Frequent Poster with Girl Problems

[Chelle]

I'm 25 and look 17, how does that fair with you WillburForce?

[Penneywize]

@OP:

yeah that last line was a bit of a misstep, I hate to sound trite but you should really be doing your best to give off a "cocky & funny" kind of attitude, even if you aren't like that naturally. You're awesome, she should consider herself lucky to have a chance to be with you. Never forget that. And act accordingly.

"Just be yourself" might be the worst ever advice given. I know it sounds disingenuous but it's true. You need to be a better version of yourself when dating. That's where confidence comes in. Sure, you probably lack it in this area, but it's good practice in life regardless.

As for when you should touch her etc. I think Jyms' advice was pretty good, when you get to a second date or whatever, probably a drinks date, that's a good time to break the "physical" barrier by touching her at some point. Shoulder is a good choice obv, like when saying something that she finds funny and you lean forward a bit and touch her shoulder. Obv it cannot look awkward, best way to do it is to not think about it, and maintain eye contact when you do.

Re. when you should kiss her, end of second date seems like a natural time but every girl is different. Invite her to your place to watch a movie or something, if she agrees then you're pretty much there. Just get to talking and eventually stroke her hair a little. Obviously the subject matter needs to be a little bit more personal by this point. Anyhow, if she lets you play with her hair a little (maybe make a comment about how it looks very soft or some shit) then you're good to go in for a kiss. That be all.

Get that far and then we can discuss intercourse.

[Shotglass]

If a man doesn't kiss me during the first date then there won't be a second.

[bikes]

[WillburForce]

I'm 25 and look 17, how does that fair with you WillburForce?

fine by me

[rong]

lol at don't make any physical contact on the first date. Like really lol. You should make as much physical contact as possible without being creepy. She doesn't have the lurgy.

And always kiss on the first date, even if it's just a peck on the cheek, for the love of god! That should be your number one priority on a first date. You hope for some action, but you demand a prelude to it.

If you neither touch or kiss her at any point on the first date you will find yourself in the friend zone about 20 mins in to it and boy have you got your work cut out for you then.

But this is getting a little advance for you. You need to ask her on a date first so I wouldn't worry about this shit too much.

[rong]

Penny, the lean forward and touch her shoulder bit is hilarious.

How can you spend an hour with a girl and not touch her?
You should kiss her when you first meet, just on the cheek.
You should have your hand on the small of her back as you enter the bar (or cinema door, or coffee shop w/e) which is pretty easy to do, you just get to the door a little before her and usher her though with your hand touching her back. The same should be done standing at the bar ordering your first drink (doesn't work for cinema or coffee I guess).

If you do all of this in the first 5 mins of the date, you know where you stand. If she clearly doesn't seem to like you touching her then you know to drink your drink and gtfo. If she seems comfortable with you touching her, make sure you sit next to her (not opposite, never opposite) and ensure your leg touches hers. Again, if she promptly moves, back off, if she lets it touch, then as long as you don't do anything stupid you're getting at least a kiss good night and a 2nd date.

[bikes]

this is all ez game for rong to say as this is how he looks irl.

[rong]

a. I'm not sure I see it
b. I'm not sure that's such a good thing.
c. If a. is true and b. is indeed a good thing, it still doesn't matter, we all typically date girls that are approx similar in attractiveness to ourselves most of the time.

I'm not saying start wandering around like you're Jonny Depp, but surely if you are out with a female friend, you can comfortably touch her, right? Like say link arms if you are walking along, or put your arm around her to pull her in a particular direction in say a busy bar or w/e. Just do these normal things, except when you are on a date, it is gradually building a relationship between the two of you where touching is normal. If she doesn't like to be touched, what the fuck are you doing there?

[a500lbgorilla]

this is all ez game for rong to say as this is how he looks irl.

Coming from a man that looks like this:

[a500lbgorilla]

PS Op should just listen to (dana)rong. If you can manage to very managable, it'll send an unambiguous message for the rest of the date.

[rong]

If bikes looked like that I may have touched the small of his back in the bar when we met.

[a500lbgorilla]

We sext often, I think I know what bikes looks like.

