Slevins: One day at a time

Originally Posted by dranger7070

Jesus man. I can't believe you are running 11/8 and are winning that much so fast. Its disgusting lol. I mean, I know its FR and all but damn. I play 6-max and ran 17/12 at 2nl, and since I've moved up I've made a few adjustments (mostly position-wise) and am currently running 22/17 overall (which I like a WHOLE lot better ).

But yea, not knocking your style or anything, just its crazy that playing that tight is so profitable. Hurray for morons, amirite?

Keep up the good work and continue to pwn imo.

heh yeah I'm not deliberately trying to play 'that' tight, just trying to make sure I'm always ahead when I'm entering a hand, or have high IO and that's the way my stats are working out!

Thanks man

Originally Posted by LuckySlevin

Button ($4.03)
SB ($9.91)
BB ($1.21)
UTG ($10.31)
UTG+1 ($5.15)
MP1 ($2.90)
Hero (MP2) ($10.96)
MP3 ($5.04)
CO ($3.12)

Preflop: Hero is MP2 with 3, 3
UTG bets $0.20, 2 folds, Hero calls $0.20, 5 folds

Flop: ($0.47) 8, K, 3 (2 players)
UTG bets $0.20, Hero raises to $0.55, UTG raises to $0.90, Hero raises to $1.75, UTG raises to $6, Hero raises to $10.76 (All-In), UTG calls $4.11 (All-In)

Turn: ($20.69) Q (2 players, 2 all-in)

River: ($20.69) 6 (2 players, 2 all-in)

Total pot: $20.69 | Rake: $1

Results:
UTG had K, K (three of a kind, Kings).
Hero mucked 3, 3 (three of a kind, threes).
Outcome: UTG won $19.69

I'm not sure I like how u played this
a) raise sizing
b) on such a dry flop
c) 200bb deep

i know we have a set zomg, but if this guy has any clue I dobn't like it. If he's a lol donk, I guess its ok. But 200 bb deep on such a dry flop whats he getting it in with here AK/AA luhlz?

Originally Posted by Muzzard

i know we have a set zomg, but if this guy has any clue I dobn't like it. If he's a lol donk, I guess its ok. But 200 bb deep on such a dry flop whats he getting it in with here AK/AA luhlz?

I would need a rock tight read to think of folding this at $5 NL. Quite simply he is getting it in here w/AK/AA/air.

Originally Posted by chardrian

Originally Posted by Muzzard

i know we have a set zomg, but if this guy has any clue I dobn't like it. If he's a lol donk, I guess its ok. But 200 bb deep on such a dry flop whats he getting it in with here AK/AA luhlz?

I would need a rock tight read to think of folding this at $5 NL. Quite simply he is getting it in here w/AK/AA/air.

Yeah I agree at 5nl ppl will get it in with worse alot. However, I dont think overall it is a particulary well played hand.

Originally Posted by chardrian

Originally Posted by Muzzard

i know we have a set zomg, but if this guy has any clue I dobn't like it. If he's a lol donk, I guess its ok. But 200 bb deep on such a dry flop whats he getting it in with here AK/AA luhlz?

I would need a rock tight read to think of folding this at $5 NL. Quite simply he is getting it in here w/AK/AA/air.

Quality Chardrian missed you dude, thanks for reading my op!

Originally Posted by Muzzard

I'm not sure I like how u played this
a) raise sizing

what should the raise have been?

I'm kind of speechless at my own stupidity at the moment. Having got in from the poker in the club I mentioned earlier I made a big mistake and fired some tables up. Lager and poker is not good. For some reason I decided to play 50$ dbl ups and a few hours later I have zero dollars in my PS balance. It would seem that although I've conquered discipline while sober when I've had a drink the same bad judgement creeps back in.

This is just so frustrating. OP will continue when I can deposit the $145 back in about two weeks.

*%/X I'm annoyed at myself.

as of right now i hate this blog/op

Yes it's an epic fail unfortunately. It's the longest I've managed to develop a bankroll so is progress of sorts. I considered not even mentioning anything but wouldn't be much point in that.

This OP isn't over, it's stalled - but will get going again. I'm going to deposit back to $145 and continue in a couple of weeks. Trying to find a positive, the one saving grace is I'm grinding the ultra micros so the bankroll I've built to date is re-depositable.

I've grinded for hours to get this far which makes this all the more frustrating. Was just getting into the swing of things too. I don't know what the obsession with busting my bankroll is. It's not even as if the money means anything. It'll just sit in my poker account.

Looks like I still have a way to go on the journey of self mastery and poker domination. Apologies to anyone that's been following my progress. Will update in a couple of weeks.

Originally Posted by LuckySlevin

This OP isn't over, it's stalled - but will get going again.

Sorry to hear this, cause I know you worked hard for your recent success. Some people may be able to play while drinking, but I've lost money probably 9 out of a total of 10 times, as a guess. I always had fun playing while I was drinking, but I still felt like an idiot the next day. I've managed to avoid playing while drinking for the last few weeks now. Ironically, poker is one reason I've cut back on my drinkin, lol.

You'll be back Slevin. Don't be too tough on yourself. Hopefully in the future, you won't allow yourself to play at all if you've been out to the pub. GL.

Originally Posted by flomo

as of right now i hate this blog/op

+1

My dad used to say "Son, you can only hit your wife so many times before she figures you out and walks away"

How many times have you lost your BR because stupid shit Slev?

I guess I don't hate the blog, I just hate the fact I saw old Sleven pop his ugly head out for 20 minutes and piss away an entire BR.

Originally Posted by Ragnar4

How many times have you lost your BR because stupid shit Slev?

I guess I don't hate the blog, I just hate the fact I saw old Sleven pop his ugly head out for 20 minutes and piss away an entire BR.

Drunk post? Nothing like kickin' a man while he's down. It's pretty obvious he knows he made a big mistake. WTF

Originally Posted by PlayToWin

Originally Posted by LuckySlevin

This OP isn't over, it's stalled - but will get going again.

Sorry to hear this, cause I know you worked hard for your recent success. Some people may be able to play while drinking, but I've lost money probably 9 out of a total of 10 times, as a guess. I always had fun playing while I was drinking, but I still felt like an idiot the next day. I've managed to avoid playing while drinking for the last few weeks now. Ironically, poker is one reason I've cut back on my drinkin, lol.

You'll be back Slevin. Don't be too tough on yourself. Hopefully in the future, you won't allow yourself to play at all if you've been out to the pub. GL.

Thanks interesting what you say about you cutting back drinking, I've been toying with the idea of just stopping drinking altogether. It's got to the stage I hardly drink anyway, yesterday was the first time in about a month and it's not as if I was drunk or anything I felt pretty sensible, but my judgement and will power were obviously out of the window.

I think I'll commit to not drinking for the next 6 months as of now. Not only will I save some money but it'll also avoid me spewing my BR away again!

Anyway thanks for the kind words!

sorry to hear about the BR especially as you had knuckled down and ground so hard.Its weird about the drinking thing, I've nothing against alcohol, and if i'm out socially then I can have a drink or two but I just don't need to drink so I can go for months without touching a drop. When I was at Uni I could drink a fair bit, but that was more a question of socialising and every one else was doing the same.
I guess the main reason I don't drink is living in the countryside and consequently theres no way I'm risking my drivers licence through drink driving.
If you do go out drinking , leave your computer power lead with your next door neighbour before you go out. Then you can't spew off your BR while drunk as you can't get the computer to fire up til you sleep it off.

lol, slev what are you like??

seriously though, have a good think about all your recent hard work and how in one night you've donked every hour away.

and idk why, btu whenever ive had a couple of drinks I play 2nl or 5nl instead of my usual 25nl. if your drunk and feel like playing - drop DOWN.

anyways, next time get too pissed to fucntion so that try as you might, you cant even type your stars password, let alone find a game, register and lose.

Originally Posted by sil693

lol, slev what are you like??

seriously though, have a good think about all your recent hard work and how in one night you've donked every hour away.

and idk why, btu whenever ive had a couple of drinks I play 2nl or 5nl instead of my usual 25nl. if your drunk and feel like playing - drop DOWN.

anyways, next time get too pissed to fucntion so that try as you might, you cant even type your stars password, let alone find a game, register and lose.

I can attest to this lol. Me and sil have played a few hands as a result of him drinking lol. Must say there were some pretty interesting hands .

And to you slevin, seriously man... i just don't know what to say. I mean, I've been watching you skyrocket up with your roll, and now I come on and see the post "yep its gone" that a lot of people were probably expecting to see at some point, but I really wasn't. I thought you had learned. *sigh* Why are you so insistent on losing everything?

