So boost, how did you quit?

[givememyleg]

So I read the whole thread about your quitting smoking (congrats btw) and decided to start a new thread with a different topic... how to get someone to quit? Long story short - My grandmother/father both died of lung cancer from smoking for 30+ years. My mom has now smoked for the last 6-7 years off and on, but lately it has been 1-2 packs per day. It is starting to get real bad.

When she first started I tried the whole hiding her cigarettes, calling her stupid/other names and the usual stuff a worried 16 year old kid would do. I'm really worried for her because I can just tell how much it is starting to effect her (she also smoked for like 8 years before I was born). Once I started to become older and more mature I tried sitting down with her and having a civilized conversation about how much I care about her and how bad it is for her... etc etc. But nothing has worked. The thing that just confuses me sooo much is the fact that she saw front hand what it did to her mother... I mean it was really bad, she had to take care of her for over a year and was actually there the night she passed away - and I simply can not imagine going through that. It's just stupid.

Basically, I'm just wondering what made you (or anyone) decide it was time to quit? I know nagging on her will do nothing, it just won't work. Do you need to have the attitude "I need to quit" yourself? I'm really trying hard and trying to think of ways to help her... but it's like she doesn't even care. It's sad because my sister has also started smoking now (amoung other things) and her life is going in a downward spiral.I don't mean to bring my life problems to the board here, but I'm looking for some real serious advice. If I can do something to try and keep my mom around for another 10 years, I'll do anything.

It's weird actually... I've been having these nightmares of her laying in a hospital bed just staring at me... very creepy. I'll feel terrible if I don't try something, because smoking is just -ev in life.

Anyone have any ideas or any advice in this area?

[ripjohngotti]

My father smokes also, he wont quit. Some people are just too stubborn and enjoy smoking because life isnt what they want or to get into their own world. It sucks though for the sibling/spouses.


Yes were all gonna die but smoking makes you go faster and life is just too precious, your only given one chance, what if thats it...Your here, you die and thats it. What a big regret.

[bigred]

Tell them that I don't date smokers. Well, I don't know what you're going to tell your mom, giveme, since she's you know...a female. But ripjohn, this should help you out big time.

[Galapogos]

When she first started I tried calling her stupid

And you're saying this didn't work?!?!

Something I've found in people with addictions is they can't quit until they want to quit. And I don't mean know they should quit or quitting's a good idea, they actually have to have a desire to quit that's stronger than the drug itself. Doesn't always leave a lot you can do that affects this.

[givememyleg]

When she first started I tried calling her stupid

And you're saying this didn't work?!?!

Something I've found in people with addictions is they can't quit until they want to quit. And I don't mean know they should quit or quitting's a good idea, they actually have to have a desire to quit that's stronger than the drug itself. Doesn't always leave a lot you can do that affects this.

Suprisingly, no it didn't. But like I said, I was 15-16 years old and didn't want her to start again so I reacted like a typical 15-16 year old would.

Yeah, I've been trying to convince her that she really does need to quit but it's just sad because I really don't think she can. She blames it on stress and her job and everything, but there has to be something better than smoking to relieve this?

[boost]

how much do you make at poker? Schedule bi weekly massage sessions for her at a local spa. Or buy her one of thoes iJoy massage chairs, they cost about 600$. This stuff wont help though if she isnt ready to quit. I thought the same as her. "man Im stressed with this downswing, Im on break from this tournament I need to go have a smoke." I would go have a cigarette, I would feel better as I smoked, relaxed ect. But 2 minutes after I got back to my desk I was stressed and anxious. Yes smoking can make you feel better right away, but the second you arent smoking, youre gonna feel stressed out.

Now that Ive stopped smoking I feel so fresh. I feel so relieved. I dont play tourneys anymore, but now when I take breaks from cash games, or whatever, I grab a magazine and lay on my bed. Sometimes Ill even venture outside (this is rare) and get some fresh air. Sometimes Ill just sit and think. Ill think about my goals and aspirations, Ill think about my near future and my distant future. When I would smoke it was often just something to do while I think. It was a reason for me to go outside and sit on my porch and enjoy the fresh air (how ironic.) Now I have realised that I dont need to give my self an excuse to just sit and not do anything. I can have downtime now and not have to poison myself while I do it.

