Serious Sex Problem

[spoonitnow]

This is kind of hard to talk about but I'll just come out and say it.

I'm really, really, really good at sex, but I don't particularly enjoy it.

Thoughts?

[ChrisBCritter]

[spoonitnow]

This is serious business guys.

[a500lbgorilla]

Have you tried sex with women?

[spoonitnow]

Have you tried sex with women?

I've never had any sort of sexual contact with a male, but have had more female sexual partners than I care to mention.

[frosst]

i dont think i'd really enjoy having sex either if it was just with fat chicks

[XTR1000]

I'm really, really, really good at sex, but I don't particularly enjoy it.

thats a weird quote. how can u be good, when ur sex is bad?

[spoonitnow]

i dont think i'd really enjoy having sex either if it was just with fat chicks

I've only had sex with 2 fat chicks in my lifetime. One has been previously featured on this forum, and I had a somewhat justifiable reason for that one. The other was your mom.

I'm really, really, really good at sex, but I don't particularly enjoy it.

thats a weird quote. how can u be good, when ur sex is bad?

My sex isn't bad, I just don't enjoy sex.

[ChrisBCritter]

So on what basis can you claim that you are good at sex? Everybody thinks they are "good" at sex...

If you don't enjoy something, stop doing it?

[kingnat]

I'm really, really, really good at sex, but I don't particularly enjoy it.

I have the exact opposite problem...

[spoonitnow]

So on what basis can you claim that you are good at sex? Everybody thinks they are "good" at sex...

If you don't enjoy something, stop doing it?

Everybody doesn't think they're good at sex. You clearly don't. Also, I have a sufficient sample size.

I'm really, really, really good at sex, but I don't particularly enjoy it.

I have the exact opposite problem...

Yes, but like with poker, it can be corrected with sufficient study and practice.


So does anyone actually want to talk about the question?

[kevster]

Lost your mojo eh? There can be a lot of reasons for this. See a doctor.

[a500lbgorilla]

No, because you're lying. Unless your brain is malfunctioning. Like heroine, orgasm releases certain neurotransmitter chemicals such as serotonin (and dopamine?) which are involved in your brain's reward center. Orgasming makes your brain want to have more orgasms. These are the same mechanisms that can lead to people becoming addicted to masturbation. So if your having an orgasm, you're enjoying sex.

[spoonitnow]

Lost your mojo eh? There can be a lot of reasons for this. See a doctor.

I've considered seeing a therapist over this, but to be honest up until recently I probably haven't been able to afford it.

[spoonitnow]

No, because you're lying. Unless your brain is malfunctioning. Like heroine, orgasm releases certain neurotransmitter chemicals such as serotonin (and dopamine?) which are involved in your brain's reward center. Orgasming makes your brain want to have more orgasms. So if your having an orgasm, you're enjoying sex.

Yes, I'm obviously lying. Thanks for the oh-so-obvious answer to my problem Dr. Rilla, sex specialist.

On a more serious note, I'm currently 23 years old. When I was 19 I discovered that a long-term girlfriend of mine had cheated on me and shortly thereafter I went on a sort of "binge" I guess you could call it, fucking every decent-looking (and a few, unfortunately, not-so-decent-looking girls) I could get my hands on. This went on for almost a year and a half. I'm not really sure why I did it or whatever, but I thought this would be kind of relevant since I have been feeling this way about sex ever since.

[a500lbgorilla]

If you want, I can pass the question on to my professor to get a better answer. However, based on the tone of your original post and the tone of your last post as well as the subject material itself I find it highly likely that you are, indeed, lying.

Try heroin.

[spoonitnow]

If you want, I can pass the question on to my professor to get a better answer. However, based on the tone of your original post and the tone of your last post as well as the subject material itself I find it highly likely that you are, indeed, lying.

Try heroin.

Yes because spoon + posting + sex = lying.

But feel free to pass along whatever you'd like to whoever you'd like. Maybe they can give some constructive feedback.

[a500lbgorilla]

Yes, because spoon + posting + sex = lying.

[Warpe]

serious sex problems come from taking sex too seriously

[spoonitnow]

Yes, because spoon + posting + sex = lying.

If you're done with your personal attacks, we can continue.

I've been thinking of other information that might be relevant. From the time I was 17 until 21 or 22 I was also masturbating to pornography at least once a day, sometimes 3-4. These days I only masturbate maybe once every 3-4 days. Also, I'm having sex about 3-4 times a week with my live-in girlfriend of about a year.

