I can't imagine offing myself over a person of the opposite sex. How pathetic is that? What is this the middle ages? For my heart doth beat for you. I must fetch death in the stead of such sorrows of bachelorhood, for thou doth resemble a whiny weak douchebag.

Have you ever in your life had the thought "Hey, she was a pretty good hump, and now she's gone. I guess I'll just shoot a hole in my face."

I'm sorry, but I'm a fucking artist and I don't whine over women. You know why people offed themselves over mates in the middle ages? It's because you couldn't find another healthy one for 100 square miles. You lose a good looking girlfriend back then, and you're stuck humping the ugly barpig downtown with tuberculosis.