Post your embarassing stories

[pantherhound]

so im in the alps cleaning my chalet and thinking everyone had left decided to start singing at the top of my voice and shouting "LOL DOCUMENTS" OVER AND OVER. start singing "the end" by the doors; spin round and see stupid woman still there reading in the lounge a few paces away; i see her and for some reason CARRY ON SINGING for about 3 painful seconds while she looks on aghast, then i finally stop and mutter something about not seeing her there.

my embarassing moment; posting this

[Galapogos]

I don't think I'd ever be too worried about some random stranger hearing me sing.

My story, when I was at work one time I bent over and split my pants in the crotch. This was really weird BTW because I am nowhere near fat. My job at the time involved a lot of bending over and picking things up and I couldn't go home and change because I was the only boss there. And I don't wear underwear. So everytime I had to pick something up my nutsack would hang out.

I have more embarrassing stories but that's the only one I can think of off the top of my head. I'm very good at repressing.

[chardrian]

When I was like 5 I got my weiner stuck in my zipper and my stepdad had to get it out.

[chardrian]

When I was like 8 our school all got these hearing tests.

Every time you heard a beep in your ear you were supposed to raise your corresponding hand (i.e. if the beep was in your right ear you raised your right hand). I decided it would be cool if I flunked the test. So I randomly didn't raise my hand on some beeps and would occasionally raise my left hand when I heard a beep in my right ear and I also made sure to get some correct as well.

So after me and all my classmates take this test they send all of them back to class and keep me behind to retest me. They told me that they were just going to retest me but that I shouldn't be scared. I answered "what?"

Then they made sure I knew the difference between my right and left hands and I showed them that I did.

Then I retook the test and tried to fail it the exact same way I did before so I wouldn't get caught and get in trouble.

Well it mustv'e worked.

They didn't say anything to me, but next week I got to miss school when my mom took me to the university hospital for more testing.

Once I realized what I was there for, I thought "oh fuck now I really gotta keep failing or my whole scam will come unraveled and I will get in deep shit."

So I tried to fail the exams like I did at school. It turns out my whole raising the wrong hand thing tipped off the experts who finally figured out I was faking.

Then the doctors thought I had some mental disorder because why else would some snot nosed kid purposely fail a hearing test?

My mom told em I was just weird so I didn't have to go to counseling. But she was pissed cuz she had to take time off work to deal with this and the way the school told her she thought I was deaf and felt bad about not knowing that previously.

So then I cried cuz that always got me out of trouble.

The end.

[Numbr2intheWorld]

I blacked out recently when i drank too much...

I wish there was more to the story but, of course, i don't remember. I heard i was pretty funny though.

[zook]

A+ story chard, I'd read it again.

[IowaSkinsFan]

I blacked out recently when i drank too much...

I wish there was more to the story but, of course, i don't remember. I heard i was pretty funny though.

try to recount it through what you heard happened.

[Reidak]

This is a repost from a few days ago on another thread, but it fits so well into this one.

You guys inspired me to share.

Rewind to last summer. I have a gf, we get caught messing around in her basement by her deaf grandmother.

Status amongst her clique +++

Fast forward to two months ago. Im in her friends basement watching a hockey game. Her friend offers me a drink, I decline (why? i dont know.). She starts coming onto me, I start joking around (7 minutes left in the first period, wanted to wait for the intermission). Eventually the horn blows and I allow her access.

Skip details. Shes half nekkid (top up) grinding her pelvis into my crotch as I work magic. Magic, i tell you. Magic.

So I reach for her pants to unbutton them, shes sitting on the couch now.
I did it a couple times lightly just to test where i was at, slid the thumb underneath the pants, let her know i was there. Anyways she reached down (fuck, i thought i was going to get the 'noooo') and she undid the button. I was going to, but i didnt want to get a rape charge. Anyways I go in now. The cookies are ready, i thought.

I remember a friend telling me about the smell test.
I love him for it.

I bring the hand up, behind her back as im kissing her neck.

From even a foot away from my face, i knew it was game over.



Everything unholy and evil in this world was camping in her vagina, in the form of odour.


In her defense, she *was* at cheer for a couple hours previous to having me over. but serously, she came onto me.

Anyways that really put me off. So I stop and ask her what the time is.
X:30 she said.

OH FUCK. i say, jumping up.
'i was supposed to call my boy at X!'

(i forgot the hour)

so i fake the call, pace around. did it well, gtfo of there.

[bigred]

@Jishu: That's not embarrassing, that's funny.

