Randomness thread, part two.

[oskar]

There is nothing wrong with a cold bath and a razor blade, but I am personally partial to the ol' rope and rickety stool.

[OngBonga]

Fuck that. If I were so inclined, I'd probably traumatise a train driver.

[Savy]

There is nothing wrong with a cold bath and a razor blade, but I am personally partial to the ol' rope and rickety stool.

Replace rope with chicken wire. Set it up, glue hands to head jump, makes it look like you pulled your own head off.

If you or anyone else has been affectd by the issues brought up in the posts above please do visit the following
https://www.itv.com/thismorning/suic...tion-helplines

[BananaStand]

This goes out to anyone involved, at any level, in food service.

When I order mayonnaise on a sandwich, it's because I like mayonnaise.

I like the flavor. I like the texture. I like what it does when it soaks into the bread.

What is the fucking point of slathering on a micro-thin layer of mayo onto just one of the pieces of bread? It's not enough to even taste within the landscape of bread, meat and other fixins. It's not enough to affect the texture of the bread, or enhance the flavor of the meat.

Obviously, next time I'll just order triple-mayo. But I'm legitimately wondering...why would they even make it like this in the first place!

This shit I'm eating right now definitely has mayo on it. I can see it. But it adds NOTHING to the sandwich.

I'm friggen sick of this. Every shop in town, I need to order extra mayonnaise just for them to make it right.

There are people, professionally employed in food preparation, and this is what they come up with. I want to know what part of their formal culinary training suggested to them that this is even close to an effective use of condiments.

[MadMojoMonkey]

Probably the part that says if you can use fewer ingredients without losing your clientele, then you are making a few extra cents per 100 sandwiches.

IDK, though. Maybe people in your area have complained that there was too much mayo on their sandwiches and all the people whom thought there was a good amount didn't say anything, because everything was fine.

Happens all the time in academia. You get 50 students complaining about something, so you make a change. Then next semester, you get 150 students complaining about the change.
Sometimes you just can't win.

[Jack Sawyer]

I think I finally found her. Matter of fact, I think she found me.

Unexpected af. I guess, that's how those things work.

[MadMojoMonkey]

I think I finally found her. Matter of fact, I think she found me.

Unexpected af. I guess, that's how those things work.

[Jack Sawyer]

Thanks man, I've been walking around smiling for no reason for some time now

[MadMojoMonkey]

Please go on...
I mean... it's the internets, but
What's she like?

[Jack Sawyer]

Please go on...
I mean... it's the internets, but
What's she like?

So that's how quoting works on mobile

Dude, she's amazing. She listens engagedly when I say things, she loves to converse with me. She's a great cook. She loves the fit life. Our media taste is basically the same. That obscure anime from 20 years ago? She saw and liked it too wtf. Another example, we were both high ranked GTA online players somehow before even having known each other. I like to make people laugh. She loves laughing. She has a fiery personality, and yet I can suss her immediately. I have a laissez faire personality and yet she does not abuse it. I understand her. She understands me.

Do you like Star Wars? But of course young Padawan, who doesn't she says.

How about Saint Seya? Kanon was Saga's brother she says. WTF

This is just skimming the surface of course. We have so many things in common it's ridiculous. And to top it all off, she's a bonafide hottie.

I haven't felt like this, actually, ever.

[Savy]

Dw pal I'll be here when it crashes and burns.

[MadMojoMonkey]

Awesome, awesome, awesome!

Nerdy girls are the best!


This sounds kinda Mexican... are you nerds into this?

[OngBonga]

jyms is onlne. Who's getting the banhammer now?

[OngBonga]

The a cappella band... they're talented, but it doesn't stop me hitting STOP after about three seconds.

I prefer Beardyman. This is how I like my a cappella.

[MadMojoMonkey]

Ha! I made it 37 seconds on your video.
I am clearly the winner, here.

[OngBonga]

You like techno more than I like whatever that is, obviously

In case it's not obvious to you, all of what he's doing there is looped vocals. Fucking techno a capella.

[BananaStand]

Have you ever walked by a conversation, only heard the last sentence, and wonder what the hell you just stumbled upon?

That just happened to me when I walked through the accounting office.....

"And my other two husbands were Italian!"

[BananaStand]

http://www.foxnews.com/us/2018/09/17...olice-say.html

This guy has got to be the greatest criminal ever!!

He's not even worried about getting caught. He never looks around, not once!

He's caught red-handed on video. Someone is standing 5 feet away from him, with a camera pointed directly at him. And the guy still gets the loot, then gets away without being identified, and with two kids in tow.

