There's this fat chick at work who stinks of cheap perfume and has calendars of cute kitties on her cube walls. She bought some of those 90 calories snacks for her desk but did so at Costco, so she has ONE-HUNDRED AND FUCKING EIGHT OF THEM. She mashes 5 into her maw at a time, totally negating the point of a serving being 90 calories.

This kind of shit is why you're single, bitch.

She needs a fucking punch in the face.