Official "that guy" comment thread

[MortenTA]

During a 6,5 SNG on Stars

That Guy:"lets be honest - to many bad beats here - its rigged"

That Guy:"short stack will win 60 % to make him play longer to favorite bad playes and make more rake in cashgames"

Me: "i guess you have proof of this"

That Guy: "yes statestic over a year"

Me: "how many hands?"

That Guy: "6000 hands"

The retard Olympics...

Dealer: JmoneyRules wins pot (810)
JmoneyRules: i had 10 high
JmoneyRules: lj bhljkl ki
JmoneyRules: p
JmoneyRules: n
JmoneyRules: nip
JmoneyRules: op
JmoneyRules: ip
JmoneyRules: p
JmoneyRules: p
JmoneyRules: p
JmoneyRules: ip

[dj newman]

I know I posted this once before...but still my favorite

Fish - raises
Opponent - goes all in
Fish - "I have to call....I have position" and then calls with K10o
Opponent flips over KK and fish hits the 10-10 on the flop to take it...

[lambchopdc]

Ok this actually happened yesterday in a $3RA satellite, close to the bubble, 3rd hour.

Me in BB with A7o
UTG (Fish #1) limps, folds to me, I check
flop is 773 rainbow, I check/call his huge flop bet
turn is a Q, he pots it again, i go all in, he instacalls
he flips QQ, river is a meaningless A, I bust with boat over boat

.....now the fun starts

Fish #2 - Wow lucky
Me - Very lucky
Fish #1 - How the hell was that lucky?
Fish #3 - A7 never should have been in the hand anyway.
Fish #1 - right, and i had you dominated on the turn, quit whining
Me - WTF? It wasnt raised and I was in the BB you idiot!
Fish #1 - And now you're in the observer chat so shutup fish

I don't remember the last time i laughed so hard after busting out of a tournament.

[ville18]

Fish #1 - And now you're in the observer chat so shutup fish

lol. gotta love <3

[bigred]

Fish #1 - And now you're in the observer chat so shutup fish

BWNED

[euphoricism]

Dude, Mine wins. Mine fucking wins:

I'm playing at the local apartment complex tournament. Basically a 20 person sit'n'go. Blinds are 1/2, we start with 20 chips. Wee!

Theres a guy there, Shawn, who claims to be the be-all-end-all of poker. Says he's made thousands online. He says he'll be all-time dealer just to make things faster at our table.

Ok whatever dude.

He starts dealing in the WRONG DIRECTION. For about 6 or 7 orbits the blinds are being posted on the RIGHT of the dealer.

The decks were brand new, so I grabbed the little rule card out of the deck, and sat on it. Someone walked by and said, "hey don't you deal the other way?" he says, "No, of course not. I play this shit lots, I've made thousands. Youre an idiot go away."

At which point I pull out the rule card. Cough loudly to clear my throat and read: "NUMBER THREE: PLAY BEGINS BY THE PLAYER ON THE IMMEDIATE LEFT OF THE DEALER POSTING A SMALL BLIND. THE PLAYER TO THE IMMEDIATE LEFT OF HIM, POST AN AMOUNT DOUBLE THAT, CALLED THE BIG BLIND. PLAY PROCEEDS IN A LEFT TO RIGHT FASHION"

He goes, "err, yeah I guess you're right. I musta been mixed up."

Haha. Tool. He's 100% THAT guy.

[xBULLETTSx]

This happened after the player he is talking about went on a hot streak and showed QQ 3 times in 10 minutes.....


RuKiddingMe1 said, "cHEAT SOME MORE"
summer breez said, "?"
RuKiddingMe1 said, "IT'S A JOKE( YOU HAVE QQ EVERY OTHER HAND)"
xBULLETTSx said, "careful ruKID..he may be cheating...lmao.."
RuKiddingMe1 said, "TELL ME ABOUT IT"
RuKiddingMe1 said, "HE'S WHAT WE CALL A ''BOT''"
xBULLETTSx said, "ok bud"
xBULLETTSx said, "do u think on line poker is rigged"
RuKiddingMe1 said, "EVERY TABLE HAS 1"
xBULLETTSx said, "lmaooo"
xBULLETTSx said, "why do u play then?"
RuKiddingMe1 said, "CUZZ 1 DAY I WILL BE A ''BOT'
xBULLETTSx said, "summer...u getting this?"
summer breez said, "i am not a bot"
xBULLETTSx said, "bots cant talk...omg...he is broken..."
RuKiddingMe1 said, "SEE HE EVEN SOUNDS LIKE 1"
RuKiddingMe1 said, "'' I AM NOT A BOT''"
summer breez said, "i am a 26 year old woman sitting at her computer..........my name is summer not bot"
RuKiddingMe1 said, "SWEET ''WHATCHA WEARING''??"
RuKiddingMe1 said, "ONLINE POKER DATING!! IS THE BEST"
xBULLETTSx said, "moron....."

RamDude: gg
StlnYoMny [observer]: f*ck off
StlnYoMny [observer]: nh
StlnYoMny [observer]: gg
dwarfman: The definition of mood swings.

[bigred]

RamDude: gg
StlnYoMny [observer]: f*ck off
StlnYoMny [observer]: nh
StlnYoMny [observer]: gg
dwarfman: The definition of mood swings.

Got BiPolar?

[lambchopdc]

Ok, follow this hand....then listen to this guy's chat afterwards, i normally wouldn't get involved but this was too good to pass up.