[Penneywize]

Well making contact with a girl the first time isn't really easy to start off. But as far as not kissing the first time out, I think it's pretty std if it is literally the first time you've met a girl in person. Maybe if you've known a girl a bit IRL and had to work your way into a date with her, then def it's a shame if you don't kiss her the first time out. Not kissing her then is basically like saying you just want to be friends, which is lame. But let's please try and wrap our heads around the blind date scenario, where you've had only limited time to know whether there is a vibe with this girl or not. I'd say you don't go wrong in respecting their personal space until you get some positive signals that it's alright to move in.

I suppose I'm wrong to say that breaking the physical barrier should wait until date two, but trying to get a kiss the first time out can be a little aggressive imo. I agree that giving a peck on the cheek is probably a good and safe way to go, even if it's kinda minimal.

Edit: I should mention that being from Montreal a kiss on the cheek (actually, always both) is pretty std / normal, I mean specifically doing it in such a way that doesn't make it seem like you're greeting your grandma.

[Chelle]

I wanna bang Johnny Depp so I can have his child and be set for life.

[Chelle]

also - bikes does look like george clooney

[Penneywize]

You know, now that I think about it, I think it's very context dependent. Are you guys going to try to kiss a girl if your first date is only a coffee date? I think that's probably not likely. But if it's drinks, and it goes well, you're probably an idiot for not kissing here.

Does this seem right?

[rong]

No!

If you and a girl are meeting for the first time and both know that you are on a date, ie sizing each other up for potential, the very first thing you should do when you meet her is walk straight up to her and kiss her on the cheek as part of your intro, ie "Hi, you must be Julie, mwah"

[rong]

However if you mean sticking your tongue in there, then yeah, the coffee date isn't really the time or the place. Save that for an evening date. But if date 1 is coffee, date 2 should be an evening date, not another day date. Day dates are for checking that you don't seem like a total wierdo only and she should know that after a few minutes. Hopefully.

Also, if you kissed her on the cheek when you met, you've now set a precedent that should be followed when parting ways as well.

[dranger7070]

Y'all are handsome, but... it ain't got nothing on me.

[a500lbgorilla]

No!

If you and a girl are meeting for the first time and both know that you are on a date, ie sizing each other up for potential, the very first thing you should do when you meet her is walk straight up to her and kiss her on the cheek as part of your intro, ie "Hi, you must be Julie, mwah"

Yeah, you're not trying to pass a milestone, just breaking through a not-really-there barrier.

[OngBonga]

First thing to ask her when you meet up...

"You on the pill or do I need some rubber?"

You'll know where you stand prety quickly.



ps don't ask her that.

[Chelle]

This is me as a human, after I signed my voice over to Ursela

This is me in my mermaid form.



Look at this bitch, she don't even care.

But yeah, that's me, all me, I like being a mermaid better cause then I don't attract bears and sharks.

[Shotglass]

If a guy's so insecure (read that as such a pussy) that he asks me out for a "coffee date" instead of a real date then he's NEVER getting out of the friend zone.

[bikes]

coffee date is a ruse to get into your pants quicker.

[bikes]

shoulda transformed into her imo

[dranger7070]

I feel like your opinion is biased. What's wrong with a coffee date as a first date? It's a simple date where you plant feelers to make sure she's not batshit crazy (most of you are) and she gets to see we aren't some creeper (most of us are).

Seems like a fairly standard date and an easy fall back.

[Shotglass]

My opinion may be biased but I would be more interested in a man who asks me to go bowling today, not that I would, than one who asks me to go for coffee. At least the bowler is showing some originality.

[Shotglass]

coffee date is a ruse to get into your pants quicker.

quickest way to go home alone and be relegated to instant voicemail

[OngBonga]

Yeah maybe I will come and stalk you after all.

[OngBonga]

My opinion may be biased but I would be more interested in a man who asks me to go bowling today, not that I would, than one who asks me to go for coffee. At least the bowler is showing some originality.

Yeah fuck coffee for a first date. Try a poker game, or paintball maybe. Skydiving. Anything but coffee.

[Chelle]

Know what I like doin' on the first date?
Boat ride with a Prince, while the sea-animals sing a love song, and I try to get the Prince to kiss me.

[Shotglass]

Went on a paintball first date once...awesome...dated him for 4 months or so.