That's un-fucking believable

[BananaStand]

First comment on the PD's facebook post:

You have to be in some pretty dire straits to resort to stealing from a game. He was probably going to sell the stuff to feed those kids. That poor man and his family.
I've never been that desperate, I haven't walked in his shoes. If I ever were to be desperate enough to do that, I would hope my fellow man would show me compassion.

Now I see how the guy got away with it. It's ok to steal if you're poor. Makes perfect sense.

[OngBonga]

I dunno about greatest criminal ever. Chances are, he'll get caught, and the risk to reward ratio seems a little off. I doubt it's dangerous, I'm not going to jump on that bandwagon. But it's certainly not a good example to set, he's encouraging his kids to break the law. A court might decide he's unfit to be a father. Seems like a big risk to take for a couple hundred bucks worth of loot.

[BananaStand]

lol

FB Comment: Hey look, white trash!
Reply: Look closer!

[MadMojoMonkey]

You like techno more than I like whatever that is, obviously

In case it's not obvious to you, all of what he's doing there is looped vocals. Fucking techno a capella.

It was obvious, and I've heard this style of music and liked it in the past.
To be fair, I didn't really give it a full chance to see if I'd like the way it built up and to see whether he landed the spaceship or sent it off to the universe - to borrow from a friend of mine whom loves techno/dance music.

I had to get back to work, and felt like giving you a hard time, is all.
I'll give it a full listen when I get time.

[OngBonga]

It was obvious, and I've heard this style of music and liked it in the past.
To be fair, I didn't really give it a full chance to see if I'd like the way it built up and to see whether he landed the spaceship or sent it off to the universe - to borrow from a friend of mine whom loves techno/dance music.

I had to get back to work, and felt like giving you a hard time, is all.
I'll give it a full listen when I get time.

To be fair, he's done lots of diverse stuff, inlcuding comedy, some of which is much more likely to be up your street than stomping techno.

But I love techno, so I posted that clip.

If you're gonna give him a go, watch his comedy/music set at the Edinburgh Fringe...

[Poopadoop]

Wow, this looks like some heavy duty disaster shit going on there. Hope everyone's friends and family are safe.

[OngBonga]

Isn't that spoon's backyard?

[BananaStand]

Meh, in the pantheon of hurricanes, this one seems pretty mild. Hurricanes in general aren't really that bad. A few people die, most of whom were on borrowed time anyway. Property is damaged, but it's almost always insured. People lose family pictures, they cry, life goes on.

What blows my mind is how the coverage shifts depending on who's in the white house.

Go look up the size (diameter) of Hurricane Katrina, and this most recent Hurricane. Compare that to the size of Hurricane Sandy in 2012.

Sandy was several X's the size of both of those other hurricanes combined. It's almost like it didn't even happened. Apparently FEMA really had their shit together when Obama was in charge, but somehow the place went to total shit when a republican took office. Apparently global warming wasn't causing hurricanes in 2012, but in 2018 it's all Trump's fault.

[OngBonga]

I've noticed that reports are referencing climate change, while completely failing to inform us that this has so far been a quiet hurricane season.

[Poopadoop]

Isn't that spoon's backyard?

I think so yeah.

[OngBonga]

He's in one of the Carolinas, just can't remember which one.

[Poopadoop]

It's NC I think. He mentioned Raleigh before iirc.

[Poopadoop]

Cool story bro:

Back home I lived in a prairie city where we hardly ever got much rain. Then one year, it rained for three days straight and we had a flood. But because we had a deep river valley the only person who actually died was this guy who lived down in the valley in his camper trailer and was basically a caricature of one of these "i done lived here for 42 years and i ain't a movin' now consarn it!" guys you see on TV. And really, all he had to do was get in his truck and go up a road and out of the river valley for a couple of days until the water subsided.

I'll never forget that idiot. Seeing him get interviewed on TV as the flood waters are coming and thinking 'you're gonna die you stubborn dumb fuck'.

[BananaStand]

'you're gonna die you stubborn dumb fuck'.

Maybe he wanted to. What's it to you?

[OngBonga]

Give the man a Darwin award while the rest of us crack open a beer.

[Poopadoop]

Give the man a Darwin award while the rest of us crack open a beer.

It seems like there's one like him in every disaster. And in this case he was the only one in mortal danger, and it's like he decided 'well, someone's gotta be that guy who refuses to run from nature and then dies because of it. I guess it's down to me this time. No choice really.'

[BananaStand]

I feel like 'suicide by nature' is a thing.

Like, maybe someone recently got diagnosed with cancer, isn't pursuing treatment, and decides they're just gonna die with all their stuff.

Similar story, there was a guy who was kind of famous in the hiking community around here. He was a trail-steward in charge of the Franconia Ridge trail which is a very famous day hike (National Geographic Top 10). Then one day he got cancer. So one day in dead of winter, he marched up to the ridge, and sat down. That's where they found him.

