What to do about this guy owing me money

There's this kid I grew up with who was in my grade in school and everything. He's always been a decent guy. He got married a few years back and found out his wife was cheating on him about a year and a half later. During the divorce, he ended up quitting his job and moving back in with his mom ~2 hours away from here. He asked to borrow about $1200 to help with him getting an apartment so he wouldn't have to live with his mom saying he'd pay me back as soon as he got another job and whatever.

It's been about four months, and he's shown no signs of getting a job. He lays around fucking off and playing on the computer most of the time. He's obviously not brought up the money, and attempts to contact him haven't been fruitful. I know where he's staying (his mom's), though it's quite a drive.

What's my line?

You leant some douche money without specifying the details of how and when he should pay you back and without specifying contingency plans for if the original how and when filed. You have no line.

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Originally Posted by rong

You leant some douche money without specifying the details of how and when he should pay you back and without specifying contingency plans for if the original how and when filed. You have no line.

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This is the hard truth man. Now don't be an idiot about it and don't even try to ask it back before he actually has a job no matter how long it takes.

It's been only four months? Give him some time spoonit. It's not easy to find a job in this days.

Conversation between spoonit and his friend
http://i1274.photobucket.com/albums/...ps89821d3a.jpg

Spoonitnow at home:
http://i1274.photobucket.com/albums/...psa94ade1f.png

Friend at mommy's house:
http://i1274.photobucket.com/albums/...pse84a75b6.jpg

I would never lend someone money outside of family or my couple very best friends. But you've probably already figured that life advice out for yourself by now.

What's his mom like? Can you tell her? Sounds like a childish move but I bet that works better than any other legal routes you can take over it. I've known a few people (when I was in my early twenties when quite a few people still lived at home) that told the delinquent's parents. Once the parents got involved it was game over. But this depends on the parents giving a fuck of course.

Yeah, I will not lend to anyone but people close enough that they can't just move on and forget about it. And I also won't lend money unless I can do without it/won't miss it. It's just so awful when you start evaluating the other person's spending habits and feeling you should have some say in those spending habits-- and this line of thinking normally stems from you being short on money yourself.

Once you've lent the money, you just have to try to politely remind them of the debt, and hope they are decent enough to follow through on repayment.

http://cdn.memegenerator.net/instanc...x/34362083.jpg

Does he have anything worth the $1200? Go take that.

Support your local legal community and hire a lawyer, even though it probably isnt the most +EV way to help due to a lack of persuasive evidence and the lack of the kid actually having any way to pay you anyway.

But ya, support your legal community, kthx.

yeah don't do that ^^^

Well he hasn't got a job yet which was part of the deal so I'm sure he feels absolved.

Also as an aside I will NEVER lend money again without charging an aggressive vig. You have to do something to account for the risk of not getting paid back or you are just spewing. The ev of that zero-interest loan to your friend was probably like -250 dollars at least, even if you really trusted him to pay you back.

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Originally Posted by Renton

Well he hasn't got a job yet which was part of the deal so I'm sure he feels absolved.

Also as an aside I will NEVER lend money again without charging an aggressive vig. You have to do something to account for the risk of not getting paid back or you are just spewing. The ev of that zero-interest loan to your friend was probably like -250 dollars at least, even if you really trusted him to pay you back.

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Simply not loaning a friend money is better than charging a vig-- at least for any trivial amount. If the people around you are all going to just take advantage of your interest free loan, then you shouldn't loan to them and shouldn't feel bad about not loaning to them. You're not a bank.

And actually, I think this is like the dilemma presented when you start charging the person crashing at your place rent. Technically they are an official resident then, and they rightfully have a say in household matters. If you charge someone a vig, they can default and it's hard for you to guilt them, because you loaned the money, acting more like a bank than a friend. Setting repayment terms is one thing, but tacking on interest makes this a whole other animal.

