How do you deal with people who are just plain dicks?

[IowaSkinsFan]

I have a roommate at college who is just such a dick. He is silently full of himself. He talks as if he knows what's good for you, and very set in his ways. He makes snide remarks about how I live my life (i.e. laying poker too much) and sometimes about my girlfriend.
It's really ridiculous. Tonight he attacked me about being inconsiderate and pretty much said my gf was a bitch to him (both which are not true) and also claimed that he couldn't talk to me because I wasn't going to change my opinion on the subject.
I know most of you are probably thinking this paraphrasing of the situation is bias. Trust me, it is not. I am a firm believer in blamming everything on yourself, trying to search about how to better myself as a person. All his accusations were completely false, I will guarantee that.

I know this is my fault because I am a passive person with a good heart. People tend to take advantage of those qualities, most of the time those people are bitches and dicks.

My question is do you feel like you should just avoid these people in general or do you feel like you should learn how to deal with them?
Thanks.

[ensign_lee]

Avoiding in general tends to work. Ignoring works great.

But if he's your roommate...uh...shit.

Give it a few days for the situation to cool off; then talk to him rationally. Explain to him how you feel when he does certain things, and ask him to please try to stop doing those things, because it's really pissing you off inside.

Now, when you do this, he may attack you. Brush off the attacks and focus on the goal: reconciliation and compromise. If he wants to take potshots, let him, as long as the ultimate goal is realized - he stops acting like a dick after the conversation.

[bigred]

Climing into his bed naked one night and then when he starts screaming start apologizing about being drunk and stuff. This should get him to stay the hell away from you. That or find him a controlling woman that will suck the life out of him. Not sure which is easier, probably the woman.

[swiggidy]

If it's an assigned roommate in the dorms; request a room transfer.

If you picked him pick better next time (a.k.a fold pre-flop).

Bacially, if possible just avoid him. He's probably not worth the energy anyway. If not possible what ensign said

[bigred]

Both my previous methods will definately work. We had some kid crawl into bed with one of my friends when a party was dying down once and my friend was passed out. Haven't seen him hang out with us once since.

Trying to think of other things. An all out war would make life interesting but maybe you don't want that. Point out the kid for being an insecure shithead who has to critisize other people to feel better about himself. That never works but it makes you look like some sort of mediating teacher and will hopefully lead to more insults.

For the 2p2ers, try putting a lathe in the middle of your room.

Buy snakes on a plane when it comes out and watch it 24/7. Whenever your roomate is around yell "lets get these motherfucking snakes off this motherfucking plane!" every 2 minutes. He should request for a transfer sometime soon. Then you don't have to feel bad about doing so.

Piss on his stuff by accident when you're drunk and "sleepwalking."

Hmmm, I'm running out of ideas.

If I think of anything else, I will post.

Honestly though, tell the kid to stop being a dick, to respect your views, and if he doesn't we;ll send sykedup to stay with you for a week. Kid will kill himself (warning: you may too).

[IowaSkinsFan]

Thanks for the responses. I'd like this thread to stay serious as I really would enjoy honest opinions on the subject.

[Irisheyes]

Basically just toughen up and stop taking the bullshit. I'm generally a passive person myself but one thing that I cannot stand is people trying to take advantage of me.

Next time he starts some shit, just stand there all calm and shit and then explain to him that no matter how much he bitches and complains you will not be changing anything about your life for him. Tell him that you dont really give a fuck how he feels about you and the things you do so he may as well just shut up. Be calmly verbally aggressive and defiant.

I know this will generally lead to a bad enviroment to have to live in but hey, at least he isn't walking over you any more.

Or you could apply for a transfer. I would feel like I was bitching out if I did that but if it's easier for you then just do it.

[a500lbgorilla]

I just tell him "Lukie, you're being a dick. Stop."

[IowaSkinsFan]

Basically just toughen up and stop taking the bullshit. I'm generally a passive person myself but one thing that I cannot stand is people trying to take advantage of me.

Next time he starts some shit, just stand there all calm and shit and then explain to him that no matter how much he bitches and complains you will not be changing anything about your life for him. Tell him that you dont really give a fuck how he feels about you and the things you do so he may as well just shut up. Be calmly verbally aggressive and defiant.

I know this will generally lead to a bad enviroment to have to live in but hey, at least he isn't walking over you any more.

Or you could apply for a transfer. I would feel like I was bitching out if I did that but if it's easier for you then just do it.

