Ok some realisations.

1. I have not overcome tilt or gotten close to it.

Losing 3.5BIs causes me to tilt and lose another by being an absolute retard. I don't think want to post the hand because it'll just make me more pissed at myself and I need to think logically right now and formulate a plan to overcome this horrible run of being 4 outered continuously. Basically some guy 3 bet me and I had no fucking reads on him at all because I was 6 tabling and he's only been there for like 20 hands. I'd been 3 bet quite a lor more than usual this session so my emotional brain was getting more and more pissed off. Felt like it was slowly building big gun out rage that it would promptly miss fire with and shoot itself in the face with (stoned similies ftw!) So this random dude 3 bets me from the sb and I just watch my hand 4 bet him for no reaon with T9o, calling would have been better ffs it's 25Nl most 3 bet ranges are still pretty tight. At least if I'd just tilt called instead of tilt 4-bet I'd have had a chance to flop some equity and shove, or flop a monster and stack him. But no. I tilt 4-bet with no reads or reason. He flatted the 4 bet. At this point my emotional mind quickly finished the bazooka thing without realising the cannon was fitted the wrong way round. Flop was AK4r he checked and I chekced (giving up because I had 0 equity and any bet completely commited me by this point.) the turn was a 4 and he checked again. Then my mind fired the fucking cannon at itself and shoved. He snapped with AK I felt sick sick sick, like the old days when I'd tilt often.

What have we learned? Don't do retarded spewy shit preflop for no fucking reason. Just fold to 3 bet, fold to 3 bets THEY ARE USUALLY STRONG RANGES. Only mess with aggro players we have reads on and do it thoughtfuly and sparingly. Why did I get myself into this built up rage frenzy? The answer lies in realisation 2.


2. I cannot handle 6 tables right now, my game is too shit and my mental state not alert enough. 6 tables is a massive jump from 4 and results in me making thoughtless thoughtless auto pilot shit plays. Like c/c when I should be b/f and a simple range estimate will work that out for me, but no I click and move on, click and move on. Not good espscially considering this shitty internet is fucking balls and goes slow as hell half the time. Playing 6 tables is a total catalyst to tilt if I happen to be having a bad session. I'm not ready for 6 tables. I was once okay at 6 but never great. Now I haven't played for a while, I'm balls at 6 tables.

4 Tables from now on until making ranges and thinking out my action on every street of every hand is quicker and more accurate. 4 tables I play way better. I have no doubt that 6 is killing my win rate.

3. I town myself vs fish. Thin value is good vs total stations, but not passive fish that play big hands in a weak "slowplayed" manner. Stop betting when we know half their range is ahead of us. Yes they may call with the 40% that isn't, but they certianly call with the rest ffs.

4. I need to spend more time with my g/f and friends. I can get so obsessed with poker that I neglect people and myself. This is unhealthy and will lead to a weaker emotional brain which will be less proficient at the tables. Balance in life = good healthy mind = good healthy poker. Simple.

5. I suck. I need to stop taking plays for granted that I assume to be right. I need to analyse more hand on my own and with others instead of just forgetting about them. I need to sit and just pull up like 15 hands from HEM and analyse them before I play a session. Ideas will then be fresh and freely catapulting around my brain. Not getting dragged awkardly and slowly out of some trench of last week where they reach the front line thought process battered and distorted. Fuck yeah stoned metaphor ftw!

Ok that's enough epiphany for now. If anyone's read all that, thank you! It was quite a rant, but all stuff I just need to organise in the blog.

Tomorrow I'm going to get up early and play for 2 or 3 hours from 10am - 1pm. I'm going to have a stop loss of 3 BIs to supress any tilt. I'm only playing 4 tables no matter what. I'm analysing hands from today before I start.

Then I'm going to do some painting with my gf cos we need to spend some time together and she likes to paint together even though I can't paint for shit. Then, I'm going to see a movies with some friends. Then I'll hopefully feel better about my game and my life. I also need to relaise that life is pretty fucking good and comfortable. I'm starting uni soon, getting money from the government living in a nice place with a great girl and I have ability to be a decent winning poker player and move up the limits. I just need to focus and learn.

That is all for now.

BR is $505 (20BIs) but I'll reimburse it with another 10 or so if need be. I'm only down 3BIs depsite running and playing like shit. Just shows how soft these games are. Peace.