trial of it, so I figured what the hell, it'll give me something to do. Played for like 4 hours. It's a pretty fun game, and if I didn't really have a social life, I'd probably buy it and just play it all fucking day. Thankfully, I have friends and would like to have sex again in the near future lol. I'll probably donk around with it while I'm on my poker break, but after that I'll be done with it more than likely.

    As for poker. No, I didn't play. m2m had me sweat him for a bit, but I wasn't nearly as attentive as I should have been. I felt kind of like a dick once I got off of skype. Ah well, I'll make it up next time. After that my poker juices were flowing a bit, so I went into the BC and commented on some hands, and posted in the sweat session thread, and I have one set up with Hawkfan sometime next week.

    For some reason, forcing myself not to play has ignited a fire in me to play. But since I'm not playing, I'm settling for the next best thing, LEARNING. BooG suggested something to me a while back about not allowing yourself to play until after you've studied. Which I just ignored at the time, since obviously I know better than anyone. Fuck that. I'm retarded. I'm going to do something, no matter how small, be it reviewing HHs, reading a chapter or two in a book, commenting on a post on FTR, etc before EVERY session. This will help my mind get focused for poker and hopefully lead to more improvement in my game.

    Something I desperately need to get under wraps is my tilt control. I glanced over some posts in this blog and I noticed I was going to look up some mind clearing exercises that I never got around to doing. Well, I'm opening google up after this is posted. Another thing I need to get around to doing, is getting some printer paper, and a 3-ring binder and start printing out a ton of posts and articles and taking that to work with me.

    Its time to actually get myself turned around.
  9. #84
    Bbickes banned me from IRC until I'm 'motivated' again, which is kind of retarded, since I'm not lacking motivation. The fact that I'm being smart enough to realize that I need to take a step back from playing should show that I'm more motivated than I've been in quite some time. I'm still reading and commenting on posts, reading poker books and articles and reviewing some hands. This is probably the most focused I've been in a long time about learning about poker and its because I'm NOT playing for a week or two.

    I'm leaving for work in about a half hour, and then I'm going home for the weekend since my brother is getting married on Sunday and I'm the best man. Monday I'll come back and depending on my mood, I'll likely put some hands in. I'm really glad I took this last week off, regardless if it pissed Brett off lol. I think it has been really good for my headspace and likely for my game. This last week I've been almost completely stress free.

    When I do play again, I'm going to keep the sessions short, no more than an hour at a time, and no more than 2-4 tables of 6m. Idk if I'm going to go back to the HU sngs or not. If I do, I'm going to put in some sessions at 5nl/10nl 6m, too and do something like daven suggested in m2m's blog. Keep the sessions a half hour to an hour long and just FOCUS on everything at the table.

    I had a brilliant idea earlier though. The job I have is a security guard for this factory that is shut down over night on the weekends. My buddy has this small TV that he isn't using so I'm going to take that and my 360 with me lol. My boss doesn't really care, so that should help the hours go by pretty fast. Tomorrow's a 12 hour shift so it'll REALLY come in handy then. -.-
  10. #85
    Alright, I'm back kiddies. Wedding was pretty awesome. Pics to come later if my mother ever gets them online. The ceremony was pretty cool, and I managed to not fail at passing off the wedding ring, so that's a win. Afterwards, went and got drunk with my new sister and cousin (female) in law. It was a pretty good night and we have plans to do something like it again in the near future.

    As for poker, I played my first hands in like 12 days yesterday at 2nl 6m on Stars with the massive $5 BR i have on there lol. This is going to be my plan for the near future. Once Bbickes ships me the $30 he owes me on Stars, I'm going to grind 2nl 6m until I hit $65, then I'll move up to 5nl 6m until $150, then 10nl 6m and so on. Meanwhile, on FTP with my $155 or so BR, I'll be playing $6.25 HU SNGs until $250, move up to the $11.50s and so on until I have a $700+ BR at which point I'll move up to 25nl 6m on FTP. Once I switch over to cash on FTP, I'll switch roles with both my BRs. Meaning that I will be playing 6m on FTP, and with my smaller Stars roll, I'll switch over to HU SNGs (limit depending on how big the roll is ldo).

    Hopefully by the time I have some decent volume in at 25nl 6m my BR will be $1500+ and I'll move all my money back onto Stars and start grinding it out at 25nl 6m for 10-20k hands to get used to the software and players again, then move up to 50nl and pwn some noobs.

    For more irl stuff, Brett and I had a conversation on IRC last night. Apparently I had done something wrong to make him mad at me and not want to coach me anymore. I assumed it was because I had decided to take a break. Turns out this is not the case, it's because I'm an ignorant fuck that can't follow simple directions like post problem hands, ask for sweats, etc. Anyways, I'm not 100% sure whats going to happen with that. Hopefully he doesn't drop me, but if he does I can make it on my own I guess, it's just going to take a little longer.

    Also, he told me I needed to figure out some goals for life. Even if its just short term, setting some goals and accomplishing them should do wonders for my self esteem and outlook on life. I need to take the bitch out and get some shit done. I'll post some goals when I have more time.

    I also may have ADHD. Not kidding. Spoon brought it up in IRC a couple nights ago, and at first I kind of just laughed at it. Then I looked up some of the symptoms and it turns out I have an awful lot of them. Not wanting to think I'm just seeing monsters under the bed, I took 4 online tests to see if I MIGHT have it. The tests were such that if you score anything below 25 you don't have it, 25-45 you have a mild case, 45-70 you may have a moderate case, 70+ you are very likely have it. I scored 85+ on all of them.