PokerStars Game #4055571349: Hold'em No Limit ($1/$2) - 2006/02/21 - 22:17:22 (ET)
Table 'Iocaste IV' Seat #4 is the button
Seat 1: Pryderi ($191 in chips)
Seat 2: JPizzel5 ($179 in chips)
Seat 3: lambchopdc ($595.20 in chips)
Seat 4: scotthof19 ($223.65 in chips)
Seat 5: MsCL3O ($132.30 in chips)
Seat 6: tangale ($83.85 in chips)
MsCL3O: posts small blind $1
tangale: posts big blind $2
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to lambchopdc [Kd Ts]
Pryderi: folds
JPizzel5: calls $2
MsCL3O said, "nice river"
lambchopdc: raises $6 to $8
scotthof19: folds
MsCL3O: calls $7
tangale: calls $6
JPizzel5: calls $6
*** FLOP *** [Td 9d 6s]
MsCL3O: checks
tangale: checks
JPizzel5: checks
lambchopdc: bets $18
MsCL3O: calls $18
tangale: folds
JPizzel5: calls $18
*** TURN *** [Td 9d 6s] [Ah]
MsCL3O: checks
JPizzel5: checks
lambchopdc: bets $24
MsCL3O: calls $24
JPizzel5: calls $24
*** RIVER *** [Td 9d 6s Ah] [5c]
MsCL3O: checks
JPizzel5: bets $44
lambchopdc: folds
MsCL3O: calls $44
*** SHOW DOWN ***
JPizzel5: shows [6d 5d] (two pair, Sixes and Fives)
MsCL3O: shows [Ad Ks] (a pair of Aces)
MsCL3O said, "my god"
JPizzel5 collected $243 from pot
MsCL3O said, "what are you calling with"
*** SUMMARY ***
Total pot $246 | Rake $3
Board [Td 9d 6s Ah 5c]
Seat 1: Pryderi folded before Flop (didn't bet)
Seat 2: JPizzel5 showed [6d 5d] and won ($243) with two pair, Sixes and Fives
Seat 3: lambchopdc folded on the River
Seat 4: scotthof19 (button) folded before Flop (didn't bet)
Seat 5: MsCL3O (small blind) showed [Ad Ks] and lost with a pair of Aces
Seat 6: tangale (big blind) folded on the Flop


MsCL3O: what are you calling with
MsCL3O: a 6?
JPizzel5: read the board next time idiot
MsCL3O: U HAD A 56
MsCL3O: IDIOT
MsCL3O: RPE RIVER
MsCL3O: PRE*
lambchopdc: u had AK
Dealer: Game #4055598215: lambchopdc wins pot ($5)
lambchopdc: on a T high flop
MsCL3O: ON THE TURN
lambchopdc: what are u talking?
MsCL3O: IDIOT
MsCL3O: I HAD AN A
JPizzel5: yeah what he said
lambchopdc: dude...u called the flop bet with A high
lambchopdc: i had u both on the flop but i understand pizzel
lambchopdc: well played
MsCL3O: ok and u called wit ha a pair of sixes
MsCL3O: GOOD JOB
MsCL3O: 24 dollar raises?
lambchopdc: he had a flush draw
MsCL3O: fishing with huge raises
JPizzel5: 4 diamonds too
MsCL3O: only online
lambchopdc: dude.....u were fishing for 6 outs on the flop
MsCL3O: i wasnt fishing
MsCL3O: i had an ace
Dealer: Game #4055606317: tangale wins pot ($23.80)
MsCL3O: with a king kicker
JPizzel5: ok ace is good?
MsCL3O: i wasnt fishing for anything
lambchopdc: and i had a pair on the flop
lambchopdc: so u were fishing
MsCL3O: it was a rainbow flop
JPizzel5: it was not rainbow
MsCL3O: yea it was
JPizzel5: 2 diamonds
MsCL3O: w/e .. joker stars

[midas06]

MsCL3O: i had an ace
MsCL3O: with a king kicker

Maybe the greatest lines ever spoken on a poker table.

[ville18]

MsCL3O: w/e .. joker stars


Aheaheha <3

[Anonymous]

Theres two way action at the table. Guy in first position is betting out with top pair and runner runner K high club draw. Fish on button has nothing but ace high runner runner club draw. So turn is club and river is a club. Guy in first is still betting out. On the river The guy with nuts only calls.

"Why didn't you raise?"
"What's the point if he's not going to call"

[fasin8ing]

I added it to my signature.. Flipped over 77 ..

[Jimmy Mac]

MaisterDrew: i know i sound like helmuth
MaisterDrew: but this is ridiculous
Haggett11: haha
MaisterDrew: pocket aces are only a 4:1 favorite
MaisterDrew: that's not something u should risk all ur chips on

[chardrian]

TomDibiase said, "r u male or female?"
DONNYDO : Fold
chardrian said, "yes"
TomDibiase said, "cause if you're a dude dont call me you're pet if u dont mind"
chardrian said, "dont worry"
chardrian said, "I'm a shemale"
TomDibiase said, "lol"
chardrian said, "I give good sucky sucky"
chardrian said, "long time"
chardrian said, "u'd love me"

[chardrian]

TomDibiase said, "hey Chard"
chardrian said, "even shemales have rights"
TomDibiase said, "been playin and winning and cashing out on Dise for a year"
DONNYDO said, "I am saying anyone who wants to cheat will"
chardrian said, "congrats"
TomDibiase said, "and me and my bro are good friends with NSXT2"
TomDibiase said, "who is the ambassador of this site"
chardrian said, "great"
TomDibiase said, "so little piss ants like you dont scare me"
curt4201 said, "congrats on your shemales"
chardrian said, "always good to have connections"
DONNYDO said, "I am defending you"
chardrian said, "ty"
TomDibiase said, "its not a connection"
chardrian said, "oh"
TomDibiase said, "i am talkin bad only to chard"
chardrian said, "so you are not that close than?"
TomDibiase said, "i feel you Donny"
TomDibiase said, "i agree with 100 percent"
chardrian said, "I will feel any of you"
chardrian said, "me sucky sucky long time"
DONNYDO said, "ok"

This one just randomly happened at a random point in a SnG - there was nothing interesting happening at the time with no recent interesting hands - everybody randomly spurted out with question marks. Even a completely random observer jumped in who hadn't spoken before.

shrewdabom86: ?
Mr.DBass: ?
dwarfman: ?
Anglais: ?
lazybumm1010 [observer]: ?


And then I sucked out a 4 outer to knock someone out so they quit poker.

dwarfman: nh.
dwarfman: Sorry, gg.
Dealer: dwarfman has a straight, Four to Eight
Dealer: dhwharton has high card Ace
dhwharton: gg
Dealer: Game #: dwarfman wins pot (1335) with a straight, Four to Eight
Dealer: dhwharton finished the tournament in 5th place
dhwharton [observer]: i quit poker
dwarfman: Ok cya.