Im sorry if this has been a bit of an incoherant rant, the simple point Im trying to make is that to quit you have to want to quit, and to want to quit you have to be completely honest with yourself and let yourself honestly see the reasons you smoke. If you are honest with yourself the reasons to smoke are out weighed by far by the reasons not to.

[boost]

oh another thing. I think smoking, just like other addictions, is closly tied to depression in many cases. People get depressed and cut themselves. People get depressed and starve themselves. People get depressed and remain in abusive relationships.People get depressed and poison themselves with liqour, coke, heroin, whatever. They all are the same in that they are being used as self punishment.

The point of this one is that smoking just like other addictions/psychological problems are never as simple as they seem. People arent just addicted to nicotene. Thier nicotene addiction is there, and its real, but theres always going to be a deeprooted problem that is associated with it. Maybe they grew independently of each other at first, but at some point they linked up, and are know conjoined. I have had problems with depression in my life. Nothing crazy, but its definatley been part of my life. I am now facing those problems, and my life is getting much better. If I was in the same emotional state that Iwas in a year ago, therse no way in hell I couldve quit.

[euphoricism]

I never understood this. Ive smoked cigarrettes before, and I've never become addicted. Shit, I had 3 cigarrettes last night at a party. I certainly dont feel the need to run out there and buy a pack now. Maybe I just have a low propensity toward addiction? But it always made me scoff at those people who say its so hard to quit. Just... stop buying them? I don't get it.

/ramble

[boost]

I never understood this. Ive smoked cigarrettes before, and I've never become addicted. Shit, I had 3 cigarrettes last night at a party. I certainly dont feel the need to run out there and buy a pack now. Maybe I just have a low propensity toward addiction? But it always made me scoff at those people who say its so hard to quit. Just... stop buying them? I don't get it.

/ramble

did you read my posts?

What you are saying is the same as a person who isnt depressed saying "dude wtf, why would you be a lil bitch and wallow in self pitty? just be happy, duh" The weird thing is that you are completely right, and so is the example I just wrote. The problem is while its as simple as just stopping, just stopping can be very complicated.

[euphoricism]

I can see the correlation, but it seems like smoking is more like a habit, than a mental condition like depression. To me its like chewing your nails, except that you have radioactive nails that will eventually kill you.

I guess I dont get it ::shrug:: hurray for not having an addictive personality?

[FlyingSaucy]

go on some reality show, like survivor. that way she's forced to quit cold turkey - the best way possible.
Seriously though, I'll ask my wife and see what she thinks, she has clinical experience in smoking cessation.

[jukejointroach]

euphoricism, you are a fucking idiot.

[euphoricism]

Why thank you for your intelligent remarks.

[thenonsequitur]

I never understood this. Ive smoked cigarrettes before, and I've never become addicted. Shit, I had 3 cigarrettes last night at a party. I certainly dont feel the need to run out there and buy a pack now. Maybe I just have a low propensity toward addiction? But it always made me scoff at those people who say its so hard to quit. Just... stop buying them? I don't get it.

/ramble

1) It takes a good amount of smoking to get physically addicted. 3 cigarettes won't do it.

2) There are other social addictions associated with smoking that are MUCH stronger than the physical addiction, and much harder to get away from (see boost's examples in his other thread about smoking).

3) As boost pointed out in this thread there might also be other personal issues tied to smoking where the cigarettes themselves don't have as much to do with the addiciton as these other issues, but they gave been psychologically tied together. Same is true with any addiction.

4) jukejointroach said you're a fucking idiot, which definitely isn't true, but what I think he meant to say is that you're statement showed a surprising lack of thought, like you didn't even try to consider why smoking could be a difficult problem before dismissing it. At the same time, I see exactly where you're coming from. It SHOULD be so simple to deal with. But it's not. A lot of human problems have this attribute.