Idk man, you need to get your head screwed on straight when it comes to poker. I mean, for me, its a game and I love it, but its also a pretty big opportunity to do something outside the box to make a living. Obviously I'm not grinding as my only means of support right now (doing that at 5nl would be ridiculous ) but I like to think that someday in the next couple years (maybe sooner?) I will be able to play as an only source of income. If not, at least I know I have profitable hobby .

Good luck dude. I never want to hear about you busting again (listen to me, lol I sound like my old man).

fkin Slev. poor work. good work on owning up to it. GL I guess.

Originally Posted by LuckySlevin

Originally Posted by Muzzard

I'm not sure I like how u played this
a) raise sizing

what should the raise have been?

I think both the flop raise and re-re by you are too small. 20-55c and then 90c-$1.75. I'd probably make it 80c on the first raise and $2.50-$3 on the second.

Although I'm probably not 4betting this flop much as it turns our hand face up imo.

As far as this op goes, this is an epic fail. I'm actually suprised this time that you busted - all the other times I was not. Thought you'd changed for good - seems as though those daemons came back.

Originally Posted by PlayToWin

You'll be back Slevin. Don't be too tough on yourself.

I disagree. Beat yourself up for a bit slevin. Berate yourself so that this lesson sticks and helps your discipline improve. I've also pissed away a microstakes roll playing drunk way above my roll and felt like a massive jackass for doing it. Last time I did that was over a year ago and I've made 15k+ since then.

One thing I might suggest is to not save your password, and make it something that's kinda difficult to type. It won't prevent you from playing, but the idea is that when you're drunkenly trying to key in yer password, you'll remember why you made it this way in the first place and trigger the painful memory of pissing away your roll last time.

Thanks guys for the feedback, I was talking to my sister earlier telling her how pissed off I was at my self, and she said well it's taken me a week so why can't I do it again. That helped a bit. Almost everyone in my family thinks poker is gambling anyway and that my desire to make decent money from it is nothing but a pipe dream. I'm not doing a very good job of proving otherwise at the moment... But I intend to. Thanks for those that have posted encouregment I appreciate it. And also dozer thanks for testifying that you can bounce back from such stupidity. I've decided I'm not going to wait to redposit 140 I'm going to deposit 20 and start again, that's the price I pay for being such an idiot. Hopefully the next week or two of getting back to where I was will help the lesson to sink in.

Thanks for your feedback guys really appreciated and thanks for still reading despite my idiocy. NO ALCOHOL for six months. NO playing outside of bankroll, No sngs (barring free ones), no Omaha either for the next two weeks. And definately no more local tournements. Just 2NL and 5NL until I have the BR to move to 10NL. Just get a grip already and stop being a donk.

You won't be able to fix your game until you fix yourself.

Ouch! Double or nothings??? I woulda done 50NL before I'd do some high variance S&G. The way you were running, mighta run up a sweet roll. But, what's done is done. I'm not too keen on your $20 plan. If you can afford to place a 5NL bankroll on the site, then do that. You don't have to grind 2NL to become a good player. Just stick to your plan and quit doing crazy stuff. Can't put it any plainer. Good luck.

I'm really disappointed. I felt like you had your head right this time. I also disagreed with people telling you not to use your balance restriction ideas because I liked them as a fallback. Wish I'd spoken up now.

Originally Posted by PlayToWin

Originally Posted by Ragnar4

How many times have you lost your BR because stupid shit Slev?

I guess I don't hate the blog, I just hate the fact I saw old Sleven pop his ugly head out for 20 minutes and piss away an entire BR.

Drunk post? Nothing like kickin' a man while he's down. It's pretty obvious he knows he made a big mistake. WTF

Not Drunk at all.

I've been there for Slev from the beginning, and I've been behind him the whole time. I'm dissapointed in his actions, and that was the only way I could think of to put it. I'm certain if I hurt his feelings he'll drop me a PM and we'll hug it out.

As it stands, I was rooting for Slev, and I still am rooting for Slev. I compare his progress to my progress because we seem to have committed around the same time, and seem to be rising at the same rate.

You may be the stupidest FTR/Grinderschool member I have ever seen. If you hit yourself in the thumb wit a hammer once it's an accident, two times maybe you can blame accidental forces, but if you don't pull the needlenose pliers out of the tool belt to hold the next fucking nail maybe you should just stop using the hammer. I will not be watching any blog you make ever again nor will I ever offer any aid or advice.

Man slev, you've majorly fucked up, honestly didn't think you were gonna do this to yourself again. Gl on the rebuild.

does it bother you or does it help you that people get mad about reading about the same fail over and over again?

good luck.

I'm actually angry. I saw that you were doing very well! I was watching, figured you had fixed yourself and became a better player! Well time to get back to grinding!

And as a wise man once said "you better check yo' self before you reck yo' self!"

Originally Posted by ATOTHEC101

Man slev, you've majorly fucked up, honestly didn't think you were gonna do this to yourself again. Gl on the rebuild.

I don't recall if he's donked his BR due to alcohol before now, but I don't think so. Many others have done the same thing. That doesn't make it ok, but it does mean that it's another lesson to learn. If he has done it twice, that's another story. Alcohol makes people do really stupid shit ( a lot more stupid than donking a 2NL BR). Most of you probably know that and should lay off the guy. So how does he fix this problem? He's already said he's abstaining from the evils of drink for at least six months. That's great. Everyone loved him when he offered his scholarships, now you're slamming him again. Yea, some people never learn, but Slevin has been learning and improving. It's not like he donked your BR.

That's it. I don't think Slevin needs me to defend him. I just felt like throwing that out there.

I'm not going to yell at you. I'm not going to get mad at you. I will feel a little empathy for you, because I've been there, done that. So instead I'll tell you a little life story about myslef and let you take from it whatever you want.

For me, advice wa always welcome, but at some point I fianlly realized that no one is going to be able to take me by the hand day by day so I had to reach inside myself and figure out what exactly it was that makes me a spewtard.

For me the big lightbulb moment was realizing that mentally I actually treated poker as two different games. When I am in the mindset that poker is a game of skill and I play it to the best of my ability, I earn money at my profession. When I am in the mindset that poker is just a big slot machine and it doesn't matter what I do because it all comes down to luck anyways, I lose money as a gambler.

I have a gambling problem and I think you might too. But if I am playing poker to the best of my ability I am not gambling. So for me, I have to do everything in my power to make sure that I never revert to the "gambler's" mentality. You have to figure out what it is that takes you into the gambling mental framework so that you can stop playing when you are in that mindset. If you can't figure that out - you will never ever be a longterm winner.

Originally Posted by Deanglow

You won't be able to fix your game until you fix yourself.

Good point and I agree there'a alot of truth in this, thanks.

Originally Posted by bjsaust

I'm really disappointed. I felt like you had your head right this time. I also disagreed with people telling you not to use your balance restriction ideas because I liked them as a fallback. Wish I'd spoken up now.

Yeah sorry about that man. I thought I had things sorted this time also. I'm dissapointed to if it's any consolation, thanks for caring Ben.

Originally Posted by jyms

You may be the stupidest FTR/Grinderschool member I have ever seen..... I will not be watching any blog you make ever again nor will I ever offer any aid or advice.

Sorry to hear that but no worries and no hard feelings!

Originally Posted by ATOTHEC101

Man slev, you've majorly fucked up, honestly didn't think you were gonna do this to yourself again. Gl on the rebuild.

Thanks dude!

Originally Posted by courtiebee

does it bother you or does it help you that people get mad about reading about the same fail over and over again?

good luck.

A little bit of both I think. It bothers me because I'm dissapointed I failed and also dissapointed to be inviting some of the comments I've invited, but it helps me because I can see where people are coming from, and don't want to be here again in a month or two, that's why I've been working hard and will carry on working hard to try to make sure it doesn't happen again! Thanks for wishing me luck Courtiebee

Originally Posted by CBAT

I'm actually angry. I saw that you were doing very well! I was watching, figured you had fixed yourself and became a better player! Well time to get back to grinding!

And as a wise man once said "you better check yo' self before you reck yo' self!"

Sorry Cbat and thanks for the advice!

Originally Posted by PlayToWin

I don't recall if he's donked his BR due to alcohol before now, but I don't think so. Many others have done the same thing. That doesn't make it ok, but it does mean that it's another lesson to learn... I don't think Slevin needs me to defend him. I just felt like throwing that out there.

Thanks play2win, no haven't donked my BR due to alcohol before, appreciate your kind words as always thanks!

Originally Posted by chardrian

I'm not going to yell at you. I'm not going to get mad at you. I will feel a little empathy for you, because I've been there, done that. So instead I'll tell you a little life story about myslef and let you take from it whatever you want.

