You need advice? The Doctor is in (5 cent charge applies)

[BennyLaRue]

Pretty goddamned sure there were no lies in Benjamin P LaRue's story

Hit close to home, did I, Stephen?

It's not your fault.

It's not your fault.

Stephen.

It's not your fault.

[Galapogos]

Your sense of humor seems insanely similar to a buddy of mine.

Do you know him?

[BennyLaRue]

Your sense of humor seems insanely similar to a buddy of mine.

Do you know him?

Yeah, he's in my Duck Tales club. We got in an argument once about how much money was in Scrooge McDuck's swimmin vault. He was wayyy off.

You could do better in the friend dept, fyi.

[WillburForce]

Good to see the Dr is back in the clinic.

Are pandas real? I just can't see how they are.

[BennyLaRue]

Dear Willburforce,

No one truly knows the answer to this question. All who have gone in search of the elusive wild "Giant Panda" have been torn to shreds. But I have strong suspicions. Was it the "Giant Panda" who did all this killing? Yeti? Crazed jungle Chinese hopped up on rice hooch, protecting poppy farms? It certainly wasn't a "Giant Panda"...China's heroin trade is stronger than ever. Figure it out. Plus, there was no "Giant Panda" on the ark. Check every illustration of that famed event. No "Giant Pandas". So, if even Christians don't believe in "Giant Pandas", who would? Those fuckers will believe anything as long as it's on papyrus.

Almost any zoo who purports to house a "Giant Panda" also has a animatronics expert on staff and those who don't employ a tailor. I've checked. Coincidence? That said, the Red Panda is real. But those are fucking boring so who cares? Glorified racoons.

Warmest regards,
Benny

[Nakamura]

Dear Benny,

A good friend is being stalked by a female who isn't very attractive and frankly a little scary. Any tips?

[BennyLaRue]

Dear Nakamura,

Stalking is such a negative word and it's virtually impossible to see this as the positive opportunity it is if you use it. Your good friend has a disciple. There, isn't that so much better? And here's the opportunity: this young lady is clearly attracted to your good friend and seems to be around his personal space frequently. He won't have to be some sort of cunning linguist to talk this girl into a hand job. She isn't attractive? Who cares? It's not like you do that sort of thing face to face. At worst, he'll have to look at her ear. And frankly, her being scary will make it extra exciting. There's no drug like adrenaline when getting a handy.

Your friend won't get anywhere in life with his current outlook. When life hands you lemons, you need to make hand jobs out of them.

Warmest regards,
Benny

[BennyLaRue]

Also, $10 Nakamura's friend is...Nakamura.

[Galapogos]

Also, $10 Nakamura's friend is...Nakamura.

Is this not in violation of some doctor patient confidentiality agreement?

Are you a real doctor?

[BennyLaRue]

Is this not in violation of some doctor patient confidentiality agreement?

Are you a real doctor?

This card in my wallet says I am but since I'm based out of the Isle of Man, good luck getting your crazy confidentiality laws to stick.