Jury Duty

[swiggidy]

I have jury duty for 2 weeks. I got assigned to a case yesterday. I am currently not alowed to talk about the case but I don't think this counts.

I'm wondering if anyone else has had a good/bad/funny experience. I'll start:

Defense attorney questioning witness:
What was the purpose of smoking the blunt?

Witness:
<stares blankly>

D.A.:
Why were you smoking a blunt?

Witness:
To get high!?!?

[lolzzz_321]

MY mom got on a capital murder trial. Took like 3 weeks.

[Warpe]

I stumbled across these a while back. The last one's my fave...


These are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

1.
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15th.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.

2.
Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

3.
Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?

4.
Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.

5.
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke.
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.

6.
Q: And where was the location of the accident?
A: Approximately milepost 499.
Q: And where is milepost 499?
A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.

7.
Q: Sir, what is your IQ?
A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.

8.
Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?
A: After the accident?
Q: Before the accident.
A: Sure, I played for 10 years. I even went to school for it.

9.
Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.

10.
Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue Lights flashing?
A: Yes.
Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
A: Yes, sir.
Q: What did she say?
A: What disco am I at?

11.
Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

12.
Q: The youngest son, the 20-year old, how old is he?

13.
Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

14.
Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?

15.
Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?

16.
Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

17.
Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

18.
Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?

19.
Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

20.
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

21.
Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.

22.
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

23.
Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

24.
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practising law somewhere.

[swiggidy]

That list was the first thing I though of when he asked that. Thanks for digging it up

[bigred]

Last one ftw

[midas06]

that can't be real

[givememyleg]

5.
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke.
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.

lolololol

[dsmrolla06]

I
2.
Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

This is rich...

[Fnord]

Jury Duty was really really intersting.

You're stuck with 13 strangers and the only thing you all have in common you're not allowed to talk about.

I did an attempted muder + assault with a firearm trial.

[bigred]

I told the interviewing lawyers I'd much rather follow through with my plans to go to the Jersey Shore than have jury duty. They looked at me, laughed, and then dismissed me. Most people had 20+ minute interviews. Mine was 35 seconds.

[thenonsequitur]

You're stuck with 13 strangers

I always had it in my mind that there were only 12 jurors.

Probably from that old movie "12 angry men".

[chardrian]

the 13th is an alternate in case someone gets dismissed.

His role really sucks, cuz he has to sit there and listen to the entire trial - but then he doesn't even get to give a verdict.

The only jury I was ever on was for misdemeanor pot possession and some weird kidnapping thing (stepparents kept the kid longer than they were supposed to pursuant to the custody arrangement). I got to miss work for it, so I made sure I was foreman and we deliberated for three days for a trial that took less than one day.

Now I just get to argue in front of juries and try to make them not fall asleep.

[Fnord]

We had 2 alternates and I wasn't sure if it was even said up front who they were. In some courts they randomly send home the extra people after the case it sent to the jurry.

[biondino]

I got to be foreman too. It felt like I was STICKING ONE TO THE MAN when I got to say "not guilty" (poor somali kid threw a bottle at some kids who were attacking him, it missed them but hit a wall and showered another innocent kid with glass. God knows why the police brought the case - we knew what the verdict would be when the first testimony, the victim's, basically said "it was an accident". Didn't stop the lawyers being FUCKING EVIL CUNTS to the poor kid though. Fuck barristers, fuck 'em with knives)

[Irisheyes]

Holy shit Warpe thats like the funniest thing I've ever read. Thanks for posting that, it made my day.

[Staresy]

don't forget to invest in some Homer Simpson-style glasses with eyes on the front so that you can nap whilst the trial takes place

[jukejointroach]

ok, first of all, how the fuck did you get stuck on the jury anyway?

pull a larry david to get out of it:

well, your honor, i don't think i could be fair, given that the defendant is a negro.

[mrhappy333]

I met a hot chick at Jury Duty, It was nice because we had the whole day to chat it up!!

[KingLizard]

Two weeks ago I was called to jury duty ... 75 were finally called into the courtroom for jury selection. The judge started out by asking who "needed" to be excused.

#1) Your honor ... I have been unemployed for a year and am trying to sell my house ... for a loss too"

Judge: Fine ... put off your job search for a week (anticipated length of the trial)

#2) Your honor ... I have to take my elderly mother who is coming from out of town into the doctor for her kidney disease.