For me, advice wa always welcome, but at some point I fianlly realized that no one is going to be able to take me by the hand day by day so I had to reach inside myself and figure out what exactly it was that makes me a spewtard.

For me the big lightbulb moment was realizing that mentally I actually treated poker as two different games. When I am in the mindset that poker is a game of skill and I play it to the best of my ability, I earn money at my profession. When I am in the mindset that poker is just a big slot machine and it doesn't matter what I do because it all comes down to luck anyways, I lose money as a gambler.

I have a gambling problem and I think you might too. But if I am playing poker to the best of my ability I am not gambling. So for me, I have to do everything in my power to make sure that I never revert to the "gambler's" mentality. You have to figure out what it is that takes you into the gambling mental framework so that you can stop playing when you are in that mindset. If you can't figure that out - you will never ever be a longterm winner.

Thanks Chardrian for caring and for being so open, you're always so down to earth whenever you speak to people thanks for that.

To be honest yeah I had/do have a gambling problem. I haven't 'gambled' much at all in the past 12 months or so probabally about £100-£200. I think you've hit the nail on the head though and are right on the money with your insight. It is like two different games with two different mentalities, I started this OP with a great work ethic and all I was interested in was 3BB/100 things worked out OK while I was doing that. Then I decided to gamble 1/3 of my bankroll that wasn't playing poker it was gambling with my bankroll. Then I lost and all of a sudden 1/3 of my BR is gone, well I just need to get that back... so I'll play another $50 dbl up, typical gamblers mentality. Half hour later no bankroll.

Despite not really having bet in the last 12 months, in the last 2 years I've lost more gambling than I have ever put into poker so yeah I do have a problem with gambling, although I hadn't conceeded that until just now. One day about a year or two ago I had more cash in my hands as a result of gambling 'winnings' than I have ever had in my life, or have lost playing poker. I had that for about 4 days before I had given it all back.

You're right on the money with your analysis I need to stay in the poker mentality and out of the gambling mentality. This is more about me than it is about learning how to play poker. Poker was just starting to feel different, where the BR didn't really matter, I was simply getting up reading / playing a set amount of hours, confident that there would be some growth in BR or at worst some small dip, but on the whole the BR was certain to keep slowly climbing day by day. Now I've experienced that, I want it back. Without the alcohol and with continued hard work I think I can get that back. A friend who I gave this OP address to told me recently that professional poker players have almost super human discipline, but he could see some progress already in my short OP. That was encouraging to know. I'm going to build on the progress at the start of the OP.

Thanks again for sharing your experience and pointing me in the right direction. I'm going to have to make sure I only ever turn up to the tables with a poker frame of mind going forward, and realise just one hour out of that frame of mind can ruin however many hours work upto that point. I'm going to work harder than ever to ensure this OP is a success now, and that I'm playing 100nl by September, thanks.

Slevin,

Your threads are always entertaining to read in a soap opera kind of way. Think about why that is.

1) I blew up (drama, excitement)
2) I own up to my mistakes (tears, emotion)
3) Revelation! (Release, happy ending)
4) A quiet period with nothing of substance changed to ensure that another blowup will ensue (stay tuned for the next episode)

In this thread you seem to have been having a work ethic and putting something of actual substance into learning this poker fiend.

Now do this: Apply some of that work ethic and a plan and strategy of substance to dealing not with the poker fiend but with the gambling/tilt fiend. As Chardrian so rightly said - noone can do it for you. It has to come from you and you have to be the one to make it succeed.

We can probably all tell if you're doing it, but we can't help. All we can do is stay tuned for the next drama. Courtiebee peripherally touched on something also worth thinking about. Is failing a success formula for you? Think about this - why do some kids behave badly? Because they get attention that way. Even being scolded can be a kind of attention, and if they then tear up and get sympathy afterwards that's also attention. I'm not calling you an attention whore by any means, but is there any chance that the attention you get satisfies something inside you, and if so will that make it more likely that you put yourself in a similar situation again? Do we seem to care more about when you do badly than when you do well? Do you care that we care?

Before you blew up this week I was intending to come into this thread and throw a cautionary reminder at you regarding the tilt issue. I was in no way predicting that you would play when drunk and blow your roll. What I was going to say was that you think you're in control now, you have your work ethic, you get positive reinforcement from doing something right and it's important that you keep it up. Because - you will tilt again, and knowing your history it'll be something out of the ordinary. So your tilt control mechanisms need to be solidly ingrained as good habits that you can rely on to support you and you need to be open for and accept the idea that you are prone to tilting, respect the enemy and have a suitable response. My prediction was going to be that you will begin tilting seriously when one of two things happen (and both are likely to happen around the same time): 1) When the money in play become a significant amount of money for you 2) When you get near your goals.

For this reason you need to anticipate the ways in which you can tilt and design an approach that will keep it from happening.

If drink is a trigger I love the idea of the impossible-to-type password.

I'm not ignoring that all you've done and that I'm encouraging here is really symptom control. Another approach entirely is to try to find the ultimate source of the tilt demon and work on that. I'm not directly suggesting therapy, but an intensive process of that type could be helpful. Or a waste of your money and time. But it's probably true to say that as long as ultimate causes are not worked on all you're really doing is symptom control. There's nothing wrong with that however. Human beings are above all creatures of habit, and if you build really solid good habits and do your best to undermine the bad ones that may comprise a complete solution for you.

And don't lie to yourself. You say you haven't gambled much at all in the past year - what then do you call your approach to poker?

I don't want any 'revelation' posts in reply to this one. Think about why. What is it that I want?

Btw, Keith and I are doing a sweat this evening and we're looking to invite you in also. We'll probably just be talking about poker though.

Thanks Erpel, it's not tilt though it's a gambling mentality. As soon as I allow my game to be about short term profit I gamble, that's something I hadn't been doing for most of this Op. My power of focus and will power was weakened when I drank alcohol the other day. I really think it's as simple as that. I wasn't tilted. At no point was I slamming the button down or muttering obscenities at myself. My main issue isn't tilt, it's realising that 'gambling' is not a sustainable means of generating income (well not for me at least).

Why do I blog? No I don't desire to fail and enjoy the consequent beratement in some kind of masochistic fashion. I enjoy writing, I enjoy reading, I enjoy discussing things, and I enjoy reading where I've been and where I'm going. I enjoy the poker community here at FTR that's why I blog.

I was quite truthful when I mentioned I hadn't been 'gambling' for the last 12 months or so and wasn't really lying to myself. I meant intentional gambling of course, and didn't put poker into the same bracket. That aside, I am down probabally about $1600 since I started playing poker 8 months ago, I haven't actually checked exactly. I have placed single bets for more than that in the past, so when I say I haven't been gambling these past 12 months or so It's from that kind of background. I've actually had a reduced income these past eight months or so which helped - you can't bet what you haven't got. Once I had got out of the habbit of betting regularly I didn't even realise the fact that I was hardly betting at all, it's only really this OP and recent events that have made me even think about these things.

Why do people bet? Partly for the excitment I guess, partly because they want to improve their life situation. Partly because they can not differentiate the short term from the long term. Partly because they are looking for a quick fix to deeper problems of life.

Poker provides abudant financial freedom, and subsequently is more than capable of improving life quality. But only if it is treated as a profession and played professionaly. As soon as you play outside of a bankroll or in the wrong frame of mind you are no longer playing it professionaly you are simply transforming it into a vehicle for gambling. That is what I have realised thanks to this blog, my previous failed attempts and the recent responses.

I found your analysis of my ops into stages of increasing tension/revelatation à propos a soap opera/play quite amusing, nh.

Most Shakespearian tragedies have a cartharsis of sorts throughout the main, so that by the end the central character is able to come to some sort of insight about the world and or himself. I think we've past the Lear rambling on the heath stage now and are moving inextricably towards the dénouement - I'm fairly certain the cartharsis is well underway and through the process of listening to people here as I've attempted to develop into a winning player I have gained considerably both in myself, and as a poker player. As we reach the closing chapters I'm working harder than ever to ensure that my transformation into winning poker player is a success. Continuing with the play metaphor I quite like the thought that this journey may in some small way prove didactic for those starting out on the poker journey say 2-3 years from now, that might be hampered by like problems of self-discipline and approach. If I can develop into a winning player earning decent money from poker in spite of the mental hurdles I have had to over come, then I'm fairly certain anyone can. I haven't done so yet of course, far from it, but I'm definately alot further on than I was eight months ago even if my BR might tell a different story at the moment. I'm going to continue to do everything within my power to ensure the success of this and future OPs.

