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help me with birthday present plz

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  1. 01-01-2013 02:37 PM #1
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    Default help me with birthday present plz

    Okay guys here's the deal. I need period jokes, jokes about women and/or sexist jokes as a part of a birthday present for this chick I'm seeing. They have to be short.

    I got a box of tampons (the kind she uses), and I opened up the bottom of the box. I'm writing jokes on all of the tampon wrappers, and then I'm going to seal the box back up.

    Trip report will come if I get some good jokes from this thread.
    http://www.potentialeight.com

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  2. 01-01-2013 03:19 PM #2
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  3. 01-01-2013 03:27 PM #3
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    How do you piss off a female archaeologist?
    Hand her a used tampon and ask her what period it's from.

    What did one tampon say to the other?
    Nothing, they were both stuck up cunts.
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  4. 01-01-2013 03:55 PM #4
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    This thread is moving in a positive direction.

    How do you know when your sister is on her period?
    Your father's dick tastes like blood.

    Why do women get periods?
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  5. 01-01-2013 05:48 PM #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by spoonitnow View Post
    Okay guys here's the deal. I need period jokes, jokes about women and/or sexist jokes as a part of a birthday present for this chick I'm seeing. They have to be short.

    I got a box of tampons (the kind she uses), and I opened up the bottom of the box. I'm writing jokes on all of the tampon wrappers, and then I'm going to seal the box back up.

    Trip report will come if I get some good jokes from this thread.
    why didn't i have a thoughtful bf like this
    Quote Originally Posted by Fnord View Post
    Why poker fucks with our heads: it's the master that beats you for bringing in the paper, then gives you a milkbone for peeing on the carpet.

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  6. 01-01-2013 06:14 PM #6
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    It's not like it's the only thing I'm getting her. I'll probably bone her too.
    http://www.potentialeight.com

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  7. 01-03-2013 02:29 AM #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by spoonitnow View Post
    It's not like it's the only thing I'm getting her. I'll probably bone her too.
    seriously, i would have loved to get this gift. it's only a million times better than stereotypical shit like flowers and chocolates and fucking teddy bears.

    Actually I like flowers. But I hate teddy bears.
    Quote Originally Posted by Fnord View Post
    Why poker fucks with our heads: it's the master that beats you for bringing in the paper, then gives you a milkbone for peeing on the carpet.

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  8. 01-01-2013 06:20 PM #8
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    best part of this present is that moment where she thinks it's just an ordinary box of tampons as part of her gift.
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  9. 01-02-2013 02:06 AM #9
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    Man it's a good thing I got that pack of 50 used condoms at Goodwill as a backup gift
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  10. 01-02-2013 05:28 AM #10
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  11. 01-02-2013 05:45 AM #11
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    What's the useless bit of skin around the vagoo?

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  12. 01-02-2013 08:27 PM #12
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  13. 01-02-2013 11:22 PM #13
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    what does a vampire use as a teabag?

    a used tampon
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  14. 01-03-2013 01:31 AM #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by chardrian View Post
    what does a vampire use as a teabag?

    a used tampon
    and thus kills the whole twilight series.
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  15. 01-03-2013 01:53 AM #15
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  16. 01-03-2013 04:57 PM #16
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    you hate teddy bears? SERIOUSLY WTF?!?!?!?!
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  17. 01-04-2013 02:18 PM #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by bikes View Post
    you hate teddy bears? SERIOUSLY WTF?!?!?!?!
    Yes because every guy I've dated or been friends with has given me one and at one point I had a ridiculous number that I just had to throw away. It's a stupid useless uncreative gift. I told my husband that if he ever gives me a stuffed animal as a gift, it's grounds for divorce.
    Quote Originally Posted by Fnord View Post
    Why poker fucks with our heads: it's the master that beats you for bringing in the paper, then gives you a milkbone for peeing on the carpet.

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  18. 01-04-2013 04:28 PM #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by donkbee View Post
    Yes because every guy I've dated or been friends with has given me one and at one point I had a ridiculous number that I just had to throw away. It's a stupid useless uncreative gift. I told my husband that if he ever gives me a stuffed animal as a gift, it's grounds for divorce.
    SERIOUSLY WTF

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  19. 01-05-2013 04:24 PM #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by donkbee View Post
    Yes because every guy I've dated or been friends with has given me one and at one point I had a ridiculous number that I just had to throw away. It's a stupid useless uncreative gift. I told my husband that if he ever gives me a stuffed animal as a gift, it's grounds for divorce.


