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 thailand - everything you wanted to know (ask me!)
Ask all your questions about thailand here!
OK, why go to thailand?
mingle with and pick up sexually liberated girls (but are they girls?)
relax in the sunshine
get pampered - massage, manicure, pedicure, facial treatments
make friends. Thailand has some of the most friendliest people in the world. Especially the girls (I don't know about the guys 'cos I didn't mix too much with them). But extremely warm hearted and friendly people in general!
go shopping - buy all sorts of weird and pretty stuff that isn't going to last more than 1 month
engage the services of professional sex-providers (prostitutes, massage girls, salon girls, or freelancers). I don't recommend this unless you want to get STDs. I recommend picking up the girls you see in the clubs, it's not much more difficult and a lot more fun.
PARTY!!!!! you haven't lived until you've been to the full moon party, or some of the other beach parties. Of course, Thong Lo, RCA, and those infamous "after party" clubs (explain more later)
cultural highlights - see the thai kick boxing, the buddhist temples, and the floating markets. Go ride an elephant!
food - overated IMO and overpriced in the tourist areas, but if you befriend the locals and you have a good healthy stomach, there's lots of yummy food to be eaten for cheap.
Does that turn you on yet? If it doesn't you're too hard to please!
OK... gotta teach piano now. Back soon. Alrite, I'm back. First a geography lesson. The places of interest for tourists are Bangkok, Chiang Mai (sometimes spelt Chiang Rai), Pattaya, and the island resorts. Pretty much everyone will land in Bangkok (BKK), and that's going to be my focus. But I've been to all those places and if you want to know more I can answer those questions.
OK, so you're in BKK. When you walk out the arrival gates you'll be swarmed with a flood of people asking offering to take you to "taxi". Lesson 1: in Thailand, never listen to anyone who offers unsolicited help. The people are great if you go up to them and ask for help they will help you but don't confuse their friendliness with unsolicited help - if they're offering you something, either a free ride to a massage parlour or to take you to the taxis, it's not cos they love you. Under no circumstances, will you take those "taxis", they're a scam. You must head down to the lower floor, take the big escalator down one level. Find the table where there's a queue. This is a government service that will negotiate and translate for you so your taxi driver knows where to go and keeps records of the driver so he won't think of doing anything funny. There's a small, reasonable surcharge for this. For a trip to downtown Sukhumvit (or in fact pretty much anywhere you'll want to stay in Bangkok) pay about 400 baht, inclusive of the government charge and highway charges. That's a small premium on the metered fare, but reasonable. Once in the taxi your driver will probably get pissed off and say it's not inclusive of highway charges, just stick to your guns.
Bangkok is a large and congested city. The sky train is your friend. You *must* stay somewhere that's possible to access by skytrain (within 15 minutes walk). There's a few plausible places to stay depending on what you want to achieve.
For the shopping nuts, somewhere near the MBK. The pathumwan princess hotel is an underpriced hotel that's a solid 4 stars and quite new, and while not dirt cheap is excellent value. Right next to the MBK, one of the funnest places to shop in the world (I'm not saying the quality's great, but there's so much quirky stuff). Close to skytrain too
If you're trying to get laid as many times as you can, then you want ot be on the upper section of Sukhumvit Road. Somewhere along the road near Nana station or Asok station and you are right in the thick of the action that BKK is famous for. Forget about Patpong, that's yesterday's red light district. The side streets off Sukhumvit is where the rowdy action is, including the after party Spice Club in the Ambassador hotel. For the rich, the Ambassador is fine place to stay. If you want to save on accomodation, go to the Pinnacle Sukhumvit. Rooms are clean and spacious, and again you get more than the price of 750-800baht (that's <25 USD a night. This is for a double room. Share with a friend, or bring friends in to share. This lodge is girl friendly too (if you stay in executive or 5 star hotels like conrad or novotel, female guests are sometimes banned, or they'll slug you with a 200 baht fee for visitors, which sucks). If you want an eye opener, you can stay in the Nana Hotel, which will make you feel like you're living in a brothel. No harm if you want to see something new, stay a night or two and it's not too expensive. Extremely run down and dodgy though, and not recommended for people travelling with girlfriends.
A popular choice for the one who actually wants to make friends with more localized people rather than the touristy sex-mecca of Nana district, is to live in one of the serviced apartments of Soi Thong Lo. This is the clubbing district of Thailand. Brush up on your mandarin for socializing with Chinese Thais, or your Thai proper for the rest. Alternatively, just dance well and let your body talk. Don't worry, you can make friends without knowing the language. Just smile and laugh a lot and don't worry if you don't understand what your friend is saying and just guess.
Escudo is definitely the place to go for picking up locals. Alternatively, try "Jet", or Santika in Ekkamai which is hip-hop focused and the preferred pick up line is to just walk up to a girl and start grinding her from behind. If she accepts your invitation she'll grind you back. If you want to just let it hang loose, try Remix further down Soi Thong Lo.
If you choose to stay in Sukhumvit, then besides the commercialized sexspots in the Nana Plaza or the beer bars along the side streets, go to the nearby discos. If you got no game and can't get hold of any local party-goers (god save you), dance with the freelancing prostitutes. Nana disco (for dirty in your face... almost like a gogo-bar where you can dance with the girls), Q-bar (upperclass middle-aged western expatriate feel), or CM2 in Novotel (not a bad place to be). If choosing to "pick up" one of the freelancers, I suggest you negotiate terms and make it clear what you want so there's no misunderstandings. They're professionals, it's just less structured compared to a (illegitimate) massage parlour or an actual go-go bar or beer bar, so they're expecting it.
If you want to socialize with off duty bargirls, go to the spice club after hours (after 2:00AM). Some will come home with you, some won't, some might just ignore you. It's just a normal club with a crowd of off-duty people who work as either legitimate beauty salonists, bartenders, pool girls, or other people who can't get enough of partying.
The last place to consider is Khao San Road. It's far removed from the rest of the action, and off the sky train line. But it's the cheapest place to stay, and has a very hippie backpacker feel. Not my style. I wouldn't go backpacking in Bangkok of all places. But if that's your thing, it's not a bad place to be. I was there one night and nearly ODed on ecstacy (or whatever the fuck it was that the guy told me was ecstacy).
That's enough for now... next time I'll tell you about how to relax, how to get yourself looking beautiful, and which islands to check out. More on nightlife and picking up too, which is my specialty subject
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Originally Posted by meeloche