[Warpe]

On a more serious note, I'm currently 23 years old. When I was 19 I discovered that a long-term girlfriend of mine had cheated on me and shortly thereafter I went on a sort of "binge" I guess you could call it, fucking every decent-looking (and a few, unfortunately, not-so-decent-looking girls) I could get my hands on. This went on for almost a year and a half. I'm not really sure why I did it or whatever, but I thought this would be kind of relevant since I have been feeling this way about sex ever since.

went there, did this after I discovered my ex was fucking around. pretty sure it was a self-esteem thing...

nevertheless, had tons of fun as a result and discovered my ex wasn't that good at sex in comparison to what was out there

[spoonitnow]

serious sex problems come from taking sex too seriously

The biggest problem I have with not enjoying sex is that it's become a bit of a chore instead of something I want to be spending my time doing.

[Warpe]

thinking of other information that might be relevant. From the time I was 17 until 21 or 22 I was also masturbating to pornography at least once a day, sometimes 3-4. These days I only masturbate maybe once every 3-4 days. Also, I'm having sex about 3-4 times a week with my live-in girlfriend of about a year.

wasn't somebody looking for a thesis a little while ago?

[Warpe]

serious sex problems come from taking sex too seriously

The biggest problem I have with not enjoying sex is that it's become a bit of a chore instead of something I want to be spending my time doing.

quality>quantity

supposedly, if you put a jelly bean into a jar every time you have sex at the beginning of a relationship then, once the jar is full, , take a jelly bean out every time you have sex as the relationship goes on, you will never empty the jar. probably not true, but sex with the same partner can definitely get boring after a while.

get books, try new shit, etc., and don't have sex because you feel like you 'have' to. a once-a-week 2 hour fuckfest is way better than a 10-min wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am every night.

[flomo]

you are not 23, you are actually 43

[will641]

maybe your gf isnt very good?

I don't understand the point in this entire thread?

[a500lbgorilla]

whatever, I'm sorry for being a pissy asshole once again today. I dunno what it is but I'm just really pissed off 24/7 these days.

[will641]

try eating a banana

[a500lbgorilla]

haha it was the "happy food" thing that started my whole mood swing for the worst. I was having a really shitty day on saturday so I ate a banana, some chocolate and some milk. Got into the party mood and before long had pissed off an entire sorority and woke up in the hospital.

[spoonitnow]

get books, try new shit, etc., and don't have sex because you feel like you 'have' to. a once-a-week 2 hour fuckfest is way better than a 10-min wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am every night.

I know what you're saying, but I can assure you that there's plenty of variety outside of multiple-partners. What kind of sucks is that really the only enjoyment I get out of sex anymore is from fucking new girls -- something my girlfriend, rather understandably, isn't down with.

Random thought that I need to write down before I forget to mention it: communication with my girlfriend is great and not a concern whatsoever.

I try to get as much quality out of it as I can. We typically have two types of sex. The first usually happens before she goes to work, and typically involves her getting off 2-3 times and I do not get off (my choice), and lasts about 15-20 minutes. The second usually happens in the evenings after she's gotten home from work, and lasts anywhere from 45 minutes to 3 hours with both of us generally having multiple (3+) orgasms.

I also don't think that attraction is an issue.

[spoonitnow]

you are not 23, you are actually 43

ldo.

maybe your gf isnt very good?

The only problem with this assumption, which I've considered myself, is that I've had this same problem with more than a dozen partners, so I don't think that's really it.

I don't understand the point in this entire thread?

That's because you're a virgin. <3

whatever, I'm sorry for being a pissy asshole once again today. I dunno what it is but I'm just really pissed off 24/7 these days.

Np, you know we love you.

[ZwiFT]

I have almost the same problem...

I enjoy better wanking off to porn than having sex with a woman, nomather how hot she is. It just feels better. No joke

[spoonitnow]

I have almost the same problem...

I enjoy better wanking off to porn than having sex with a woman, nomather how hot she is. It just feels better. No joke

I know a few guys who are similar.

[fat-b]

LOOK
LOOK AT ME !

[deacon_bluez]

Spoon, it's kinda funny that you ask a question like this on a poker forum, then get indignant when people give you crap about it. Asking this question here and expecting a serious, useful answer makes about as much sense as me calling Dr. Ruth to ask if I should reraise my pocket tens preflop.

All that said, I'll put on my amateur shrink hat and offer some ideas.

In my experience, sex is much better when you're in love with the partner. Are you in love with your gf? (Not suggesting you're not, just asking.) I think sex becomes "a bit of a chore" is because you no longer have any emotional investment in it. Sex with a new person, first time, is always exciting, but it loses its thrill eventually unless there's an emotional aspect. Lust is short-term only.

