Frequent Poster with Girl Problems

[hartbraker]

Hi guys, I'm a frequent poster on this forum. I'm too embarrassed to out myself though. I'm a virgin and I've never been in a serious relationship. My experiences with girls doesn't extend past one time where I was forced to play spin the bottle when I was 12. I decided to try and meet some nice girls now that I am at university. I tried to meet them in person. I was unsuccessful. So I tried plenty of fish. She messaged me first so I think this is a good sign, right? I have no idea what to do next. Please help!

______

hi

Hi. Do you think I'm cute?

yeah haha

Favorite TV character and why?

sheldon cooper because he's hilarious

What's he from?

big bang theory!

Oh. Right, I could enver get into that show. I'm not really sure why.

what about you?

That's really tough. There are too many. Pick a show?

hmm.. crmininal minds?

I identify with Hotch the most, though I find Reid more interesting.

reid is my favorite then derek of course!

Reid is pretty awesome. I'm watching Community and keep getting distracted. Haha.

i've been meaning to watch that!

I'm addicted. I think I need help. Suggestions?

haha uhm...find a girl to distract you? haha

Haha. Any idea where I'm supposed to find one of those?

Well..I think this is a good starting place! haha

Alright. Let's say, hypothetically of course, I found one. What would I say or talk about?

I'd say, talk to her more, get to know her ask for her number eventually and then ask to hang out! And talk about just anything that allows you to get to know each other lol

Number eh? Don't you think that's kind of aggressive?

I don't personally lol

So if I was like "Hey, it was fun talking to you. I'm tired so I'm going to sleep. If you want to keep in touch how would I get ahold of you?" You'd say...

I'd say, well you can just text me xxx xxx xxxx I'm Devyn . See, simple haha

Hey, I tried to text you but my phone is fucked up. So I'm ordering a new one. I guess we'll just have to stick to this for the time being..

[bikes]

GOAT first post. GOAT.

[JKDS]

Are you me?

[Penneywize]

If this is serious:

Seems fine and good, you did well enough with that convo. It's not really that long though, try and get more under your belt before suggesting meeting her.

I haven't dated online since I was like 18 and I met a girl who described herself as "tanned" and ended up being black. No problem there, of course, but I'm just not attracted to black women.

Anyway, a friend of mine is pretty big onto this online dating stuff and from what I hear, it takes a good hour or two of online texting back and forth, usually spread out over a few days, before it's pretty legit to go and meet a girl. Sure, this one sounds like she's into you, and one of the biggest mistakes you can ever make with women is not 'striking while the iron is hot' but let's be srs, you had one online convo.

A few notes. one, it seems you were kinda eager to stop talking to her. two, you lied about your phone being fucked up. Both are kinda bad, I woulda just been like "oh ok cool" and texted her a day or two later. w/e.

Also one thing you should really get out of your head is this idea that you have to lose your virginity. Just let it come naturally, don't let it dominate your thoughts or your self-image; this is detrimental for multiple reasons, but the most important one right now is that it'll affect how you interact with women you may have a chance to eventually sleep with. Instead, think about how you can go about finding out things about this girl that actually interest you. What is interesting about her? Try and find something, and let shit flow naturally from there.

At any rate, I've had like 4 girlfriends total ever (each for multiple years) so I'm not exactly a pro at dating. but just my 0.02. hope this is helpful.

[Penneywize]

Also, if this is not serious:

Fuck off, newfish.

[supa]

Also, if this is not serious:

Fuck off, newfish.

BAHHAHAHAHA!!!!!

[Penneywize]

Also also, did you really open with "Hi, do you think I'm cute?" or am I getting the persons in this convo mixed up.

[Chelle]

...This can't be serious.

[wufwugy]

I haven't dated online since I was like 18 and I met a girl who described herself as "tanned" and ended up being black.

loooooooooooolllllllllllllllllllllllllllll

[OngBonga]

My money is on wuf. The amount of porn he has on his comp, he must be a virgin.

[Chelle]

...who the fuck downloads porn, ever?

[jyms]

Stop trying to guess and answer his questions. It's for realz. An no it's not me, I have a son, and a G/F and a FWB hehe

[OngBonga]

...who the fuck downloads porn, ever?