Judge: How long will she be with you? #2 says .... she'll be visiting for a month. Judge: take her next week

#3) Your honor ... I am schizophrenic. Judge: Will that hinder your ability to serve here? #3 - Yep

#4) Your honor ... I know the defendant and worked with him for 6 months. Judge: Will that hinder your ability to act impartially? #4 - No way

And then he adds "He's probably guilty as hell anyway"

Judge called him up to the bench and you didn't need to be a lip reader on that one. Judge released us all after that.

[swiggidy]

I don't have a job, so I'm not getting paid. That sucks.

My county has cracked down on getting out of jury duty. Even if I wasn't on the case I would still have to be in the court house all day.

I met a hot chick at Jury Duty, It was nice because we had the whole day to chat it up!!

This is what I was hopping for. No dice.

[Kessler]

I did Jury Duty, got to be the Foreman too.

Met a hot chick (She was impressed with my MaD ph@t l43dErsh1p skiLLz) and hooked up for 4 months after the trial.

Mine was a 22 year old kid who blew away his pregnant sister, grandma, and grandpa with a russian assault rifle, execution-style. Then tried to claim insanity with the Paranoid schziophrenic story. His story had more holes than swiss cheeze and we threw the book at him. The jury ruled for no death sentence (NV is a capital punishment state) but I think he got life without parole or somethin'. We found out after we came to a verdict that we was a hardcore tweeker and although there was no evidence to support it, he was probably rollin' hard the night of the shooting.

Crazy shit, very heavy and emotional. Trying to decide on someone's fate , getting everyone to agree and all that. Especially with the evidence the prosecution had available. They played the 911 recording of the grandma trying to get help. She was spelling his last name to the 911 operator when the gunshot went off and sent her dentures into the kitchen sink. BRUTAL!


-Kes

[Fnord]

The jury ruled for no death sentence

Letting this kid live out the rest of his life at the the expense of productive society is absurd and who pulled the trigger isn't in dispute.

[Kessler]

True, but there were a number of 'sympathetic' jurors that were against the needle and wouldn't go for it at all. Everyone was open-minded and participated in the discussions, but they held their beliefs and wouldn't reach a unanimous decision otherwise. The point of the cost of maintaining him was brought up, tax dollars, etc. but they honestly felt that even though what he did was heinous, snuffing him out would have caused even MORE pain for the family. Since this was a not a normal case of "the surviving family vs the random bad guy", the hatred and animocity towards the killer wasn't as apparent. The family was actually torn internally on those that forgave him, and those that wanted him punished.

Defnitely a high-drama trial. Very interesting, very educational, but whew, what a ride!

http://www.reviewjournal.com/lvrj_ho...s/4767008.html


-Kes

[bigred]

Death penalty = +EV

[vqc]

its oft cited that the death penalty is more expensive than keeping someone in jail so i dont think anyones safe in assuming that just killing someone is cheaper than keeping them behind bars for the rest of their lives.

Its not like were taking them to the back alley and capping em in the brain.

[Fnord]

It depends on how you crunch the numbers.
Also, I think locking someone up for life without the possibility of parole when their guilt is not in dispute is asbsurd.

[thenonsequitur]

Its not like were taking them to the back alley and capping em in the brain.

It's not the expense of the actual act of killing them that causes the massive cited expense. Sure a bullet is cheaper than lethal injection, but lethal injection cost nothing compared to feeding some for years to come.

The idea is that the cited cost comes from the legal system costs associated with keeping someone on death row for years.

Also, while I've heard this statistic cited several times, I've never heard anyone back it up with actual data.

[biondino]

I'm not a religious man but how about THOU SHALT NOT KILL?

[Warpe]

Why is it that the good ol' US of A is the only western democracy that still has the death penalty?

[Harry]

Most "religious" people only follow the bible when it's convenient.

[thenonsequitur]

Why is it that the good ol' US of A is the only western democracy that still has the death penalty?

Because we're the only ones that still need it.

[Kessler]

Yeah, from what I understand there's some huge court costs with the appeals process and all the litigation from the defense.


-Kes

[Fnord]

I'm not a religious man but how about THOU SHALT NOT KILL?

Mistranslation.

A more accurate translation of the original text into english is "Thou shalt not commit murder."