Thanks for that invite btw Erpel, Keith pm'd me about some software - I appreciate it, I'll be there, thanks!

What I meant about the truthful thing was to raise the question: Is it possible that you haven't missed gambling because all the times you tell yourself you've been playing poker you've been getting your gambling fix instead?

It's an important question, because if you eliminate the gambling from your poker you will no longer be getting that gambling fix and it may start affecting you in other ways. A bit like the smoker who is proud to have not lit a cigaret in a year while conveniently ignoring that the cigars he's been smoking instead are probably an indicator that he hasn't really stopped smoking.

In other words, IF there is any reaction to stopping gambling maybe that isn't one that you can right now look back on and say "it was like this" - it may actually be something still in part in front of you.

On my observation about revelationary posts I much like this new voice I'm hearing. In the past you've underestimated the size of your problems and overestimated the impact of your revelations. In truth it's probably more fairly viewed exactly like a bankroll building exercise.

The problem/challenge is huge, and every correct step made is only a small one. Every revelation you have is a small one. It is the gathered weight of millions and millions of small correct decisions that's going to topple the beast. Every single decision and step is important to get right and will contribute towards success. There will be errors, but part of the exercise is minimising the impact of errors on achievement of the goal and making sure the correct decisions at least greatly outnumber the errors.

Interesting Erpel, I'll be sure to think on that question some more.

Update and plans for the next few weeks

Edit: I was going to wait until I could redeposit my $140 bankroll, but decided against and instead to rebuild my BR from scratch.

Originally Posted by jyms

You may be the stupidest FTR/Grinderschool member I have ever seen. If you hit yourself in the thumb wit a hammer once it's an accident, two times maybe you can blame accidental forces, but if you don't pull the needlenose pliers out of the tool belt to hold the next fucking nail maybe you should just stop using the hammer. I will not be watching any blog you make ever again nor will I ever offer any aid or advice.

Ouch. Seriously, slevin this would probably be the post (if none of the others got through) that should make you open your eyes. I won't say anything more about you donking off your roll again, I just wanted to put some emphasis on what Jyms posted.

Keep your chin up and stop doing this to yourself.

It's not about any one thing getting through mate, it's about learning from mistakes, it's a gradual continual process. TBH I don't really care if Jyms doesn't want to read my op or chooses to take that tone, that's his perogative. I'm happy with the progress I've made to date the latest bankroll loss was a blip on my poker radar but I will soon bounce back. I'm certain I will be playing with a gradually increasing BR within the next few months.

There were actually some very constructive replies in this op recently notabaly by Chardrian and Erpel and I've taken alot out of those. I'm enjoying the challenge of becoming a winning player, even if there are still lessons to be learnt along the way. I'm optimistic for the future no worries there sir!

Slev, I'm w/ Chard. I liked to gamble, and so poker was hard for me at the beginning. I lost a couple micro-rolls of $50 here and $100 there. I worked on discipline a long time, and I still do. I still donk off a BI calling some silly-ass hand where I know I'm beat and just can't let go of KK, or w/e. Or I bluff when I should fold. But the bankroll discipline is the foundation. If we protect that, we can survive BIG mistakes at the table while we're learning.

I just hope you get your bankroll discipline sorted, and soon. Or you're gonna dump thousands into this game with nothing but missed opportunities to show for it.

The only thing I am currently pissed off about is that people are still responding to you.

You seem nice as a person btw.

Originally Posted by dranger7070

Originally Posted by jyms

You may be the stupidest FTR/Grinderschool member I have ever seen. If you hit yourself in the thumb wit a hammer once it's an accident, two times maybe you can blame accidental forces, but if you don't pull the needlenose pliers out of the tool belt to hold the next fucking nail maybe you should just stop using the hammer. I will not be watching any blog you make ever again nor will I ever offer any aid or advice.

Ouch. Seriously, slevin this would probably be the post (if none of the others got through) that should make you open your eyes. I won't say anything more about you donking off your roll again, I just wanted to put some emphasis on what Jyms posted.

Keep your chin up and stop doing this to yourself.

This may be more of a reflection on Jymns state of mind (and poker) than anything else.

Originally Posted by Robb

Slev, I'm w/ Chard. I liked to gamble, and so poker was hard for me at the beginning. I lost a couple micro-rolls of $50 here and $100 there. I worked on discipline a long time, and I still do. I still donk off a BI calling some silly-ass hand where I know I'm beat and just can't let go of KK, or w/e. Or I bluff when I should fold. But the bankroll discipline is the foundation. If we protect that, we can survive BIG mistakes at the table while we're learning.

I just hope you get your bankroll discipline sorted, and soon. Or you're gonna dump thousands into this game with nothing but missed opportunities to show for it.

Thanks Robb you're 'the man' for many of us ultra micro grinders quite inspiring thanks for the advice, yeah I hope so to, I think I'm there now more or less - was doing fine without any alcohol so by cutting that out I hope to resume where I left off as a more disciplined player!

Well it hasn't all been quite on the western front this last day or so despite not having played I did join a 4 hour sweat session with Keith and Erpel which was really enjoyable. As well as putting some faces/voices to names it was nice to talk poker live I hadn't really done that before so will definately be doing it again!

Phase I - 2nl : Day 1 - Saturday March 7th

___________________________________________
Opening BR: $26 | Closing BR: $41 | Profit/Loss: +$15
___________________________________________

Thought for the day:
"Professional poker players have almost super human discipline."

Track for the day:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cF2AAMVd33I

Today was the first day of the rebuild. I deposited $26 and have tried a variety of different games, my 'cold' session of 2nl was helped by my Omaha today.

I played 14, $1+0.20 9 man sngs. I don't ususally play sngs but with a starting BR of $26 I didn't feel very comfortable playing 2nl. I broke even over the 14, but I ran pretty bad so am fairly pleased with that. Up +$0.30

I played 831 hands of 2NL and ended up $1.37 down, again I'm not too phased by this as I was card dead for a long time, and didn't run particularly great. I did however fold QQ from MP when I was 3bet, and the 50bb short stack who had open limped UTG, shoved. The guy who had 3bet me called as I thought he would. I was pleased with this fold as I thought it was a coin flip at best, and I want to play for stacks when I think there's a good chance I'm ahead, not coin flipping.

The final session of the day was some 2nl Omaha I played two single table sessions for about 45 minutes each, and finished about $6 up.

Edit: I decided to play some more Omaha before I went to bed, It's 7am now and I've just finished. I was playing 2nl single tabling again. After 2-3 hours I've managed to win another $9. Which is really useful for the BR and I'm much happier about todays progress now.

I think I might need to start paying more attention to Omaha. I seem to have more of an edge at 2nl Omaha than I do 2nl Holdem. I want to do the whole FR grinding at NLH and eventually earn decent money at it but while I'm in the early stages of this OP especially during phase 1 ($20 - $100) Omaha is really providing a nice boost to the progress.

Yeah I'm pleased with how things are going are at the moment.

C'mon Slevin "You can do it"- Waterboy I really think you have to put it all together and just do what you know is right. There's no question you can beat the first few levels of cash, so just go out there and do it. Set goals but not time limits and yo'll be fine. Man I need to listen to my own advice lol. GL GL GL

Slev....what happened to the alternative methods of restarting your BR that we discussed on friday night. ALso , is omaha really the game to be playing with a fledgling bankroll or is it pandering to the gambling instinct again.

Originally Posted by LuckySlevin

I think I might need to start paying more attention to Omaha. I seem to have more of an edge at 2nl Omaha than I do 2nl Holdem.

Yea, you do seem to play Omaha pretty well, according to this op.

Slevin...

Stop thinking about "edges" at 2NL, 5NL, and the rest of the microstakes. Start thinking about "understanding the game"

Originally Posted by LuckySlevin

I'm kind of speechless at my own stupidity at the moment. Having got in from the poker in the club I mentioned earlier I made a big mistake and fired some tables up. Lager and poker is not good. For some reason I decided to play 50$ dbl ups and a few hours later I have zero dollars in my PS balance. It would seem that although I've conquered discipline while sober when I've had a drink the same bad judgement creeps back in.

This is just so frustrating. OP will continue when I can deposit the $145 back in about two weeks.

*%/X I'm annoyed at myself.

http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/bce...om-ilike2party

Originally Posted by connectthesuitors

C'mon Slevin "You can do it"- Waterboy I really think you have to put it all together and just do what you know is right. There's no question you can beat the first few levels of cash, so just go out there and do it. Set goals but not time limits and yo'll be fine. Man I need to listen to my own advice lol. GL GL GL

Thanks mate! Also that's great what I read in your blog that you're learning from my mistakes. Now I just need to continue to do likewise!