Kind if a dick move on his part. But then again, that was probably the most peaceful and welcome death anyone has ever experienced.

[BananaStand]

I'm in canada right now. Everything is in fucking celsius and they all want to cover everything they eat in vinegar.

Apparently hunger is a crime here, and everyone is sentenced to ruin their food as punishment.

[BananaStand]

the hotel cable doesn't get fox news.....

Plenty of CNN though....

[OngBonga]

Celcius... how dare they use the logical one.

I have no idea what water boils at in F. It's in the 200's as best I know. It freezes at -32, I think. Why does Farenheit exist?

[OngBonga]

I did some digging to see what the point of it is.

Turns out water freezes at +32, not -32. And it boils at 212. That's a difference of 180... which makes it useful for using with circles and triangles or something.

[Poopadoop]

the hotel cable doesn't get fox news.....

Plenty of CNN though....

Haha, having a good trip?

Here's a reminder of what you're missing.

tucker confused.jpg

"wait wait wait wait wait, that can't POSSIBLY be true. Tariffs are great for trade."

tucker confused.jpg

"Are you saying the President is WRONG about something?"

tucker confused.jpg

"How can universal health care be a GOOD idea? That's COMMUNISM!"

tucker laughing.jpg

"Are you CRAZY???? I mean, are you.... a librul?"

[BananaStand]

Haha, having a good trip?

THERE IS NO AIR HERE

[Poopadoop]

THERE IS NO AIR HERE

Where are you, Motel 6?

[BananaStand]

No, I'm at a Best Western....which isn't much better.

And it's not the hotel. It's outside too. There is just no air.

no wind, no circulation nothing. Breathing is hard...like if it were humid out. But it's not humid. And everything here smells like BO. It's like I'm breathing through a used shirt all the time.

[Poopadoop]

No, I'm at a Best Western....which isn't much better.

And it's not the hotel. It's outside too. There is just no air.

no wind, no circulation nothing. Breathing is hard...like if it were humid out. But it's not humid. And everything here smells like BO. It's like I'm breathing through a used shirt all the time.

Best Western sucks. I thought you were director of finance or some shit. Find some creative way to pay for a better room.

Smell? What? Is your hotel next to a foundry or something?

Oh wait, I know what it is. Take a shower.

[BananaStand]

Best Western sucks. I thought you were director of finance or some shit.

We got bought by some massive Canadian conglomerate a while back. Now the whole finance department is invited up to cucktown to meet the new family.

First impressions: The new family is cheap as fuck!!

When I travel by myself.....shit is much better.

[Poopadoop]

We got bought by some massive Canadian conglomerate a while back.

Don't worry Trump will get it back for you.

Now the whole finance department is invited up to cucktown to meet the new family.

First impressions: The new family is cheap as fuck!!

Maybe that's how they saved enough money to buy your wasteful American asses.

[BananaStand]

Maybe that's how they saved enough money to buy your wasteful American asses.

Actually, they kinda got lucky. My company is phenomenally profitable. whoever is keeping the books must really have his shit together. He's probably pretty handsome too. But I digress...

Anyway, the company was making tons of money, but obviously doesn't have the cash flow to buy out the sole owner all at once. So he sold the company so he could get his millions, plus a premium for the future cash flow, and now he's floating on a yacht somewhere off the coast of Naples.

[Poopadoop]

Anyway, the company was making tons of money, but obviously doesn't have the cash flow to buy out the sole owner all at once. So he sold the company so he could get his millions, plus a premium for the future cash flow, and now he's floating on a yacht somewhere off the coast of Naples.

tucker confused.jpg

That makes absolutely no sense at all. "The company couldn't buy out the sole owner, so he sold it."

So he couldn't buy out himself, the sole owner?

[BananaStand]

tucker confused.jpg

That makes absolutely no sense at all. "The company couldn't buy out the sole owner, so he sold it."

So he couldn't buy out himself, the sole owner?

Do you know how finance works at all???

Assets = Liabilities + Equity

If someone wants all of their equity....in cash...right now....then what needs to happen?

[Poopadoop]

Do you know how finance works at all???

Assets = Liabilities + Equity

If someone wants all of their equity....in cash....what needs to happen?

Apparently they buy themselves out.

Thanks, didn't know that.

[BananaStand]

Apparently they buy themselves out.

Thanks, didn't know that.

huh? He didn't buy himself out.

Imagine you start Poop Industries. you use your own savings as a capital investment in your new company. So you deposit $100,000 cash into an account in the name of Poop Industries.

Assets are now up, +100,000. The accounting equation must remain balanced. Assets = Liabilities + Equity. Since this is a capital investment...you increase Equity. you could also loan the money to the company, and expect the company to pay you back, which would require an increase to liabilities, rather than equity.

