Your #1 tip for a healthy marriage

[Kits]

So, I'm getting married on Saturday and I intend for everything to go smoothly forever more...

...but just in case why don't all you married guys give me your number one tip for maintaining domestic bliss?

[bode]

have lots of sex.

seriously.

[OhBollocks]

have lots of sex.

seriously.

This helps

Honesty and communication are tops

[a500lbgorilla]

Norm Chad would answer divorce.

[flomo]

porn

[ChrisBCritter]

Learn how to truly listen without being distracted. Communication is key.

[jyms]

Rub and Tugs.

[kingnat]

During the times that I would describe my marriage as healthy... sex is usually a frequent occurrence. So i agree with bode completely. I don't know if that's a cause or an effect, but it is what it is. (omfg i'm so deep!)

[zook]

Learn how to truly listen without being distracted.

If this is the key, I'm doomed They talk SO MUCH.

[Sasquach991]

Learn to act like you're listening even when you're not.

Be as nice to your wife as you are to a complete stranger.

Never, under any circumstance answer a question with or respond to a statement with "Whatever"

[flomo]

give up 90% of the fun things you do just to be with her

the other 10% will be taken away by kids

[Ragnar4]

Learn not to argue with her even if she's wrong unless it's serious. Like affect the family in a hugely negative way.

If its minor and her being way wrong isn't going to hurt anyone.. Leave it alone. Married arguments make up of like 75% of my misery index when it comes to my wife.

[zook]

Learn not to argue with her even if she's wrong unless it's serious.

Goddamn so doomed

[drmcboy]

be honest BEFORE you get married. People pretending (or deluding themselves) pre marriage is the biggest reason they fail. Neither of you is a big favorite to change a lot, although you may discover new things about yourself as you go along.

So the good news is you've either already got it made or you're already screwed.

If you're already living together and have the finances combined and more or less understand what direction you both want to go in(Kids, careers, locations) , she's your best friend and the sex is good with potential for great, you'll be fine. if not... I've had several divorces in my group of friends and without exception the folks involved hadn't really tried it out before they jumped in. The folks that had been together (and again I mean together, same house, same money, maybe a pet or two, deal with a crisis or two ) have all made it 8 years +, even the ones I would have bet against.

Most of this advice is woman specific. My wife hates long emotional talks and would prefer I be a lot less honest most of the time. She would also hate it if I never disagreed with her. Being in a relationship is just like doing anything else, see what works and what doesn't and go from there.

[a500lbgorilla]

Celebrate your marriage like the Phillies just won the world series!

[a500lbgorilla]

See zook, you're not so doomed!

[jyms]

On a more serious note. Get a joint house account, but keep your money in separate accounts. We made a mistake a long time ago just combining all of our resources. We were at the point where you needed permission every time you want to buy lunch because you never new about the money in the account, whether it was spoken for or gone to pay a few bills. Not to mention trying to save to buy a surprise gift .

[Warpe]

Listen and obey.

[zook]

Good points rilla. You've already cheered me up. The fact that we've only gotten in one very minor fight about the Phillies this whole postseason is a very good sign. She was even checking the scores online at work while I was at home getting drunk watching the games.

[oskar]

Get a lawyer to sort out the legal stuff, so that neither of you can screw the other one over when it comes to a divorce.
You're not thinking about it now, but statistically it's likely enough to warrant some caution.

[silu73]

I have been married twice and the only tip I can give you:

If both of you can be yourselves without having to pretend to be someone else and you still love each other then it will be a great marriage. And also - you are equal so don't be the guy who constantly has to ask for permission. Its a dialogue not "Do as i say" relationship.

[silu73]

And yeah - separate accounts for private spending is a must. Most relationships fail because of fights about money. Just share the money for living expenses, food, insurances, etc. Spending money should be separate.

[bode]

i am opposite of jyms and silu as far as money goes. my wife and i like it best w/ 1 account for everything.

[wufwugy]

never downplay the need for freshness and intrigue

[drmcboy]

I have been married twice and the only tip I can give you:

If both of you can be yourselves without having to pretend to be someone else and you still love each other then it will be a great marriage. And also - you are equal so don't be the guy who constantly has to ask for permission. Its a dialogue not "Do as i say" relationship.

very much agree

I disagree about the private spending, and it contradicts your point above, you shouldn't have to pretend about money either. If you are going to fight about money it will happen either way since one of you will want to spend more than the other.

re gifts, I think giving each other gifts you can't afford is a bad idea.

And just let your wife pay all the bills, I never have any idea how much money is in the checking account.

[ProZachNation]

never downplay the need for freshness and intrigue

threesomes?

