Tell the locals you meet that you detest the English, and they'll welcome you with open arms.
Local food is wonderful, one can select from battered haggis, battered fish, deep fried pizza, deep fried mars bar, deep fried cat, deep fried heroine... in fact anything dunked in batter. All served with greasy chips.
If you see any skinheads with FUCK tattooed on his knuckles, ask him for a Glasgow Kiss.
Enjoy the weather. Typically, Scottish summer weather, one can expect gale force winds, persistent rain and single figure temperatures, during spells of such pleasant weather expect to see fat local men with their tits out.
In addition, local dialect is difficult to grasp. You may have been informed that the Scottish speak English... this is not true. They speak Northern, which is kind of like English, except impossible to understand. Every fourth word is "shite", which means "shit". That's as close to real English as they get.
Finally, Scotland has one T. Misspelling it might will give the impression you are not intelligent, and thus will save you from a beating.
Scotland is lovely. Have fun.
Originally Posted by wufwugy
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