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How to: Get qualified (gaining credibility on FTR)

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  1. #1

    Default How to: Get qualified (gaining credibility on FTR)

    For those who would like to play in the ftr freerolls, you may have noticed that they are only open to qualified (i.e. respected) ftr members. Here's a quick guide on how to get that respect.

    1/ Sign up to ftr only during the week before the freeroll tourney of your chosen site. Signing up outside of these 7 days will get you labelled as a freetroller.
    2/ Make a short post introducing yourself in the 'poker tools' section of the forum. Use as little spelling, punctuation and grammar as you possibly can, but certainly include some sage bit of poker wisdom that you have acquired and would like to share. If anyone mentions a presentation, swear at them. For bonus respect points be sure to use the word 'freeroles' every third sentence.
    3/ The admins love contributors, so post 6 topics in the beginner's circle asking either a/ wide, sweeping, unanswerable questions like 'is it ok to bet too much' or b/ extremely narrow questions like 'should I have raised KJ on this flop'. Never, EVER include an actual hand history, you'll just piss people off. The acceptable format is to write out your HH as if it were a story, again using as little spelling, punctuation and grammar as possible. If someone is able to actually answer your question, then you may have gone wrong somewhere.
    4/ Find the event thread for your chosen freeroll and post in it twice. Once saying that ftr is the baddest mofo of all poker sites in the world and you love it, and a second post saying that you haven't had the password yet and is this a bug? This is the quickest way to get qualified, the mods love it.
    5/ Post in the live poker forum about how silly it is that people come to ftr just for the freerolls. Quietly mention that you're not here just for the passwords but if-they-want-to-give-them-to-you-that-would-be-just-lovely. Include a recent tale of poker in the format I've already given.
    6/ After these vital steps are included, for even more respect you need to start replying to other people's threads. Never use more than one sentence per reply as you'll be replying to every thread in the BC, so keep it short! Actually giving advice is to be generally avoided, unless shamelessly agreeing with every other poster in the thread.
    7/ By now you should have been registered with FTR for at least 4 hours. It's time to start PMing the mods to ask for those passwords! If you don't receive a reply within 5 minutes it's perfectly fine to send another one. Try every mod you can for best results.
    8/ Make a post in Sit N Go Tourney tactics asking if getting qualified is linked in any way to post count. Discover that you've just wasted 4 hours of your life because in fact, it is not. Ask what WPP means and accept the first answer given. Call out one of the mods and insult them to fast track you to qualification.
    9/ 6 hours of hard work later and you should now have access to the freeroll passwords. Congratulations! If you still don't have the passwords by this point, then it's just those douchebag mods singling you out, so start pm-ing anyone on the forum who has shown you any kindness and ask them if they can tell you the password for this month's freeroll.
    10/ If after all this hard work, dedication and commitment to ftr you still don't have the passwords, then you really should stop and ask yourself if you could have done things differently.

    Amifat: 11/ Pm spenda quote spr and say it makes you pro at poka {acronym Renton hates}
    Vinland: 12) Write a tear jerking post saying how your english is poor b/c you live in europe, S. America etc...and then ask for the password.
    Lukie: 13) Rip the 'Enter' key out of your keyboard because you will not be needing it. Proceed to make a massively long post that inherently will look like a huge block of text for people to read without any spacing.
    XxStacksxX: 14) Instead of using ')' after numbers, supplement it with '/'. It's so expert.
    XxStacksxX (I lol'd): 15) Posts in the commune count double towards your post count.
    Triumphant Cracker: 15) (b)...post really obviously dumb questions in feedback.
    GatorJH: 15) (a)...(Because TC forgot that a comes before b.....Triple if you yell COUNT when hitting the submit button.
    Ragnar4: 16) sign up for a werewolf, and then never show up to play again. It is obvious that werewolf is a codeword for "gimmie the next password pls.
    17) Shit your pants and eat them. I will personally give a tournament password to anyone who youtubes themselves doing this. So. Free tournament passes ITT.
    Congratulations, you've won your dick's weight in sweets! Decode the message in the above post to find out how to claim your tic-tac
  2. #2
    amifat's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to: Get qualified (gaining credibility on FTR)

    Quote Originally Posted by Lucothefish
    For those who would like to play in the ftr freerolls, you may have noticed that they are only open to qualified (i.e. respected) ftr members. Here's a quick guide on how to get that respect.