    Ah well, I'm going to speak to my parents about it, see what they think. Maybe get an appointment set up to get tested then go from there. Gotta go to work now though. I hate this job so much lol.
  11. #86
    Join Date
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    soaking up ethanol, moving on up
    ritalin ftw! although that stops being cool when you leave school and can no longer sell it off as cheap speed...
    about half of my friends are adhd crazed, it's super common and neutral in terms of life EV
  12. #87
    Yeah I wouldn't get too excited about ritalin...
  13. #88
    Hey man, Idk why I haven't checked your blog in a while, I guess I haven't looked at anyones. Just wanted to say good luck with getting your life sorted and reaching a happier place and seriously listen to what people say about you being 19 and having all the time in the world to sort everything out and make yourself and the people who care about you happy. You trully have all the fucking time to pwn life. Your notion of "I've let everyone down, I'm a failure" is like flopping a fd + oesd +2 overs and open folding the flop when your villain checks because you currently have J high. Shit you have even more equity than that in life imo.

    I know how it feels to get unhealthily attached to your BR and the bad times you've been through pokerwise in the last month are totally familiar to me. Right now I know my mainn priority is working on maximising objective thinking and detatching myself from the exact figure of my roll at any given time. Shit man like it's not even like it's the monetary asepct, It's the fact that it in some way feels like your baby is getting a finger chopped off every time you lose a pot or some shit. I'm a bit stoned just now so full of rediculous metaphor, but yeah.

    Also, hit me up for a sweat some time and I'd be happy to have a look at your game and talk poker with you.

    GLGLGLGLGLGLGLGLGLGLGL.
  14. #89
    Haha thanks Carroters, high metaphors FTW!
  15. #90
    Been fairly uneventful since the last update except I completely jacked up my ankle on Saturday night. (pics below ldo). I played my first session of poker in a while earlier, it was a really short 2nl 6m session on stars. I one tabled since my BR is still $5 or whatever on there and I didn't feel like playing on FT. I just sat down and completely focused on the action, got a couple of really good reads on the two big fish at the table and managed to finish up over a BI in less than 50 hands. Figured I'd take a break for a little while then play another short session. I'm going to keep going like this for a while I think. Keep the sessions short and focused, lots of breaks between each session, etc.

    I went to Walmart Saturday before going out drinking and bought some printer paper and a 3-ring binder so I can start printing off really good articles/threads/whatever about poker to be able to study in a more focused environment. Trying to study while connected to the internet is just too tempting to browse other things, talk on IRC, etc. I think this will be a lot better for my studying habits. I'll start printing stuff off tonight or tomorrow and fillin' that beast up!



    lol kankleaments

    I was sort of drunk and pretty high and decided running down some stairs would be a good idea and somehow didn't see the last step and managed to twist my ankle then put all my weight on it at the same time. Good times. Didn't really realize how fucked up it was until about 3.5 hours later when I started sobering up after playing beer pong and jumping around on it. The pain made me wanna barf the next morning lol.
  16. #91
    So I just got an email from FT. I have a $50 bonus pending, thankfully this time it isn't Rush Poker only, and it only takes 834 FTPs to clear it. I'm just going to say screw my plan of grinding two separate rolls and I'm just going to clear this $50 (unless it turns south like the last one..) and then I'm just gonna put it all on Stars and grind out 6m and HU SNGs.

    Here's to some run good ONE TIME while I grind out a bonus at FTP. -.-
  17. #92
    Hey , didn't realise you'd had such a hard time lately . One thing that you should bear in mind is that you are still young yet. People develope and mature sooo much between 19 and 21 . It was really noticeable to me when I was at Uni , the difference between the 1st year and 3rd years.
    To a certain extent though your experience in the marines should have accelerated that processs for you a bit . Is there any difference in the way that you are thinking and playing the game now than you were last year . Was it just cocky youthful confidence last year and now that you've hit some downturns in real life its knocked your poker confidence as well?

    anyway wishing you luck in the grind back.
  18. #93
    Thanks Keith, I'm not 100% what it was last year that propelled me so far, so fast. I think a healthy portion of it was just a heater at 10nl, and I was autopiloting a lot, nitting it up, etc. Nowadays, I'm one tabling 6m or a HU SNG, taking more notes, and actually trying to sit down and learn the game instead of just beating it for a decent ptbb/100. It's more satisfying now when I win a pot due to reads than it was stacking a nit with a set > overpair last year.

