The following is a converstation between gabe and I on AIM. As many of you know, I built my roll from nothing to just under 1k in a month, then I took second in a 10$ FO, Im currently on a horribly long (IMO) losing streak, and my br is getting pretty low. That information might help make sense of some of this.

Also Ive noticed this affecting me in other aspects of my life, where I get to a certain point, then just quit. Its kinda like the kid that begs for a unicycle for a whole year, finally gets one on xmas, then a week later after he learns to ride it, it ends up in his closet, and is never used.

Id really appreciate any input on this. As you can see, Ive realised this, however I have yet to find a solution, is the knowledge of this enough? Im not confident it is.


BeeSeeYouZee: I just had a epifamy
BeeSeeYouZee: or whatever its called
g1u: do tell.
BeeSeeYouZee: I realised why Im losing..
BeeSeeYouZee: I want to be the best..
BeeSeeYouZee: in everything I do I want to be the best..
BeeSeeYouZee: when I realize that being the best is either a silly thing or that its quite possibly unattainable, I normally give up..
BeeSeeYouZee: however..
BeeSeeYouZee: Ive realize that its different in poker
g1u: gar
g1u: i need to win a coinflip
g1u: !
g1u: yay
BeeSeeYouZee: you know when I played 5$ sngs..
BeeSeeYouZee: I played 10 a day..
g1u: ok sorry, go on
BeeSeeYouZee: 10 sngs a day.. and I dont multi table..
BeeSeeYouZee: that is crazy man..
g1u: yes
BeeSeeYouZee: but..
BeeSeeYouZee: I knew that when I got higher I get to play 10$ sngs..
BeeSeeYouZee: the mone ywasnt my reward..
BeeSeeYouZee: moving up was
BeeSeeYouZee: being amongst the best..
BeeSeeYouZee: you see what I mean?
g1u: yea
BeeSeeYouZee: when I won that toureny.. I could play 100$ sngs with taht roll..
BeeSeeYouZee: well .. after withdrawing.. 50$ would be smart..
BeeSeeYouZee: however.. I just felt It was bset to stay at 20 and 30..
BeeSeeYouZee: the reason I felt this in hind sight.. was that I didnt earn 50$ sngs..
g1u: hm?
BeeSeeYouZee: all the sudden I stopped playing sngs and played exclussively mtt's..
BeeSeeYouZee: you know why?
BeeSeeYouZee: this was a new mountain to conquer..
g1u: to win one
BeeSeeYouZee: I also found myself obssessed with TLB ...
BeeSeeYouZee: not the money...
BeeSeeYouZee: yes...
BeeSeeYouZee: and there was the problem..
BeeSeeYouZee: I played great .. but I kept losing..
BeeSeeYouZee: sngs no longer ineterested me.. I already 'conquered' that
g1u: ya
BeeSeeYouZee: you see?
g1u: so
g1u: how does that change now
BeeSeeYouZee: but mtt's I play good and I lose still .. I thought I wasnt good because of this..
BeeSeeYouZee: and it spiraled out of control..
BeeSeeYouZee: I fell back o sngs.. something I didnt have interest in..
BeeSeeYouZee: and lost more..
BeeSeeYouZee: then reverted back to mtt's..
BeeSeeYouZee: and so on and so forth.
g1u: ya
g1u: so
g1u: now.....?
BeeSeeYouZee: hmm
BeeSeeYouZee: truthfully I havent gotten there, however realising this is the first step.