Spewing in Life and in Poker... my problems

I have a really annoying habit right now and I'd like to call it spewing in life, mainly in school.
I'm really upset with myself (again). I can easily get straight A's in school, but I don't. I don't know why I don't try hard enough to not. But I know what the feeling is. Normally, getting okay grades isn't anything to worry about. BUT the problem is my Dad and Mom pressure me huge amounts about my grades (however, it's not a huge issue, I can deal with them) AND that in order to keep my schloarship I need a greater than 3.4 GPA. NOT ONLY THAT, but I'd just like to get good grades for my own sake.
Yesterday, I took what is called a self correcting exam from a super easy teacher. For 40 minutes you take the exam and then turn in your answer sheet. Then on another answer sheet you talk with everyone, use ur notes, look in the book, for 20 mins and for each answer u got wrong that u correct u get .5 points. So after I finish the first part I just leave, idk why. It was retarded, idk why I did it, I just didn't want to stay I guess. When I write a paper I often know it can be improved and how to improve it, but I stop working and turn it in anyway.
Note this has nothing to do with a time issue.

In poker it's a similar feeling (and may shed light on the fact that this isnt a time issue). I will sit at my computer faced with a decision, knowing what the right play is (most notably a tighter play, however sometimes its bluffing) and just not do it. AND even here I don't know why. I know I can take the time to think, but it just seems like I have a habit of doing the wrong thing in certyain situations.

If this whole thread feels vague, don't worry, I know it is. I don't understand why I do all these things. All I know is when it happens it feels like I'm not thinking anymore. I'm not sure how or why I got into the habit of doing this, but I think it's important that I figure it out.

Why am I posting such a vague and wordy thread? Because a wise man once told me just telling someone about what's going on will help solve the problem. So I'm telling you. I almost feel like my problems are deep rooted, that there is some "reality" in my subconscious that I think is true, that's not. If anyone has any thoughts go ahead and post it. Maybe me just having a thread to remind me will help.

Read 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey.

Youre self-handicapping. I could explain it, but the wiki does a pretty good job:

Self-handicapping is defined as "any action or choice of performance setting that enhances the opportunities to externalize failure and to internalize success." It was first theorized by Edward E. Jones and Steven Berglas.

According to research, people will seek out obstacles to their own success that minimizes their own performance as a cause for failure. In one study, subjects were given positive feedback on problem-solving tests, regardless of the subject's actual performance. Half the subjects had been given fairly easy problems, while the others were given difficult problems. Subjects were then given the choice between a "performance-enhancing drug" and one which would inhibit it. Those subjects who received the difficult problems were more likely to choose the impairing drug, and subjects who faced easy problems were more likely to choose the enhancing drug. It is argued that the subjects presented with hard problems, believing that their success had been due to chance, chose the impairing drug because they were looking for an external attribution (what might be called an "excuse") for expected poor performance in the future, as opposed to an internal attribution.

Self-handicapping may be the cause of paradoxically limiting one's own ability to succeed and deliberately impairing oneself purely to avoid risk, maintain control and protect the ego and self-esteem.

When awareness of failure was induced, experimental subjects have unduly:

* Reduced their preparation for an athletic event
* Studied less for an exam
* Involved less effort
* Given their opponent an advantage
* Lowered expectations

Self-handicapping is more likely to occur when the task is "ego-involving" and failure is anticipated. Some studies suggest that women may be less disposed to and less tolerant of self-handicapping than men (Hirt, McCrea, & Boris, 2003).

Thomas Gilovich makes a distinction between "real" self-handicapping, where people actually obstruct their own success, and "feigned" self-handicapping where they merely draw attention to potential obstacles. People may self-handicap to manage the impressions of others, or of themselves (though studies have been unable to test the latter).

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-handicapping

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Originally Posted by Warpe

Read 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey.

