Quote Originally Posted by spoonitnow View Post
Tipping based on a percentage of your bill is the stupidest fucking thing ever invented.

Here's an example. I had a half-ass waitress not too long ago at this diner-type place who didn't really do a good job at all, and one of the people I was with bitched because I "only" left a $1 tip on a ~$8 ticket. First of all, that's more than 15 fucking percent for a woman who absolutely sucks at her job. Second of all, it's none of their goddamn business what I tip.

Now, if I had ordered a biscuit instead and my bill came to like $4, then a $1 tip would be just fine with these people. The waitress had to carry one plate to me and keep one drink full. Why should I have to tip differently based on the price of what's being carried on the plate? She did the same amount of fucking work. Stupidest shit ever.

If the waitress is bad, then I won't leave a tip because she shouldn't have a fucking job in the first place to get paid for. I refuse to tip for bad service. If the waitress is extremely bad, like if she's sitting on her ass while I'm the only person in the damn place and my drink has been empty for a couple of minutes, then I'll leave a tip worth somewhere between $0.10-$0.50 just so that she knows I did it on purpose for her shitty fucking service. In fact, if I'm going somewhere to eat and I think about it ahead of time, I'll make sure that I have a little bit of change in my pocket just for this.

On the other hand, if the waitress is good and does her fucking job, even if she isn't nice and sweet and whatever about it, I'll leave a tip based on how big of a pain in the ass her coworkers are and how much work she had to do to bring me my food and keep my shit straight. Random example, but I once left a middle-aged chick a $40 tip on a ~$10 ticket in a Waffle House because she threw out a group of like four teenage guys who were loud and being pains in the ass. If my order is fucked up, and the waitress handles the situation well, then I'll often tip extra for that too because I know it's not their fault and it's a pain in the ass.

I'm kind of ranting now, but I think that suggesting someone should have to tip is bullshit. If you had to pay that, then it would be added to your bill, but it's not, so fuck them. Insert the Reservoir Dogs scene with Steve Buscemi/Mr. Pink here.
This is akin to the misconception that legality and morality are the same. Just because it is not included in the price does not mean you should feel fine not paying for a tip. As I said the system is fucking retarded, but in any other customer/service provider relationship you don't get to chose the wage of the service provider. If you go to the grocery store and the cashier rings stuff up wrong and is rude, you can't deduct two dollars from your bill and have it come out of their pay. If you have a bad day at work, how would you feel if the people you interacted with could take away from your pay? Obviously there are exceptions, where the service rendered is just so bad-- but in general if someone takes your order and brings you your food, you should be leaving a tip.

I do appreciate that you don't tip based on whether or not someone puts on a fake smile or licks your asshole to satisfaction, but instead based on their duties performed as a server. And I do agree that in certain situations, tipping as a percent of the bill doesn't really work. If you order a coffee at a diner and sit there for two hours and the server has to refill your cup six times, then you should not be tipping 20% on your $1.50 coffee, this makes you an asshole. But the system does work in most cases besides those involving very small bills. In a fine dining setting, you have way more than just one person taking care of your table, and the tips are spread accordingly between the staff. So as the bill get a nicer place gets more expensive you can generally expect the service to be more detailed and consist of several elements instead of just your one server.

Anyways, like anything else that benefits you, make sure that you are justifying it because it benefits you, but instead because it is justified.