Turning a new corner...

A few weeks back I came to a real crossroads in my poker life. I found that I was spending 10 hours a week or more on poker, had a lot going on in my personal life that I was hiding from behind the computer, and was staring golf season straight in the face. My time with my wife was growing more distant, my evenings were nothing but poker.

A confrontation ensued with my family, basically my wife told me I appeared to be 'hiding' each evening from her and from my daughter by playing poker. An average evening was this... get home from work around 5:30, eat with the family, help guide my daughter through her homework till about 7, watch about an hour of tv with them and then disappear into the 'office' where I play poker till 11, then tumble into bed exhausted... sleep and repeat.

I found myself incredibly focused on my bankroll, just working my ass off to try to build it, so I could move up. I made it to nearly $600 total in my roll before this happened, and my stress level both with a challenging job and my failure to be able to break out of that $600 range making me crazy. My card playing suffered greatly, I started taking stupid risks, went on major tilt and started a backslide. I worked with videos, coaching, etc... all with no effect.

About 3-4 weeks ago I made a major decision. Life had to get better. I wasn't sleeping, wasn't eating worth a crap, was tired all of the time, etc. I knew golf, my number 1 relaxation and competitive sport, was just around the corner. My decision... FOLD.

I dumped poker, didn't even play for about a week. I felt better, I wasn't so overly caught up in trying to race for the elusive bankroll. I took some time and attended a golf event, getting fitted for new equipment and working on my game. I started focusing more on my family and making the most of my time with them. It worked. My general attitude improved, my golf game improved and is ready for my first tournament in a week and a half. I improved, I play poke now maybe one or two nights a week, with the ability to walk away from it at any moment, not on tilt.

My bankroll though, has not improved... down to around $400 total... but comfortable. I'm playing mostly 10NL and 5NL now, sitting in on FTR tourneys when I have nothing else to do. My game is more relaxed, I do take some chances but I've identified that I'm a gambler, not a pro. I do find myself enjoying my time and using it for what it was supposed to be, a relaxing hobby.

Last night I played a 2.5 hour session, ended up down 1 buy in, but made it nearly to the money in a 6000 person tourney. I think that this op is over... that my op in general is over. I've turned the corner... back to enjoying the game for what it is for me, a distraction when I need one and a hobby when I've got time.

If you take one thing from this entire post, this entire operation, take this... poker can be fun, poker can be life... whichever you choose, don't get trapped in that decision forever... it leads to life tilt and poor poker. Enjoy yourself, good luck at the tables, if you see me around sometime, say HI!

Monty.