If I wanted to start bad blood, I'd just get up and leave. I don't, I want to challenge myself to work this whole thing out. I think I'm just going to do what the others said to do, command respect. I'm gonna try no to let him disrespect me anymore and if he does any crap im going to tell him why I have a problem with it. It's the complete opposite of what I do. I hate conflict and im a really nice guy, I just run into problems when people try to take advantage of that.
It's really my fault. I'm going to run into a lot of people like that in my life, and I'm going to have to learn how to deal with it.

[bigred]

I just don't understand why you have to be the one to deal with other people. Give them shit to deal with. Being the better person is stuff they make up in movies.

[Warpe]

Life's too short to put up with assholes.

[thenonsequitur]

Next time he says "Hey IowaSkinsFan, your girlfriend was being mean to me" just tell him it's okay, you'll call a waaaaaaambulance for him.

[gabe]

i had a dick roommate when i was a freshman. i hated him. there are not many people i hate, too. if there was one person i would love to beat the shit out of, it would be him.

with that said, i just tried to ignore him. i found a group of guys that were really cool and who had my back in dealing with my roommate.

"I know this is my fault because I am a passive person with a good heart. People tend to take advantage of those qualities, most of the time those people are bitches and dicks. "

i feel you on this one... its hard for me to see how i come across on the boards, but in real life im good at taking a joke and want everyone around me to be happy. when people around you start taking advantage of it, its time to stop being around those people.

[LimpinAintEZ]

I don't, I want to challenge myself to work this whole thing out. I think I'm just going to do what the others said to do, command respect

i think this line is flawed - there are some people that are just pieces of shit with no respect...Follow Irish's advice - you don't have to be an asshole, just stand up for yourself - FWIW, the sooner you do it, the easier it is from then on - I had the same problem for awhile - im still a pretty nice guy but some people do think thats just a reason to bully you around - you gotta stick up for yourself and not put up with that shit....it will only get worse if you don't -

[Warpe]

It's really my fault.

That's what battered wives and abused children say. Put the reponsibility where it lies, at his door, not yours. Grow a pair and take a stand.

[DaNutsInYoEye]

Why don't you start by telling him what you told us. That, wether he intends to or not, he comes across as patronizing and you don't appreciate it. That you treat him with respect and you and your girlfriend expect nothing less in return, etc. so on and so forth.

[DaNutsInYoEye]

It's really my fault.

That's what battered wives and abused children say.

Uhhh... they get beaten for a reason, don't they?

[Greedo017]

i'm kinda confused. what is your current reaction? like, he started attacking you saying you're inconsiderate and takes some shots at your girlfriend, how do you respond?


in general, dealing with people is overrated, i'm with bigred on this. if he's a dick why stress over it, just have fun with the situation and do what you can to piss him off. trying to sit down and talk it out is all fine with close friends but with a roommate you don't know well, fuck that. if your current reaction is that he gives you all sorts of shit and insults your gf, and you just sit and take it, that's something to work on though.

[LimpinAintEZ]

honestly, it will make your girlfriend pretty hot too when she sees you kicking some ass - if she loses respect for you though, its all downhill....

that was a serious reply, btw -

[gabe]

Why don't you start by telling him what you told us. That, wether he intends to or not, he comes across as patronizing and you don't appreciate it. That you treat him with respect and you and your girlfriend expect nothing less in return, etc. so on and so forth.

for people that arent confrontational this is really hard, but once you do it and he shuts the fuck up for a little while you will feel like a badass

[boost]

confrontation is fun. Most people are so bad at it and get really uncomfortable, making it easier for you. I tend to not really like people that are really passive, its too hard to read them, Im a fairly upfront person, things are easier when everyones upfront I think.

[Sykedupp]

Honestly though, tell the kid to stop being a dick, to respect your views, and if he doesn't we;ll send sykedup to stay with you for a week. Kid will kill himself (warning: you may too).

Honestly though, you'd love drinking with me, and you know it


Xianti, ban him plz? he's causing me to and tilt

-Chris

[ProZachNation]

I fought a kid last week because he was being a dick to me. First fight I ever got in. Gotta stand up for yourself.

[IowaSkinsFan]

About just going up to him and telling how I feel... You are all gonna call me a pussy but when I talk to people who really say horrible shit I get really emotional, heated confrontations make me teary. It sucks but it is true. It makes it hard for me to say exactly how I feel. The other thing is the guy is very self centered and people who are self centered can't understand criticism, or at least it is much harder for them to understand it.