    1/ Sign up to ftr only during the week before the freeroll tourney of your chosen site. Signing up outside of these 7 days will get you labelled as a freetroller.
    2/ Make a short post introducing yourself in the 'poker tools' section of the forum. Use as little spelling, punctuation and grammar as you possibly can, but certainly include some sage bit of poker wisdom that you have acquired and would like to share. If anyone mentions a presentation, swear at them. For bonus respect points be sure to use the word 'freeroles' every third sentence.
    3/ The admins love contributors, so post 6 topics in the beginner's circle asking either a/ wide, sweeping, unanswerable questions like 'is it ok to bet too much' or b/ extremely narrow questions like 'should I have raised KJ on this flop'. Never, EVER include an actual hand history, you'll just piss people off. The acceptable format is to write out your HH as if it were a story, again using as little spelling, punctuation and grammar as possible. If someone is able to actually answer your question, then you may have gone wrong somewhere.
    4/ Find the event thread for your chosen freeroll and post in it twice. Once saying that ftr is the baddest mofo of all poker sites in the world and you love it, and a second post saying that you haven't had the password yet and is this a bug? This is the quickest way to get qualified, the mods love it.
    5/ Post in the live poker forum about how silly it is that people come to ftr just for the freerolls. Quietly mention that you're not here just for the passwords but if-they-want-to-give-them-to-you-that-would-be-just-lovely. Include a recent tale of poker in the format I've already given.
    6/ After these vital steps are included, for even more respect you need to start replying to other people's threads. Never use more than one sentence per reply as you'll be replying to every thread in the BC, so keep it short! Actually giving advice is to be generally avoided, unless shamelessly agreeing with every other poster in the thread.
    7/ By now you should have been registered with FTR for at least 4 hours. It's time to start PMing the mods to ask for those passwords! If you don't receive a reply within 5 minutes it's perfectly fine to send another one. Try every mod you can for best results.
    8/ Make a post in Sit N Go Tourney tactics asking if getting qualified is linked in any way to post count. Discover that you've just wasted 4 hours of your life because in fact, it is not. Ask what WPP means and accept the first answer given. Call out one of the mods and insult them to fast track you to qualification.
    9/ 6 hours of hard work later and you should now have access to the freeroll passwords. Congratulations! If you still don't have the passwords by this point, then it's just those douchebag mods singling you out, so start pm-ing anyone on the forum who has shown you any kindness and ask them if they can tell you the password for this month's freeroll.
    10/ If after all this hard work, dedication and commitment to ftr you still don't have the passwords, then you really should stop and ask yourself if you could have done things differently.
    damn it i got to 10 and i don't know what to do,
    11/ Pm spenda quote spr and say it makes you pro at poka ldo
  3. #3
    I'm willing to add more steps if they're good, helpful suggestions.
    Congratulations, you've won your dick's weight in sweets! Decode the message in the above post to find out how to claim your tic-tac
  4. #4
    Vinland's Avatar
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    12) Write a tear jerking post saying how your english is poor b/c you live in europe, S. America etc...and then ask for the password.
  5. #5
    Quote Originally Posted by Vinland
    12) Write a tear jerking post saying how your english is poor b/c you live in europe, S. America etc...and then ask for the password.
    *waves to Anji*

    Will add any more on Monday.
    Congratulations, you've won your dick's weight in sweets! Decode the message in the above post to find out how to claim your tic-tac
  6. #6
    the freerolls get leaked anyways, so they shoudl probably fix that before even adding qualifications
  7. #7
    Do you know what three strikes is?

    That's right, a turkey.

    And everybody loves turkey.
  8. #8
    Quote Originally Posted by S1x
    Do you know what three strikes is?
    A normal Saturday night for most of you fuckers.
  9. #9
    bikes's Avatar
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    TOO FUCKING LONG
    DID NOT FUCKING READ.

    ITT FAIL

    ?wut
  10. #10
    Lukie's Avatar
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    13) Rip the 'Enter' key out of your keyboard because you will not be needing it. Proceed to make a massively long post that inherently will look like a huge block of text for people to read without any spacing.
  11. #11
    Stacks's Avatar
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    Im opedipus bitch, the original balla.
    14) Instead of using ')' after numbers, supplement it with '/'. It's so expert.
  12. #12
    It's rare that I read long posts, but I thought this one was amusing.
  13. #13
    bode's Avatar
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    eeevees are not monies yet...they are like baby monies.
  14. #14
    Quote Originally Posted by bode
    +1

    read the whole thing and loved it.
    Poker is easy, it's winning at poker that's hard.
  15. #15
    I found it a great actualy to read and the insight to how things work and simply giving you a helping hand on how to proceed. Wonderful & thank you.

    ~Not the cry, but the flight of the wild duck, leads the flock to fly and follow.~
    ~Not the cry, but the flight of the wild duck, leads the flock to fly and follow.~
  16. #16
    hehehe It was Funny i do admit.. even had me going at it! :P

    ~Although fate presents the circumstances, how you react depends on your character.~
    ~Not the cry, but the flight of the wild duck, leads the flock to fly and follow.~
  17. #17
    Stacks's Avatar
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    15) Posts in the commune count double towards your post count.
  18. #18
    Quote Originally Posted by XxStacksxX
    15) Posts in the commune count double towards your post count.
    oh win.
    Congratulations, you've won your dick's weight in sweets! Decode the message in the above post to find out how to claim your tic-tac
  19. #19
    triumphant cracker's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by XxStacksxX
    15) Posts in the commune count double towards your post count.
    15) (b)...post really obviously dumb questions in feedback.
  20. #20
    Quote Originally Posted by Bbickes
    TOO FUCKING LONG
    DID NOT FUCKING READ.