I'll take it a step further, and you might not like it. But if I were in your position I would examine my life trajectory. You mention your live-in gf, but is this relationship going anywhere? (Again, I may be way off base and don't wish to offend.) What is the next step?

You have commented frequently on the need in poker to strive for the next level, to improve through careful study of the game. Are you moving the relationship in the same way? It's like if you start at microstakes and a small bankroll: the game is exciting. But as you become a winner and begin to build your roll, you want to move up to the next level as your skill improves. If you are killing the game and are massively overrolled, but just continue grinding at low levels (insert sex joke here) where you started, of course the game is going to get tedious.

I am old enough to be your dad (didn't want to mention that until the end of this post), and one major change I've seen in the current generation is the tendency towards multiple sex partners or live-in arrangements where there is no emotional life investment. I'm not being moralistic here. I just think that in the long-term, people are wasting there time (the prime of their lives no less) playing around instead of getting their lives in order. Maybe (just maybe, I'm not saying this is you for sure) the thing you need to do is make a serious commitment: get married to this girl and start a family... or get off the pot. If she's not the one for you, maybe the answer is to find the one who is.

I think once you have all these things in order, the questions you have about sex will begin to answer themselves. Again, sorry if I am way off base or overly personal. Just some thoughts.

[euphoricism]

What kind of sucks is that really the only enjoyment I get out of sex anymore is from fucking new girls -- something my girlfriend, rather understandably, isn't down with.

You answered your own question.

[fat-b]

What kind of sucks is that really the only enjoyment I get out of sex anymore is from fucking new girls -- something my girlfriend, rather understandably, isn't down with.

You answered your own question.

[spoonitnow]

What kind of sucks is that really the only enjoyment I get out of sex anymore is from fucking new girls -- something my girlfriend, rather understandably, isn't down with.

You answered your own question.

Yes, I did.

My question was "Thoughts?"

[euphoricism]

STBY i guess.

[givememyleg]

what about mixing up some hj/bj/rj/whatever instead of the 3 hour sex session sometimes? me and my gf have sex a lot, and both enjoy it, but i think we have have only gone 3 hours a couple times... i think i might hate sex if i did it for that long too. 15-20 mins is fine for me. also an occasional handjob or blowjob and some cunnilings keeps things interesting.

[spoonitnow]

what about mixing up some hj/bj/rj/whatever instead of the 3 hour sex session sometimes? me and my gf have sex a lot, and both enjoy it, but i think we have have only gone 3 hours a couple times... i think i might hate sex if i did it for that long too. 15-20 mins is fine for me. also an occasional handjob or blowjob and some cunnilings keeps things interesting.

Uhh... I thought it was understood that by "3 hour session" I don't mean "3 hours of intercourse".

[Warpe]

I get more thrill from the chase than the kill. I think a lot/most guys are hard-wired that way.

[givememyleg]

what about mixing up some hj/bj/rj/whatever instead of the 3 hour sex session sometimes? me and my gf have sex a lot, and both enjoy it, but i think we have have only gone 3 hours a couple times... i think i might hate sex if i did it for that long too. 15-20 mins is fine for me. also an occasional handjob or blowjob and some cunnilings keeps things interesting.

Uhh... I thought it was understood that by "3 hour session" I don't mean "3 hours of intercourse".

even so, damn man that's a long time

[spoonitnow]

I get more thrill from the chase than the kill. I think a lot/most guys are hard-wired that way.

True.

[pgil]

couple of thoughts.

maybe a 10 minute wham bam thank you maam is what you need if you are thinking that sex is a chore. and it would start to feel like one if it always took hours.

also, you may want to try not having sex of any kind for a bit, even a couple of weeks. If I had sex twice a day for that long I would probably start to not enjoy it as much either. there's something to be said for denying yourself pleasure in the short term.

[d0zer]

http://www.asexuality.org/home/

OR

http://craigslist.org

[Lukie]

i would ask for advice on an internet forum

[Numbr2intheWorld]

I think we should have a contest and see who gets to bang spoons GF

[euphoricism]

some people just arent into "vanilla" sex. If your GF isnt cool with that, then shes not the right one for you. Its not like this is going to go away.

[spoonitnow]

i would ask for advice on an internet forum

Balla in training right here son.

some people just arent into "vanilla" sex. If your GF isnt cool with that, then shes not the right one for you. Its not like this is going to go away.

Wtf is vanilla sex? I've fucked black chicks if that counts?

[will641]

i dont see why vanilla sex would mean doing a white chick, when vanilla bean is black, unless the only thing you know about vanilla is that its in ice cream, and the ice cream is white.

