Contest: $20 for the most original....

[gutshot]

"Please transfer me money" story.

I will send $20 to whoever comes up with the most original/creative/funny plight in an attempt to get someone to send them money via a poker room or neteller or whatever.

Entries will be accepted until April 26 when I get back from vacation, or this thread gets locked, whichever comes first.

I will be sole judge, jury, and executioner and will send the $20 in some electronic form of the user's choosing on April 27, 2005.

Good Luck.

Credit to Molinero for the idea.

[bigred]

Did you not see my post in the other thread? I clearly have already won.

Well anyway, my friend Timmyis 10 and has no nose or or eyes. Why is this? Becuase he is dead. If you do not send this to 30 people by midnight timmy will come to your room at midnight, and kill you.

No, this has nothing to do with money, but that's the freakiest chain letter i have ever gotten in my life. And now I'm scared again.

[vqc]

I need money to play poker. Send me 20 dollars.

Please?

Ill send you a cookie in return.

A big one, with chocolate chips and everything.

A hug?

[eeeee]

Did you not see my post in the other thread? I clearly have already won.

He did win. I saw it.


But in the interest of competition, I have a friend (let's call him BR) and he's Nigerian with an uncle prince that.... oh, never mind.

[Sykedupp]

Good day to you sir.

My name is Shelobsherapples Fartlikeawench. I am from the great poverty country of Scabolia.

In my country, people are not taught anything in school, and 98.8% of the girls are taken to the sex trade.

I am 23 years old and fell in love with a beautiful Scbolian women named Monkeysuncle Supercalifragilispicexpealidocious. Unfortunately she was forced into the sex trade, and to get her out, I need to make $50,000 in online gambling.

Mr. 'GutShot', your $20.00 would get me started in my quest to make $50,000 and free Monkeysuncle. I would be forever in your debt (until I payed off $20) if you would give me the $20.00.

Have a nice day and god bless.

-Shelobsherapples



Creative writing at its best.

-Chris

[Jay67s]

Supercalifragilispicexpealidocious.

You should win something just for spelling this.

[JeffreyGB]

April 27 is within 2 weeks of 5/6. My goal since January has been to make $1234 by 5/6. I'm getting very close, however finals are coming up soon, and graduation, it turns out, is on the weekend of the the 6th!

I've consulted my Crystal Ball (www.crystalball.com - seriously, check it out, it's a risk analysis consulting firm) and I was told that I wouldn't be able to achieve my goal through poker alone. They said that it was inevitable that I end up with only $1224.37. To that end, I'm desperate to find a way to make up the rest. I know what they say is true, because of the alignment of the stars at 12:34pm the night I asked them...Every star I looked at was out of place!

Please, donate toward Operation Count. Only you can prevent 1234 from becoming 1224.

Further, since I only need $9.66, you should clearly send the rest to Shelobsherapples. I started my bankroll building with $10. He should be able to do even better than I have with $10.37!!

[DWDuck]

Well... it might not be so original, but I find these funny.

I did add some original content.....

-------------------

STANDARD TRUST BANK LIMITED
FROM: MR. GERN BLANSTON (ACCOUNTANT)

Dear Friend,

First I must solicit your confidence in this transaction, this is by
Virtue of its nature as being utterly confidential and top secret.
Though I know that a transaction of this magnitude will make any one
Apprehensive and worried, but I am assuring you that all will be well At
the end of the day. We have decided to contact you due to the Urgency of
this transaction, as we have been reliably informed of your Discreetness
and ability in transaction of this nature.

Let me start by introducing myself properly to you. I am MR. GERN
Blanston the Chief Accountant with the STANDARD TRUST BANK LIMITED. ICame to know you in my Private Search for a Reliable and Reputable
Person to handle this Confidential Transaction, which involves the
Transfer of huge sum of Money to a Neteller Account requiring Maximum
Confidence.

THE PROPOSITION: A Foreigner an Australia, Late Eng. Steve Moore (Sir.) a
very successful Online Poker Player, until his death
months ago in Kenya Air Bus (A310-300) Flight KQ431, Banked with us at
STANDARD TRUST BANK LIMITED, Lagos and had a closing balance as at the end
of September, 2000 worth US$35,500,000.00 (thirty five Million five
hundred thousand United State Dollars), the bank now expects a next of kin
as beneficiary. Weeks before his death Mr. Moore withdrew all his funds from HowCanYouLosePoker.com when he discovered the site was obviously rigged when his flush was beaten by a highly unlikely rivered full house. That place was so rigged. I mean, he didn't cash out ALL of his money, but every time he played after the cashout he was losing to gutshot straights, runner-runner flushes, quads over quads. His AA lost all in against 72o! Valuable efforts are being made by the STANDARD TRUST BANK
LIMITED to get in touch with any of the Moor's family or relatives but to
no success. It is because of the perceived possibility of not being able
to locate any of Late Engr. Steve Moore (Sir.)' s next kin (He had no wife
or child that is know to us). The Management under the influence of our
Chairman and Members of the Board of Directors, that arrange has been made
for the fund to be declared "Unclaimed" and subsequently be donated to the
trust fund for arms and ammunition to further enhance the course of War in
Africa and the World in General and possibly the Two Plus Two forums. In order to avert this negative
development some of my trusted colleagues and I now seek your permission
to have you stand as next of kin to Late Engr. Steve Moore (Sir.) so that
the fund US$35.5 Million will be released and paid into your Neteller account as
the Beneficiary's next of kin. All documents and proves to enable you get
his fund will be carefully worked out. We have secure from the probate an
order of mandamus to locate any of deceased beneficiaries, and more so we
are assuring you that this business is 100% Risk Free involvement.