[jyms]

Try saving for a engagement ring or an anniversary bracelet without separate accounts.

[drmcboy]

I wouldn't marry a chick who wanted a bunch of expensive jewelery. engagement rings are a super genius marketing ploy. And I would still say if you don't have enough money lying around to afford them it's a terrible financial decision.

[Aces]

Two words: PRE NUP (too late for you but in general) - nobody wants to think it will happen but even the best couples can end up divorced down the road for any number of reasons. This is especially true if you there is an asset inequity going in. Getting her to sign - that's another story.

The best advice in this thread is be honest and open before getting married. I don't think you necessarily have to live together, but if you're bickering alot and have constant drama in your relationship, that should be a warning sign.

gl

[BankItDrew]

Don't.

[bode]

Two words: PRE NUP (too late for you but in general) - nobody wants to think it will happen but even the best couples can end up divorced down the road for any number of reasons. This is especially true if you there is an asset inequity going in. Getting her to sign - that's another story.

The best advice in this thread is be honest and open before getting married. I don't think you necessarily have to live together, but if you're bickering alot and have constant drama in your relationship, that should be a warning sign.

gl

pre nups are a huge waste unless one of you is worth considerably more than the other, and even so, they don't always hold up in a divorce.

[wufwugy]

never downplay the need for freshness and intrigue

threesomes?

perhaps. maybe not

marriage is a giant predicament. it has an amazingly low success rate mainly because it is sexually repressive, yet if it wasnt repressive then it would likely still have a low success rate for reasons provoked by sexual promiscuity.

monogamy exists in our society because evolution happens to populations, not individuals. even though humans are about as sexually polygamist as it gets, marriage has been evolutionarily selected for since it causes community survival rates to increase. this is the quintessence of the dilemma of eating one's cake and still having it. we want incompatible things. not to mention that humans notoriously say one thing and do another, or think one thing and do another. we delude ourselves into thinking 'till death do us part' when we'll likely part early and do it all over again. this is great for populations, but a rollercoaster for the individual.

basically, in our society, marriage is for people who dont need much sex to be happy.

oh and congrats OP

on a different note, if you would like to help ward off prostate cancer then cum a lot.

[bode]

And just let your wife pay all the bills, I never have any idea how much money is in the checking account.

ha ha, i thought i was the only guy who did this.

[mrhappy333]

3 somes!!

[bjsaust]

Gah, I lost a big reply. Maybe I'll comment again later, for now:

Everyone knows marriage is give and take, but some people dont actually realise that means giving sometimes. Sometimes you gotta man up, put your own feelings aside and take care of your wife's feelings first.

[a500lbgorilla]

Gah, I lost a big reply. Maybe I'll comment again later, for now:

Everyone knows marriage is give and take, but some people dont actually realise that means giving sometimes. Sometimes you gotta man up, put your own feelings aside and take care of your wife's feelings first.

are you talking about the bad kind of threesome?

[bjsaust]

On the money thing, we found a compromise by having a joint account all our money goes into, and then a set amount (an allowance really I guess) that we both get each week. We can spend it how we want, and if we want to buy something personal (either for ourselves or as a gift) then we need to save it from that. If its something for both of us or we agree we both want it then we'd pay it out of the joint account. We literally do that by withdrawaing a certain amount each week, but setting up separate accounts and automatic withdrawals into them would work just as well.

Spending is a big deal. Dont have to do what we did, but you need to be on the same page somehow. Financials is one of the major causes of divorce. If you're not on the same page now, you need to find a way to get there soon.

[Lukie]

eat right, get up to the gym frequently... keep yourself in shape.

(queue up lukie/gym jokes, but i'm 100% serious)

[bjsaust]

Lol, no 'rilla .

Lets take an example. I go into the office (I normally work from home so its 2-3 hrs travel each way) one day, have a shit days work, I get home tired and out of sorts and really looking foward to eating dinner (which I assume will either be ready or cooking) in front of the TV and vegging out for the rest of the evening. Instead I walk in to find nothing on for dinner, my wife cradling our crying son and from the expression on her face she's obviously had a crap day and just about reached her limit.

I can either be a pansy little selfish whinger, or I can man up, put a smile on my face, assure her I had a good day at work and ask what she'd like me to cook for dinner, then once I get it started take the baby off her hands and try to settle him down.

[Kits]

Wow so many awesome replies and ideas, and quite a few that made me laugh too. Thanks guys.

I was leaning towards the whole one account thing but she wants to keep separate accounts and after thinking about what Bode said I think I'll let her have her way (see I'm learning already...haha).

