Your Wish is Granted

[Rabid Dog]

Granted, but just like the WWE, Trish is fake and turns out to be Goldust in disguise. You two fall in love and are married, but no matter how hard you try, you are never able to have babies. You can't figure out why.

I wish I could think of something to wish for.

[thenonsequitur]

Granted, but it turns out that the thing you thought of was to give Frist supreme dictatorial power over the U.S. Oops!

I'm hungry. I wish I had a sandwich.

[Silly String]

Granted, you are now being sexually assaulted by Bubba AND Jonesy after being thrown in jail for playing poker over the internet. You are the recipient of one "nonsequitur sammich", extremely high in protein.

I wish I was going to Las Vegas this weekend.

[bode]

granted. you go to las vegas only to find that Bill Frist has outlawed B&M gambling which was attached to a House bill about stopping child porn.

i wish i could find a sweet bonus to clear before bush signs the bill.

[bearcats05]

granted. but you have a huge downswing while you clear it. you later go on tilt and bet your house away just like frist said you would.

i wish i would hit more sets.

[Rabid Dog]

granted. but you have a huge downswing while you clear it. you later go on tilt and bet your house away just like frist said you would.

i wish i would hit more sets.

Granted, but every set you hit is beat by an overset or full house. You end up loosing your house with the click of a mouse. Congress was right.

I wish I had never said Congress was right.

[bearcats05]

granted. but congress doesnt give a shit what you think and poker is still being banned.

i wish i could win a big mtt

[thenonsequitur]

Granted. You play perfect poker and toil for 6 hours in a field of 20 thousand players, and come out number #1. Congrats, you win 40 million play money chips. That's 6 hours of your life you're never getting back.

I wish bearcats still had his old avatar that I liked to stare at.

[bearcats05]

granted. but u stare at it 2 long and lose your love for titties and turn gay.

i wish i wouldnt have had my biggest downswing ever in the last 24 hours

[ChrisTheFish]

Granted, the downswing ends and your up 4 buy ins. Downside, after that you go on an even worse downswing and wish you could have kept the previous downswing.

I wish my local casino had cash games.

[pantherhound]

Granted, your local casino had cash games but stopped them the day you took up poker.

I wish my local casino has cash games.

[ChrisTheFish]

Granted. Your local casino has cash games, downside- the games are rigged.

I wish i could use grammar.

[Blinky]

Granted. Your mastery of grammar lands you a position as a nameless paper grader in an English department of some bass-ackwards university. You spend the rest of your life pulling out your hair whenever you see a dangling participle or comma splice. Driven to insanity, you slit your wrists with a letter opener when an undergraduate paper contains fourteen consecutive incorrect usages of a semicolon.

I wish I could get a lapdance from Keira Knightley.

[thenonsequitur]

Granted. A lapdance from Keira Knightley (Warning: NSFW!)

I wish I had a million dollars.

[Blinky]

I wish I had a million dollars.

Granted. News item in the NY Times: Parker Brothers stops production of "MONOPOLY" after supply of fake money disappears.

I wish that Terrell Owens would shut up.

[dsmrolla06]

Granted. You are now on trial for suspected murder.

I wish my english paper was done.

[jyms]

Granted, but you fail the course cause that "dope" jimbo guy of bode-ist's did it for you.

I wish I could get my bankroll up to 1k so I can play 50NL

[ChrisTheFish]

Granted. But now theres no-one to play with.

I wish i could think of a wish.

[Sykedupp]

Granted. You wish to think of a wish and you thought of one, but since you already wished your wish away, you are left wishing you never thought of that wish to wish for to begin with. And since you've used up your wish on wishing for a wish, the wish you received is now useless, as a wish.

I wish I was an Oscar Meiyer weiner.

-Chris

[jyms]

Granted, but you ralise that oscar meiyer is actually a person and you become his weiner in his gay love relationship with many men and not the hotdog that eveeryone loves.

p.s. he's a top, so you will go "there"

I wish I had a 4 peice chicken dinner from popeye's with spicy fries.