Now let's say you buy $50,000 worth of capital equipment. In my company's case we need tractors, and carts, and belt loaders, and cargo handling machines, etc etc etc. But at Poop Industries, maybe you just spend that money on vasoline and tiny condoms. i dont really know and it's not important.

So now, Assets are -$50,000
But you got equipment, so Assets are +$50,000

The accounting equation remains balanced....you just traded liquid assets (cash) for capital assets (gas powered dildos, goat speculums, or whatever creepy shit you're into)

Now let's say you actually operate and generate revenue. Revenue means we increase assets (cash), and increase equity. But that wasn't free. You had to pay your employees and cover your operating expenses. So you decrease cash to pay for those expenses, and you decrease equity to keep the accounting equation balanced. The difference between those two changes in equity...is your profit. let's say it's $5k

So now your company has $55K in liquid assets...$50K in non-liquid assets. And $105K in Equity.

now lets say you want to retire. Your original savings, and the fruits of your labor are worth $105K.

your company only has $55K in cash. Where is it gonna get the rest of the money to buy you out?

[Poopadoop]

the company was making tons of money, but obviously doesn't have the cash flow to buy out the sole owner all at once. So he sold the company

tucker confused.jpg

aaargh.jpg

tucker laughing.jpg

[BananaStand]

so, math tilts you huh?

What's that like?

[OngBonga]

Can we agree that posting the same meme over and over again is the same as calling someone a cuck faggot over and over again?

[Poopadoop]

Can we agree that posting the same meme over and over again is the same as calling someone a cuck faggot over and over again?

So there's nothing wrong with doing it then?

Sure, works for me.

[OngBonga]

[Poopadoop]

Trump-Toad-Mushroom-Mario-Kart-Memes.jpg

[OngBonga]

Shouldn't that smirking dude be your av instead of that doggle?

[OngBonga]

In case you're unfamiliar with the word doggle, it's a cute dog. You woulnd't call an Alsatian a doggle, that's just a dog. Or a cunt. Or a shitting kangaroo.

[OngBonga]

On another note, I hate people who use the phrase "au contaire" instead of "on the contrary", yet people who write "on route" instead of "en route" are illiterate fuckwits.

I think there's something wrong with me.

[BananaStand]

On another note, I hate people who use the phrase "au contaire" instead of "on the contrary", yet people who write "on route" instead of "en route" are illiterate fuckwits.

I think there's something wrong with me.

theres not something wrong with you. I hate people who use cliches at all. Im not sure why you would discriminate against jjst those two.

cliches show a lack of creativity and intelligence. Perfectly reasonable basis for hatred

[Poopadoop]

no-one is holding your feet to the fire

I'm not gonna walk on eggshells

fourth, MAGA

I hate people who use cliches at all.
cliches show a lack of creativity and intelligence.

gg

[BananaStand]

those are metaphors chucklehead

[Poopadoop]

those are metaphors chucklehead

Still at war with the dictionary I see.

[OngBonga]

MAGA is a cliche, the others are metaphors.

[Poopadoop]

MAGA is a cliche, the others are metaphors.

Try again.

[OngBonga]

Well, MAGA could be a metaphor if the phrase "Make America Great Again" wasn't meant to be taken literally, but I think it is meant to be taken literally. I think the people who use that phrase actually want America to be great again, rather than some other meaning.

[BananaStand]

MAGA is a slogan

It hasnt been around long enough to be a cliche

[OngBonga]

Try again.

Ok none of them are cliches, since none of them have lost their effectiveness through overusage.

[Poopadoop]

those are metaphors

Ok none of them are metaphors.

Better.

[Poopadoop]

The best you could say is that they're idioms (or sayings). But you could also argue all four of them are cliches. They're all certainly lacking in originality. MAGA was ripped off of Reagan for example.

[MadMojoMonkey]

lol.

It's a metaphor!
No, it's a cliche'!
No, a slogan!

This should be in an episode of Always Sunny.

[BananaStand]

This should be in an episode of Always Sunny.

which character would you be?

[MadMojoMonkey]

IDK. I'm not a part of the argument, so whatever character was playing the "straight man" in that scene.

Note: by straight man I mean the comedy trope in which other characters are acting absurd, but within the context of the story, absurdity could be the norm. The purpose of the straight man is to show the audience that the scene is, in fact, absurd.

[OngBonga]

The best you could say is that they're idioms (or sayings). But you could also argue all four of them are cliches. They're all certainly lacking in originality. MAGA was ripped off of Reagan for example.

You coudl argue all four of them are cliches if you're not using the correct definition of cliche...

But I'll grant you idiom over metaphor.