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Or download the MP3 on Limewire.

the magic of thinking big is pretty good in this regard
so is attitude is everything by jeff keller

i dunno if you're much of a reader though

but you sound a lot like me in some ways.

let me ask you a question, why are you going to school? any other reason besides to get a job?

Self Handicapping doesn't really resonate with my experience.
It doesn't have to do with me making an excuse I don't think. Everytime I fuck up I always admit I fucked up. I don't anticipate failure.
Pretty much everything in that wiki didn't relate to my experience, so I think it's probably something else.
I'm sorry the vagueness of the OP lead to that, I am just as confused as you of why I do what I do.

I think you have ADD. Either that, or the class material really doesn't matter to you. maybe both.

Sometimes watching Sportscenter three times in a row is better than going to class.

I am going to go have Quiznos right now. Umm umm good.

With school I basically do the same thing.... I think I used to have this problem with poker, but that was kinda due to me tilting and not knowing how to avoid tilt soooooo... Dunno if that's the same thing.

About school, I believe the only way you can succeed is by having a desire to do well internally... External pressures are not sufficient to make me do well atleast. What I mean by this is, parental pressure or economic pressure is sometimes not enough to generate success. If your only reason to get A's is to make money or to please parents or someone else isn't enough force to compell you to put forth the required effort.

I like to think I'm a rational person who will evaluate the economic benifets of doing well in highschool (and now college) and therefore do everything I can to position myself to get a good job, have enough money to enjoy excesses, etc... Yet I still have a hard time putting it all together.

Maybe there is a problem with applying distant results to current actions, as in - I know working 2 hours extra on this essay (and repeating this action over hundreds of times) will be benefitial years from now. In the same way I know that chasing a draw with the wrong odds is negative over the long run, perhaps the difficulty comes with connecting the immediate decision with the long term results in an emotional way. (An inablity to do this)

I went to university for 2 years. Why? Cause I was told that's what I should be doing. When I tried I got good grades, but the rest of the time it was C+'s or lower. I felt as if I was going through the motions.

I took time off of school (read dropped out) and got a min wage security job. Best thing I ever did. It showed me that I had to get off my ass and do well in school to get the kind of job I wanted in life. So, I searched for what really interested ME.

I found my way to a computer college. I was always good at math/problems solving and loved to screw around on the comp. I finished my studies with honours and landed myself a hell of a nice job (been doing it for 9.5 years).

From what you are saying, it sounds like you are in a similar situation to what I was. You're unhappy with what you're doing from all the pressure et al and it's affected your poker game (and many other things that you prob don't even realize).

If I were you, I'd take at least a year off and regroup. Do it now while you are young and it's easier to correct any mistakes.

Early on in school I viewed "grades" as the goal and made decisions based on expected return on effort. If I could get a B by doing 2 hours of work a week and an A would require 10 hours then I would happily accept the B so I could screw off.

It wasn't until the end of my undergrad junior year that the goal became "education". I then focused my efforts on as learning as much as possible and gaining the best understanding.

For your specific example: If I expect a 90, but realize I could do as bad as an 80 I may still leave. Is it worth 30min of my time to get 5 points, which ends up being .1% of my final grade? I say neah.

I'm not sure I would have made it through undergrad without the co-op job breaking up the year (middle 3 years is 6months school, 6 months work).

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Originally Posted by chardrian

I think you have ADD.

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I think u may be right, but im not gonna take drugs, i dont believe in them.

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Originally Posted by IowaSkinsFan

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Originally Posted by chardrian

I think you have ADD.

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I think u may be right, but im not gonna take drugs, i dont believe in them.

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There is a lot of research on ADD control with diet an nutrition, instead of drugs. If you don't believe in drugs, find a Naturapathic doctor. They can help a lot.

Thanks Trainer, yeah I always joked to people in a serious manner that i guarantee if my mom brought me to a doctor and said she thought I had ADD I would be diagnosed with it in a second. Of course, I never bothered because it didn't affext me that much.
Trainer, if u have some page for diet and nutritions ways to help me (if in fact i do have ADD) get my brain straight.