[chardrian]

hahahahahahahaha

[Jimmy Mac]

rcsnake: hey arburg im getting bored why dont u raise so u can double me up
Aburg: i don't have as many chips as you so I can't double you up
Aburg: dumbass

[EasyT]

Ok, the HH at B2B don't show the text box, so I gotta go on memory.

I sat down at a NL50 and starting winning to weak/tighties with some aggression.

That Guy: Anyone there?
That Guy: Hello?
EasyT: ?
EasyT: y
That Guy: Hello.
<I bet the pot on the turn and he folds>
That Guy: Gay
That Guy: You're gay.
<I think he had a hand and wanted to taunt me into a call...>
That Guy: Youre mam is gay.
EasyT: What's up with the insults?
That Guy: Your mam.
EasyT: Cork... Is that Irish?
EasyT: Would explain your ill demeanor.
That Guy: I'm American.
EasyT: Well, I guess that would explain your childish demeanor.
That Guy: Your mam is a childish demeanor.
EasyT: Ok, ok. That one made me laugh.
That Guy: You have a terrible sense of humour.

[sandstorm]

standard, not surprising, he was a 70% VP$IP att 100NL

schmuck: lucky mf
donk: it's not luck man.. u shouldn't give me a free card on the turn
donk: i had a open ended and backdoor flush draw from the flop
schmuck: didn't think anyone would call preflop raise with 25 off
schmuck: most don't
donk: it was suited

[midas06]

S00ted > life

[lambchopdc]

On the bubble of a Freeze out on stars:

El Savaje: you guys realize if we all fold every hand, then well all make to the final table.
lambchopdc: LOL, dude u get blinded out
STLzwick82: nice idea though
Airlifter: tables get broken up
El Savaje: we would pick up blinds when others fold...we would all have to literally fold every hand
El Savaje: tables break because of eliminations
lambchopdc: dude....stop talking
STLzwick82: lol
Dealer: El Savaje, it's your turn. You have 15 seconds to act
Dealer: Player El Savaje has requested TIME
lambchopdc: is there a reason u keep hitting the time button every hand?
STLzwick82: it's good luck for him
STLzwick82: lol
Dealer: El Savaje, it's your turn. You have 15 seconds to act
Dealer: Player El Savaje has requested TIME
Dealer: The break will start when the current hand finishes
lambchopdc: he's not even using his table bank lol
Dealer: El Savaje, it's your turn. You have 3 seconds to act
lambchopdc: he's just clicking the button and folding
STLzwick82: hehe
Dealer: Tournament is now played Hand-for-Hand
El Savaje: thanks to those grinding tactics i make the money like 70 % time and steadilly win....ugly but gets the job done

[Galapogos]

These two were bitching back and forth. Booerns was riding Harry Pair for the past while for playing with a $1.80 stack and Harry Pair had been claiming he had tons more money but didn't want to reload. Finally Harry Pair busts out and this exchange ensued:

Harry Pair: So you don't believe I have more money?

Booerns: No Harry Potter I don't.

Harry Pair: Well keep watching and you'll see. I can buy back in.

Booerns: Uh oh watch out everyone! Harry Potter is heading towards our table!

Booerns: Hey can we have a security escort for this guy and all his chips?

Booerns: Don't we have a VIP room this guy should be playing in?

Harry Pair: Shut up.

Harry Pair leaves

Booerns: Must have gone up to the high stakes suite...

I laughed so hard I was crying

[sandstorm]

BigMill9: wow AA?
me: yes
BigMill9: so
BigMill9: was that a yes
me: :P
BigMill9: for reals
BigMill9: ?
me: no.
me: maybe?
BigMill9: did you have Q beat
me: dont remember
BigMill9: you might be the lamest party player ever
BigMill9: cool i guess

[Galapogos]

Booerns, my new favorite chat box guy, with someone else this time. dpape100 had raised a few hands in a row before this.

Booerns: Stop the high betting.
dpape100: High betting...?
Booerns: This is a 25 cent table.
dpape100: um... it's also a NL table.
Booerns: Then stop the high betting.
Booerns: Respect the table.
Booerns: Go high bet somewhere else!
dpape100: I hope you're kidding, lol
Booerns: I hope you stop the high bets.
dpape100: Now I am really gonna bet high.

Booerns raises

Booerns: See? I can bet high too.
dpape100: I raise 5x the BB, pretty standard.
Booerns: Geez
dpape100: Preflop raise anyways.
Booerns: Come off it with the bets!
Booerns: It's a 25 cent game.
dpape100: Your point being what?
Booerns: You're betting like 4x that!
dpape100: Yeah... your point being what?
Booerns: Geez, $1.50??
Booerns: We're not playing high stakes here.
Booerns: I can't afford those!
dpape100: I think the question is why aren't you playing limit?
Booerns: Limits are for losers.
dpape100: You crack me up

[metaxy6]

LOL. Booerns is comedy gold. Rofl@can we have a security escort. Rofl@You're betting like 4x that!


This little gem involving a constantly whining table coach few days ago:

After Collector71 pays off Varado’s 10s full of 4s with 4s full of 8s...

Dealer: Varado wins (a nice pot) with tens full of fours.
Varado: I couldn’t put you on a 4 there to my pre-flop raise.
Varado: Everyone else here, I wouldn’t doubt it.
Collector71: That’s because we know how to play.
Varado: LOL. True.
Collector71: Everyone else just gets lucky.
Varado: Ya, well luck runs out, or so they tell me...