[ZwiFT]

if i fuck a girl for more than 5 minutes my dick gets soft

[givememyleg]

maybe just sex less often ?

[bode]

if i fuck a girl for more than 5 minutes my dick gets soft

stop jerking off so much imo

[BankItDrew]

My joy comes from observing the pleasure my partner receives. This can only be obtained when I really have feelings for her (something you may have trouble dishing out after the pain you suffered from the partner you mentioned earlier in the thread). I strongly recommend limiting your future partners to those that you care for stronger than those with just a nice ass.

[spoonitnow]

My joy comes from observing the pleasure my partner receives. This can only be obtained when I really have feelings for her (something you may have trouble dishing out after the pain you suffered from the partner you mentioned earlier in the thread). I strongly recommend limiting your future partners to those that you care for stronger than those with just a nice ass.

This is really the only motivation I have for sex, and other than the fucking new girls thing, is what I enjoy about it. I guess when I said I didn't enjoy sex, I meant as far as like "omfg I want to fuck this bitch" or whatever, if that makes any sense. I feel you though.

[spoonitnow]

i dont see why vanilla sex would mean doing a white chick, when vanilla bean is black, unless the only thing you know about vanilla is that its in ice cream, and the ice cream is white.

I don't know about that homosexual cooking shit, sir.

[Ash256]

Do you actually like your gf?

What emotions do you feel towards her? (Emphasis being on those flash-in-the-pan emotions that you supress immediately)

[BankItDrew]

I guess when I said I didn't enjoy sex, I meant as far as like "omfg I want to fuck this bitch"

Do you think it's possible that you lost this feeling because of your 'binge'?

[spoonitnow]

I guess when I said I didn't enjoy sex, I meant as far as like "omfg I want to fuck this bitch"

Do you think it's possible that you lost this feeling because of your 'binge'?

I definitely wouldn't be the first to experience that, but I figured it would come back after some period of time. Maybe that period of time just hasn't elapsed yet.

[boost]

Ive def had the beginning stages of this, but I never lived with my girlfriend for a long period of time. So I would naturally just have less sex as I felt more apathetic towards it. Then the less sex I had the more I would be into it. Also I have heard that men have cycles similar to womens minus the bleeding. Like our levels of hormones fluctuate in cycles. Anyways heres a comic that relates that will hopefully either cheer you up or push you over the edge:

[spoonitnow]

lol I love you in a totally straight way.

[XTR1000]

a relationship is the best way to ruin good sex

[jyms]

Your testosterone levels are dropping. It's probably a cross between not having the chase and a lower test level. Have a blood test and check out some of your hormonal levels. The chase part is up to you. When your 18 and your test levels are through the roof you will fuck the cat, or a fat chick. You have no drive, and sex is more than release now, which is time and effort.

[IowaSkinsFan]

Try something new? If you get a thrill out of new sexual endevors, why not do some role playing, costumes, anal, etc idk.

[Halv]

I have a sex problem as well. I'm not having it.

[spoonitnow]

Try something new? If you get a thrill out of new sexual endevors, why not do some role playing, costumes, anal, etc idk.

I do some pretty crazy shit as it is. Thanks though.

[tom]

[ProZachNation]

I have a sex problem as well. I'm not having it.

Can we form a club? Maybe a buncha guys who don't get enough sex hanging out drink some beers... ya know w.e happens happens... ya know? Dude. Comon.

[jyms]

I have a sex problem as well. I'm not having it.

Can we form a club? Maybe a buncha guys who don't get enough sex hanging out drink some beers... ya know w.e happens happens... ya know? Dude. Comon.

yea that's what a guy that's not having sex needs, more guy friends to hang around without any girlfriends to introduce you to single friends.

[Ragnar4]

Spoon.

Try waiting, getting to know the girl and testing the waters as a real life partner before throwing yourself into bed with her.

Had the same problem till I met my wife.

[Lukie]

i would try to do something that would normally be considered 'bad'. for example, tapping the preacher's daughter. oh wait...

[spoonitnow]

Spoon.

Try waiting, getting to know the girl and testing the waters as a real life partner before throwing yourself into bed with her.

Had the same problem till I met my wife.

Why assume that I haven't gotten to know her?

i would try to do something that would normally be considered 'bad'. for example, tapping the preacher's daughter. oh wait...

Nice. Very nice.

[mrhappy333]

Spoon, it's kinda funny that you ask a question like this on a poker forum, then get indignant when people give you crap about it. Asking this question here and expecting a serious, useful answer makes about as much sense as me calling Dr. Ruth to ask if I should reraise my pocket tens preflop.

best response yet.