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 How to spew profitably
Maniacs are the most loved and hated players in poker. They are loved because they make any game a cash cow. There is no greater joy to a 16/12 6 max piece of shit multi tabler money hoarder than having some 62/47 sit down and spew their money all over the place. There is also no greater sorrow they can experience than seeing almost all their money in the pot with AA on a J82 rainbow board, clicking the bet button, getting shoved on, and snap calling only to see, yes, 82s deflate their erections to an awesome degree.
Early in my career I think people thought I should go to SA, spewaholics anonymous. I knew my addiction to spewing was great. I loved spewing. I loved shoving 27o over a fourbet and seeing someone fold. I loved shoving T7o over a fourbet, getting called by AK, and seeing four sevens and a ten fall on the board, and feeling sad I couldn't lick my tears of my opponent (sigh, if only it was live).
But instead of kicking my habit I have learned to live with my spewing. My spewing leaves me incapacitated sometimes, clutching a teddy bear in the darkness, calling friends who told me spewing was no good. Spewing just wanted my money, she didn't care about me. Spewing would tell me spend your money on me, when will your other friends be around when you need a good time? I was, and always have been, blinded by her awesomeness.
And now its your turn to inject yourself with some spewage. Trust me, you'll smoke this stuff every day.
How to spew profitably: First off, in order to spew you have to not have hands all the time. This is easy, you just click the raise or call button instead of fold. Being in position is the super hardest part of spewing. It takes a lot of skill and creativity. Essentially what you want to do is when you feel like your range is ahead of your opponents range, you bet, and bet a lot. Try your hardest to put your stack in. Aq4 board and you have 87o. Screw it, fire 3 barrels. Overbet the turn if you want. Now here is the sad part. When your range is behind your opponents range, check. Check as much as you can. Find a way to hit that two pair with your 92o on a J95 board.
Out of position is my favorite position because spewing comes so easy. Because your new found love for the call button, you need to check raise, and check raise constantly. You want to check raise so much that your opponent bets every decent hand he has when checked to and checks behind all his weak and air hands. Make sure your c/r so much he doesnt even bluff anymore. This is key. C/r the flop, and if he calls, c/r the turn! Don't stop until your seeing the river with every hand you have. When you threebet preflop, do you normally cbet the flop? Well thats done for, there's too much check raising to be done! When you 3bet so much your range is going to be so massively behind your opponents you want to get to that river. Oh and fuck them and their easy play 4 betting asses. Let them 4 bet you a bit in the beginning, but if you feel any inkling that they may be bluffing, shove over that fourbet (See: licking tears). Make sure you threebet 2.5-3x their raise, so their 4betting isnt as effective.
Its also important that you now become a huge station. Being a station is another key to spewing. Because we are playing so aggressively, there are going to be situations where we never have a good hand. In these situations call down no matter what until you are absolutely sure they stopped bluffing you.
Any spew that is noted in this post is approved by me.
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Originally Posted by Jay-Z