The god of the old testiment is certainly not against homicide done in his name.

Why is it that the good ol' US of A is the only western democracy that still has the death penalty?

Because killing people is a nessisary evil to protect productive society. How is capital punishment really much different than assasination or waging war?

[euphoricism]

And the rest of you are thoroughly unproductive.

[swiggidy]

Most "religious" people only follow the bible when it's convenient.

I like where this thread is going

[vqc]

Its not like were taking them to the back alley and capping em in the brain.

The idea is that the cited cost comes from the legal system costs associated with keeping someone on death row for years.

Exactly
were not saying
"o ok, death penalty"
*drags fnord to the back and shoots him

FNord
do you think that there are things worse then death?
If someone was guilty and got solitary confinement for life, would that be absurd to u?
do you not think that being in jail with no possibility of parole is not enouhg of a punishment?

[biondino]

Uh Fnord, I didn't make the comment about the Good Ol' US of A, feel free to edit.

Capital punishment is premeditated murder, though, so your argument doesn't work. And nor does your point about it being the same as assassination or war. Both of these have a pragmatic point - without claiming either is always justified, the point is to rid the situation of a person or state that has become a real threat. Execution is pure and simple revenge, and revenge is wrong, mkay (again, religious people may choose to look to Jesus; non-religious people can just use common sense.

[Fnord]

Ummm... I call bullshit.

Capital punishment is premeditated murder, though, so your argument doesn't work. And nor does your point about it being the same as assassination or war.

How the hell is assasination not premeditated homicide? How about dropping a bomb on a house where you think your enemy might be?

When the state kills someone lawfully, it's not murder. When an individiual does it willfully and outside of self defense it's murder. This is per the dictionary definition of the term and has nothing to do if any of those actions are "right" or not.

Also, to a religious person the word of God is law. If God tells you to kill someone, that's not murder either. Although the State (from their perspective), is likely to disagree.

revenge is wrong, mkay

If you never take action against those who do harm against you, your behaviour is exploitable.

[Fnord]

do you think that there are things worse then death?

Yes.

If someone was guilty and got solitary confinement for life, would that be absurd to u?
do you not think that being in jail with no possibility of parole is not enouhg of a punishment?

Someone with no reason to live nor behave socially is a huge threat to their jailers, in addition to long-shot odds of escaping.

[thenonsequitur]

...some stuff...

Yeah, what he said.

I was gonna make some counterpoints, but Fnord beat me to it (and did a more thorough job than I was planning on doing anyway).

I just have one thing to add:

revenge is wrong...people can just use common sense.

It always seemed to me that common sense tells people to act in vengeance. It makes people feel better, almost as an emoutional hard-wiring.

There are some of economic/game theory experiments (the names of which escape me at the moment) that show that people's "common sense" tends to leads towards a preference of systems with institutionalized punishment (this likely is a result of fnord's point -- prevention of exploitability).

[Warpe]

Fnord, the comparison of capital punishment to state-sanctioned assassination or waging war just doesn't hold water. The latter are arguably pre-emptive or preventative acts designed to influence to direction of events away from one outcome toward another, while capital punishment is simply that, punishment (although the assassinations the Israelis regularly carry out are probably a little of both). Capital punishment has never been proven to be an effective deterrent. If it were, states in the US with capital punishment would have some of the lowest murder rates in the western world, which they just don't. Quite the opposite, in fact.

Yes, killing a murderer prevents that murderer from ever killing again, but it doesn't deter others from killing. And there have been enough wrongful convictions over the years that I don't believe the chance of the state killing even one innocent person is a chance worth taking. Just my liberal Canuckistanian opinion.

[thenonsequitur]

I support capital punishment in principle, but I oppose it in practice because there are so many problems with the implementation (and fundamental difficulties with setting up a good implementation). While systematic difficulties can be overcome, they frequntly are not.

[Fnord]

I support capital punishment because a 22-year old kid who's fucked up enough to blow away his family execution style is either capable of being a productive person or isn't. Locking him up and throwing away the key is just a weak cop out. His guilt isn't in doubt, if he's a threat to his jailers and society (in the unlikely event of escape), eliminate him. Otherwise, don't throw away the key.

In cases where guilt is in dispute, I agree that capital punishment has historically had a terrible record in the US.