When this guy comes and makes some dick comment, the comment is so ridiculous I don't even know what to say! It would help if you guys would give me feedback on how to respond to certain situations. Here's two.

1. Today he came into our room and saw my other roommate asleep. It was my other roommates birthday, he stayed up late last night and was still asleep. Chris, the roommate who is a dick, goes up to him in a "joking"(in quotes because the tone is just pissed off but you can tell he is kinda joking, even though it is clearly how he really feels) manner and says "get up you lazy fuck" "you're missing your entire birthday." And started ragging about how he sleeps too late.
Even though it is not nearly as extreme as his other comments, To me he's being a complete dick. Why are you ragging on a guy for sleeping late when he celebrated his birthday last night? Why does Chris even give a shit? For some odd reason, Chris is pissed off at my roomates lifestyle.
After he says his snide remark, what would you do? Do you confront him about what he just said? if so, what do you say? Or do you just ignore it as it doesn't apply to you?

2. Last night (the reason I posted this) he talked to be about how I was being inconsiderate last week with my girlfriend in town. I didn't mind his point about not wanting to be kicked out of the room so much (because we had sex a lot), even though it's being high maintanence. But then pretty much he started blabbing on how he thought my girlfriend was a bitch and that she was manipulating me, and how she didn't make an effort to talk to him at all. He called her a bitch and I was so angry at that point it was hard to think logically so the conversation ended with me saying that he can't talk about her like that and how if I was not such a nice guy I would punch him in the face (which I was very close to doing). All the things he said were pretty much completely untrue (trust me on this one), and even so he has absolutely no right to say that shit to me. The tone in which he was talking was almost like he was trying to convince me that he knew what was good for me.
How do I respond to his ridiculous accusations in a way in which he stops? I really get stumped on what exactly to say in this situations?

Any general advice would help, such as what body language is good, general rules of how to respond. Thanks.

[thenonsequitur]

I think there are 3 routes you can go:

1. Avoid being in the same area as this him as much as possible, and when you can't avoid him, ignore him as much as possible.

2. Confront him directly and harshly, and never back down unless he does. Just say what you think. If you get heated or emotional when he says things just remind yourself that what he's saying is ludicrous and based on his weird perception of reality.

3. Try to figure out precisely how this guy ticks and fuck with his head. To borrow a word from poker, he seems to be something akin to a fish having a table-coach complex, only with real life (while simeltaneously being bad at life, he is constantly telling others what they are doing wrong in order to show how good at life he is). Either do what you need to do (without sacrificing anything but honesty) to make him believe he's right and appease him, or use his twisted view point to piss him off (which won't help much with anything, but might give you a good laugh).

[DaNutsInYoEye]

When people are being rude I just turn off the chat box.

[Rondavu]

When he interjects, just say "Mind your own business". When he gives bad advice say "Save it". I would even go so far as to say "Grow up crybaby" here and there.

He's just a Type A personality alpha male. He won't back off until you stand up. That's how life is man. The trick with these types is to describe them as what they hate themselves. That's why you say "Grow up crybaby", because his goal in life is to supress weak people, and now you're describing him as such.

Dude, there's no way around becoming a man, and sticking up for yourself. Being too passive is just as unhealthy as being too aggressive. You guys are opposites. You're unbalanced man. It will find it's way into your romantic relationships, and just as being too aggressive kills the sensitive communication in a realtionship, being too passive will destroy the sexual aspect. You need both. Learn how to be selectively aggressive when you need to. It isn't a big deal.

You wanna deal with this passively, but that's not how it works. You finally hit the wall. It's that time you've been avoiding your entire life, when you have no choice but to do what you hate doing. Confrontation. You have no choice. Time to man up.

[thenonsequitur]

So melodramatic.

[IowaSkinsFan]

Being too passive is just as unhealthy as being too aggressive. You guys are opposites. You're unbalanced man. It will find it's way into your romantic relationships, and just as being too aggressive kills the sensitive communication in a realtionship, being too passive will destroy the sexual aspect. You need both. Learn how to be selectively aggressive when you need to. It isn't a big deal.

Over the past year or so I've realized this, it's just a really big step. I agree with you completely though.

[pantherhound]

If you want a serious response, powdered milk in his bed is a good one. He'll never realise you're the reason he smells like sour milk for a month. And you can laugh heartily to cheer yourself up.