[Lukie]

Dealer: Game #4724873679: surduscorp wins pot ($237.20) with a straight, Five to Nine
Ruffian75: OMG
Ruffian75: OMG
Ruffian75: 79os
Ruffian75: HOW THE F&&***(((K DO U CALL A RE_RAISE WITH 79os!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ruffian75: AMAZING
Ruffian75: THIS SITE IS SUCH A JOKE!!!!!!!!
Ruffian75: A*&*&HOLES LIKE HIM WITH NO FUC(((((+__+))IN CLUE
Ruffian75: THEY PAY THEM OFF AND THEN THEY LOSE IT
Ruffian75: UNREAL!!!!!!!!!!!
Dealer: Game #4724891364: doguemastiff wins pot ($45.65)
Ruffian75: THAT IS THE FOURTH TIME TODAY!!!!!
Ruffian75: IF THIS ISNT THE MOS TTHIEVING SITE!>!>!>!>!>!>!>!
Dealer: Game #4724908129: Lukieplaya wins pot ($15)
Ruffian75: SURDUS........................HOW DO U CALL THERE
Ruffian75: HOW!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Ruffian75: F&*K
Ruffian75: YOU
Ruffian75: 7,9os!?!>!?!!>>!>!!>
Ruffian75: WHAT THE F&*****K
Dealer: Game #4724920378: jstrong19 wins pot ($10.45)
Ruffian75: YOU HAVE NOTHING TO SAY A####HOLE
Ruffian75: NOTHING
Ruffian75: F&*K YOU

[Warpe]

Full Tilt Poker Game #591002575: Table Stardust (6 max) - $0.25/$0.50 - No Limit Hold'em - 19:39:27 ET - 2006/04/24
Seat 1: thejuiceman ($55.45)
Seat 2: Aggie83 ($25)
Seat 3: Trickydonk ($79.90)
Seat 4: Table41 ($96.65)
Seat 5: Barnett Bank ($14.05)
Seat 6: Warpe ($67.35)
Barnett Bank posts the small blind of $0.25
Warpe posts the big blind of $0.50
The button is in seat #4
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to Warpe [Ac Ks]
thejuiceman folds
Aggie83 calls $0.50
Trickydonk folds
Table41 folds
dannalewis (Observer): 500K freeroll at: www.pokercashflow.com
Barnett Bank has 15 seconds left to act
Barnett Bank raises to $3
Warpe calls $2.50
Aggie83 folds
*** FLOP *** [Jd 7d 4h]
Barnett Bank checks
Warpe bets $6
Barnett Bank calls $6
*** TURN *** [Jd 7d 4h] [Tc]
Barnett Bank checks
Warpe bets $5
Barnett Bank raises to $5.05, and is all in
Warpe calls $0.05
Barnett Bank shows [Jh Jc]
Warpe shows [Ac Ks]
*** RIVER *** [Jd 7d 4h Tc] [Qd]
Barnett Bank shows three of a kind, Jacks
Warpe shows a straight, Ace high
Warpe wins the pot ($27.20) with a straight, Ace high
Barnett Bank is sitting out
*** SUMMARY ***
Total pot $28.60 | Rake $1.40
Board: [Jd 7d 4h Tc Qd]
Seat 1: thejuiceman didn't bet (folded)
Seat 2: Aggie83 folded before the Flop
Seat 3: Trickydonk didn't bet (folded)
Seat 4: Table41 (button) didn't bet (folded)
Seat 5: Barnett Bank (small blind) showed [Jh Jc] and lost with three of a kind, Jacks
Seat 6: Warpe (big blind) showed [Ac Ks] and won ($27.20) with a straight, Ace high


Aggie83: wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Barnett Bank: no way
Barnett Bank: cmon
Barnett Bank: such bs
Warpe: reload next time
Aggie83: thisis from a buy with 184 on another .25/.50 table
Barnett Bank: dont worry you stupid lucky !%! hole i allready did
Barnett Bank: stupid sh it catches a 8 percent chance to win on the river and talks $#%&
Barnett Bank: what a fa g
Barnett Bank: yea good job buddy
Warpe: yeah, I suck bad

[pantherhound]

Dremkrum: every f'ing hand someone gets a flush if they stick around long enough
Dealer: Game #2299309384, Smiffy44 wins pot (£11.80)
Dremkrum: does really make you think. in real poker you will hardly ever see a flush
Dremkrum: not every hand like on here
Dremkrum: it starts to get a little boring to be honest
Seanblack: no flush this time
Dremkrum: just a straight
Dremkrum: ]its so unlikely
Dremkrum: trip A's
Dremkrum: lol
Dremkrum: its so colourful, and guaranteed whoever was trying to hit, just has
Dealer: Game #2299309394, Nico4875 wins pot (£3.10)
Dremkrum: i can't remember seeing two people hit the flush in real tournaments any more than once. but i see it on here every day
Dealer: Game #2299309404, DonAdonis wins pot (£3.10)
Dremkrum: so rubbish
Dremkrum: lol
Dremkrum: call that
Dremkrum: uh oh
Dealer: Game #2299309414, Delboy47 wins pot (£10.70) with A Straight, Five high
Dremkrum: i didnt see the flush
Dremkrum: and straight
Dremkrum: thats funnny
Dremkrum: note the straight this time

[kingnat]

I'm drunk and feeling surly... so feel free to tell me if I'm an ass...

First hand, I had 74o in BB, flop 74A rainbow.. I slow play, and turn is Q.. I decide to punch it... get AI against slowplayed AQo... so I'm screwed, and then hit he 7 on the river...

kingnat: lol
Dealer: kingnat has a full house, Sevens full of Fours
Dealer: delrayuriah has two pair, Aces and Queens
kingnat: LOL
Dealer: Game #4877575895: kingnat wins pot (10165) with a full house, Sevens full of Fours
kingnat: OMG I f8ckin rule
Khaledb: ouch
Khaledb: riverstars
kingnat: 4 outer on the rive..
kingnat: WHOOMP!
yamsuzktm: river reat
Khaledb: u just got real lucky partner (<--- chip leader)
kingnat: really?
kingnat: how do you figure?
kingnat: plz esplain..
Khaledb: he had u w/ higher 2 pair
kingnat: i a noob..
kingnat: nah. i had a boat
kingnat: two pair suz
Khaledb: u just hit a 7 on the river
Khaledb: so did he though
kingnat: exacctly I cruzhed him
kingnat: BOAT

Top Gun has AKh.. and hits flush.