[boost]

I never understood this. Ive smoked cigarrettes before, and I've never become addicted. Shit, I had 3 cigarrettes last night at a party. I certainly dont feel the need to run out there and buy a pack now. Maybe I just have a low propensity toward addiction? But it always made me scoff at those people who say its so hard to quit. Just... stop buying them? I don't get it.

/ramble

1) It takes a good amount of smoking to get physically addicted. 3 cigarettes won't do it.

2) There are other social addictions associated with smoking that are MUCH stronger than the physical addiction, and much harder to get away from (see boost's examples in his other thread about smoking).

3) As boost pointed out in this thread there might also be other personal issues tied to smoking where the cigarettes themselves don't have as much to do with the addiciton as these other issues, but they gave been psychologically tied together. Same is true with any addiction.

4) jukejointroach said you're a fucking idiot, which definitely isn't true, but what I think he meant to say is that you're statement showed a surprising lack of thought, like you didn't even try to consider why smoking could be a difficult problem before dismissing it. At the same time, I see exactly where you're coming from. It SHOULD be so simple to deal with. But it's not. A lot of human problems have this attribute.

this pretty much says it all

[dsmrolla06]

Im working on quiting smoking right now due to pressure from my gf. Its alot easier not to quit than it is to quit, which is a big reason why i havent done it yet. I always find myself making excuses to do things just so i can smoke. ie. go drive somewhere to pick something up when i dont really need to just so i can smoke (i cant smoke aruond my gf). Its definately not easy, but i have quit once before for about 5 months and then started back up, so i know i can do it.

[FlyingSaucy]

my wife said there are smoking cessation clinics all over the place that are better than any "program" or medication. They teach you about both the psychological aspects as well as the physical aspects of the addiction, and educate people about the ways that they can overcome them. So it's a way to get expert, group, and medical support to help quitting. Most health plans will have some sort of program because especially if they are HMOs it is in their best interest to practice preventative medicine to save money in the long run.

[boost]

dsm its good to be confident that you can quit. But dont let this confidence allow you to slip back into the addiction.

[givememyleg]

how much do you make at poker? Schedule bi weekly massage sessions for her at a local spa. Or buy her one of thoes iJoy massage chairs, they cost about 600$. This stuff wont help though if she isnt ready to quit. I thought the same as her. "man Im stressed with this downswing, Im on break from this tournament I need to go have a smoke." I would go have a cigarette, I would feel better as I smoked, relaxed ect. But 2 minutes after I got back to my desk I was stressed and anxious. Yes smoking can make you feel better right away, but the second you arent smoking, youre gonna feel stressed out.

Now that Ive stopped smoking I feel so fresh. I feel so relieved. I dont play tourneys anymore, but now when I take breaks from cash games, or whatever, I grab a magazine and lay on my bed. Sometimes Ill even venture outside (this is rare) and get some fresh air. Sometimes Ill just sit and think. Ill think about my goals and aspirations, Ill think about my near future and my distant future. When I would smoke it was often just something to do while I think. It was a reason for me to go outside and sit on my porch and enjoy the fresh air (how ironic.) Now I have realised that I dont need to give my self an excuse to just sit and not do anything. I can have downtime now and not have to poison myself while I do it.

Im sorry if this has been a bit of an incoherant rant, the simple point Im trying to make is that to quit you have to want to quit, and to want to quit you have to be completely honest with yourself and let yourself honestly see the reasons you smoke. If you are honest with yourself the reasons to smoke are out weighed by far by the reasons not to.

I appreciate your response. I think the massage thing is a good idea, I may look into getting one of those chairs.. there is a store nearby that sells all those gadgets. I guess all I can do is just try to let her know how much my family cares about her and doesn't like seeing her this way. I use to get upset and mad at her, but that was years ago and will accomplish absolutely nothing. I will just never understand this whole situation. My whole life when I was growing up, my mom always made it clear to me to never start smoking. She said she did it for years and quit cold turkey when she found out she was pregnant (~20 years ago) and said she would never do it agian. Just the part that hurts the most was the fact of how she saw my grandmother go, right in front of her face. Just frustrating I guess...

oh another thing. I think smoking, just like other addictions, is closly tied to depression in many cases. People get depressed and cut themselves. People get depressed and starve themselves. People get depressed and remain in abusive relationships.People get depressed and poison themselves with liqour, coke, heroin, whatever. They all are the same in that they are being used as self punishment.