All that we need from you is to deposit $20 into a Neteller account that we will specify at a later time. This is important insofarasmuch as we need to be able to show proof that you are a next of kin, and that you play poker.

Your share stays while the rest be for myself and my colleagues for
investment purpose. According to agreement within both parties.

As soon as we receive an acknowledgement of receipt of this message in
acceptance of our mutual business proposal, we would furnish you with the
necessary modalities and disbursement ratio to suite both parties with out
any conflict. While replying furnish me with your private fax and phone
numbers for easy communication.

Best regards,

MR. GERN BLANSTON
STANDARD TRUST BANK LIMITED

[Sykedupp]

cute, jeffrey... very cute


Gimmie $20 or ill kill your family?

THAT'S origional :P

-Chris

[storm75m]

My 18 yr old little brother who lived down the street, went something along these lines...

Day 1: Alright dude, I gotta get back in the game. I know you gave me $20 bucks to get started a few days ago but I sucked then, and I'm ready now. I just spent like a whole hour and a half reading some shit on the internet and I'm ready, trust me.

Day 2: C'mon man!! $20 bucks is all I need! I promise you'll get it back and soon as I triple up. I'm broke as shit, rent is past due, and i think my alternator sprung a leak in my car or something. Not to mention I owe some dude like $200 for some crappy poker game i was suckered into.

Day 3: Remember that day you asked me to wash your car when it was raining? Didn't I do it for you, no questions asked? What about all those joints i rolled up for you over the years so we could smoke? C'mon $20 bucks, you know I'm good for it. My girl left me the other day. I need money to go find a new one.

Day 4: Alright you cheapskate faggotass mutherfcker, I've been asking you nicely man. Something bad is gonna happen to you for disrespecting your family. At least just give me an ounce of weed to sell or something, I'll make your money back and you can put it in my poker account. Please. Bitch.

Day 5: Yeah.... notice something missing?? Told you something bad was gonna happen. Wonder where your precious kitty Cuddles is hiding... could it be in my dryer? Maybe the microwave? Hmmm freezer maybe? What other fun can I have... lets see... The ransom is $20 in party poker, fck it make it $50 or you'll never see your precious Cuddles again!!

Day 6: Alright you win, I'm sorry. I'll leave you alone. Now please come back and unlock these handcuffs. Hard to take a piss with my leg cuffed to the oven, and my arm cuffed to the refrigerator. C'mon. It's over, I promise. And I know you know where my car is. I gotta go to school in an hour. Dude, please, it took me like 30 minutes just to get my cell phone out of my pocket and call. I'm getting a cramp in my leg. I'm sorry again.

(alright, i was bored and made this all up. oh well at least it's original)

[LeFou]

Dear Sir,

My name is dwarfman, and I am a 48-year-old shemale from a pitiful island country where people say "loo" and that sort of thing.

Shemales do not have it easy out here on my island; in elevators (we call them "lifts") people always seem uncomfortable and refuse to look at us. At the grocery store (we call them "loos") the checkout lady always returns our change and says "here you go, ... sir?". Also I cannot get my ventrilo microphone to work.

The other day I was working out at the gym and this guy saw me and said "OH MY GODDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!111111 YOU'RE DISGUSTING YOU LOOK LIKE A 500 LB GORILLA!!!!!!!!!1111" I went home cried for, like, a week... even though this was just the other day.

Sincerely,
dwarfman

PS: I almost forgot... gimme $20.

[storm75m]

How bout this one...

Hey man, you've got to help me! I just need you to come up with an original story about trying to get money from someone for poker... we'll get 20 bucks!! Please help me out, I'll split it with you.

[a500lbgorilla]

The other day I was working out at the gym and this guy saw me and said "OH MY GODDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!111111 YOU'RE DISGUSTING YOU LOOK LIKE A 500 LB GORILLA!!!!!!!!!1111" I went home cried for, like, a week... even though this was just the other day.

-'rilla

[LeFou]

The other day I was working out at the gym and this guy saw me and said "OH MY GODDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!111111 YOU'RE DISGUSTING YOU LOOK LIKE A 500 LB GORILLA!!!!!!!!!1111" I went home cried for, like, a week... even though this was just the other day.

-'rilla

Sorry, I meant 600 lb gorilla. Those are gross. I like you just the way you are, dude.