Originally Posted by Keith_MM

Slev....what happened to the alternative methods of restarting your BR that we discussed on friday night. ALso , is omaha really the game to be playing with a fledgling bankroll or is it pandering to the gambling instinct again.

Hey Keith, well... freerolls just take too long so I decided against them. The no deposit offers I ruled out for a couple of reasons, alot I'd already tried, and whenever I move from Stars I miss Stars too much. Volume is a big plus, but then there's the decent interface etc... Also I have alot of time on my hands at the moment and didn't want to waste any of it.

Originally Posted by PlayToWin

Yea, you do seem to play Omaha pretty well, according to this op.

Yeah I enjoy Omaha PlayToWin I think the fish factor will diminish as the stakes get higher so for a sustainable plan of moving up and earning some money I'm sticking with NLH as my focus, but yeah I do tend to do well at the ultra micro Omaha, just adds a bit of spice to my daily sessions! =)

Originally Posted by Jack Sawyer

Slevin...

Stop thinking about "edges" at 2NL, 5NL, and the rest of the microstakes. Start thinking about "understanding the game"

This is definately a key focus for me Jack I think my understanding will grow as I move up, but don't worry I'm definately not neglecting to think about things just because I'm playing 2nl!

Phase I - 2nl : Day 2 - Sunday March 8th

___________________________________________
Opening BR: $41 | Closing BR: $87 | Profit/Loss: +$46
___________________________________________

Thought for the day:
"Poker is 50% Psychological."

Track for the day:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bN7wHnmsHcU

2NL went well today, after the losing session yesterday I wasn't looking forward to it to be honest. My desire for grinding 2NL was at an all time low. Of course this is partly because I've been there done that and have the t-shirt having only graduated from 2nl last week, combine that with yesterday's losing session and it'd be fair to say I didn't have my usual enthusiasm for the full ring grind!

Anyway I told myself that I not only needed to get back on to the 2NL tables for the bankrolls sake but I needed to get some momentum back, I told myself that the losing session yesterday will come good if I just focus and play my game. I'm pleased to say it did, I played 2700 hands today and averaged 27.84BB/100 for a total profit of $30.20. I'm really pleased with this. I approached it as I would a job, I didn't 'really' want to play 2NL, but I knew I had to for the bankroll and to build my confidence back up at NLH. Now I have done I have my confidence back and am eager for the next session. Which is a much better feeling.

I also played some more SNGs today. Before my 2NL session I played 4 $1 + 0.20 SNGs and cashed in three, finishing 1st in two of them and 3rd in another - for a total profit of $6 which was really nice. I'm slowly getting brainwashed by JGBs voice, I've started playing a SNG video in the background and just listening to the audio as I play the SNGs, given that I've only tried to play SNGs once or twice and have never looked into any SNG specific strategy I think I'm going to have to put the SNG success down to this new brainwashing technique I've implemented.

Omaha also continued to be kind to me today, I played some just before the main 2NL session, for about two hours single tabling and ended up a little under $10 in profit which was great.

A pretty great day - and a real motivator to continue knuckling down and building the bankroll. I've managed to grind $46 of profit for my small bankroll so it shouldn't be too much longer before I'm able to re-enter 5NL which I'm looking forward to.

Todays thought of the day, that poker is 50% psychological is so true. I was thinking to myself today as my 2NL session started to wind down how there's a good analogy between the mental aspects of snooker and poker. You often hear a commentator speaking about a players 'b game'. The world class players have a great 'b game', when it's not quite going right for them, they can switch gears and grind away at the table and still win the important frames.

Yesterday after the 2NL I felt a bit flat, I mean I'd played 800 hands and lost. My Omaha carried my bankroll yesterday and although it was very welcome I couldn't help but feel dissapointed in the 2NL session, after all that's what I thought I had cracked, and that's what I've spent months learning how to beat.

But a good poker player needs a good B game. They have to stay 110% on top of themselves and their game. That's what I did today by opening up 2NL and putting yesterday's session out of my mind and it payed off, by having a good 'b game' and not letting yesterday's session get to me, I was able to enjoy a great 'a game' today. I'm going to remember this the next time I play for 2+ hours and come out of the session showing a loss. The win that will wipe that negative session out, may well be just around the corner.

Onwards and upwards

One thing to consider, It may be worth you cashing out the initial deposit when you hit say $100 and grind 2NL for an extra couple of daysto get back to 100$ before you try moving up.
In your case there would be several benefits.If you did go ape shit again it wouldn't be the deposit gone again , you then just redeposit the 26$ and start over. Maybe do that at each $100 milestone marker. That way you can start to recover the deposits you have already lost and if the worst comes to the worst , you can then deposit back in and start at a higher level.It would be a modification of your original plan but would effectively mean that some of your bankroll is being kept off the poker site as a contingency fund and is not "available" for a nights madness chasing losses.

i think if slev is determined to ever change the way he views his BR, withdrawing $100 every time he makes it at 2NL is seriously going to hinder his chances.

grind 2NL, 5NL, 10NL etcetc until you're making a decent return - then consider withdrawing imo.

my guess is if you stay at 2NL forever because you keep makign withdrawals, one day you're just going to get frustrated/bored and the demons will coem back.

gl, and gg yesterdat.

maybe I wasn't clear , when he hits 100$ to withdraw the 25$ . then grind it up back up to 100 and then move up to 5nl. carry on grinding 5NL til he hits 200$ and withdraw another 25$ then carry on grinding till he hits 300$ withdraw another 25.grind back to 300 and move up to 10NL.
He still gets to move up but builds a contingency fund as he's going so that he wont have to put fresh money in again.

Originally Posted by sil693

i think if slev is determined to ever change the way he views his BR, withdrawing $100 every time he makes it at 2NL is seriously going to hinder his chances.

grind 2NL, 5NL, 10NL etcetc until you're making a decent return - then consider withdrawing imo.

my guess is if you stay at 2NL forever because you keep makign withdrawals, one day you're just going to get frustrated/bored and the demons will coem back.

gl, and gg yesterdat.

Thanks man yeah I am definately more determined than ever, there's just no room for error now, having to grind back from scratch has really ingrained the lesson that I just can't make the same mistake again. Also every time I feel like playing outside my BR Chardrians two types of poker come to my mind, poker as a profession and poker as a big slot machine - and I realise how stupid it would be to do anything other than play disciplined poker within my BR. I can gamble or play poker when you look at playing within and out of a bankroll like that, it's a bit of a no-brainer.

Originally Posted by Keith_MM

maybe I wasn't clear , when he hits 100$ to withdraw the 25$ . then grind it up back up to 100 and then move up to 5nl. carry on grinding 5NL til he hits 200$ and withdraw another 25$ then carry on grinding till he hits 300$ withdraw another 25.grind back to 300 and move up to 10NL.
He still gets to move up but builds a contingency fund as he's going so that he wont have to put fresh money in again.

Thanks for your suggestion Keith, you're not alone - a very good friend who has been following this OP suggested some kind of contingency plan also, although his was simply to withdraw $10 for every $100 I make.

I see where you're both coming from and it's really good to know you're thinking like this trying to protect me from future failure but to be honest I can't allow the need for a contingency ever to arise again. I'm either going to make it as a professional poker player or I'm not and to make it I just need to lose the old Slevin and play with discipline. Thinking of the slot machine analogy really helps.

Failure is not an option anymore. Also yeah I don't think I could take playing 2NL for any longer than I need to. That's part of the incentive that helps push me on that I'm going to move up.

Nothing less than 100% focus and professionalism in future.

when i feel like gambling (i have a LOLgambling issure fwiw) i fire open omahahahahaha or NLHE play money tables and shove my tits off preflop.

ahhhh the satisfaction of knowing my money is safe and sound.

Taking a break from the tables as I felt myself getting tilted every hand I play I'm getting sucked out on or coolered! Here are a few from my 865 hand session I just played.