The point of this one is that smoking just like other addictions/psychological problems are never as simple as they seem. People arent just addicted to nicotene. Thier nicotene addiction is there, and its real, but theres always going to be a deeprooted problem that is associated with it. Maybe they grew independently of each other at first, but at some point they linked up, and are know conjoined. I have had problems with depression in my life. Nothing crazy, but its definatley been part of my life. I am now facing those problems, and my life is getting much better. If I was in the same emotional state that Iwas in a year ago, therse no way in hell I couldve quit.

Yeah, depression is a sad thing. I've talked to my mom a few times about this and she really isn't happy with her life. She is in debt from credit cards, she works at a job that she hates, and there is one specific co-worker that always makes her day hell..... I just really don't know how to help her here. She has medication and stuff, and it just seems like her days are getting worse.

Again I really appreciate your replies, I'm going to just have to keep in trying to talk with her and figure out ways to make her life less stressful.... I think that is the biggest part.

[givememyleg]

euphoricism, you are a fucking idiot.

C'mon now - unnecessary.

[drmcboy]

http://amazon.com/s/ref=br_ss_hs/102...rds=allen+carr

If the link doesn't work, search Amazon.com for Allen Carr. If she'll read it, it will help very much. I smoked for almost 10 years, Allen is awesome.

euph, you really should not speak about topics you don't know.

[euphoricism]

euph, you really should not speak about topics you don't know.

That is a horribly misguided statement, but thanks for playing.

[dsmrolla06]

Ive only smoked about 4-5 cigarrettes in the last 5 days so im doing pretty good. I was never a really heave smoker, but about 1/2-2/3 pack for 2 years. Its been two whole days since ive smoke one at all but i dont feel the need now either.

[boost]

I hear that the physical addiction can actually be broaken within a week if you stop. If this is true it just goes to show how complicated peoples addicitons actually are.

[dsmrolla06]

The hardest part is when your around friends that smoke. I havent ever been able to get over that. Although smoking socially is much better than smoking all the time. I dont hang out with friends all the time so it isnt as bad.

[LimpinAintEZ]

first off, the ONLY way someone will quit is if they want to - Even when I wanted to that wasn't enough...I smoked for 8 years and i have an addictive personality so it was tough for me - My GF at the time would always bitch about it and gripe - didn't make a difference at all - She even offered me BJ's everytime i craved a smoke and it still didn't work - Anyway, finally i did come around to realizing i needed and wanted to quit - I bought the gum and i hung out at home for a few months - I didn't go to a bar, I didn't go golfing, I didn't drink liquor - None of the things I associated with smoking - That was a hard 3 months but I had to do it - After that i still had occasional cravings but after a few months they get less and less...

the bottom line though is that EVERYONE in my family was ALWAYS griping about it and it really made no difference...If you don't want to quit, your not going to - try to get your mom into a more active lifestyle is all i can say - like hiking or outdoorsy stuff cna make a difference - Just exercising is a good motivational tool - but again, if she won't quit she just won't - gotta let her make that choice for herself....If/when she does be supportive - thats about all you can do, i think -

[boost]

yah a character flaw that I have is that I dont like doing things when people expect me to do them. I fee like Im letting them win. This isnt with everything, but smoking was one of the things that were effected by this. If I quit it would be like letting them win. Sure its stupid because Im not losing by quitting, but like I said its a character flaw..

[bigred]

yah a character flaw that I have is that I dont like doing things when people expect me to do them. I fee like Im letting them win. This isnt with everything, but smoking was one of the things that were effected by this. If I quit it would be like letting them win. Sure its stupid because Im not losing by quitting, but like I said its a character flaw..

OMG I EXPECT YOU TO DIE FROM LUNG CANCER

YOU'RE CURED11!!!!!

[boost]

ha, thanks for being an asshole bigred!