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Yeah everyone else has already said it, but post some hands. Be willing to lay your terrible plays out in public for everyone to ridicule (just kidding, we've all been there). Just accept that it takes time and effort to get better, and that is a good thing - if it were easy, all the other players would be good.
Don't feel bad that you can't beat 4NL - I mean this in a helpful way: You're probably not as good as you think you are. Even if you can beat 4NL, you still suck (and so do I) but again, that is a good thing - if we suck, we have great potential to improve massively by fixing some basic thought processes, wheras once you get a bit better the improvement is more incremental.
It sounds like you're pretty tilted by stuff that you just have to learn to deal with if you're gonna play poker. Jared Tendler's book "The mental game of poker" will be helpful. If I could recommend one book about poker other than that, it'd be easy game by Andrew "BalugaWhale" Seidman.
Lastly, don't think that just reading books and watching videos constitutes proper "off the table work", the real work is stoving stuff and doing maths yourself, not just reading stuff other people have done - when you do it for yourself, you not only have the satisfaction of knowing you've done the work, you also internalise and remember it more because you had to work through it rather than being spoon-fed.
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