Khaledb: vnh
topgun17901: ty
kingnat: nice str8
Khaledb: my favourite hand
Khaledb: it was a flush
Khaledb: king
kingnat: nah str8
Khaledb: lol
Khaledb: wow
Khaledb: do u even know the difference?
kingnat: i'm not the guy named after a Tom Cruise movie;
kingnat: maybe I should change my Sig.. to "R1sky Buzness"
kingnat: that'd be dope...
topgun17901: your nuts
topgun17901: guess what my job is
kingnat: a jizz mopper?

[Lukie]

Dealer: Game #4877660649: Lukieplaya wins pot ($796.30) with a pair of Jacks
Tr3CooL: ;seawjE;'LJbasfbaSFBasfouwa
Tr3CooL: fAE
Tr3CooL: FasdnfpsdAINFas
Tr3CooL: osfan
Tr3CooL: ipfn
Tr3CooL: pifASN
Tr3CooL: FASpinfAS
Tr3CooL: PINFas
Tr3CooL: pin
Tr3CooL: pifASN
Tr3CooL: faspinfASPINasf
Tr3CooL: ipn
Tr3CooL: ipsfAN
Tr3CooL: asfipnsAF
Tr3CooL: PINasf
Tr3CooL: ipASFNpasfinA
Tr3CooL: SFPINFas
Dealer: scandal21 will be allowed to play after the button
Tr3CooL: pinpifASN
Tr3CooL: FIPASnfa
Tr3CooL: sPINASF
Tr3CooL: pinsf
Tr3CooL: pifasn
Tr3CooL: ipfasNFASipnfasIPNSAfipnfipfSN\
Tr3CooL: YOU ****ING KIDDING ME?
Tr3CooL: OH MY GOD
Lukieplaya: U GOT OWNED
Dealer: Game #4877672662: willybeer22 wins pot ($4)
Tr3CooL: shgut up
Tr3CooL: you stupid *** hole

[Warpe]

topgun17901: guess what my job is
kingnat: a jizz mopper?

rofl

[Lukie]

btw tr3cool later apologized and seems like a cool guy.

[midas06]

alfred1: you fucking joke what a fucking joke you stupid bots fuck right off what afking jooke who calls with
alfred1: nothing to say hey fucking bots what a joke fucking ridiculous

[Lukie]

Dealer: Lukieplaya, it's your turn. You have 15 seconds to act
Dealer: Regular time for player Lukieplaya has expired, TIME BANK has been activated
Dealer: matrix777, it's your turn. You have 15 seconds to act
Dealer: Game #4904470431: TwistedEcho wins pot (4950)
Dealer: Lukieplaya, it's your turn. You have 15 seconds to act
Dealer: Game #4904488806: Lukieplaya wins pot (1650)
Dealer: matrix777, it's your turn. You have 15 seconds to act
Lukieplaya: sorry everyone, i was jerking off
Dealer: matrix777 has three of a kind, Kings
Dealer: TwistedEcho has a pair of Kings
Dealer: Game #4904496384: matrix777 wins pot (26540) with three of a kind, Kings
Lukieplaya: tourney breaks are a life-saver

[Warpe]

Lukieplaya: i am the holdem mastrubator

fyp

[arkana]

Me: Don't tap the glass dude
Guy who was berating a very very bad player earlier: Im not, Im throwing rocks at it

[midas06]

GUYS ALL SERIOUS IN THE 4.40 180 LOL


Dealer: Game #4952004962: midas006 wins pot (3403) with two pair, Aces and Sixes
midas006: whoops
RGC2005: lol
RGC2005: nice any ace play
RGC2005: noted

RGC2005: no mouth? or are you still cleaning out your underwear
Dealer: mizbob, it's your turn. You have 15 seconds to act
midas006: yeah
midas006: i suck at life obv
RGC2005: lol

TrimShady: he's just wondering why you think that 9 was such a great kicker

RGC2005: about as much as i am wondering why he tried to buy the pot from EP with Ace Rag
midas006: it was suited
TrimShady: you'll have that i guess
RGC2005: SOOTED!!!!!!!!

[midas06]

The same guy after minraising from MP2 and checking it down:

Poker Stars
No Limit Holdem Tournament
Blinds: t50/t100
9 players
Converter

Pre-flop: (9 players) Hero is Button with T 5
3 folds, MP2 raises to t200, 2 folds, Hero folds, SB calls t150 (pot was t350), BB calls t100 (pot was t500).

Flop: 6 3 2 (t600, 3 players)
SB checks, BB checks, MP2 checks.

Turn: Q (t600, 3 players)
SB checks, BB checks, MP2 checks.

River: A (t600, 3 players)
SB checks, BB checks, MP2 checks.

Results:
Final pot: t600

RGC2005: knew that flop hit the BB

[AvatarKava]

AvatarKava wins main pot ($614.55) with a straight, Four to Eight
T00THPICK: u are a joke sir
AvatarKava: hee haw? thanks for the $
T00THPICK: goodnight u fking twat

[WildBobAA]

RedDabs13: im here to gamble, not to think

[biondino]

This happened after the player he is talking about went on a hot streak and showed QQ 3 times in 10 minutes.....


RuKiddingMe1 said, "cHEAT SOME MORE"
summer breez said, "?"
RuKiddingMe1 said, "IT'S A JOKE( YOU HAVE QQ EVERY OTHER HAND)"
xBULLETTSx said, "careful ruKID..he may be cheating...lmao.."
RuKiddingMe1 said, "TELL ME ABOUT IT"
RuKiddingMe1 said, "HE'S WHAT WE CALL A ''BOT''"
xBULLETTSx said, "ok bud"
xBULLETTSx said, "do u think on line poker is rigged"
RuKiddingMe1 said, "EVERY TABLE HAS 1"
xBULLETTSx said, "lmaooo"
xBULLETTSx said, "why do u play then?"
RuKiddingMe1 said, "CUZZ 1 DAY I WILL BE A ''BOT'
xBULLETTSx said, "summer...u getting this?"
summer breez said, "i am not a bot"
xBULLETTSx said, "bots cant talk...omg...he is broken..."
RuKiddingMe1 said, "SEE HE EVEN SOUNDS LIKE 1"
RuKiddingMe1 said, "'' I AM NOT A BOT''"
summer breez said, "i am a 26 year old woman sitting at her computer..........my name is summer not bot"
RuKiddingMe1 said, "SWEET ''WHATCHA WEARING''??"
RuKiddingMe1 said, "ONLINE POKER DATING!! IS THE BEST"
xBULLETTSx said, "moron....."