    I think the irl issues have definitely contributed to my lack of results lately as well. My mind isn't always 100% on the game, which is why I'm keeping the sessions short and sweet with every bit of focus I can muster. I agree that people mature a lot between 19 and 21. My brother for example, had no idea what was going on in his life when he was 19/20 (a lot like myself right now) and he just got married, his wife is pregnant, and he has a solid career starting out as an electrician. I can only hope it goes that way for me, too. I don't know if my stint in the Marines would have helped or hurt either way. I notice that I sometimes have a hard time controlling my anger/tilt, and I know for a fact that that is a by product of my training, but at the same time I'm more courteous to my elders, I pay more attention to details, when I try to do something I do it fast, but I do it to the best of my abilities. Being in the Marines was definitely an interesting life experience lol.
  19. #94
    [QUOTE=dranger7070;1920629]My brother for example, had no idea what was going on in his life when he was 19/20 (a lot like myself right now) and he just got married, his wife is pregnant, and he has a solid career starting out as an electrician. I can only hope it goes that way for me, too. [QUOTE]

    I don't think you should be in any hurry for marriage/family. It will completely change the rest of your life or until the kid is 18 yrs. old. It could be good or bad, but that's a huge commitment.
  20. #95
    I didn't mean I wanted to be married and have kids in the next two years lol. I was saying I hope I can know what i want in life and be making strides towards it in that time frame.
  21. #96
    Bro make her have an abortion
  22. #97
    Just in case some of you who stalk mah blog never make it into the Commune: http://www.flopturnriver.com/pokerfo...ml#post1921820

    GET ON IT!

    Nothing to update other then I've been getting high and working way too much lately. (Sometimes, but not always at the same time). Will put in hands today. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP.
  23. #98
    I've been playing a little bit lately. I'm up a few BIs at 5nl 6m. I'm currently working on moving my roll from FTP to Stars so its all in one place again. Until then I'm going to continue playing 2nl on Stars for the time being.

    Bought my first bowl a couple days ago. I named it Nemo, I'll post pics later. Left it at my buddies house since I'm going over there later tonight. Gonna smoke a little (a lot) then go see Alice in Wonderland tonight at midnight.
  24. #99
    Also, HEM is tilting the fuck out of me, so I'm having to play without a HUD. Which isn't really a problem since it helps me develop reads instead of staring at numbers. Still sucks to not be able to review sessions atm. I need to unistall/reinstall it but I'm too lazy.
  25. #100
    Quote Originally Posted by dranger7070 View Post
    Hey everypeoples, I hate my old ops, thus I'm starting a new one. I don't like the old one's for the simple fact that I'm so results oriented in them, and even though I learned a lot going through what I did, I feel I took the lazy route to get to where I am at.

    It's time to start over.
    It's time to do it right.
    It's time to learn some shit for once, instead of autopiloting like a FPP pro lil homo at 10nl/25nl. It's pathetic.

    Goals:
    - Start with $150 on Stars
    - Play 1 table of 5nl 6m until comfortable, add another table, etc, etc.
    - Max number of tables I'm aiming for is 8 of 6m, but I'm going to take my time getting there.
    - Fucking learn poker for once, instead of being lazy. Studying A LOT, playing less, earning more as a result.
    - Get to 100nl/200nl by the end of the year, possibly get SN in 2010 (f u guys )
    - Get some bad ass live coaching from Bbickes.
    - Make mirrions.

    WISH ME LUCK! (or be Jewish and don't )

    List of Stuff to Learn/Relearn (will update/add to as I go):
    [ ] PF opening ranges and flop play.
    [ ] 3bet ranges PF and postflop play in 3bet pots.
    [ ] Implied odds, reverse implied odds, and pot odds.
    [ ] Baluga's Theorem (basically just learning to fold to raises after the flop unless I have a big draw with implied odds or the virtual nuts.)
    [ ] Value betting more on turn and river.
    [ ] Tilt/emotional control.
    [ ] Expected Value.
    [ ] Blind stealing, blind defense.

    Edit: I changed my title in this because after talking to m2m online, I realized I have like zero self control when it comes to my tilt/anger nowadays. I have a feeling this comes from boot camp when I was a Squad leader. I didn't have to control my temper there like I would normally have to. If someone fucked up, I could just go off on them without even thinking about it, and after 3 months of doing it, I was pretty damn good. I made two people of equal age or older cry. Looking back, I guess I feel bad but it was there fault lol. But yea, so from now on, I'm looking to get my ish (damn you BooG) back under wraps.
    I think the biggest thing is Tilt/emotional control.

    That's tough for any poker player to master.

    Especially Phil Hellmuth.

    LOL
  26. #101
    So this guy kiwiMark does this crazy ass thing in his blog where he posts a hand + analysis fairly often and I figured what the hell, I'll give it a shot. So here's my first one. I realize its extremely tl;dr but it's more for my benefit than yours.

    weaktight | Hand | 99 - $0.01/$0.02 No Limit Holdem

    MP is unknown (3 hands)
    CO is 38/0/0 over 47 hands
    BTN is 56/8/1 over 25 hands
    SB is 70/4/1 over 27 hands

    None of them have been 3bet yet.

    Preflop- I thought about 3betting his minraise, but he's an unknown so I can't be 100% if he's continuing with a wide enough range to make it profitable, and there are 3 other players to act after I raise, none of which are likely to fold given stats. I opted to take a flop and continue if it was favorable, pitch it if it wasn't. Isn't poker easy?