I like that way of looking at things Boost. It's the same with a stake, if you are accepting a share of profits you have to accept the risk of loss.

pics of mom and I'll give u the most sensible advice in the world

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Originally Posted by JKDS

Support your local legal community and hire a lawyer, even though it probably isnt the most +EV way to help due to a lack of persuasive evidence and the lack of the kid actually having any way to pay you anyway.

But ya, support your legal community, kthx.

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bearing in mind the kid ain't got any money is this a 'pro bono' offer? ANd for which side would you be acting?

In 2009 I loaned a good friend of mine $3000. There were no terms of repayment set. I think he paid back a third of it pretty quickly, but then we hadn't talked for a long time. So I started asking for some of it back and almost monthly he began sending payments until it was completely repaid.

OP can't do anything other than bug the guy about it. Don't bother harassing though, especially if he doesn't have income. You did this out of the goodness of your heart in an effort to help a friend of yours. Taking him to court is a really stupid idea, so is visiting him to ask for money.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NJ6xBaZ92uA

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Originally Posted by rong

You leant some douche money without specifying the details of how and when he should pay you back and without specifying contingency plans for if the original how and when filed. You have no line.

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I knew fold preflop was gonna pop up somewhere.

Pay him a visit and ask for $300 now and the other $900 when he gets a job.

I think you have to put the money on the back burner, here.

If you were friends, then just try getting in touch with him. Don't do it until you've reconciled the fact you're not getting that money back now, and probably not soon, and maybe not ever.

It's just a huge mistake to let money come between a friendship.

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Originally Posted by MadMojoMonkey

I think you have to put the money on the back burner, here.

If you were friends, then just try getting in touch with him. Don't do it until you've reconciled the fact you're not getting that money back now, and probably not soon, and maybe not ever.

It's just a huge mistake to let money come between a friendship.

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I've tried several times to get in contact with him, and he's either actively avoiding me or I'm running so absurdly below getting-in-contact-with-him EV that it's ridiculous.

I wouldn't be the one who was letting money come between a friendship. He's the one [according to his mother] sitting around on his ass playing World of Warcraft and not trying to get a job. He's also not tried to be active in letting me know what's going on which is a shitty move and not a friend-like thing to do at all.

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Originally Posted by spoonitnow

I've tried several times to get in contact with him, and he's either actively avoiding me or I'm running so absurdly below getting-in-contact-with-him EV that it's ridiculous.

I wouldn't be the one who was letting money come between a friendship. He's the one [according to his mother] sitting around on his ass playing World of Warcraft and not trying to get a job. He's also not tried to be active in letting me know what's going on which is a shitty move and not a friend-like thing to do at all.

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Maybe his plan is to mine and smelt some WOW gold, and then sell it for real money to pay his debt.

http://t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:A...s2kP8YpmCkJ1bi
http://www.wowgoldhq.com/wp-content/...f-wow-gold.jpg
http://i.ytimg.com/vi/us6OeUL5OwQ/0.jpg
http://joi.ito.com/jonkvisa.jpg
http://www.blogcdn.com/wow.joystiq.c...1327197787.jpg

I wouldn't buy this debt for $100 now, move on and forget it.

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Originally Posted by ISillyDurrrAK

pics of mom and I'll give u the most sensible advice in the world

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Here's a vid of spoonit friend's mom while playing WOW

keep trying

http://cdn.blogs.sheknows.com/thewir.../judgejudy.jpg

Drive to his house and ask him when he's planning on paying you back, simple.

SUPPORT YOUR LEGAL COMMUNITAYYYY!!!!!

Either man up or give up spoon. Get a message to him defining how you want this to go down. In the message explain that he needs to contact you within a given time and if he doesn't contact you you will be coming to his house expecting some if not all of the money.

Can this guy kick your ass? If not go get your money. If so, get some friends and go get your money. JFC at least go take his computer.

I highly advise contacting your legal community before showing up and threatening, and or stealing from, this man.