1.
PokerStars No-Limit Hold'em, $0.02 BB (9 handed) - Poker-Stars Converter Tool from FlopTurnRiver.com

BB ($2.03)
UTG ($1.02)
UTG+1 ($2.76)
MP1 ($2)
MP2 ($2.04)
MP3 ($3.25)
Hero (CO) ($2.68)
Button ($2.07)
SB ($0.92)

Preflop: Hero is CO with Q, Q
3 folds, MP2 calls $0.02, MP3 bets $0.12, Hero calls $0.12, 4 folds

Flop: ($0.29) 3, Q, 2 (2 players)
MP3 bets $0.17, Hero raises to $0.40, MP3 raises to $1.85, Hero raises to $2.56 (All-In), MP3 calls $0.71

Turn: ($5.41) A (2 players, 1 all-in)

River: ($5.41) J (2 players, 1 all-in)

Total pot: $5.41 | Rake: $0.25

Results:
MP3 had A, A (three of a kind, Aces).
Hero mucked Q, Q (three of a kind, Queens).
Outcome: MP3 won $5.16

2. This maniac was 90/30 over 22 hands

PokerStars No-Limit Hold'em, $0.02 BB (9 handed) - Poker-Stars Converter Tool from FlopTurnRiver.com

BB ($2)
UTG ($2.24)
UTG+1 ($1.19)
MP1 ($0.68)
MP2 ($5.63)
Hero (MP3) ($2.04)
CO ($1.79)
Button ($2.58)
SB ($2.26)

Preflop: Hero is MP3 with Q, Q
UTG bets $0.08, 3 folds, Hero raises to $0.24, 1 fold, Button raises to $1.40, 3 folds, Hero raises to $2.04 (All-In), Button calls $0.64

Flop: ($4.19) A, 8, 6 (2 players, 1 all-in)

Turn: ($4.19) 4 (2 players, 1 all-in)

River: ($4.19) 7 (2 players, 1 all-in)

Total pot: $4.19 | Rake: $0.20

Results:
Button had A, 9 (one pair, Aces).
Hero had Q, Q (one pair, Queens).
Outcome: Button won $3.99

3.

PokerStars No-Limit Hold'em, $0.02 BB (9 handed) - Poker-Stars Converter Tool from FlopTurnRiver.com

CO ($4.70)
Button ($2.30)
SB ($0.99)
BB ($0.73)
UTG ($4.36)
Hero (UTG+1) ($2)
MP1 ($1.42)
MP2 ($3.42)
MP3 ($3.23)

Preflop: Hero is UTG+1 with Q, Q
UTG calls $0.02, Hero bets $0.10, 1 fold, MP2 calls $0.10, 1 fold, CO calls $0.10, 4 folds

Flop: ($0.35) 2, 7, J (3 players)
Hero bets $0.35, 1 fold, CO raises to $0.70, Hero raises to $1.90 (All-In), CO calls $1.20

Turn: ($4.15) 3 (2 players, 1 all-in)

River: ($4.15) 4 (2 players, 1 all-in)

Total pot: $4.15 | Rake: $0.20

Results:
Hero had Q, Q (one pair, Queens).
CO had J, J (three of a kind, Jacks).
Outcome: CO won $3.95

4. slightly underbet here, as a misclick - but I don't think it made any difference. I dunno maybe I should have put it down. Don't think so though down here at 2nl...

PokerStars No-Limit Hold'em, $0.02 BB (8 handed) - Poker-Stars Converter Tool from FlopTurnRiver.com

CO ($4.79)
Button ($1.92)
SB ($2.51)
BB ($5.16)
UTG ($2.62)
UTG+1 ($2.90)
MP1 ($3.12)
Hero (MP2) ($2)

Preflop: Hero is MP2 with Q, Q
UTG calls $0.02, 2 folds, Hero bets $0.08, CO calls $0.08, 2 folds, BB calls $0.06, UTG calls $0.06

Flop: ($0.33) J, 5, 5 (4 players)
BB checks, UTG checks, Hero bets $0.30, CO calls $0.30, 2 folds

Turn: ($0.93) 2 (2 players)
Hero bets $0.93, CO raises to $2.26, Hero calls $0.69 (All-In)

River: ($4.17) K (2 players, 1 all-in)

Total pot: $4.17 | Rake: $0.20

Results:
Hero had Q, Q (two pair, Queens and fives).
CO had J, J (full house, Jacks over fives).
Outcome: CO won $3.97

5. I played this hand badly, shouldn't have called the re-raise on the flop, shouldn't have stacked off. I knew he had a full house... I told myself he had a full house... I typed into the chatbox... you have a full house, yet I called. Only bad call of the session though, but I'm still annoyed at this.

PokerStars No-Limit Hold'em, $0.02 BB (8 handed) - Poker-Stars Converter Tool from FlopTurnRiver.com

BB ($1.11)
UTG ($1.42)
UTG+1 ($3.07)
MP1 ($3.48)
MP2 ($2.65)
Hero (CO) ($2.31)
Button ($3.14)
SB ($2.04)

Preflop: Hero is CO with A, Q
1 fold, UTG+1 calls $0.02, MP1 calls $0.02, 1 fold, Hero bets $0.10, 3 folds, UTG+1 calls $0.08, MP1 calls $0.08

Flop: ($0.33) 2, 5, 4 (3 players)
UTG+1 checks, MP1 checks, Hero bets $0.16, 1 fold, MP1 raises to $0.38, Hero calls $0.22

Turn: ($1.09) Q (2 players)
MP1 bets $0.38, Hero calls $0.38

River: ($1.85) Q (2 players)
MP1 bets $0.64, Hero calls $0.64

Total pot: $3.13 | Rake: $0.15

Results:
MP1 had 4, 4 (full house, fours over Queens).
Hero mucked A, Q (three of a kind, Queens).
Outcome: MP1 won $2.98

6. I bet the turn because I didn't want him to have the opportunity to bluff me off the hand.. bad idea. I'm not really pleased with how I played this hand... Should I be folding to any aggression post flop here?

PokerStars No-Limit Hold'em, $0.02 BB (6 handed) - Poker-Stars Converter Tool from FlopTurnRiver.com

UTG ($1.20)
MP ($2.41)
CO ($4.67)
Button ($1.04)
SB ($2.95)
Hero (BB) ($2)

Preflop: Hero is BB with A, Q
UTG calls $0.02, MP (poster) checks, CO calls $0.02, Button calls $0.02, SB calls $0.01, Hero bets $0.16, UTG calls $0.14, 2 folds, Button calls $0.14, SB calls $0.14

Flop: ($0.68) 9, J, Q (4 players)
SB checks, Hero bets $0.58, UTG calls $0.58, 2 folds

Turn: ($1.84) 10 (2 players)
Hero bets $1.26 (All-In), UTG calls $0.46 (All-In)

River: ($2.76) A (2 players, 2 all-in)

Total pot: $2.76 | Rake: $0.10

Results:
Hero had A, Q (two pair, Aces and Queens).
UTG had 9, 9 (three of a kind, nines).
Outcome: UTG won $2.66


Oh well down $4.46 for the session after that, thankfully I've made more than enough in Omaha and the few sngs I've played to cover that lost but arghhh! Not a great session.

Will take a break for an hour or two before I play my last session of the day.

Did i see you on stars today sir??? LkySlev1n ???

Yeah that's me!

Yeah i said hi but i guess you had top many tables open haha!!

Oh sorry Sycha, yeah I was 12 tabling didn't see the chat box, what's your stars SN - sorry for not noticing!

haha! Its okay sir. its Schya, ive had bad luck as of late or i just suck lol.

I'll keep my eye out for you on the tables!

That's the great thing with practicing decent BR you can withstand the bad luck if you're getting it! hmm... If you want you can send me your last couple hundred hands and I'll take a look at them over the next day or so and see if I can give you some feedback. If you want me to take a look, just drop me a pm and I'll send you my email address.

Ehh ive been making some not so bright calls that i DO know. Still trying to ingrain into my head to FOLD MORE. haha. If im having trouble within the next week i will take you up on that offer my friend! I think having only a few tables open i may try to think things to much as opposed to just do what comes natural.

Phase I - 2nl : Day 3 - Monday March 9th

___________________________________________
Opening BR: $87 | Closing BR: $86 | Profit/Loss: -$1
___________________________________________

Thought for the day:
"My bankroll is a tool not a bag of cash"

Track for the day:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N_zLBsRYD8w

Once again Omaha is helping the bankroll as is the odd SNG. At one point I was actually rolled for 5NL today as I hit the $100 BR.

Thanks to almost $10 in Omaha profit and a very small positive return on some SNGs before I started my main 2NL session my BR was at $97. So here I am at $97 odd bankroll playing 2NL stack a couple of people after about an hour and all of a sudden the BR is now ready for 5NL - $101.

This is where things started to decline, I decided to stay at 2NL for a little while and grind a few extra dollars to pad the BR out a little. Pretty much all the hands I posted above followed which gave me a losing session of about $4. I've just finished the second 2NL session, and I just can't believe how I'm running. I was set over setted (he raises pre, I call with IO - flop is A6x I have a set of 6's - we stack off on the flop after some re-raising and he has a set of Aces over my 6's). Then later in the session I virtually stack off on the flop with a made straight and nut flush draw. Turn pairs the board I'm getting like 4/1 on the call when he puts the rest of my stack in (it was a 3way pot by now) so of course I insta call, and he shows down a full house - his set of kings already improved to a full house by the turn.