Omg tears of laughter at this one. I love poker so much

[Lukie]

AI pf with KK against a short stack and someone about $260 deep (he had AA). Apparantly I'm a monkey for getting KK allin preflop with someone who has 2/3 a buyin.

Dealer: Lukieplaya has a full house, Kings full of Sixes
Dealer: Game #4982246283: Lukieplaya wins side pot ($411.40) with a full house, Kings full of Sixes
Ikim322: jesus
Ikim322: ****ing
Ikim322: christ
Dealer: Game #4982246283: Lukieplaya wins main pot ($164.25) with a full house, Kings full of Sixes
Ikim322: ****ing monkey
Ikim322: gaoi;jsgjsd
Lukieplaya: SORRY I TAKE ALL YOUR MONEY

[LimpinAintEZ]

personal favorite of mine from about a year back -

Villain, after several harsh sentences (i did suck out on him cause i was a calling station, but he was still bad) says
"give me my money back"
me: How...?
Vil: "transfer it back now"
me: uh, no - lol
Vil: I'm going to send you a virus if you don't
me: I hope your better at programming than poker - lol

[givememyleg]

Dealer: Game #4724873679: surduscorp wins pot ($237.20) with a straight, Five to Nine
Ruffian75: OMG
Ruffian75: OMG
Ruffian75: 79os
Ruffian75: HOW THE F&&***(((K DO U CALL A RE_RAISE WITH 79os!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ruffian75: AMAZING
Ruffian75: THIS SITE IS SUCH A JOKE!!!!!!!!
Ruffian75: A*&*&HOLES LIKE HIM WITH NO FUC(((((+__+))IN CLUE
Ruffian75: THEY PAY THEM OFF AND THEN THEY LOSE IT
Ruffian75: UNREAL!!!!!!!!!!!
Dealer: Game #4724891364: doguemastiff wins pot ($45.65)
Ruffian75: THAT IS THE FOURTH TIME TODAY!!!!!
Ruffian75: IF THIS ISNT THE MOS TTHIEVING SITE!>!>!>!>!>!>!>!
Dealer: Game #4724908129: Lukieplaya wins pot ($15)
Ruffian75: SURDUS........................HOW DO U CALL THERE
Ruffian75: HOW!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Ruffian75: F&*K
Ruffian75: YOU
Ruffian75: 7,9os!?!>!?!!>>!>!!>
Ruffian75: WHAT THE F&*****K
Dealer: Game #4724920378: jstrong19 wins pot ($10.45)
Ruffian75: YOU HAVE NOTHING TO SAY A####HOLE
Ruffian75: NOTHING
Ruffian75: F&*K YOU

Might be the funniest one I've ever read.

[Lukie]

3 to the flop... reraised pot.

Dealer: Lukieplaya has two pair, Aces and Kings
Pierro69: QQ... great board
Dealer: Game #4986044773: Lukieplaya wins pot ($467) with two pair, Aces and Kings
Lukieplaya: always
Lukieplaya: what did you expect, low cards?
Lukieplaya: c'mon, you're playing on pokerstars
Dealer: Game #4986053475: Pierro69 wins pot ($36.10)
Pierro69: this is true

[geoffm33]

I was just that guy. I had nut flush and mr. top two pair made his boat on the river.

geoffm33: shows [Qh Kh] (a flush, Ace high)
H2_LE: shows [7s Ad] (a full house, Aces full of Sevens)
H2_LE collected $18.95 from pot

H2_LE said, "take that!!"
geoffm33 said, "i [woeihrpl keroji[rt"
H2_LE said, "What language was that, use english. please"
geoffm33 said, "that was my fist hitting the keyboard"
H2_LE said, "sorry"

[Lukie]

Dealer: Game #5012530420: Lukieplaya wins pot ($282) with a flush, Ace high
hoobabob: nice
Dealer: willybeer22, it's your turn. You have 15 seconds to act
Dealer: Player willybeer22 has requested TIME
Lukieplaya: thanks
Lukieplaya: my friends call me stu
Lukieplaya: u can too if u'd like

[midas06]

If it rhymed it'd be 1000% cooler

[lambchopdc]

Here are the stats I have on this guy:

200NL 6-Max
47 Hands
VP$IP - 38.30
PFR - 0.00
PF Agrr. - 4.00
Amount Won - $0.15


pockets97: this site is full of blind stealers
brbBBQ: why, because we raise preflop?
pockets97: 8 or 10 dollars
brbBBQ: 8 dollars is standard
brbBBQ: on any site
brbBBQ: 4x the big blind
pockets97: how many calls do you get
brbBBQ: tons
brbBBQ: would u prefer we limp or minraise every hand?
pockets97: most people that raise that high preflop on online poker will not win money
pockets97: how can you win when you have a bad hand
pockets97: if you watch most people raise preflop and then check after the flop?
brbBBQ: ok...
pockets97: if your hand is strong preflop why would you check when no one else bets
brbBBQ: cuz we don't like money

[Lukie]

lol i love dumb people

[SuperDave9x19]

This is 100% from memory:

I just bought in to 1 $10 NL 6 handed after winning $40 and i was unwisely feeling frisky. I was waiting for the blind to get to me as I watched the play. "That Guy" had $18 stack and went all in Pre Flop for 2 straight hands before I was in a hand. No one called and he took .15 ea time i think. That was all i saw. I sat to his left.

A coupla guys limped. I was in BB with AJ (SOOTED!!!... but that is irrelevant) and the SB (That Guy) Goes all in before flop. I was, as i said, feeling frisky and he went all in 2 of 2 previous that I saw with no one calling.

I called. All others fold.

Showdown. Cards turn over and he had 5T. I think I won with A high.. Then the drama...

That Guy: idiot

SuperDave9x1: Don't be too hard on yourself. Did you raise here based on a real hand at other table?