I also agree with what Silu73 posted about being ourselves. We're both pretty chilled people and very comfortable with who we are as individuals and with each other. Hopefully this will hold us in good stead.

Bring on the threesomes though! I think she is more obsessed with teh boobies than I am so there might be some hope for this..... (yeah I wish!)

[Silly String]

Choose the right girl.

[Monty3038]

Ok, from someone who (probably mistakenly) will take this seriously.

I was married about 18 months ago after being single to age 36. I waited for marriage to find someone I feel I can actually spend the rest of my life next to. She is my best friend. That is rule #1... IMO... if you can't tell it to her, it isn't real or important. You should be looking forward to coming home to her every day.

Rule #2 - There is NEVER too much intimacy... you need to keep the level of touching, expression and affection constant, not let it slide when you get 'comfortable'. Yes, those old people making out on the park bench is disgusting, but they have a healthier marriage than 90% of the people out there.

Rule #3. Keep the bathroom door closed.

Rule# 4. Be totally honest. Don't lie... hiding things will only be bad. If you can't tell them, you don't love them.

Rule #5. Don't feel bad if it doesn't look like harmony all the time. Some of the healthiest marriages fight... and fight loudly once in a while.

Rule #6. It may not last... statistics are against you... but a stiff upper lip and dedicating yourself to it might make it work... good luck!

[spoonitnow]

Sponge Bob SquarePants coat-hangers




They're made for kids.

[TLR]

We have a single account, we had merged our accounts about a year after we lived together (about 4 years before we got married) - pretty much any one of us spends whatever he wants unless it is a relatively big amount - a lot of it has to do with your financial situation, in our case we both have decent earning jobs so it is not a big issue.

I dont think anybody can give you good advice on how to make your marriage work - it is totally read dependant

[Silly String]

Rule# 4. Be totally honest. Don't lie... hiding things will only be bad. If you can't tell them, you shouldn't be doing it.

Great post, but I had to FYP rule #4.

[wufwugy]

Ok, from someone who (probably mistakenly) will take this seriously.

I was married about 18 months ago after being single to age 36. I waited for marriage to find someone I feel I can actually spend the rest of my life next to. She is my best friend. That is rule #1... IMO... if you can't tell it to her, it isn't real or important. You should be looking forward to coming home to her every day.

Rule #2 - There is NEVER too much intimacy... you need to keep the level of touching, expression and affection constant, not let it slide when you get 'comfortable'. Yes, those old people making out on the park bench is disgusting, but they have a healthier marriage than 90% of the people out there.

Rule #3. Keep the bathroom door closed.

Rule# 4. Be totally honest. Don't lie... hiding things will only be bad. If you can't tell them, you don't love them.

Rule #5. Don't feel bad if it doesn't look like harmony all the time. Some of the healthiest marriages fight... and fight loudly once in a while.

Rule #6. It may not last... statistics are against you... but a stiff upper lip and dedicating yourself to it might make it work... good luck!

wow very excellent post

if you have more thoughts on this i'd like to hear them

[bjsaust]

The small things matter a lot more than the big things.

[flomo]

have your wife get a job that keeps her out of your hair for 12-16 hours a day

that way you can spend more time on FTR

i need a life

[bigspenda73]

have your wife get a job that keeps her out of your hair for 12-16 hours a day

that way you can spend more time on FTR

i need a life

prostitute?

[Keilah]

GL bro.

I'm aware this is probably going to be laughed at by a bunch of people, but... read David DeAngelo's stuff. He really does have a lot of great insights, the best of which is this: don't be a wuss. Do not. Doooooo not.

Those guys who say 'just nod and say Yes Dear,' and are even a little bit serious, are wusses and I guarantee their wives don't like that attitude. Don't be an arse either tho - just think, you wouldn't say 'yes sir' to your buddy, but you wouldn't try to force him to agree with you either. You'd be cool about it in one way or another; do the same with your wife and all women in your life.

Oh and most important: have fun!

[Chopper]

- marry and woman uglier than you. she wont leave you.
- like bode said, one account. and, get her to pay the bills.
- pop out a lot of kids and she becomes damaged goods.
- and a lot of "yes, dear."

two of those are serious. pick which two you like and good luck.

[flomo]

prostitute?

i wish i was a pimp

[tom]

Rub and Tugs.

um this is the most overlooked post in this thread
has such a good ring to it

[MNMP2]

Get rid of your avatar

Tip: don't get married

[DaddyDeez]

jus abuse the shit ourtof her... she wont leave

[Fnord]

Have reasonable expectations of each other.

[justaskjulie]

Communication is #1, but I will say that having sex on a regular basis definately helps keep us connected and keeps the communication running smooth.

Congrats!