    Flop- Definitely one of the best flops for our hand. On the flop, all of their ranges are huge, we have an overpair vs massive ranges in a minraised pot vs an unknown opener. I considered c/r here, but I honestly wouldn't have felt comfortable getting it in vs the unknown. Nits ftw amirite. Anyways, I donk for a few reasons: 1.) I don't want the flop to check through, which is probably pretty likely to happen since its pretty dry. 2.) I'm getting called from an almost laughable amount of hands. 3.) Thin out the number of people in the pot, increasing my equity and decreasing the chance I get drawn out on on later streets. Looking at it now, I think my sizing could have been slightly larger, but its kind of negligible. I'm folding to a raise from CO, BTN or SB, butI may continue against MP if the others fold after his raise. Definitely pitching if he raises and gets a caller. Considering these 3's stats, I'm not surprised that they all called. I can probably make all their ranges fairly similar at this point:

    {22-JJ, A2-AJ, K2s-KQs, K2o-KQo, Q2s+, QTo+, J2s+, J7o+, T6s+, 23s+, 45o+, 75s+}

    For some reason Pokerstove is screwing up whenever I try to enter that range in 3 times vs my 99, but works fine with 2x vs my 99. Against two villains with that range, we're a 50% favorite, vs 3, we're probably somewhere in the 35-40% range. So we have a pretty large edge, but we're obviously vulnerable to being drawn out on, which is why I think my donkbet is the best line.

    Turn- The turn is obviously another great card for us. It changes virtually nothing unless they hold 77 or already had my 99 beat. So I bet again going for straight value obviously. Now that the turn has essentially bricked, we can narrow their ranges down considerably, especially since its vs the player with the most 'reasonable' stats of the bunch. Assume he continues with all draws, and any pair 3x+, but folds all missed overs now. So his range looks something like:

    {22-JJ, A2-AJ, K2s-KQs (clubs), K3o-K7o, Q2s+ (clubs), J2s+ (clubs), J7o, T6s+ (clubs), 23s-78s, 89s+ (clubs), 45o-78o, 75s+}

    Against which we have 66% equity making it another clear bet. I hate my sizing looking at the numbers now. He has so many draws, pair + draws, etc that he's continuing with that I can bet MUCH closer to pot, getting more value, and charging more from his multitude of draws. I think somewhere ~55-65 would get a similar calling range vs this villain, and sets up an easier river shove.

    River- Completely bricks off all the draws, few hands in his range improved to beat us, but a lot of the hands that were calling on the flop and turn are folding now. His range now is something like:

    {22-JJ, A4, A7, K4, K7, Q4, Q7 (both Q's clubs only), J4, J7 (clubs), T7s (clubs), 34s-78s, 45o-78o, 75s, 97s}

    Against which we have 60% equity. The thing is, I don't think his weaker 7's (say T7-) and 55-66 can call my pot size river shove. So if we cut those out, our equity is reduced to 53%, so I guess its still +EV. However, I think either betting larger on the turn setting up a smaller river shove, or betting a smaller amount on the river would be better. As played up to the river, I like a bet of 65-75 cents. It's an amount I think that he can't get away from with any of his one pair hands.
  27. #102
    You may want to consider the merits of checking the river to induce a bluff or try to minimize losses. If he was on a draw or a mediocre hand to this point, he'll be very hard pressed to call. If you were value owning yourself the entire time, this would be a good chance to not go broke.
    - Jason

  28. #103
    Yea, thats pretty much exactly it. All this shove is doing on the river for me is taking myself to value town a large portion of the time. It's a +EV play (given my ranges) but there is SO much more money to be had by either betting smaller or checking to induce.

    I like checking to induce vs. villains I KNOW can bet with missed draws. And with the reads I have on any of the players in this hand thus far, I just didn't have that information yet, so I opt to bet out here the majority of the time.
  29. #104
    I've been pretty fail at keeping this updated lately, but fwiw there hasn't been a whole lot new going on with me. Spoon smacked some sense into me a few nights back and has convinced me to switch my game... again. Back to HU SNGs I go! Starting with the $6.25s and moving up when appropriate obv. I don't feel like typing a shit ton about why I switched, I'm kind of high and I wanna play some COD so.. yea. lolz

    Anyways, I bought a PS3, I have a job interview at Taco Bell (i know ) on Tuesday, but I might not have to take it since some chick at my current job is about to get fired and they might actually bump me up to 40 hours a week instead of the 20-24 bull shit they got going on atm. Umm... my birfday is in like 2 weeks, already making plans. I have never been to a strip club, ever. That's not what we're doing for my birthday, just thought I'd mention it lol.

    Ok, thats it for naoz. COD TIME! (and maybe PB&J sammiches)
  30. #105
    Getting a buddy of mine started out playing poker atm. Should be pretty interesting. Getting him set up at FTP with rb and all that shiz. Wish someone would have held my hand getting started like this lol.

    Haven't played a whole lot of poker lately (still ) but I've been studying a decent amount, which is good. I was reading through Robb's post in the HU forum about HU sngs and some random commented with a link to another site that had some videos and articles pertaining to HU sngs and so far it seems pretty legit. I'm too lazy to get the link atm, might go dig it up later.

    Thats all for now folks.
  31. #106
    if thats tagpoker.co.uk I pointed robb to them originally lol .
  32. #107
    Ya thats the one lol.
  33. #108
    Been a while, not a whole lot has changed. I'm kind of on this 9 man SnG kick atm, so I'm going to be aiming towards playing those along with HU SnGs. The HU sngs will still be my main game, but I'd like to squeeze in like 20 9-mans a day, along with time for review. I'm currently 6 tabling these, but I don't think it will be long before I'll be able to 10+ table them, so 20 should be no problem to knock out.

    An added bonus of playing these is Stars has the Battle of the Planets leaderboard for the different limits, which it doesnt seem like it would be THAT hard to get into the top 50 every week. Doing that is only worth like, $10 or wutever, but hey, monies is monies.