A while back a guy who I met on a blind date asked me while we were eating for a second date to go skydiving the next day. Less than 5 minutes after I met him I had decided not to see him again but when he asked me to jump out of a plane I changed my mind. We didn't go skydiving but we did have 5 or 6 dates.

The only thing that gets blown on a coffee date is the guy's chances.

[OngBonga]

Yeah I did paintball as a second date. That's the ex I'm still "freinds" with. And I would so jump out of a plane as a first date. Way to make it memorable.

I'd sooner just go to my local for a pint than go for a coffee.

[wufwugy]

My opinion may be biased but I would be more interested in a man who asks me to go bowling today, not that I would, than one who asks me to go for coffee. At least the bowler is showing some originality.

The reality is that people like what they like. If a girl asks me out to bowling, I'm probably going to say no to that and anything else she has to offer (because bowling is dumb), but if she asks me for coffee, I'm okay with it because coffee and talking is cool. It's not that my view on this is right and yours wrong, it's simply about tastes. A lot of people love concerts and clubs, I hate concerts and clubs. I love lounging around and shooting the shit, a lot of people don't like that.


All these rules are kinda meh. Just act with confidence and style and get in there. That's all any man needs to know about what to do regarding short term relationships

[Shotglass]

/thread

[jyms]

Coffee dates are the norm in the online dating world nowadays. You've never met, you only see pics and hear there own description of themselves. A coffee date is kind of like reading the label before eating the food, you want to see what they are trying to sneak by you. Then you go on a date.

[baudib]

yeah, wtf ong. Coffee dates are lolstandard.

[dranger7070]

I'm with wuf on this one. I whore around a bit, but I REALLY have to be in the mood to go to the "club" (not really a club around here, bikes knows what I'm talking about) and I feel really out of place at a concert. But sitting around bullshitting is like, one of my favorite past times.

[hartbraker]

Cause I'm always either working, at school or just out with friends I don't really like being bored at home, I'd much rather be with someone or just doing something lol

Oh man I read that really wrong. I thought it said I'd much rather be with someone or just doing someone lol. I really hope you're not that kind of girl anyways. What are you studying?

___

So I took pennywize's and she hasn't responded. Did I really fuck this up? It's been a while since I sent it. She probably thinks I'm a fucking pervert now. Holy shit, why did I say that? I screwed this up so bad. What the fuck am I going to do?

[Penneywize]

Cause I'm always either working, at school or just out with friends I don't really like being bored at home, I'd much rather be with someone or just doing something lol

Oh man I read that really wrong. I thought it said I'd much rather be with someone or just doing someone lol. I really hope you're not that kind of girl anyways. What are you studying?

___

So I took pennywize's and she hasn't responded. Did I really fuck this up? It's been a while since I sent it. She probably thinks I'm a fucking pervert now. Holy shit, why did I say that? I screwed this up so bad. What the fuck am I going to do?

I am toootally not taking the rap for this! lol

live and learn, if she comes back don't make the same mistake again. If she does, keep it going. But don't message her till she gets back to you imo.

Also agree with everyone saying that as far as internet first dates go, coffee is incredibly standard and yes it's a screen to get the crazies out of the way.

Shotglass I agree if a guy you knew personally asked you out for coffee then you're in your rights to friendzone the fuck out of him, but not all girls would feel that way. But if you had only spoken with him on the internet a little, then, meh, coffee has to be considered fine.

Agree with danarong, go for a peck on the cheek after meeting her. And yes setting a precedent for physical contact is good.

[Penneywize]

Cause I'm always either working, at school or just out with friends I don't really like being bored at home, I'd much rather be with someone or just doing something lol

Oh man I read that really wrong. I thought it said I'd much rather be with someone or just doing someone lol. I really hope you're not that kind of girl anyways. What are you studying?

By the way if you had realized that that is not what she said in the first place hwy did you go ahead and write that's what you thought you read lol? She's opened up a bunch of conversational avenues there, weird that you would pick the 'oh hey I misinterpreted what you said as you being promiscuous' route.

[Penneywize]

triple post, one last nugget of wisdom: when online dating, it's really always best to keep conversations going with multiple people at once, that way you don't get bummed if one or two of them don't pan out.

