Poker Jokes

[AceJackAJA]

I figure this could be a cool thread. So here goes:

A man comes home from a poker game looking very pale and tired.
Pre-empting the usuall barrage of "Where have you been?" and "You're wasting valuable money" which would come from his hag of a wife the man says: "You will need to pack your things". The worried wife replies: "WHY?! What happened?" "I Just lost you in a poker game" "Well, how did you manage that?". The man looks to the ground, holds back a tear and says "I had to fold on a royal flush"

[Rondavu]

"That bastard husband of mine wanted me to sleep with the landlord because he lost the rent money playing poker," the housewife told a neighbor.
"You didn't do it, did you?"
"I had no choice. We had to pay the rent."
"Well I hope you don't have to do that again"
"We're good for another six months"

[Rondavu]

There's a guy who lives in Ohio. One morning, he hears a voice in his
head. The voice says, "Quit your job, sell your house, take all your money, and go to Las Vegas." He ignores the voice.

Later in the day, he hears the voice again. "Quit your job, sell your house, take all your money, and go to Las Vegas." Again, he ignores the voice.

Soon he hears the voice every minute of the day. "Quit your job, sell your house, take all your money, and go to Las Vegas." He can't take it anymore. He believes the voice.

He quits his job, sells his house, takes all his money, and flies to Las
Vegas. As soon as he steps off the plane, the voice says, "Go to the
Horseshoe." He goes to The Horseshoe. The voice says, "Put all your money into a World Series of Poker (WSOP) entry." He puts up his $10,000 and buys an entry into the WSOP. He goes to his assigned tournament table.
The first hand is dealt and the guy is dealt AsAd. The voice says, "Go all in."
He pushes his entire $10,000 bankroll into the pot. Three players call.
The dealer lays down the flop which is Jh10h9h.

The voice says, "Shit."

[Fortune 500]

There's a guy who lives in Ohio. One morning, he hears a voice in his
head. The voice says, "Quit your job, sell your house, take all your money, and go to Las Vegas." He ignores the voice.

Later in the day, he hears the voice again. "Quit your job, sell your house, take all your money, and go to Las Vegas." Again, he ignores the voice.

Soon he hears the voice every minute of the day. "Quit your job, sell your house, take all your money, and go to Las Vegas." He can't take it anymore. He believes the voice.

He quits his job, sells his house, takes all his money, and flies to Las
Vegas. As soon as he steps off the plane, the voice says, "Go to the
Horseshoe." He goes to The Horseshoe. The voice says, "Put all your money into a World Series of Poker (WSOP) entry." He puts up his $10,000 and buys an entry into the WSOP. He goes to his assigned tournament table.
The first hand is dealt and the guy is dealt AsAd. The voice says, "Go all in."
He pushes his entire $10,000 bankroll into the pot. Three players call.
The dealer lays down the flop which is Jh10h9h.

The voice says, "Shit."

LOL

[a500lbgorilla]

Myself