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 Fantasy Football: GDIAGF (very, very long)
I have a large list of pet peeves. Possibly an unhealthy amount. Now that I think about it, I feel kind of polar. If I made a list, 45 of the top 50 are related to how bad people suck at driving and how this likely relates to how bad they suck at life. My dislike for fantasy football easily cracks the top 5.
You might be thinking: "swig, fantasy football is optional, kinda like gay marriage. No one is making you play." Except that's completely false. People talk about fantasy football all the time. If a gay guy obsessively told me about how his husband Larry liked it when he came in his ass and then licked it out, I would get pissed off too.
The time my disdain really sunk in was a couple years ago when Willy Parker (I think) had this sick touchdown at the end of the game to seal a come from behind victory for the Steelers. I work with this guy who is a huge Steelers fan so I say "Hey did you see that game last night?". "Oh, ya. Dude, I was totally down 4 points in my fantasy league and that won me the game." Hold up, you're telling me the team that you propose to love. The team that you've been cheering for all your life just won an important game in an amazing fashion and you're thinking about your fantasy team, fuck off.
A couple years go by and I have a decent rant that generally amuses people, possibly because I get so into it. Then it gets better. I'm going to the Browns v Seahawks game this year. I'm excited, I've grown up with the Browns. It pissed me off that they sucked in Tecmo Super Bowl and I couldn't play them against my friends who were actually good at the game. The driver sends out e-mail "we're meeting at my place at 11:45" (it's a 4p game, 2 hour drive). Almost instant reply "dude, what about our teams".
My head almost assploded. This degenerate fuck invited himself to a game, then bitches about when we're leaving because he wants to check the inactive wire at the last minute. Go fuck yourself asswipe. If you jerk off to your team and lick up the cum because it tastes like fantasy footbal; then stay home and be a cum drinker.
Then today SS has to bitch about the Browns v Bills game finishing 8-0 and him loosing. First off, if you had browns and bills on your team you either drafted shitty or got lucky and had high wavier wire picks. Either way, no skill went into the development of your team. Secondly, don't come into a thread about the NFL and act like we give a shit. It's not the "lets talk about imaginary games related to the NFL thread". Make that thread and I'll never click it, and never bitch. Finally, this is a huge win for the Browns. We haven't had a record this good since ~1933, you should see the end of the above paragraph.
The worst part about all of this is that no one ever converses about FFB. If someone asks "How's your team?" it's just an intro so they can talk about how fucking smart they were picking brady in the 3rd round, or how shitlicking amazing their waiver wire pickup of Derek "Horse Balls" Anderson was after he scored 5TD the week before. It's the same fucktard that asks you about your poker before bombarding you with bad beats.
Moral of the story: If you ever meet swig IRL and want a death stare, either start talking about your fantasy football team, or style yourself a fohawk.
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Originally Posted by Silly String
