overheard nyc quotes that made me laugh

[bigred]

here's a few



Mom to screaming child: Shut the fuck up!
Man: Yeah, keep telling your kid 'Shut the fuck up' so he can grow up and steal my car someday.

Hipster chick: Hey, what do you do when Pikachu won't get on a bus?
Thug: I dunno.
Hipster chick: You poke him on! Get it? Like Pokemon?
Thug: No, then he would thunderstrike you.
Hipster chick: [Silence.]
Thug: He's an electric type, you know?

Dude #1: How come when you have sex bad things happen, like STDs? Why can't you get sexually transmitted skills, like creativity?
Dude #2: Or juggling.

Dude: Yeah, I put Tiger Balm on my testicles and it felt like a million breathing elves.
Chick: Oooh, minty! That must have been nice.
Dude: Oh, no -- like fire-breathing elves.

Blonde: So, where is she from?
Friend: Croatia.
Blonde: Where's that?
Friend: It's, like, by Italy.
Blonde: Ohhh, like Czechoslovakia.
Friend: No, Croatia. Near Bosnia and Serbia.
Blonde: Oh, so it's like Russia.
Thug: Croatia, bitch! Former Yugoslavia! Remember, they had a civil war and broke up into five countries?
Blonde: [Stares blankly.]
Thug: Jesus Christ, study a fuckin' map. Even Tara Reid knows where it is.

Guy: I was seeing her for a while, but it just wasn't working out. I guess I'm not over Jessica.
Girl: What?
Guy: What do you mean, what?
Girl: I thought you were gay.
Guy: Oh, because I'm a hairdresser. How original. Just because I'm a hairdresser you think I'm gay.
Girl: No. I thought you were gay because when I stayed at your house four years ago I woke up and saw you fucking Matt in the ass!
Guy: Oh my God. Matt and I have never talked about that night.

Mother with little girl: Excuse me. My daughter wants to know if you're a pirate.
Woman wearing bandana: No. I'm just a lesbian.

God Squad lady: Praise Jesus! You won't be saved without Jesus! You have to start believing in Jesus to be saved! Jesus will always be there for you!
Suit #1: Would it be so awful if we pushed her out when the doors open?
Suit #2: No. Jesus will save her.

[flomo]

good stuufff

[swiggidy]

I was in Disney land about 10 years ago. It was Sunny, bout 85, not a cloud in the sky. We're walking down main-street of the happiest place on earth. They have these soap bubble things falling from the top of the buildings that looks exactly like snow.

Little Kid: Look mommy, it's a miracle, it's snowing.
Mom: Shut the fuck up before I slap the shit out of you

[ThelVlaster]

bigred those quotes are ridiculously awesome! Makes me want to move to nyc. I tried to single out a favorite but they are all just too good!

[Muzzard]

Little Kid: Look mommy, it's a miracle, it's snowing.
Mom: Shut the fuck up before I slap the shit out of you

LOLOLOL ROFL!

[givememyleg]

lol damn

[Halv]

Wowowowowow keep em coming!

The only conversations I ever hear in the street are like this:
"Nå, ka han sir?"
"Næi, ikke så mye."
"Og ellers?"
"Næi, ikke så mye."

[bigred]

Chick: I had such a hard time when I lived here. People were always calling me a slut. Always, always, always, always.
Guy standing next to her: Yeah?


Guy handing out fliers: Do you like stand-up comedy?
Goth girl: No! I hate happiness!


Hobo to male passerby: Spare change? Anything helps -- God bless.
Passerby: Get a job.
Hobo: Get on your knees and give me a job!