How men think:

I got a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend the other day. We
lost track of time, chatting about the wild, romantic nights we used to
enjoy together.

I couldn't believe it when she asked if I'd be
interested in meeting up and rekindling a little of that magic.

Wow! I said. "I don't know if I could keep pace with you now. I'm a
bit older and a bit balder than when you last saw me!"

She just giggled and said she was sure I'd rise to the challenge.

"Yeah" I said, "just so long as you don't mind a man with a waistline
that's a few inches wider these days!"

She laughed and told me to stop being so silly. She teased me, saying
that tubby bald men were cute, and she was sure I would still be a
great lover.

"Anyway, she giggled, I've put on a few pounds myself!"

So I told her to fuck off.