I didn't know about the smell test so I hooked up with this girl and didn't notice the smell until I was driving home. It was unbearable. I had to hold my right hand out my left window while driving which was really awkward.

Hmmmm, embarassing stories...I can't think of too many. Last week I almost got kicked out of a pizza place we frequent for trying to drag an employee out to come play beer bong. I was smashed. I don't remember it but I've been told the story by numerous people.

Only other recent thing I can think of is last week we were sitting in this cafe area in the business school when some lady who was leaning back in her chair fell backwards making a loud clunk and looking really foolish. To make things worse my friend, who has a history of tormenting random people, decides he's going to do the same thing on purpose but 20 times more dramatic and fake. He then gets up and starts talking about how stupid he is for doing it and what a loser he is, all very loud and obviously directed towards the lady. The lady figures out what's going on, comes over and identifies herself as some head of the business school and continues to tear into my friend about manners and the like. It was embarrassing*(but hilarious at the same time) because we were surrounded by stuck up MBA students who were giving us the condescending "stupid undergrads" look.

[mrhappy333]

Hmmm, I'll leave the smelly vag story alone.

Along time ago I used to work at a health club and had the key to use the place whenever I wanted. It's a Ballys and has a Hot Tub steam room and a pool.
Well I had managed to get my Girlfriend and another girl to come with me to the club after a lot of talking about sex. (Its about 1AM) After doing alot of stuff inside, the girls said they were cold. I ran outside to my car naked and at the same time Johnny Law was driving thru the parking lot!!
He shine that big spot light on me and I ran back inside, grabbed my pants, told the babes to get some clothes on and ran back to the door to greet Mr police man.
As soon as he came up to the door I just told him what I was up too " I got two girls here , we were all having sex, the two girls were gettin it on, they were cold so I ran to get a blanket......and thats when you showed up."
so he checks the place out, checks the girls out and I tell him I'll call my manager so he can talk to him.
So I go to the rolladex at the front desk and call A fellow friend of mine that works at the club, ( I had to explain the whole situation to him how was my manager and all this stuff when he wasn't )so then the cop talks to him and everything was cool.
Phew..

About two weeks later I'm at 7-11 witht he same 2 girls and I was getting some Porno Mags and in comes the same cop!!
He says to me jokingly
"should I stop by the club later?"
I just smiled and walked out with the two girls and my porno mags.

Man I miss that job.

[zook]

Your screenname suddenly makes a lot of sense.

[boost]

mrhappy.. are you one big gimmick account? Yes or no, I dont care, I love it.

panther, Ive had similar situations. I remember I thought I was all alone when I lived at my moms house. It was winter and I was cold and hungry. I wasnt dressed since i just rolled over in bed and turned on my computer then played poker all day. I wrap myself in a sheet and go to the kitchen to find nurishment. The sheet is kinda like a cape and Im in a goofy mood so I start singing the batman theme song, you know.. nanananananananananan batman!.. right as I turn the corner into the dining room, Im face to face with my sisters boyfreind with my forearm pulled across my face in a batman like manner.

Dont think Ive been caught doing it... but if people saw the stuff I do in the bathroom, like if Im brushing my teeth, somteimes Ill cathc my own eyes in the mirror, and goofyness ensues, funny faces, taxi driver shit talking, w/e

[mrhappy333]

boots whats the gimmick?

[bigspenda73]

I used to shit myself until I was like 2. Haven't done it since.

[chardrian]

When I was 10 (5th grade) they made all of us take these standardized tests to see if you were stoopid, average, or genius. They didn't mean anything except it let people say "ha, see the rich kids are smarter than the poor kids!"

Anyhoo I went to school with the rich kids so I was smart.

When you filled out the little bubbles one of them was for race or ethnicity or sumtin and this was a time when "African-American" was becoming the pc term for black. Being the smartass that I am, I filled in that little bubble since I was born in Africa and I am American.

I kicked ass on the test and then started getting all of these scholarship letters to boarding schools/prep schools who wanted to get that one token smart black kid.

When my mom figured out that I had repeated my lying routine at school again she got mad at me so I cried and pretended that I didn't know African-American meant black. I don't think she believed me, but the crying thing always worked.

In case you haven't realized it, I am trying to write in a Lukiesque style, but I am not sure it is working.

[bigred]

Sorry char but to write in lukiesque style you must remove any meaningful content. Your posts have plot.

[chardrian]

Oh - I thought you just had to say a lot of boring/off-topic stuff.