That Guy: No I mean you. Only Major idiot would call all in with AJ.

SuperDave9x1: As opposed to Colonel idiot that raises all in with T5?

That Guy: DUDE You only had AJ and you called all in. You need to learn a little REAL poker.

SuperDave9x1: Sorry. I prefer to play fake poker cause it fakes you out.

That Guy: Idiot

SuperDave9x1: Just take it like a man and move on. You screwed up, you were obvious and i got ya. Let's play.

That Guy: I didn't screw up. You were an idiot to call an all in with AJ!!

Meanwhile next hand is going on. He goes all in again but no one calls. I can dig that. Wait for the right time.

SuperDave9x1: Nice win. did ya make .10 or .15 there... I wasn't watching

Another Guy: HAHAHAHA OWNED!!

Some other guy: How does it feel being owned by an idiot?

SuperDave9x1: OMG WTF My sarcasm meter just exploded here. Thanx Some other Guy

That Guy: You'll both get yours

Next hand (maybe 2 later i dunno and i don't remember position but does it matter with an idiot like this?) That Guy goes all in (now with like $9). I really had to fold. Another Guy calls.

That Guy has T5 (again... WTF?) and another guy has KQ. Flop popped up a T. Turn was nothing. River was K

That Guy: WTF. freaking fishing.

SuperDave9x1: Do you know what fishing means in poker? He was All in before flop.

That Guy: River Rat

Another Guy: You have been promoted from Major Idiot to General Idiot. Do that again and you can be a 5 star General Idiot.

Some other guy: Can you be a 10 star General Idiot?

Another Guy: He could.

That's when i spit on my monitor laughing and the rest of That Guys comments were pure drivel. He didn't rebuy which was unfortunate if not for the free money but for the comedy relief.

[Seasider]

I think I crushed this guys head. This.....

PokerStars Game #5019526525: Hold'em No Limit ($0.25/$0.50) - 2006/05/22 - 16:58:51 (ET)
Table 'Pherkad IV' 6-max Seat #3 is the button
Seat 1: DLeeJ ($71.40 in chips)
Seat 2: jus4fun1 ($42.15 in chips)
Seat 3: risiko13 ($13.35 in chips)
Seat 4: coinworld ($17.20 in chips)
Seat 5: Grace Note ($49.40 in chips)
Seat 6: Slingblade69 ($37.05 in chips)
coinworld: posts small blind $0.25
Grace Note: posts big blind $0.50
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to Grace Note [9c Ts]
Slingblade69: calls $0.50
DLeeJ: folds
jus4fun1: folds
risiko13: folds
coinworld: calls $0.25
Grace Note: checks
*** FLOP *** [Jd 3s Qc]
coinworld: checks
Grace Note: bets $1
Slingblade69: calls $1
coinworld: folds
*** TURN *** [Jd 3s Qc] [Kh]
Grace Note: bets $3
Slingblade69: raises $3 to $6
Grace Note: raises $41.90 to $47.90 and is all-in
Slingblade69 said, "oh boy"
Grace Note said, "its feels kinda liberating"
Grace Note said, "much like skinnydipping i gueess"
Slingblade69 said, "i got a king but"
Slingblade69: calls $29.55 and is all-in
*** RIVER *** [Jd 3s Qc Kh] [4s]
*** SHOW DOWN ***
Grace Note: shows [9c Ts] (a straight, Nine to King)
Slingblade69: mucks hand
Grace Note collected $71.60 from pot
Slingblade69 said, "i knew it"
*** SUMMARY ***
Total pot $74.60 | Rake $3
Board [Jd 3s Qc Kh 4s]
Seat 1: DLeeJ folded before Flop (didn't bet)
Seat 2: jus4fun1 folded before Flop (didn't bet)
Seat 3: risiko13 (button) folded before Flop (didn't bet)
Seat 4: coinworld (small blind) folded on the Flop
Seat 5: Grace Note (big blind) showed [9c Ts] and won ($71.60) with a straight, Nine to King
Seat 6: Slingblade69 mucked [8s Ks]



chat during next hand...

Slingblade69 said, "you raised on just a draw"

Slingblade69 said, "before you hit"

Slingblade69 said, "was thinking 2 pair"

Grace Note said, "i'm kinda crazy like that"

Slingblade69 said, "its poker"

yea just in case I thought were playing bridge

HE WAS THINKING 2 PAIR HAD K8 KICKER AND CALLED good times.

[Rabid Dog]

Lightning01: you called that with nothing
dbl_straddle: but I had a fluuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuushhhhhhh DRAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
dbl_straddle: LOLOLOLOLOOOLOLOLOL
Dealer: Game #5039783599: rebuyman wins pot ($20.70)
Lightning01: yeah aDDDDDRRRRAAAAAWWWWW that is nothing
dbl_straddle: rebuy and bust me plllllllz

[geoffm33]

I just sat down at the table and someone sucked out....here is the chat

Pokerkake said, "LUCKY!!!!"
supaplaya2 said, "i know"
PaulValente said, "lol this is gambling"
PaulValente said, "its all about luck"
Pokerkake said, "no it is not"
PaulValente said, "uh yeah it is"
Pokerkake said, "so winners of WSOP are lucky all the time??"
PaulValente said, "uh yeah"
PaulValente said, "joe hachem?"
PaulValente said, "chris moneymaker?"
PaulValente said, "just lucky losers"
geoffm33 said, "lol"

[geoffm33]

james_elk: raises $1.10 to $2.20
CoWolf: raises $7.15 to $9.35 and is all-in
james_elk: calls $6.90 and is all-in
*** TURN *** [Qh Jh 9s] [4c]
*** RIVER *** [Qh Jh 9s 4c] [Ad]
*** SHOW DOWN ***
CoWolf: shows [Qc Qs] (three of a kind, Queens)
james_elk: shows [Js Jd] (three of a kind, Jacks)
CoWolf collected $18.70 from pot
james_elk said, "ouch"
james_elk said, "thanks Pokerstars"
james_elk said, "you f.cukin asshol*s"

[WildBobAA]

new quote for the sig!