    This coming Thursday (April 1st) is my 20th birthday, and I'm getting royally shitfaced pretty much Wednesday-Sunday so I'm not sure what my volume will look like for those, but I'm going to try.

    I'll try to post at least a weekly update (probably on Saturdays/Sundays) about how my volume and progress is going.
  34. #109
    no more cash?
  35. #110
    For the time being, no. Spoon and I (proper grammar ftw!) had a conversation on IRC a few weeks back about my specific situation. I need financial stability in my life, and poker is a means to do that, and sngs (HU specifically) are one of the easiest ways to grow a BR quickly atm. Once things irl are a little more straightened out and my roll is sitting nice, I'll make the transition back, but its probably going to be until mid-late summer at the soonest.
  36. #111
    Do whatever you think is best but I strongly disagree that anything tournament based STT or MTT is the best way to build a roll. Cash games are king. And nothing about HU is easy either.
    - Jason

  37. #112
    I obviously respect your opinion Jason, and agree that cash games were the way forward when I started out, but I just feel like my mindset is different now. I'm not saying HU cash is easy, but $5.50 or $6.25 HU sngs are pretty lollerific. I have yet to play anyone that is even close to semi competent. The biggest thing holding me back in those are my tilt issues.

    I agree that anything above 18 man SnGs is going to be fairly hard to grow the BR (for me at least) since I do pretty poorly in MTTs. However, HU, 6m, 9man, and 18man sngs are all fairly easy. Not LOLOMGPRINTINGMONIES, but certainly beatable for a decent hourly/ROI. It's just a completely different style of playing that most cash guys aren't used to (if they don't have any experience).

    It's basically I'm just kind of playing what I feel like atm. Trying to find my niche in the poker world and right now NLHE cash just doesn't feel like the right fit.
  38. #113
    Jack Sawyer's Avatar
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    Small stakes cash is nothing but a waste of time. SitnGo's, because you can't lose more than what you bought in for, protect you from your worst poker enemy. But even so, 20% rake SNGs are a waste of time too if it's a roll you are trying to build.

    And now to the question: who is your worst poker enemy, young grasshoppers?
    Last edited by Jack Sawyer; 03-28-2010 at 03:54 AM.
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  39. #114
    Quote Originally Posted by Jack Sawyer View Post
    Small stakes cash is nothing but a waste of time. SitnGo's, because you can't lose more than what you bought in for, protect you from your worst poker enemy. But even so, 20% rake SNGs are a waste of time too if it's a roll you are trying to build.

    And now to the question: who is your worst poker enemy, young grasshoppers?
    So, Mr. Sawyer, if we can't answer the question (who is your worst poker enemy) for the grasshopper, beacause we are merely crickets, is there a better or worse game between the two, sit-n-goes or cash? I'm asking because I can't f'in get beyond 5NL and it's pissing me off. It seems to be a matter of 1 or 2 big hands per/1k that can destroy the BR.

    Sorry Dr. for imposing.
    Explain...what I do for a living without saying "I make monies in da 600 enels by pwnin' tha donk bitches". Instead I say "I'm a online financial redistribution broker". - Sasquach991
  40. #115
    It's ok, this blog isn't just for me, anytime anyone feels like posting in here, be my guest.

    As for Jack's question, my worst poker enemy is my tilt/emotional control. Like you said, sngs only have a set BI so you cant go tilting off your roll every hand you play, and its easier (in my opinion) to walk away once tilted after the tournaments are done than it is for cash. Since at a cash table I can be like, "Oh, I'll just see it til the next bb" and then proceed to spew off half my stack and then think fuck it, I'm staying til I get back to even. Which turns into a vicious cycle and a shit ton of BI's lost.

    I agree 20% rake is a killer, which is why I'm only screwing around with the $1.20s until I feel comfortable playing sngs. After that I'll move up to the 3.40s for a short stint and then up to the 5.50s where the rake doesn't totally trash my winrate.

    PlayToWin, if you want to learn some stuff about sngs, hit me up on aim or skype, I can ship you a couple of decent videos that I've found since I've started playing them. dranger7070 on both.
  41. #116
    If you havent already, I would suggest reading "The Poker Mindset". I thought it was a really good book for putting poker and your emotions in perspective.
  42. #117
    Jack Sawyer's Avatar
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    @dr. anger: "my tilt/emotional control" is a part of the answer. The complete answer is "me". "I am my own worst enemy at the poker table.", and getting "me" dominated and controlled is all "I" should be aiming to do. This counts for everybody obv.

    @playTowIn, I wrote a very long response, but then I deleted it since here is the gist of it:

    Dwan started began playing poker in 2004 at the age of seventeen. Tom started his online poker endeavor with only a $50.00 bankroll deposit and started with $5 sit-and-gos. As he built his bankroll from winning SNGs, he progressed on to low stake cash games and rapidly graduated to the higher stake levels he plays today. By 2008, Tom Dwan's bankroll had easily exceeded seven figures.
    I totally disagree with his BRM, and just wonder how the years past were. 150BI-200BI should be enough. IMO, grind 'em until you got $10K, then decide from there. SNGs and MTTs will make you a lot of money if you have the time to invest in them.

    I will leave you with a little part of the response i wrote though:
    I don't trust cash. I know for a fact that if I get 1-outered and said person leaves the table, I start steaming like a teapot. If I get 1-outered in a SNG, I just load another one and keep trucking. This is why I pretty much only play cash live, and with reputable people only.