[lovemachine]

please transfer me $20 so i can afford a cheap hooker

[™]

After purchasing a mysterious book on eBay (hundreds of years old) I soon discovered that there was some hidden meaning behind the book. It was a tale of someone who was having a deep theological battle within them self. The book left clues to some hidden room. It did not mention what was inside. After reading the book over and over I felt as though I had pinpointed the location to where the book was pointing me. A small town in central Mexico known as El Chunto.

Upon entering the town I found my way to the local church (this is where my research had led). The doors were as massive as they were breath taking. Two incredibly huge arched doors. Both laced with intricate woodwork. No doubt from a skilled Spanish craftsman. I entered the church and my eyes were caught by a young lady. Her beauty matched that of the churches. She stared back at me but said nothing. I walked up to her and introduced myself (I learned Spanish in school). She still did not respond but her eyes kept me in a trance. They were a shade of brown. Just as the two church doors. Her clothes were tight fitted to her slender body. Eventually she began to walk away from me, but her eyes stayed fixed on mine. Her movements were subtle and soft. She was an angel. I felt as though I could follow her all the way to heaven.

She went into a back room in the church, I followed her flowing movements. She seemed to be pushed along by the breeze. Her footsteps would not even disturb the stubborn dust on the floor. She led me to a small door. She never said a word... I walked over to the door. I opened it, and a cloud of dust came bursting out. I was blinded by the assault on my eyes. After I rubbed them clean I found my companion was nowhere to be found. I was upset but also excited to look inside the room...

As I entered the room I saw a magnificent fountain. It was beautiful, just like her face… The sun poured in just as the water poured from the fountain. It was truly a sight to see. It looked so out of place in this old worn down church. It was in perfect order, and I was baffled as to where the water was coming from. I walked up to the fountain. The water looked like liquid crystal…beautiful. I dipped my hands into the water, it was cool, I cupped them together and took a mouthful of the water. It was breath taking. I felt younger just from drinking it. Then it hit me; I had discovered the fountain of youth. In this old church in El Chunto Mexico, and I was led here by that…that…angel…

Even though I made this amazing discovery my life seems empty without Angel (as I’ve come to call her). So now I spend my days searching for a different treasure. That which I experienced when I first looked into her eyes and gave her my heart forever.

So why do I need the $20? I still owe the guy who sold me the book…$20.

If you give me $20 over PokerStars, I will help you perfect your English accent (English accents are all the rage, American accents are SO last Tuesday!').

[Sed]

gutshot,

I'm 20$ short for my testicle transplant... soupie won't extend credit and I don't want to have to go to "Bargain Balls" and deal with the leftovers from dwarfman's operation.

thanks,
- sed

[bigred]

Give me $20 or I'll kill all the kittens in the world...and dwarfman.

[Izenra]

I got 2 stuff :

1- I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE DOING ON YOUR COMPUTER. I see that you hide it pretty well, but this action must stop once and for all. If you does not respond to me immediately, I will take the proper action and go tell the FBI about this. I will tell all of your relatives and you will end up in jail. If you want to buy my silence, send me 1000 $ via PayPal.

2- ( before: creat a fake email that look like a lot like the person email, like if you send the message to [email protected])

Hey John,

I have a terribly good news for you, I have found something EXCREDIBLE. It's a program that I hijacked from the FBI, and I will send it to you, but you gotta give me 1000 $ cuz of my problem ! Because I need to money RIGHT NOW. Hacking and getting money from banks without em knowing ( FBI program rocks!) but it takes a while. So, send me 1000 $ to this adress : [email protected], and you, destroy this e-mail and created a new email. destroy [email protected] and create a new e-mail and send a message to my new, [email protected], and give me the password.

the password is : 1337 5p£@k C@|\|7 |)1£

[JeffreyGB]

cute, jeffrey... very cute


Gimmie $20 or ill kill your family?

THAT'S origional :P

-Chris

I wish I hadn't posted that...actually hit a downswing today, and now I'm wondering why I had to go and jinx myself.

[LeFou]

Maybe I'm sick but I like Izenra's quite a bit. BTW who's Izenra?

[Aceofone]

I like "tm's" story, well written. His avatar is hot too.

[LeFou]

well, this isn't an avatar contest, Ace. But you're right: damn. Still, "her flowing movements" has nothing on "EXCREDIBLE"

[Sykedupp]

man, all u aint got nothing on supercalifragilispicexpialidocious
:P

-Chris

[gutshot]

I'm back. After careful consideration, ™'s contribution has been deemed the winner. He got extra points because in a search for 'El Chunto, Mexico' on google, his post was at the top of the list.

Nice hand, sir.

[Greedo017]

i realize this is after the fact, but...

Oh Good Sir, I am afraid I am in a terrible situation. I am crying as I write this. I am in desperate need of 20 dollars... I am afraid to even tell you my condition, but I fear I must in order to get the sympathy necessary for you to make this donation, and I assure you it is to a more than noble cause.

You see... I play limit hold'em... *sobs*.

[™]

ya!