[Miffed22001]

id just ask this guy why he is an asshole.

Thats likely to piss him off for a week or put him into a childish tantrum where you can just stand and laugh and point.

The more mean you are the more hes going to hate you, which is cool coz the guys obviously a smart-arsed knob anyways.

[thenonsequitur]

If you want a serious response, powdered milk in his bed is a good one. He'll never realise you're the reason he smells like sour milk for a month. And you can laugh heartily to cheer yourself up.

That only works on people you don't have to live with for the next month...

[givememyleg]

If you let it build up one day he will do or say something that will make you explode and ramble in an unorganized fashion about him... making you look like the dick. I pretty much am the same way about you in these situations... It's not that I don't stick up for myself, I just try to avoid shit like that and say to myself "wooooooow." Just trying to be easy going works really good, except with fuck heads like this guy. You're just going to have to tell him to mellow out although I gaurantee he will take the defensive stance. It's kind of a lose/lose situation because once you comfront him things will be awkward and he might try to make you seem like the bad guy.. but meh, you have to say something. Esspecially since you live with the guy.

[boost]

I hate passive aggressive people in general, but passive aggressiveness can be a good tool. When he says something about your girlfreind just respond wiht something like "yah thats cool, so how are things with you and the ladies?"

Go down that path and just keep your cool, insult him indirectly. Dont say things like "well thats hwy you havent got laid in 4 months" Instead when he starts blabbing about whatever say something like "yah thats cool, but you didnt get any, eh?" If he accuses you of talking shit just take the passive route "nah man, we just always seem to talk about my relationship and stuff, I was just trying to see wahts up with my buddy, thats all." Pretty much youre playing the rope a dope strategy, you use very little energy and let him do the damage to himself.

Whatever you do though, dont lash out and him and start getting all teary eyed, thats not gonna do you any good.

[Warpe]

Google "dealing with difficult people", "living with difficult people" etc. Some good advice out there...

[swiggidy]

@iowa:
You sound exactly like a roommate from my freshman year. He put in a transfer request, got moved to my room and he became one of my best friends.

[boost]

^ awww how sweet...

[Al Golagnic]

When my roommate got to be too much to take, I pissed just a little bit in his shampoo and stirred it up real good so it would maintain the right consistency and not arouse suspicion.

I regret it, but listening to the same three Dave Matthews Band songs ten hours a day for months on end will make any one do crazy stuff. So don't be getting all holier-than-thou on me for it.

And there was nothing he could do or say that would piss me off anymore, because I knew I had scoreboard. Something to think about...

[IowaSkinsFan]

When my roommate got to be too much to take, I pissed just a little bit in his shampoo and stirred it up real good so it would maintain the right consistency and not arouse suspicion.

I regret it, but listening to the same three Dave Matthews Band songs ten hours a day for months on end will make any one do crazy stuff. So don't be getting all holier-than-thou on me for it.

And there was nothing he could do or say that would piss me off anymore, because I knew I had scoreboard. Something to think about...

lol!!!!

[euphoricism]

[IowaSkinsFan]

This thread has been really useful to me, and therefore I don't see why it is gay.

[gabe]

euph, dont suck

[boost]

When my roommate got to be too much to take, I pissed just a little bit in his shampoo and stirred it up real good so it would maintain the right consistency and not arouse suspicion.

I regret it, but listening to the same three Dave Matthews Band songs ten hours a day for months on end will make any one do crazy stuff. So don't be getting all holier-than-thou on me for it.

And there was nothing he could do or say that would piss me off anymore, because I knew I had scoreboard. Something to think about...

holy jesus... this is some really sick sciopath (sp?) shit man..

This is a definate karma killer.. you need to log about 10,000 ten votes for ugly people on hotornot.com.

[bigred]

Euph makes me laugh.

Euph, you are being a dick. We need to talk about our feelings and come to a reasonable agreement because I do not want to confront you and it is hard for me. Please stop walking all over us in this thread, it is wrong. IF you keep doing it I will continue to do nothing but reason with you and perhaps switch to 2p2 if there's time.

[Miffed22001]

lol

so insensitive but really funny. :P

[Irisheyes]

Basically just toughen up and stop taking the bullshit. I'm generally a passive person myself but one thing that I cannot stand is people trying to take advantage of me.