    And another thing: be very wary of vids and coaches or whatnot. Nothing would be better for me right now than someone paying me a sum at or near my hourly for me to just tell them basic things that they could have found out on their own. That is variance-free money. Hell, with 10 "students" I could stop grinding altogether!
    If I am truly crushing any given stake and have a secret sauce or recipe or whatnot, why would I ever make a vid? I'd be too busy trying to reach ironman, supernova, supernova elite, $100K months or my plane to Puerto Plata and its beaches (tickets and accommodation bought with the concierge service of course)... Poker is a game that by nature attracts scumbags: be very wary of these types.
    Last edited by Jack Sawyer; 03-28-2010 at 06:53 PM.
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  43. #118
    Quote Originally Posted by Jack Sawyer
    @playTowIn, I wrote a very long response
    Thank you for the response. I think it would be a nice to get away from cash and see how it goes. I do get tired of AA<JJ AI PF for 200bb's, etc.

    @Dr. Anger, I'll be in touch.
    Explain...what I do for a living without saying "I make monies in da 600 enels by pwnin' tha donk bitches". Instead I say "I'm a online financial redistribution broker". - Sasquach991
  44. #119
    Quick update for the luhlz. 28 game sample at the $1.20s at Stars has resulted in 44% ROI and $15 in profit lol. Obviously running good, but I wouldn't be surprised if 25% ROI was sustainable here, the players are just god awful (as would be expected), too bad the rake blows pretty hard for new players. :/ I'll be moving up to the $3.40s by then end of the week if things keep going well.
  45. #120
    Ya, I agree you should play whatever you feel is best for whatever reason. I just wanted to interject my opinion about cash games versus tournaments. And, not to beat a dead horse, but I recently came across this podcast interview with SNG specialist Bones and @ 13:25, he even admits that cash games are a much better way to "build a roll".
    - Jason

  46. #121
    bikes's Avatar
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    man just put in the hours ffs. the results will come if u put in hours.
  47. #122
    Quote Originally Posted by Jason
    And, not to beat a dead horse, but I recently came across this podcast interview with SNG specialist Bones and @ 13:25, he even admits that cash games are a much better way to "build a roll".
    Thanks for the link Jason. I might play some SNG's for a little variety, but overall I need to study more and play more.
    Explain...what I do for a living without saying "I make monies in da 600 enels by pwnin' tha donk bitches". Instead I say "I'm a online financial redistribution broker". - Sasquach991
  48. #123
    Jack Sawyer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jason View Post
    Ya, I agree you should play whatever you feel is best for whatever reason. I just wanted to interject my opinion about cash games versus tournaments. And, not to beat a dead horse, but I recently came across this podcast interview with SNG specialist Bones and @ 13:25, he even admits that cash games are a much better way to "build a roll".
    Who might Bones be? I mean, Tom Dwan seems to disagree with him. Boku87, you know the guy who made a prop bet on getting from $5 to $100,000 in under a year, disagrees too.

    But Bbickes has a point. Whichever you choose, just put in the hours.
    My dream... is to fly... over the rainbow... so high...


    Cogito ergo sum

    VHS is like a book? and a book is like a stack of kindles.
    Hey, I'm in a movie!
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fYdwe3ArFWA
  49. #124
    Happy Birfday to me.
  50. #125
    Happy barfday to you tooo.

    DR. check out the roseeker/nostalgica hu sng videos at pokertrikz.com..... ignore the fact that hes's a lying cheating scamming multiaccounting chip dumping sort of a guy though.

    on a more serious note .....are you doing the SNG leaderboards at stars, can be quite handy for helping build the roll if you getthe number of SNG's in and place well enough to earn the bonuses.
    BRB - Free Winning Texas Holdem Poker Strategy Videos some more free vids which go into the leaderboard stuff and playing SNG's . FR vids were what i used when i swapped to FR for a period in the autumn. Forum there is where I now keep my blog.
  51. #126
    Thanks, Keith. Appreciate the links, I'll def check those out. Yea, I'm definitely going for the leaderboard at stars every week, I get in plenty of volume for both tables.
  52. #127
    I'm tilting right now... hard. Just registered and played 18 $1.20 sngs and bubbled 11 times I think? Didn't place 1st once, got 3rd a couple times, and 2nd twice.

    I'm not posting this to whine. Just trying to get it off my chest a bit, instead of spewing in IRC for 30 minutes about how rogged poker is and such. (I did enough of that already imo). It feels good to tilt sometimes, like really good. It feels like its been a week or so since I've really been in a pissed off, red faced, swearing every 2 seconds mood. Sometimes you just gotta get pissed off and let it out.

    I'm kind of glad I'm tilting like a madman right now, since its just the $1.20s, I'm pissed, but I'm not really losing that much at all. I only ended up losing like 8-10 BIs tonight, so its not like omfg horrific results, but the beats were just getting under my skin. It might sound weird, but I hope I have a few days like this strung together, or maybe a session like this followed by a good session or two, followed by another trainwreck, rinse, repeat until I am no longer tilting every time things don't go my way.

    Self Control ftw.
  53. #128
    Oh yea, I didn't play all 18 at once, I 10 tabled for one session (first time 10 tabling sngs) and then 8 tabled the 2nd. I don't feel my play was adversely effected by the extra 2-4 tables (I've only 6 tabled in the past) and I actually feel it helped my game out since I was forced to be nitty or be put into too many awkward spots post that required reads on honestly didn't have.