It's a bit of a numbers game, my friend I was talkin about earlier met a girl who seemed uber normal till on the third date he went to her house and found it was a fucking disaster (she's a certified hoarder). All the more reason to keep plugging away at new prospects.

[eugmac]

yeah that last line was a bit of a misstep, I hate to sound trite but you should really be doing your best to give off a "cocky & funny" kind of attitude, even if you aren't like that naturally. You're awesome, she should consider herself lucky to have a chance to be with you. Never forget that. And act accordingly.

"Just be yourself" might be the worst ever advice given. I know it sounds disingenuous but it's true. You need to be a better version of yourself when dating. That's where confidence comes in. Sure, you probably lack it in this area, but it's good practice in life regardless.

Penney, nobody in the world, neither you or I, are able to be anybody but ourselves. If you find one day that you have something in you that you didn't know about befor, it doesn't mean you're not yourself all the sudden.

[wufwugy]

lol at peck on cheek. do people seriously do that?

if you dont know what you're doing, let her instigate contact. women love instigating contact.

men who do anything other than letting her do all the work are doing it wrong. if she wants you to touch her, she will make you know by touching you a lot; if she wants you to kiss her, you will know. women are the real choosers, all men have to do is act cool then act on the information she gives and her behavior

[Chelle]

True story:
I've only been to Starbucks once, and I had no idea what to do, so the guy ordered for me, and it was amazing.

I think it was the frappichino mocha thingy with like whip cream on top. Noms.

Different strokes for different folks, imo.

Also - if you want her to kiss you, or move into kiss you, or want to kiss you, look at her lips, then back to her eyes, then back to her lips. It will make her think about making out w/ you, at least that's some shit I heard.

[Penneywize]

Penney, nobody in the world, neither you or I, are able to be anybody but ourselves. If you find one day that you have something in you that you didn't know about befor, it doesn't mean you're not yourself all the sudden.

I agree, of course. I just meant specifically that you should downplay your known faults. Say you have a tendency to talk about yourself and ignore things about others in conversation. This is something to avoid, obviously. Or what if you lack a social filter and sometimes make crude comments accidentally. Again, another thing not to do on a first date. I really didn't mean it to come off any different than that.

Confidence is important too, ldo, but much easier said than done, speaking from experience

[Penneywize]

lol at peck on cheek. do people seriously do that?

if you dont know what you're doing, let her instigate contact. women love instigating contact.

men who do anything other than letting her do all the work are doing it wrong. if she wants you to touch her, she will make you know by touching you a lot; if she wants you to kiss her, you will know. women are the real choosers, all men have to do is act cool then act on the information she gives and her behavior

I dunno man, some women prefer you make contact first, especially if they're a little squeamish, and that is not an insignificant portion of the dating pool. I also like women who initiate, I've always been attracted to women who knew what they wanted and acted accordingly, but there are definitely some very desirable women out there who you have to make the move on first.

also yes the cheek kissing thing happens a lot but I'm from Quebec so wtf.

[eugmac]

Cause I'm always either working, at school or just out with friends I don't really like being bored at home, I'd much rather be with someone or just doing something lol

Oh man I read that really wrong. I thought it said I'd much rather be with someone or just doing someone lol. I really hope you're not that kind of girl anyways. What are you studying?

Hm. I'm with Penney though here, that's a shit answer. If anybody ever implies "I'm so bored, I'd rather be with a man right now.", don't ever answer "I'm hope you're not THAT kind of a girl. *Rollseyes*."

Instead flirt back, be suggestive without being explicit - don't all the sudden answer with "your place or mine?" but just idk, tease her back. OK?

[eugmac]

Ya, things about physical boundaries, what a peck on the cheek means, what a peck on the mouth means... it really depends on what area you're from and what girls are used to. I heard about a story about US soldiers meeting British girls and because both sides were used to different "conventions" the US soldiers left with the impression that British girls are super easy to get into bed with, and the British girls thought the US soldiers were SO forward and eager to get them into bed.