In total I played 1300 hands today of 2NLH and am -$9.91 for the session.

Anyway I stopped the session it just wasn't going well and I was starting to feel it. It wasn't a nice feeling. I felt pretty crap to be honest. So I sat down and started thinking about why that was. 5BI downswings happen... I know that much from reading these forums. So I shouldn't let it bother me, but it was bothering me and I knew this would hinder future progress. I needed to find out why I was feeling like I was, I needed to figure a way of changing my thinking so I'm not feeling as bad when this happens again.

Attachment. I shouldn't attach myself to the profit of any one day, or to whatever value my bankroll is. My bankroll is a dynamic tool that I use to play poker with. Like a tennis player uses a tennis racquet or a cyclist uses a bike. It is not a bag of cash, it is not money that I own. It's $value may fluctuate greatly but this is insignificant. The key is that I have the tool in the first place and that it is functioning properly. Functioning properly in this context simply means it can support the minimum number of buyins for whatever stake I'm playing. That's all that matters. The money I 'made' today, wasn't money in my pocket, it was simply something that temporarily modified my bankroll. My bankroll is still there. It's still functioning fine, and it's still allowing me to play solid poker, that's all that matters.

The main thing is that through many combined sessions, month on month the bankroll grows. Individual sessions, days or weeks, are of little consequence.

By remembering this and changing my thinking I intend to avoid the feelings of loss that come with the inevitable occasional losing sessions in future. The value of my bankroll at any one time is not money I possess, so I should not feel feelings of loss and frustration when the bankroll decreases. It's natural bankrolls decrease and increase. The important thing and the thing that will earn significant money over a long sustained period of time, is not the size of my bankroll at any one moment of time, but the descisions I make at the table.

So the one thing I'm taking from todays session is the thought that my bankroll is a tool. It is not a bag of cash I'm carrying around with me. To feel loss because the bankroll declines is wrong. My focus for the rest of the week is to fix that faulty thinking by constantly reminding myself that my bankroll is something I use to play poker with and its value at any one moment in time is irrelevent. Here's to a good session tomorrow!

Slev that is a very good approach, I have had a problem when down a few BI that i MUST make it back. But looking at it how you put it will help, I shall start to try this set of thinking as well. It is NOT money in my pocket. Good thoughts sir and keep trucking along!

Thanks Schya

Some nice results from some SNGs and some decent Omaha (another $8) and phase 1 is complete. BR currently $102.

Now I've crossed the $100 BR hurdle I'm going to switch to focussing exclusively on NLH. The omaha and SNGs were nice while I was stuck at 2NL but now it's time to really concentrate on the 5NL and upwards.

Phase II started!

best of luck to you sir. do things properly this time.

fwiw, if you screw around outside your BR again and donk away another roll, I won't be following any future Op's. I'm sure I'm not the only person to think this.

now GOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGO!

Cheers sick bad run from yesterdaycontinues, not really what you want when just moving up. I've had pocket rockets bust 3 times in less than 300 hands amongst other things. Mehh i'm not going to let it bother me what will be will be. Currently about 4 buyins down, will update later when I finish the last session.

1.
PokerStars No-Limit Hold'em, $0.05 BB (8 handed) - Poker-Stars Converter Tool from FlopTurnRiver.com

UTG+1 ($1.60)
MP1 ($5.61)
MP2 ($9.80)
CO ($5.23)
Hero (Button) ($5.48)
SB ($5.14)
BB ($1.83)
UTG ($4.50)

Preflop: Hero is Button with A, A
UTG calls $0.05, 2 folds, MP2 calls $0.05, CO checks, Hero bets $0.35, 3 folds, MP2 calls $0.30, 1 fold

Flop: ($0.82) 9, 8, 10 (2 players)
MP2 checks, Hero bets $0.85, MP2 calls $0.85

Turn: ($2.52) Q (2 players)
MP2 checks, Hero bets $2, MP2 raises to $5.75, Hero calls $2.28 (All-In)

River: ($11.08) 5 (2 players, 1 all-in)

Total pot: $11.08 | Rake: $0.55

Results:
Hero mucked A, A (one pair, Aces).
MP2 had J, J (straight, Queen high).
Outcome: MP2 won $10.60


2. Should of been more careful the guy was 40/16 though over 30 hands or I wouldn't be calling with AJ... Definately should've folded to the flop shove ldo. This was one of the last hands I played obv wasn't on top of my game by now!

Hero (SB) ($5.09)
BB ($5)
UTG ($5.65)
MP ($6.66)
CO ($5.54)
Button ($5.77)

Preflop: Hero is SB with J, A
2 folds, CO bets $0.20, 1 fold, Hero calls $0.18, 1 fold

Flop: ($0.45) 6, 6, A (2 players)
Hero checks, CO bets $0.35, Hero raises to $1, CO raises to $5.34 (All-In), Hero calls $3.89 (All-In)

Turn: ($10.23) 10 (2 players, 2 all-in)

River: ($10.23) 7 (2 players, 2 all-in)

Total pot: $10.23 | Rake: $0.50

Results:
Hero had J, A (two pair, Aces and sixes).
CO had A, Q (two pair, Aces and sixes).
Outcome: CO won $9.73

3.
PokerStars No-Limit Hold'em, $0.05 BB (7 handed) - Poker-Stars Converter Tool from FlopTurnRiver.com

Hero (BB) ($6.49)
UTG ($4.47)
MP1 ($12.17)
MP2 ($6.93)
CO ($3.86)
Button ($5.49)
SB ($5.86)

Preflop: Hero is BB with A, A
UTG calls $0.05, MP1 calls $0.05, 4 folds, Hero bets $0.25, UTG calls $0.20, 1 fold

Flop: ($0.57) K, 2, 7 (2 players)
Hero bets $0.45, UTG calls $0.45

Turn: ($1.47) 9 (2 players)
Hero bets $1.40, UTG raises to $3.77 (All-In), Hero calls $2.37

River: ($9.01) 10 (2 players, 1 all-in)

Total pot: $9.01 | Rake: $0.40

Results:
Hero had A, A (one pair, Aces).
UTG had K, 9 (two pair, Kings and nines).
Outcome: UTG won $8.61

4.
PokerStars No-Limit Hold'em, $0.05 BB (9 handed) - Poker-Stars Converter Tool from FlopTurnRiver.com

Button ($9.83)
SB ($7.17)
BB ($2.83)
UTG ($2.72)
UTG+1 ($10.17)
Hero (MP1) ($5.42)
MP2 ($6.25)
MP3 ($1.95)
CO ($2.10)

Preflop: Hero is MP1 with A, A
2 folds, Hero bets $0.20, 1 fold, MP3 calls $0.20, 3 folds, BB calls $0.15

Flop: ($0.62) 10, 10, Q (3 players)
BB checks, Hero bets $0.60, 1 fold, BB calls $0.60

Turn: ($1.82) 5 (2 players)
BB checks, Hero bets $1.30, BB calls $1.30

River: ($4.42) 3 (2 players)
BB checks, Hero bets $0.73, BB calls $0.73 (All-In)

Total pot: $5.88 | Rake: $0.25

Results:
BB had J, 10 (three of a kind, tens).
Hero had A, A (two pair, Aces and tens).
Outcome: BB won $5.63

5.
PokerStars No-Limit Hold'em, $0.05 BB (8 handed) - Poker-Stars Converter Tool from FlopTurnRiver.com

MP1 ($2.41)
MP2 ($3.95)
CO ($2.79)
Hero (Button) ($8.39)
SB ($5)
BB ($2.18)
UTG ($8.13)
UTG+1 ($6.49)

Preflop: Hero is Button with A, K
1 fold, UTG+1 calls $0.05, MP1 calls $0.05, 2 folds, Hero bets $0.30, 3 folds, MP1 calls $0.25

Flop: ($0.72) 6, A, 10 (2 players)
MP1 checks, Hero bets $0.65, MP1 calls $0.65

Turn: ($2.02) Q (2 players)
MP1 checks, Hero bets $1.45, MP1 raises to $1.46 (All-In), Hero calls $0.01

River: ($4.94) 5 (2 players, 1 all-in)

Total pot: $4.94 | Rake: $0.20

Results:
Hero mucked A, K (one pair, Aces).
MP1 had 9, 3 (flush, Ace high).
Outcome: MP1 won $4.74

Edit: Well it's amazing what a time out can do for you, I don't feel tilted anymore but I did. Could have been worse, could have been deep with the aces... And the AJ was just retarded from me - so I'd only be 3 buy ins down if it wasn't for that.