[Pay4myCad!!]

Granted. Unfortunately you enjoy your meal on your way to your first parole meeting and as luck would have it, the folks behind the counter are into copycat drugging and instead of regular seasoning, the fries get a liberal sprinkling of ganga.
http://www.policeone.com/news/1183759/
You fail your piss-test and get sent up the river for a long long time.

I wish I was home eating chili.

[Warpe]

Granted. Your g/f has an unusual name.

I wish it wasn't snowing here.

[jyms]

Granted, But then you no longer live in Canada, and now pay for your own medical insurance, can't play online poker, George jr. is your president, and are generally just "american".

I wish my girlfreind would lose her pregnancy weight, hell my kid is 2 now.

[ChrisTheFish]

Granted, she is now anorexic.

I wish Party would hurry up and let me back on.

[cardsman1992]

Granted. Now she looks like Lara Flynn Boyle a few years ago.

I wish my workday was done.

[Silly String]

Granted you just lost your job and now your workday is done as well as your paychecks.

I wish the Cardinals would win at least a game in the NLCS.

[cardsman1992]

Granted. Cards win game 2 14-0 as snow starts falling in hell (and NYC and STL). Carpenter tears his elbow, though, in the seventh inning. The Mets blast Suppan, Reyes, and Weaver. We are doomed to another season of failure.

I wish they had a dominant staff for once....

[Silly String]

Granted. You had to give up Pujols and 150 million for Johan Santana, who then pulls a Mike Hampton going all of 2007 without a win. Liriano was thrown in for good measure, but as I'm sure you guessed by now, his elbow/forearm problem ends his career before it started. Now you have no pitching and no offense. Naturally Pujols goes on to have a HOF career including the first .400 season in over 50 years.

I wish the college basketball season would start so I can watch my Jayhawks pummel Florida on Thanksgiving weekend.

[cardsman1992]

Granted. Your wish to jump forward in time creates a tear in the time/space continuum and creates a Groundhog Day-like phenomenon where you see Kansas beat Florida in the same game over and over, but they never play another game and never have an opportunity to win another championship.

I wish I was getting nookie every night.

[jyms]

Granted, but bigred is not always into it so you spend the majority of the nights doing all the work and getting no pleasure. It feels like work every day for the rest of your life.

I wish I never had to work again.

[bigred]

Granted. You and Lukie get caught having sex with young women and the parents press charges. You go to jail for life. You'll never have to go to work again.

I wish that the next person turns my wish into the most horrible thing in the world and says nothing nice about how cool I am.

[Warpe]

Granted. You compare penis lengths with Lukie and he wins, and by wins I mean makes yours look like a shrivelled clitoris. You do next the logical thing and get a sex change operation in Thailand, which the doctors botch badly (they have nothing to work with) so you end up peeing out a hole the size of the eye of a needle for the rest of your life. You sink into the depths of depression and become a shemale prostitute, giving sucky sucky to fat German sex tourists that smell like bratwurst.

I wish I didn't have such a sick mind.

[cardsman1992]

Granted. But your new conscience makes you best friends with Kyl and Frist. You guys sing Kumbaya while holding hands and ogling 16 year old boys.

I wish I wouldn't overplay TPTK.

[bigred]

(Not involved with thread, what is warpe's obsession with my penis????)

[pantherhound]

Granted. But your new conscience makes you best friends with Kyl and Frist. You guys sing Kumbaya while holding hands and ogling 16 year old boys.

I wish I wouldn't overplay TPTK.

Granted, you start overplaying T2o instead. It worked better for doyle, bankruptsy ensues.

i wish everything was made of mahogany.

[cardsman1992]

Granted. You walk around with a constant mahogany erection but unfortunately, mahogany has no nerve endings, so you never achieve satisfaction.

I wish Jeff Weaver would figure out how to pitch at home.