[wufwugy]

I dunno man, some women prefer you make contact first, especially if they're a little squeamish, and that is not an insignificant portion of the dating pool. I also like women who initiate, I've always been attracted to women who knew what they wanted and acted accordingly, but there are definitely some very desirable women out there who you have to make the move on first.

also yes the cheek kissing thing happens a lot but I'm from Quebec so wtf.

I have not known one single woman who wanted me to contact them first. Well, maybe they did, but very quickly realized I wasn't going to do it so they opted themselves. Honestly, though, I don't think any of them wanted me to act first. When they realized they were interested in me, they then started doing the acting. There is only one time in my life I'd say it's possible a chick who was into me didn't make it clear at first, but she was extreeeeemely secretive about it, and I had no idea until we were alone and she then made it quiet obvious

[eugmac]

Triple post ala Penney: On that note, date somebody from a country where the women are strong and liberated, like Germany or Holland. They don't have any qualms about making the first move.

[bikes]

True story:
I've only been to Starbucks once, and I had no idea what to do, so the guy ordered for me, and it was amazing.

I think it was the frappichino mocha thingy with like whip cream on top. Noms.

Different strokes for different folks, imo.

Also - if you want her to kiss you, or move into kiss you, or want to kiss you, look at her lips, then back to her eyes, then back to her lips. It will make her think about making out w/ you, at least that's some shit I heard.

things to order at starbucks

carmel apple spice, heavy whip. joygasmic.

white mocha, heavy whip. joygasmic.

mocha frap, heavy whip. joygasmic.

triple expresso, heavy whip and sugar. gg heart.

[Penneywize]

Triple post ala Penney: On that note, date somebody from a country where the women are strong and liberated, like Germany or Holland. They don't have any qualms about making the first move.

Hahaha combo blocked by wufwugy!

Also interesting about germany and holland, I gotta get out to Europe sometime. I've never been.

[lolzzz_321]

[bikes]

way to fucking ruin it jon.

[eugmac]

[wufwugy]

It kinda had to be a troll. Nobody speaks that obliviously

[wufwugy]

Of course I did have it at about 20% probability it was just a mouth breather from the shorthanded forum

[BankItDrew]

wow

lolzzzz is a dick

[wufwugy]

^^naw they were baiting for something more interesting than opinions on how to get girls

[rong]

Yeah no way this could be real. What kinda reg poster would think the community was a good place for advice on girls.

[Penneywize]

another epic troll by red?

pretty sure it has to be a troll since I'm kinda certain red had a girlfriend for some time, unless I am thinking of someone else.

if it's srs then kinda a dick move by lolzzz, heh.

[JKDS]

I liked it. Solid thread either way

[rong]

And let's not forget some of the golden nuggets of advice we've picked up, like on the 2nd date try and lean in and touch her shoulder.

[Chelle]

lean in and touch her boob imo.

" OOPPPPPS!!!!!"

[baudib]

By 2nd date I just sorta openly move for the bewb with no pretense whatsoever. Actually if there's kissing going on during first date I'm totally moving on the bewbs.

[OngBonga]

yeah, wtf ong. Coffee dates are lolstandard.

Mebbe I don't like my date to be lolstandard...

[Shotglass]

I have not known one single woman who wanted me to contact them first. Well, maybe they did,

Wuf knows a woman?

[OngBonga]

Dunno about bowling as a date... my problem with that is I'm incredibly competetive, and I'm not sure trying my fucking hardest to beat her is going to impress her.

FISTPUMP I got a strike, you're up bitch.

And if I lose I'll sulk. Do I really want a girl who's better than me at a sport?

[OngBonga]

Also, who's aka red, that's that zilla dude right?

[eugmac]

lean in and touch her boob imo.

" OOPPPPPS!!!!!"

<3

[eugmac]

obviously the most effective tactic is to become super influential in whatever work she does, and then basically blackmail her saying if she doesn't do what you say you'll ruin her career.

i'm kidding, but a girl today told me that some married old guy is basically trying that very thing to her. she probably should contact the police no?

[Shotglass]

obviously the most effective tactic is to become super influential in whatever work she does, and then basically blackmail her saying if she doesn't do what you say you'll ruin her career.

i'm kidding, but a girl today told me that some married old guy is basically trying that very thing to her. she probably should contact the police no?

Her corporate HR department.

[OngBonga]

Tell his wife.