With the BR at $80 I don't feel comfortable playing at 5NL. I mean lose another couple of buyins and then I'd be back at 2NL for the zillionth time. I've decided to pad the BR out myself so am depositing another $70 to take it back to $150 and continuing with 5NL.

I'm going to wait until I have 35 buyins before I start 10NL so need another $200 profit. I'm going to continue to be a bit of a BR nit as I move up as I think this will help my game.

I'd like to be able to report some good news but it's been another pretty terrible session. Down another two and a bit buy ins over 3k of hands. Mostly due to suckouts, here are some hands from the last session: -

1.
PokerStars No-Limit Hold'em, $0.05 BB (6 handed) - Poker-Stars Converter Tool from FlopTurnRiver.com

Hero (UTG) ($6.27)
MP ($12.85)
CO ($8.51)
Button ($8.65)
SB ($10)
BB ($2.56)

Preflop: Hero is UTG with A, K
Hero bets $0.20, 1 fold, CO calls $0.20, 2 folds, BB calls $0.15

Flop: ($0.62) 7, A, 8 (3 players)
BB checks, Hero bets $0.55, CO calls $0.55, 1 fold

Turn: ($1.72) 2 (2 players)
Hero bets $1.60, CO raises to $3.20, Hero raises to $5.52 (All-In), CO calls $2.32

River: ($12.76) 4 (2 players, 1 all-in)

Total pot: $12.76 | Rake: $0.60

Results:
Hero had A, K (one pair, Aces).
CO had A, 4 (two pair, Aces and fours).
Outcome: CO won $12.16

2.
PokerStars No-Limit Hold'em, $0.05 BB (8 handed) - Poker-Stars Converter Tool from FlopTurnRiver.com

UTG+1 ($1.93)
MP1 ($1.84)
MP2 ($3.91)
Hero (CO) ($10.05)
Button ($10.35)
SB ($10.20)
BB ($5.17)
UTG ($2.43)

Preflop: Hero is CO with Q, Q
2 folds, MP1 calls $0.05, 1 fold, Hero bets $0.25, 1 fold, SB calls $0.23, BB calls $0.20, MP1 calls $0.20

Flop: ($1) 3, 9, 8 (4 players)
SB checks, BB checks, MP1 checks, Hero bets $0.90, 1 fold, BB calls $0.90, 1 fold

Turn: ($2.80) 10 (2 players)
BB checks, Hero bets $2, BB raises to $4.02 (All-In), Hero calls $2.02

River: ($10.84) 4 (2 players, 1 all-in)

Total pot: $10.84 | Rake: $0.50

Results:
BB had 10, J (flush, Jack high).
Hero mucked Q, Q (one pair, Queens).
Outcome: BB won $10.34

3.
PokerStars No-Limit Hold'em, $0.05 BB (8 handed) - Poker-Stars Converter Tool from FlopTurnRiver.com

SB ($10.04)
BB ($5.35)
UTG ($10.69)
UTG+1 ($6.37)
MP1 ($7.93)
MP2 ($7.84)
CO ($4.64)
Hero (Button) ($5.05)

Preflop: Hero is Button with Q, Q
5 folds, Hero bets $0.20, SB calls $0.18, BB calls $0.15

Flop: ($0.60) 7, 6, 5 (3 players)
SB checks, BB bets $0.50, Hero raises to $1.40, 1 fold, BB raises to $5.15 (All-In), Hero calls $3.45 (All-In)

Turn: ($10.30) 9 (2 players, 2 all-in)

River: ($10.30) 2 (2 players, 2 all-in)

Total pot: $10.30 | Rake: $0.50

Results:
Hero mucked Q, Q (one pair, Queens).
BB had Q, A (flush, Ace high).
Outcome: BB won $9.80

4. I hate getting beat by trash =(

PokerStars No-Limit Hold'em, $0.05 BB (8 handed) - Poker-Stars Converter Tool from FlopTurnRiver.com

BB ($12.17)
UTG ($3.26)
UTG+1 ($2.49)
MP1 ($6.33)
MP2 ($4.57)
CO ($5.55)
Button ($9.91)
Hero (SB) ($5.58)

Preflop: Hero is SB with A, J
UTG calls $0.05, UTG+1 calls $0.05, 2 folds, CO calls $0.05, 1 fold, Hero bets $0.35, 2 folds, UTG+1 calls $0.30, CO calls $0.30

Flop: ($1.15) 5, 4, 2 (3 players)
Hero checks, UTG+1 bets $0.05, CO calls $0.05, Hero raises to $0.80, UTG+1 calls $0.75, 1 fold

Turn: ($2.80) A (2 players)
Hero bets $1.50, UTG+1 calls $1.34 (All-In)

River: ($5.48) 6 (2 players, 1 all-in)

Total pot: $5.48 | Rake: $0.25

Results:
Hero had A, J (one pair, Aces).
UTG+1 had 6, 3 (straight, six high).
Outcome: UTG+1 won $5.23

My 5nl graph since I started earlier today



This is the hardest poker I've had to endure since I started playing, it gets kinda frustrating to grind 3k of hands and finish another 2 BI down. Not sure what the solution is at the moment. Will keep you posted! I think for a start I'm going to downgrade to four tables and see if I can pick up some reads.

Good luck big guy. We all go through this kind of thing. I would say dropping down tables is definitely a good idea until you feel comfortable again (and start winning). You're just on a major cooler from the looks of some of those hands.

You'll be winning again in no time. GL!

Thanks Cbat - I'm going to take a break from 5NL for now and play some SNGs If the BR drops to 80 I'm stopping for the rest of the week. The coolering is relentless at the moment, These are next three hands I played since posting earlier... Two are headsup as the table broke up, but I just don't think 5NL is for me at the moment! This is a message to take a break for a bit I think =)

1.
PokerStars No-Limit Hold'em, $0.05 BB (2 handed) - Poker-Stars Converter Tool from FlopTurnRiver.com

Button ($10.11)
Hero (SB) ($5.07)

Preflop: Hero is SB with J, 10
Button bets $0.20, Hero calls $0.15

Flop: ($0.40) 2, J, J (2 players)
Hero bets $0.20, Button raises to $0.50, Hero raises to $1, Button calls $0.50

Turn: ($2.40) 4 (2 players)
Hero bets $3.87 (All-In), Button calls $3.87

River: ($10.14) 5 (2 players, 1 all-in)

Total pot: $10.14 | Rake: $0.50

Results:
Button had 4, J (full house, Jacks over fours).
Hero had J, 10 (three of a kind, Jacks).
Outcome: Button won $9.64

2.
PokerStars No-Limit Hold'em, $0.05 BB (2 handed) - Poker-Stars Converter Tool from FlopTurnRiver.com

SB ($14.68)
Hero (Button) ($5)

Preflop: Hero is Button with Q, K
Hero bets $0.25, SB calls $0.20

Flop: ($0.50) 8, 9, K (2 players)
SB checks, Hero bets $0.50, SB calls $0.50

Turn: ($1.50) 8 (2 players)
SB checks, Hero bets $2, SB calls $2

River: ($5.50) Q (2 players)
SB checks, Hero bets $2.25 (All-In), SB calls $2.25

Total pot: $10 | Rake: $0.45

Results:
Hero had Q, K (two pair, Kings and Queens).
SB had 8, A (three of a kind, eights).
Outcome: SB won $9.55

3.
PokerStars No-Limit Hold'em, $0.05 BB (9 handed) - Poker-Stars Converter Tool from FlopTurnRiver.com

Hero (Button) ($5)
SB ($3.14)
BB ($3.17)
UTG ($4.32)
UTG+1 ($6.65)
MP1 ($4.40)
MP2 ($3.73)
MP3 ($5.28)
CO ($14.27)

Preflop: Hero is Button with K, A
UTG calls $0.05, UTG+1 calls $0.05, 2 folds, MP3 calls $0.05, 1 fold, Hero bets $0.35, 1 fold, BB calls $0.30, 3 folds

Flop: ($0.87) Q, K, J (2 players)
BB bets $0.10, Hero raises to $0.90, BB calls $0.80

Turn: ($2.67) K (2 players)
BB bets $0.45, Hero raises to $3.75 (All-In), BB calls $1.47 (All-In)

River: ($6.51) 6 (2 players, 2 all-in)

Total pot: $6.51 | Rake: $0.30

Results:
Hero mucked K, A (three of a kind, Kings).
BB had K, Q (full house, Kings over Queens).
Outcome: BB won $6.21