    So I think I'll keep it at 8-10 sngs for now.
  54. #129
    [21:03] <@spoonitnow> if there's ever a time where you have two choices
    [21:03] <@spoonitnow> and you pick the wrong one
    [21:03] <@spoonitnow> and you pick the wrong one when you know what the right one is
    [21:03] <@spoonitnow> and you pick the wrong one when you know what the right one is just because you don't feel like doing it
    [21:04] <@spoonitnow> then if you just realize "hey, i'm wrong"
    [21:04] <@spoonitnow> like really take it in for a moment and compare the two choices
    [21:04] <@spoonitnow> (say a choice between getting fucked up and partying, or between staying home and studying)
    [21:05] <dranger> just kind of look at the pro/cons of each?
    [21:05] <@spoonitnow> once you realize it and bring it to your attention in your mind, that's the first step
    [21:05] <dranger> ah
    [21:05] <@spoonitnow> once you realize you're wrong
    [21:05] <@spoonitnow> you'll immediately feel a pull to what you believe is right
    [21:05] <@spoonitnow> and you feed that pull all you can
    [21:05] <@spoonitnow> and that's how you change your habits
    [21:06] <@spoonitnow> and get motivated to do things you wouldn't do before
  55. #130
    Full Tilt tilts the fucking shit out of me. For the Take 2, you need to earn 5 points a day for 9 days. I did my 5 points yesterday, had the FTP odometer and iron man thing tell me for sure that I had 5 points on both so I quit. Logged in about 15 minutes ago to do the second day, the first day only registered 1/2 the points. FML It's bullshit since the Ironman Points thing said 5 too, so even if Happy Hour was going on it wouldnt matter since the Iron Man points still only go off a 1 point for $1 in rake and $1 = 1 FTP and all that shit was at 5 points for the day. FUCK FTP.

    So yea, now I'm only getting $5 instead of $25. Gay.
  56. #131
    lol FTP

    get on stars u nub
  57. #132
    why didn't you check on the take2 promo page ?.
  58. #133
    I did, but it usually takes a while to update after your session, and I hadn't slept yet so I just hurried up and did them, made sure I had 5 points for Iron man and FTPs then closed it and passed out til 6 or 7pm. Then I didn't really think about it cuz I was with some friends and then it was too late. -.-

    I'll probably end up just passing on it now. $5 isn't really worth putting off another week for lol.
  59. #134


    Run good when moving up is fun imo.
  60. #135
    I'm still busto as shit
  61. #136
    Quote Originally Posted by Keith_MM View Post
    why didn't you check on the take2 promo page ?.
    This isn't much of a guarantee either, it seems. Mine showed me the big blue tick when I had two points, even though you need five. Seems they have some bugs to iron out.
  62. #137
    Oh .....so thats what hem tourney section look like .....i stay in the cash side lol........ oh and update HEM ....its 1.10.04 now ....... . Kiwi.....easy enough to look at the page and think hmmmm 2.....maybe not there yet ....another few minutes playing 3 tables of rush 5nl
    Last edited by Keith; 04-04-2010 at 09:11 PM.
  63. #138
    ^ Except it doesn't say anywhere on the promotions page that you need 5 points, you have to read the specific rules for that. So it's not unreasonable to think, "Well I'll play until FTP tells me I've played enough."
  64. #139
    explain your logic for playing high
  65. #140
    Playing $3.40 sngs with a $100 on Stars and another $100 on FTP isn't exactly playing high, it's well within my BR. I've just been putting it off since I wanted ~30 BIs at Stars so I'd feel a little more comfortable in case I ran/played bad initially.
  66. #141
    I think m2m's referring to the section circled in yellow on your graph when he says "high".
  67. #142
    Ah touche lol. Didn't even think about that. Um... no explanation obviously. Smoked a little too much then decided I'd play. *shrug* Clearly its not going to help anything if I do it with any regularity, but that isn't something I plan on doing.
  68. #143
    Another week in the books. Cleared the Take 2 promo for the luhlz, will be moving roll to stars tonight once BooG gets on IRC. I tried 20 tabling 1.20s just to see how hectic it gets around the bubble/ITM. It gets kind of crazy, figuring out stack sizes compared to blinds with that many tables and deciding whether to push or fold gets pretty hard but I'm confident I'll be able to manage it once I work my way up. Overall I ended down 4 BIs, which imo isn't terrible for my first try out. I lost a lot of flips and hands where I got it in way ahead (AK < AQ, KK < A9, AQ , Q8, etc) so I'm pretty happy with how it went regardless of some IRC chat.

    I'll be moving up to the 3.40s and 6-8 tabling those to start. Once I feel comfortable with that I'll add another table and so on until I'm able to 16-20 effectively. Once that happens I hope my BR will be large enough to move up to the $6.50s (I'm looking for 40-50+ BIs and at least 16 tables before moving up). After that, the sky's the limit.

    Irl, I moved back home for about a month or so. This will help paying off my credit card ($500ish I owe on that) and some rent I still owe my old apartment, and my car. The plan is to have my credit card completely paid off before I move into my new place which shouldn't be an issue, then having my car paid off by the end of the summer. I owe ~$1100 on that so that should be pretty easy as well.

    Still looking for a new job, I've put my app out to quite a few places around town and my buddy is picking me up an application at a couple of places while he's out since he's job hunting too.