I'll try harder next time.

[a500lbgorilla]

so today I was working on my paper and my buddy told me he was hungry. So I went with him to go get some dinner. We went to the Au Bon Pain or That Good Bread in french. I got a feta cheese and something wrap. It sucked. He got some turkey club sandwich and said it sucked. So the whole meal sucked...

[mrhappy333]

lukie style.

[swiggidy]

so today I was working on my paper and my buddy told me he was hungry. So I went with him to go get some dinner. We went to the Au Bon Pain or That Good Bread in french. I got a feta cheese and something wrap. It sucked. He got some turkey club sandwich and said it sucked. So the whole meal sucked...

The girl at the cash register smiled at me. I'm pretty sure she wanted me but we just left...

[mrhappy333]

And Gabe gave the girl outside a beer.

[euphoricism]

First one, from the best drinking stories thread...

pre-disclaimer: I can now do shots again. They still make me want to fucking die, but I'm better at controlling my vomit.

A little backstory: I vomit easily from shots. Very easily. I can drink any mixed drink, but ever since I had a bad love affair with a bottle of cheap vodka, I haven't kept a shot down. Its purely mental, but as soon as that crap hits my stomach it comes right back up.

So I arrive at my buddies party, and the whole group wants to start the party with shots of everclear. There are about 15 people there, and everyone is poured one. My friends are fully aware of my shot-taking affliction, but begin peer pressuring the fuck out of me.

I refuse. No fucking way am I doing this. No fucking way.

So there I am at the counter, in front of a ton of people who are ripping on me incredibly fucking hard with this shot of clear liquid death in front of me.

After a good 10 minutes of ripping on me, one of the guys produces a pen and a piece of paper, and writes out:

"I, John, will give Euphoricism $50 if he does a shot of everclear." and signs it and hands it to me. Its a fucking contract.

You're going to give me $50 to vomit on your rug? Alright man.

So I sign the contract, grab my chaser in the left and, the shot in the right and down it, immediately chugging the fuck out of the chaser while making "shot face" -- the intense grimace when you know this isn't going to be pretty.

Everyone starts laughing. I'm confused. What the hell? THIS is everclear? Give me another shot! I'm in love!

Then, in unison, all 15 scream, "ITS WATER!" and they have not stopped ripping on me for it since. Eupho chased a shot of water.

Fucking pricks.

[euphoricism]

Now the funny one:

So, I was over at a buddys once for one of our massive parties. After the festivities, I passed out on the couch somewhere around like 3 or 4 am.

I woke up around 9 am (for some reason I always wake up early after I've been fucking plastered. Whats up with that?) and walked out to my car.

On the way, I saw a guy jogging. I waved, he stopped, I said hello, and he said hello. He asked if I'd been drinking, and I laughed and I jokingly told him I couldn't remember. He laughed and we both carried on our merry ways.

I hopped in the car, and drove home. I parked outside my apartment complex, got out, and turned around to lock the car door.

Thats when I saw the reflection of the giant penis drawn on my face.

[mrhappy333]

Thats when I saw the reflection of the giant penis drawn on my face.

priceless!!

[boost]

Thats when I saw the reflection of the giant penis drawn on my face.

priceless!!

[pokadave]

OMG!! thats easily the best one yet!!

even better the guy didnt tell u that u had a dick on your face..

[Reidak]

Well when you see a guy walking out of a house at 9am, looking hung over, with a dick on his face.

the last thing you want to do is tell him theres a dick on his face.

[thizzSantaCruz]

That reminds me of some pretty wild times I have had in Chico...this really isn't embarassing for me but it is for one of my friends. So my boy is a complete jack-ass and when hes drunk he is over the top obnoxious but hes still my boy. Anyways we get completely hammared at a huge party that encompasses about 6 apartments in Chico. I'm sitting on a couch talking to this girl when my friend Dan runs over and tells me he wants to show me something. I follow him outside to see my buddy passed out on a balcony, somehow he had managed to pass out with his feet under the railing and hanging overthe balcony, his body was still supported. Someone had marked his entire face with sharpy in a darth maul pattern with orange and black, someone prowdly pulled his lips out and showed his teeth were even sharpied black.

I am laughing my ass off because if anyone this guy deserves it. Someone walked out and then antiqued him and he didn't move a muscle. Anyways to make matters worse no one moved him and he wound up pissing himself in the nite. Someone made a whole myspace page devoted to him called Darth Maul, for some reason I cannot find it or I would post links, its fucking halarious.