Next time he starts some shit, just stand there all calm and shit and then explain to him that no matter how much he bitches and complains you will not be changing anything about your life for him. Tell him that you dont really give a fuck how he feels about you and the things you do so he may as well just shut up. Be calmly verbally aggressive and defiant.

I know this will generally lead to a bad enviroment to have to live in but hey, at least he isn't walking over you any more.

Or you could apply for a transfer. I would feel like I was bitching out if I did that but if it's easier for you then just do it.

If I wanted to start bad blood, I'd just get up and leave. I don't, I want to challenge myself to work this whole thing out. I think I'm just going to do what the others said to do, command respect. I'm gonna try no to let him disrespect me anymore and if he does any crap im going to tell him why I have a problem with it. It's the complete opposite of what I do. I hate conflict and im a really nice guy, I just run into problems when people try to take advantage of that.
It's really my fault. I'm going to run into a lot of people like that in my life, and I'm going to have to learn how to deal with it.

This is like trying to bluff a calling station. The only thing this guy understands is agression, be it passive or agressive agression. You need to TELL him that you don't give a shit what he thinks. Then there is no reason for him to make remarks because he know's that you are stronger then him and you don't give a fuck what he thinks. If you cry at him he just feels like he has won.

You don't need to do it in one big step. Try being more agressivly proactive in smaller areas of your life. Don't back down over some little areas where you feel like you are right.

I used to be in your boat. One day someone told me that I was too passive and I was going to be taken advantage of in my life. I realised that they were right and from that moment on I was determined to no let people take advantage of me. I think I've over compensated a little but looking at examples opf people in my life who are overly passive I'm glad that I put my foot down when I did.

[Aces]

Basically just toughen up and stop taking the bullshit. I'm generally a passive person myself but one thing that I cannot stand is people trying to take advantage of me.

Next time he starts some shit, just stand there all calm and shit and then explain to him that no matter how much he bitches and complains you will not be changing anything about your life for him. Tell him that you dont really give a fuck how he feels about you and the things you do so he may as well just shut up. Be calmly verbally aggressive and defiant.

I know this will generally lead to a bad enviroment to have to live in but hey, at least he isn't walking over you any more.

Or you could apply for a transfer. I would feel like I was bitching out if I did that but if it's easier for you then just do it.

If I wanted to start bad blood, I'd just get up and leave. I don't, I want to challenge myself to work this whole thing out. I think I'm just going to do what the others said to do, command respect. I'm gonna try no to let him disrespect me anymore and if he does any crap im going to tell him why I have a problem with it. It's the complete opposite of what I do. I hate conflict and im a really nice guy, I just run into problems when people try to take advantage of that.
It's really my fault. I'm going to run into a lot of people like that in my life, and I'm going to have to learn how to deal with it.

You're going to come accross many assholes in life. You tried being reasonable with this douchebag, so quit trying to fix things or challenging yourself to work things out. It won't happen. You have no control over how poeple act - only how you react to them. Your best bet is figuring out how best to deal with it. I don't think there's any shame in trying to get out of the situation. If there's any way to get out of rooming with him...do that. Even if you can find and effective way to put up with him, who wants to live with a dickhead if you don't have to? Just to prove that you can. Meh...life is too short for that shit.

Barring that I would personally ignore him like the plague as much as possible. When that's not possible stand up though or he will just continue to run over you. Enlist the help of your other roomate - he may just give up or tone it down if you both give him crap everytime he's an ass. Don't give him the satisfaction of making you upset - that will definitely encourage him. Say what you have to say calmly and succinctly, then switch to ignore mode.

And it's definitely not your fault man. You just need to find a better way to deal with him and his kind. It won't be the last time...

[Rondavu]

Move to New England for a couple years. It's like going to "don't take anyone's shit" training camp. Passive people get owned. Instead of squirrels or racoons on the side of the road with tire marks in them, we have weak people crying. One of my favorite sayings is literally "You fking pansy".

[bigred]

I like new england for the leaves, they're purty, you fking pansy.

<3

[Rondavu]

I like new england for the leaves, they're purty, you fking pansy.

<3

Leaves suck. I use them to cover up the bodies of weak people after my friends and I finish gang raping them. Although I must say, red yellow and purple leaves look cool sticking out of someone's recently vacated eye socket.

[bigred]

Gang raping is for fking pansies, be a man and do it by urself, u fking pansy.

[Greedo017]

how friendly people are is directly proportional to how far south you live.... so keep going until you get to the place for you.