    ITT FAIL
    I've read the Lord of the Rings Trilogy twice and didn't have any problems, but somehow this post is too long for you? Or were you saying that the words themselves were too long for you to understand because you haven't read a book since 'where's waldo' back in preschool? Or is it that your endless hours hunched over a computer screen jacking off to amputee porn has left you too blind to read the screen these days? Or perhaps your prowess in the bedroom led you to become impatient with anything that doesn't deliver satisfaction to you in 8 seconds or less? I'd hate to be the domino's delivery guy when you order a pizza. I'm guessing I could write anything I like at this point in the rant because, that's right, it's too long so you won't read it. I fart in your general direction, you stare at orange juice cartons for hours because it says 'concentrate' on the side of the carton, you have to measure your IQ on a color wheel, etcetera ad infinitum. I swear to god if someone asks for a tl;dr on this rant I'm going to shit my pants and then eat the pants.
    Congratulations, you've won your dick's weight in sweets! Decode the message in the above post to find out how to claim your tic-tac
  21. #21
    Quote Originally Posted by Lucothefish
    Quote Originally Posted by Bbickes
    TOO FUCKING LONG
    DID NOT FUCKING READ.

    ITT FAIL
    I've read the Lord of the Rings Trilogy twice and didn't have any problems, but somehow this post is too long for you? Or were you saying that the words themselves were too long for you to understand because you haven't read a book since 'where's waldo' back in preschool? Or is it that your endless hours hunched over a computer screen jacking off to amputee porn has left you too blind to read the screen these days? Or perhaps your prowess in the bedroom led you to become impatient with anything that doesn't deliver satisfaction to you in 8 seconds or less? I'd hate to be the domino's delivery guy when you order a pizza. I'm guessing I could write anything I like at this point in the rant because, that's right, it's too long so you won't read it. I fart in your general direction, you stare at orange juice cartons for hours because it says 'concentrate' on the side of the carton, you have to measure your IQ on a color wheel, etcetera ad infinitum.
    tl;dr

    Quote Originally Posted by Lucothefish
    I'm going to shit my pants and then eat the pants.
    would pay to watch
  22. #22
    Quote Originally Posted by triumphant cracker
    Quote Originally Posted by XxStacksxX
    15) Posts in the commune count double towards your post count.
    15) (b)...post really obviously dumb questions in feedback.
    15) (a)...(Because TC forgot that a comes before b.....Triple if you yell COUNT when hitting the submit button.
    Poker is easy, it's winning at poker that's hard.
  23. #23
    Ragnar4's Avatar
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    16) sign up for a werewolf, and then never show up to play again.
    It is obvious that werewolf is a codeword for "gimmie the next password pls.

    17) Shit your pants and eat them. I will personally give a tournament password to anyone who youtubes themselves doing this. So. Free tournament passes ITT.
    The Dunning–Kruger effect is a cognitive bias in which unskilled individuals suffer from illusory superiority, mistakenly rating their ability much higher than average. This bias is attributed to a metacognitive inability of the unskilled to recognize their mistakes
  24. #24
    triumphant cracker's Avatar
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    IN A VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER!!!!
    COUUUUUUNNNNT!
  25. #25
    JKDS's Avatar
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    i rated this 2 spades since there was no mention of having to say "see you on the felts" or "good luck on the felts" or anything mentioning any sort of fabric that is secret code for poker table.
  26. #26
    put it in as #18 then ldo
    Congratulations, you've won your dick's weight in sweets! Decode the message in the above post to find out how to claim your tic-tac
  27. #27
    Doesn't matter of this guide, don't feel like to reading but yeah it's going to take quite a bit of time since I doesn't have posts since today.
    PokerStars: ProBlackbird | FTP: UnknownPoker | Party Poker: UnknownFlush
  28. #28
    Quote Originally Posted by UnknownFlush
    Doesn't matter of this guide, don't feel like to reading but yeah it's going to take quite a bit of time since I doesn't have posts since today.
    If you can't take the time to read this post and follow the advice then you don't deserve to get qualified.
    Congratulations, you've won your dick's weight in sweets! Decode the message in the above post to find out how to claim your tic-tac
  29. #29
    got a couple chuckles out of me with that post. Creative
  30. #30
    Galapogos's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Purple_Pwner
    got a couple chuckles out of me with that post. Creative
    You may have missed some of the finer subtleties of it.


    Quote Originally Posted by sauce123
    I don't get why you insist on stacking off with like jack high all the time.
  31. #31
    haha luco you will go far here I can tell.
  32. #32
    a500lbgorilla's Avatar
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    himself fucker.
    "If someone is able to actually answer your question, then you may have gone wrong somewhere. "

    hahahaha
    <a href=http://i.imgur.com/kWiMIMW.png target=_blank>http://i.imgur.com/kWiMIMW.png</a>

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