SWING85: being a 70% fav only holds up like 40% of the time

[Pyroxene]

New type of 'that guy' spotted!

This guy would go on and on after most hands about how he 'almost' had a straight, flush, or boat.

He would call, paying off better hands continuously; defending his play in broken English with explanations of how he 'almost' had this or that. Some things we learned along the way:

Having two pair or trips is 'almost' having a boat. Call obvious 4 to a straight or flush boards, because you 'almost' have it beat!

Having an inside straight flush draw is the bomb, and you should call any bet regardless of size or board texture. Because you 'almost' have any other hand beat!

Needless to say, he lost a lot of money. Yet he remained in high spirits because he kept 'almost' having these great hands.

[theDEEPdish]

http://www.flopturnriver.com/phpBB2/...oker-35770.htm

[Warpe]

That Guy: if u chase a flush with one suit in ur hand uare stupid
Other Guy: hahaha
Other Guy: thanks for the bluff
That Guy: keep it up donk

[Lukie]

Lukieplaya: dont **** with me

[geoffm33]

Dealer: Game #5254737085: sidesalto wins pot ($2.85)
sidesalto: don't reraise me
NYBigB: were both so fu.c,kng good we are playing for 10 dollars
sidesalto: i play these tables professionally.
sidesalto: i live in a box though

[bigred]

sidesalto: i play these tables professionally.
sidesalto: i live in a box though

ROFL

[givememyleg]

Finally get a that guy comment, this one made me giggle:

PokerStars No-Limit Hold'em, $0.50 BB (9 handed) Hand History Converter Tool from FlopTurnRiver.com (Format: FlopTurnRiver)

BB ($102.75)
UTG ($61.40)
UTG+1 ($49.50)
MP1 ($11.85)
MP2 ($64.25)
MP3 ($37.65)
givememyleg ($48.75)
Button ($60.70)
SB ($30.15)

Preflop: givememyleg is CO with J, 5.
2 folds, MP1 raises to $2, MP2 raises to $7, 5 folds, MP1 raises to $11.85, MP2 calls $4.85.

Flop: ($24.45) Q, 8, 9 (2 players)

Turn: ($24.45) 4 (2 players)

River: ($24.45) 7 (2 players)

Final Pot: $24.45

Results:
MP1 has Ah Ks (flush, king high).
MP2 has Ac Ad (one pair, aces).
Outcome: MP1 wins $24.45.

Peteum said, "yes"
TheGoodThief: mucks hand
Peteum collected $23.25 from pot
TheGoodThief said, "knew it"
TheGoodThief said, "i know this site too well nh"
Peteum said, "TY"
givememyleg said, "leeeeeeeeeeeeee jones"
givememyleg said, "dooooooom switch"
Peteum said, "yeah rivers on this site are insane"
Peteum said, "they are a little better on Poker Party"
Peteum said, "but Poker Party players are nasty"
givememyleg said, "yeah online poker is rigged"
Peteum said, "not 100% rigged but I am sure they are a little"
givememyleg said, "lol"
Peteum said, "they have to pay out decent hands once in a while to everyone"
Peteum said, "I just wish they were more subtle about it"

rofl just wish they were more subtle about it

[givememyleg]

PokerStars No-Limit Hold'em, $0.50 BB (9 handed) Hand History Converter Tool from FlopTurnRiver.com (Format: FlopTurnRiver)

MP3 ($24.60)
CO ($52.15)
Button ($14.30)
SB ($68.05)
BB ($24.15)
UTG ($68.95)
UTG+1 ($44)
fish to my right ($20)
givememyleg ($48.50)

Preflop: givememyleg is MP2 with K, K. fish to my right posts a blind of $0.50.
2 folds, fish to my right (poster) raises to $1, givememyleg raises to $3.5, 5 folds, fish to my right calls $2.50.

Flop: ($7.75) 5, K, Q (2 players)
fish to my right checks, givememyleg bets $4, fish to my right calls $4.

Turn: ($15.75) T (2 players)
fish to my right checks, givememyleg bets $13, fish to my right calls $12.50 (All-In).

River: ($41.25) J (2 players, 1 all-in)

Final Pot: $41.25

Results:
fish to my right shows Qc Ad (straight, ace high).
givememyleg mucks Ks Kh (three of a kind, kings).
Outcome: fish to my right wins $40.75.

random said, "oh my"
random said, "thats ugly"
givememyleg said, "thats what make the fish stay :"
random said, "mm"
random said, "fish for sure"
fish to my right said, "the only thing that is fishy is an odor from my left"
fish to my right said, "*sniff*"

I got PWNED.

[midas06]

PokerStars 1/2 Hold'em (4 handed) Hand History Converter Tool from FlopTurnRiver.com (Format: FlopTurnRiver)

Preflop: Hero is SB with 7, K.
2 folds, Hero raises, BB 3-bets, Hero calls.

Flop: (6 SB) 8, 7, Q (2 players)
Hero checks, BB bets, Hero calls.

Turn: (4 BB) A (2 players)
Hero checks, BB bets $1 (All-In), Hero calls.

River: (5 BB) T (2 players, 1 all-in)

Final Pot: 5 BB

cocacolaman said, "lol nice call"
cocacolaman said, "i have ****"

(1 second later)

cocacolaman said, "how can u call"
cocacolaman said, "omg"
cocacolaman: fucing retard

[bigred]

Guy talking about party poker when we both went AI pf, him with KK and me with AA

talisman1: f this place 6 handed unreal
talisman1: only gd hand i had to worry about and bang happens to me all the gd time
talisman1: gl im leavin site for good

[Sykedupp]

hahaha this post is still going... where's the official IRC comments thread? :P


-Chris

[bigred]

How are you still alive, chris?

[a500lbgorilla]

there irc comments thread with the post about me and ake and his hairy upper lip and suicide was very funny y/n

[bigred]

hahaha this post is still going... where's the official IRC comments thread? :P


-Chris

I miss it. Deleted for being tooo funny.

[bigred]

OH and the reason why it was deleted is a certain person but I don't want to name names. I'll just give you a hint: It starts with a C and ends in indy Lou