    WHO ELSE WILL FIGHT OFF THE TERRIFYING NIGHTMARE MONSTERS?!?!?!?!one1!!!onee
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  20. 01-03-2013 05:52 PM #20
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    Even Mr. Nomnoms? :'(

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  21. 01-04-2013 10:10 AM #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by JKDS View Post
    Even Mr. Nomnoms? :'(

    tell me more about the free mozzarella sticks
    eeevees are not monies yet...they are like baby monies.
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  22. 01-03-2013 11:29 PM #22
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  23. 01-04-2013 05:23 PM #23
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    This thread opened by minting gold and has since been witness to a train wreck.

    GET ON THE TRACKS, FUCK-KNUCKLES!
    Last edited by a500lbgorilla; 01-04-2013 at 05:25 PM.
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  24. 01-04-2013 07:16 PM #24
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  25. 01-05-2013 06:26 AM #25
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    Who the fuck buys a girlfriend a teddy bear? I buy teddies for my 3-y/o niece. Last gf I had, for birthday I bought her a vibrator and lots of wine, made her a CD, and made some pasta shit. She was a happy gf. I was happy bf too, I got me dick sucked.

    Suppose you want a joke...

    What do you do if the dishwasher breaks down? Slap her.
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    ongies gonna ong
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  26. 01-05-2013 11:18 AM #26
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    You have to do all of that to get your dick sucked?

    All I do is snap my fingers and point at my dick.
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  27. 01-05-2013 11:35 AM #27
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    She wasn't the most willing of my exes, but making her squeal with a vibrator certainly helped my cause.
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  28. 01-05-2013 06:18 PM #28
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    That pic is amazing.

    Everytime I see it, I like it just the same.
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  29. 01-20-2016 12:34 PM #29
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    Bump.

    She just had her 25th birthday with me a couple of weeks ago. Here's a Snapchat she took of a present I got her:

    http://www.potentialeight.com

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  30. 01-21-2016 02:44 PM #30
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    Wow, that looks amazing! I'm totally getting that for my sister.

    This thread made me realize that I know way more holocaust jokes than I know jokes about women. Like way more. I know what you're thinking: why not make them jokes about jewish women? Doesn't really turn out that well!

    also Courtie... wtf. gtfo.
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  31. 01-21-2016 08:41 PM #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by oskar View Post
    Wow, that looks amazing! I'm totally getting that for my sister.

    This thread made me realize that I know way more holocaust jokes than I know jokes about women. Like way more. I know what you're thinking: why not make them jokes about jewish women? Doesn't really turn out that well!

    also Courtie... wtf. gtfo.
    She's testing it out now. I'll continue with a TR later.
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  32. 01-21-2016 06:19 PM #32
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    might as well continue with the theme.

    a woman took a calculus exam. she passed.
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  33. 01-25-2016 01:54 AM #33
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    Q: Why can't you chain a woman to the stove?

    A: Because then she couldn't do the laundry
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  34. 01-25-2016 02:19 PM #34
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    I don't see why you couldn't have the washing machine and tumble dryer next to the stove.

    I think the correct answer is that it's immoral, and if you treat your woman like that, she won't give good head. You have to pretend to respect your bitch if you want good head.
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  35. 01-25-2016 02:36 PM #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by OngBonga View Post
    I don't see why you couldn't have the washing machine and tumble dryer next to the stove.

    I think the correct answer is that it's immoral, and if you treat your woman like that, she won't give good head. You have to pretend to respect your bitch if you want good head.
    The bold is largely incorrect except at the extreme end. The ratio of respect to a woman and the frequency and quality of head you get from her is a bell curve where the mean straddles not respecting her nearly as much as people generally think they should.
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  36. 01-25-2016 02:39 PM #36
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    women need the desire to prove themselves.

    well, men, too.
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  37. 01-25-2016 02:40 PM #37
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    To be fair, I've never made notes on the quality of head I've been getting relative to the respect I have been showing her. I was just trying to make a sexist joke. I'm kinda glad that I fail at that. I fail at sexism. Superb.
    Quote Originally Posted by wufwugy View Post
    ongies gonna ong
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  38. 01-25-2016 03:29 PM #38
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  39. 01-25-2016 04:03 PM #39
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  40. 01-25-2016 04:21 PM #40
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