    Other then that, same old, same old.
  69. #144
    Jack Sawyer's Avatar
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    doc anger, focus on playing them continuously rather than in sets. and indeed, the sky is the limit!
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    Cogito ergo sum

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    Hey, I'm in a movie!
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  70. #145
    Set yourself a number of how many SnG's you want to play in a week or month (to say hit goldstar or something) and then break it down by day and try to stay on task for that. Maybe make a small prop bet about your volume vs. some1 elses volume to keep yourself motivated. Otherwise, it seems as if your volume is fairly low for what you are trying to accomplish.
    Last edited by CBAT; 04-14-2010 at 11:20 AM.
  71. #146
    I tried playing the 3.40s continuously today. I only did 4 at a time since I wasn't sure how confusing it would get with some ITM, some on the bubble and some starting out. Turned out pretty well. I ran really hot to start and cashed in like 6 out of 8 tournaments, mostly 1sts and 2nds.

    I'll probably keep doing 4 continuous for a little while, adding an extra table when I'm feeling good or whatever. Hopefully doing this will help me up my pretty abysmal volume. Thanks for the advice Jack.

    And yea cbat, I'd probably be down to do a prop sometime in June for a prop since thatll be the next time I have a consistent internet connection. My goal for this year isn't 200k VPP anymore lol. I dont think theres enough time unless I run/play a lot better than I'm expecting and manage to hit the $16s before summer's out. If that happens, who knows? At the very least I want to hit 100k so I can start out as a Nova next year.

    VPPs til SN- 99,242 (lol)
    Days left: 260
    VPPs/day- 381.7

    I expect to be behind pace until mid-late summer since my volume is going to be pretty meh and at the 3.40s/6.50s. Once I'm able to 12 table continuous and I'm at the 11s my VPP/day should more than make up for what I'm missing on right now.
  72. #147
    I'll definitely be down for a prop in June since I will be graduated by then.
  73. #148
    Happy (belated) 420 FTR! Had a pretty good day. Smoked half an ounce of pot with some really good buddies had chinese buffet for lunch and taco bell for dinner. Tons of FIFA and NBA Jam (sega) was played along with stoner vids. Was a pretty good day all around.

    On the poker front. I'm changing (once again ) to HU SNGs. I had forgotten that I ordered Moshman's book on HU SNGs with my FPPs before moving to FTP a while back and it just showed up in the mail like 4 days ago. I'm a little more than halfway through it and thought I was HU SNG poker god so I fired up some 6.25 turbos on stars and proceeded to wtfpwn them. My ROI is like 64% over 14 (lolsample size) games. I'm up like $50ish so its fun to run hawt.

    I really think I'm playing well though except for this last match I played where I was playing a 20% ROI over a 100 game sample player that was pretty much pwning me in every spot post flop. Once it got to push/fold I ran good and beat him but I didn't feel good about it and he insta accepted a rematch which I politely declined. I'll be digging through the HHs and see exactly HOW he was picking me apart so badly and post any hands I think are worthy.

    Anyways, thats it for now. Might have a new ladyfriend (pics to come later if it turns into anything) irl which is nice since I haven't had a steady gf in over a year thanks to being across the country for over 6 months last year lol. Adios!
  74. #149
    I have a new weight loss blog if you guys wanna follow it.

    http://www.flopturnriver.com/pokerfo...ml#post1935642

    Basically its because I've been slowly but surely gaining weight since I got out of the Marines and I want to cut it down to where i was.
  75. #150
    Top of a new page, and turning over a new leaf, wooop wooop!

    So anyways, as I stated in my previous post, I'm starting a blog to track my weight loss progress. Meanwhile, this one is SUPPOSED to be about me gaining self control, but so far its just 3 pages of rambling and making random updates about the goings on in my life.

    That's not really accomplishing any goals now is it?

    So, for what would appear to be the first time in this blog, I'm going to actually set out to pull in my emotions and not get so tilted about minor things. To start, I'm getting back into exercising, I'm going to try to eat better (I'm not going to go on a diet, but I'm going to cut out sodas, energy drinks, most of the fast food, etc), and I'm going to try out meditation.

    For the meditation, I'm using this awesome link spoon posted in his questions thread. Today is going to be time doing anything like this, so I'm not really expecting much in the way of improvement for a while, since it says in the link that it takes a decent amount of time to see any NOTICEABLE results. Just because you can't notice the differences don't mean they aren't there though, amirite?

    Link: Mindfulness in Plain English by Ven. Henepola Gunaratana

    In other news (the random ramblings about my irl to dos will continue lol), I am talking to a new lady friend. Kind of a big deal for me since I haven't a relationship lasting longer than the time I meet the girl to the the time I'm zipping up my pants in over a year. So I'm understandably nervous about not fucking it up. Tbh, I don't even know why I'm worried about fucking it up, since we're not even dating yet lol. Nonetheless, we've talked a few times and I'll ask to see if she wants to get together either this weekend or sometime next week since its already Thursday.

    So far she seems pretty interested in me, we used to ride the bus together like 5-10 years ago and she just randomly added me on facebook like a week ago. She shot me a message and then we started talking and I ended up getting her number and so now we obv use that to talk. She's sent me texts first so obviously she wants to talk/is interested which is nice since I fucking HATE having to always start the god damn conversation.

    Anyways this post is getting fucking huge, so I'm off! Good luck and no tilting!

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