Support your Legal Community today and win a free tshirt!*

*There is no free tshirt

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Originally Posted by supa

Either man up or give up spoon. Get a message to him defining how you want this to go down. In the message explain that he needs to contact you within a given time and if he doesn't contact you you will be coming to his house expecting some if not all of the money.

Can this guy kick your ass? If not go get your money. If so, get some friends and go get your money. JFC at least go take his computer.

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This is dumb.

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Originally Posted by seven-deuce

This is dumb.

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No, allowing people to take advantage of you is dumb. Standing up for yourself is not.

You can stand up for yourself without threatening and stealing. Too many movies me thinks.

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Originally Posted by seven-deuce

You can stand up for yourself without threatening and stealing. Too many movies me thinks.

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It's funny when people presume to know others when they don't.

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Originally Posted by supa

n-word something about seen me in the streets but u don't know me.jpg

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:c:

Can we ban jkds yet?

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Originally Posted by seven-deuce

Yeah but my name ring out too.

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Okay you two.

If you're going to make the drive to see him, then take a 6-pack with you and show him why you guys are friends.

He's going to be far more likely to want to pay you back if he respects you. If you make his fears come true (that you are upset at him for welching, and it's ruined your friendship), then it only perpetuates his desire to avoid the situation, and vilify you.

It's not about the money; it's about supporting your friends when they're not keeping their shit together. Go and play video games in his mom's basement.

I'd be totally fucked in this world, if not for some awesome friends that understand that my worst moments (even when they last years) are not who I truly want to be and am capable of being. Depression can be a nasty thing to deal with on a daily basis, especially when you come from a solid background like I do, and there's really no reason to be depressed.


Summary: Friends pay each other back. If you want to be paid back, you need to show him that you're still friends and that he has nothing at all to fear from you. If he respects you, he'll be more motivated to pay you back.

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Originally Posted by MadMojoMonkey

It's not about the money; it's about supporting your friends when they're not keeping their shit together. Go and play video games in his mom's basement.

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This. Also try and motivate him to get his shit together.

Turn up with beer? Nice! Ask if he needs to borrow some money too.

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Originally Posted by rong

Turn up with beer? Nice! Ask if he needs to borrow some money too.

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I laughed, but Mojo's post was probably the best in thread.

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Originally Posted by supa

Can this guy kick your ass? If not go get your money. If so, get some friends and go get your money. JFC at least go take his computer.

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just from a selfish BCer POV, i'd rather not have spoon involved in anything that might end up getting resolved "the American way".

As some of you have probably suspected, the scenario in the OP was completely fictional. I don't personally loan out money to anyone, ever.

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Originally Posted by boost

I laughed, but Mojo's post was probably the best in thread.

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Agreed, ainec. (just learnt that acronym, pleased to use it)

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Originally Posted by rong

Turn up with beer? Nice! Ask if he needs to borrow some money too.

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Hi I'm rongbonga

;)

$1200 is a cheap price to to find out this "friend"
is unreliable. You will never see the money.
You are better off knowing he is out of your life.
You could have been burned much worse.
Forget about it and move on.

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Originally Posted by DankHugh

$1200 is a cheap price to to find out this "friend" is unreliable.

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No. No, it isn't. Anything over $5 is fucking ridic.

Call me Scrooge, but I personally hound people over $5 even if it's my own fiancee.

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Originally Posted by eugmac

Call me Scrooge, but I personally hound people over $5 even if it's my own fiancee.

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Wow, scrooge.

Less than a score and I won't even remember it.

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Originally Posted by rong

Less than a score and I won't even remember it.

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What would you do to emancipate 4 score and 7?

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Originally Posted by rong

Less than a score and I won't even remember it.

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could you lend me 19 quid please?

Umm,... go ask him for it? Tell him you would like to be paid back.
Seems easy enough.

Based on his reaction/response, you can then decide how to proceed.

Anyone's line should be: Never loan money that you can't afford to immediately write-off.