"Ritalin is not a cure. It is a quick-fix for behaviorial problems that does not address the underlying cause. Fortunately, there is help. Studies in Australia and the U.S. have shown that almost three-quarters of ADHD-diagnosed children show remarkable improvement when placed on diets which elimiate dyes, preservatives and foods commonly associated with allergic reactions (cow's milk, wheat, soy, eggs, corn, chocolate, yeast, orange and apple juice).

I looked at this and wondered maybe if i had some of those things im supposed to reduce in my diet. Interestingly, ive been obsessed with orange juice since I was 4. So hmmm maybe I'll try this. Not to be a dumbass but bagel would counst as something like yeast or wheat (depending on the kind) right?

Yes, eliminate everything first, and see if things improve after a month, then add back one thing a week and see if symptoms resume. Then try another. It's a long process but really may help. Sometimes allergy tests may find problems. Things like this are typically caused by mild allergies, not the break out or have reaction type of allergies, but mild irritants. I would also like to point out that some food "addictions" are caused by mild allergies. I live for chocolate, and am allergic. I get migraines from it, and I still eat it.

Eh.... from my experience all that dietary solution to chemical or pathogenical(wow, totally not a word?) problems is bogus... but who knows?

Your right, you can eat anything at all. There is nothing in food that effects the human body whatsoever. Eat one pound of sugar everyday for the rest of your life. Never eat anything that has fat ever again. Maybe you should find a baby with a peanut allergy and stuff her full of PB an J sandwiches, because nothing anybody eats effects them in anyway shape or form. We are all the same. I'm not allergic to bee stings, so nobody is.

Sure that seems harsh, but every hormone, chemical and cell in the body is effected by vitamins, minerals, chemicals and micro nutrients we eat. Never underestimate what too much or too little of anything can do to you physically or mentally.

I know it's been said before, but you don't have a headache because your body has an acetaminophen shortage. People with ADD or other mental and focus problems don't have Ritalin shortage. Adding a foreign substance is not the way to solve a medical problem, it's a masking agent, the problem still exists.

I'll let you take this one as I am not knowledgable on the subject. Obviously food affects your body. I only emant that I didn't think it effected things like ADD.

Holla.

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Originally Posted by chardrian

I think you have ADD. Either that, or the class material really doesn't matter to you. maybe both.

Sometimes watching Sportscenter three times in a row is better than going to class.

I am going to go have Quiznos right now. Umm umm good.

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This made me giggle a little.

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Originally Posted by IowaSkinsFan

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Originally Posted by chardrian

I think you have ADD.

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I think u may be right, but im not gonna take drugs, i dont believe in them.

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Any 20 year old male has ADD. The ones motivated enough to be able to focus on homework and studying are the ones that need medication.

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Originally Posted by a500lbgorilla

Any 20 year old male has ADD. The ones motivated enough to be able to focus on homework and studying are the ones that need medication.

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Originally Posted by swiggidy

It wasn't until the end of my undergrad junior year that the goal became "education". I then focused my efforts on as learning as much as possible and gaining the best understanding.

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This has fooked me over totally this year. Im a final year MPHYS physicist at southampton in the UK and this year I decided that Id take subjects that "interest me" rather than ones that will land me with a first. The result is that I may not be able to do my phd now despite knowing alot more about physics than if id stuck to the easy options. Go for grades. Understanding can happen later :p.

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Originally Posted by Triptan3s

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Originally Posted by a500lbgorilla

Any 20 year old male has ADD. The ones motivated enough to be able to focus on homework and studying are the ones that need medication.

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Originally Posted by Irisheyes

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Originally Posted by Triptan3s

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Originally Posted by a500lbgorilla

Any 20 year old male has ADD. The ones motivated enough to be able to focus on homework and studying are the ones that need medication.

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Too true.