Well I did when I was a virgin. That was before the days of redtube though. Oh god how I love redtube.

[OngBonga]

Stop trying to guess and answer his questions.

I'm not going to be of any use here. My experience with women is limited to like 4 women too, except they had to make it obvious to me they liked me because I'm so fucking dumb and oblivious. I'm looking at her thinking of all sorts of rude shit, but I don't actually make a move because I'm great at being friends with girls but suck at actually telling them I want to fuck them senseless. So they have to tell me.

[jyms]

I personally think, and finally learned a long time ago that I had to be far more truthful with women. I would rather get rejected outright than suffer through the maybe/maybe not in my mind and longing from afar. Women are sensitive, and will normally let you down easily and politely, and stay friends, cause they think that men and women can be friends without a sexual tone. When a woman thinks your not interested in them that way, they turn off their own feelings rather easily.

You don't need to ask them to fuck, but ask them for coffee or a drink and see what they say. They prefer a smooth and slower approach anyway until there is mutual interest. But once the conversation is one on one, don't spend hours trying to be a friend. Make it obvious. Touch their hand, walk up behind with their drink and touch their shoulder so they turn around, see how they react to the light contact.

[OngBonga]

Ok the one thing I can say with confidence is this...

Don't avoid eye contact. That's where the first sparks are.

[Chelle]

Hey so.

I hear this works well:

Date rape drug - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

[hartbraker]

She said:

Haha alright! How's it goin today?

___

So I should try to look her in the eyes and touch her a lot?

[jyms]

no date rape drug needed with Chelle, if you get a first date your getting some, she's not waiting to find out if you will disappoint in the future.

[Jack Sawyer]

Just focus on being awesome, i.e. build your body, mind and character (which will increase your confidence automagically), and in due time the girls will flock to you like bees to honey.

Bonus is that you wont' have to do any of this texting bullshit.

[OngBonga]

She said:

Haha alright! How's it goin today?

___

So I should try to look her in the eyes and touch her a lot?

Oh yeah, internet. Fuck, I don't know, I never did this online dating shit. Just chat about shit, play scrabble, then when you finally meet up, tell her her hair is nice and that her shoes match her coat. Win.

[jyms]

There is nothing wrong with sexting. It's fun, and some women will say and do far more via text early in a relationship than face to face. It's the ultimate safe sex hehe

[wufwugy]

To OP, you have to just get in there. I think this convo demonstrates that you're trying to figure out what to say and do instead of just acting on your feelings. I know that can seem paradoxical because not all of your feelings are pushing you in, some naturally pull you back as well.

This girl is clearly interested in you. Some of your modes of expression do have flirtatiousness in them, but you are thinking about the process instead of doing the process. Here's a great example of that

Alright. Let's say, hypothetically of course, I found one. What would I say or talk about?

I'd say, talk to her more, get to know her ask for her number eventually and then ask to hang out! And talk about just anything that allows you to get to know each other lol

Number eh? Don't you think that's kind of aggressive?

She gave you an in, but you stepped back because you're unsure of new territory. The key to solving this is to not care that you're unsure and unfamiliar, and to just get in there. This may seem hard to understand because you're thinking "yeah but how do I know when I should 'get in there'?" But the truth is that you don't know, you just do it. People who are not naturally good at deciphering language and behavior can only become good at it through experience, not abstract examination, and you're stuck in the abstract examination part. This means that your efforts to figure out what you're doing before you've become familiar with it will not yield satisfactory results.


If, in addition, you have fear of rejection, this is the bottom line: it doesn't matter, and women are attracted to men who act like it doesn't matter. If you "get in there" and are rejected, it doesn't matter because you're just gonna do it again with a different girl. No one woman you're attracted to is special. You don't have to second guess who you are and what you want to impress a girl because if she doesn't like it she can just step aside to the ten other girls behind her

[Chelle]

no date rape drug needed with Chelle, if you get a first date your getting some, she's not waiting to find out if you will disappoint in the future.

Hmn. I'mma give you one chance to say you're sorry.

[OngBonga]

No one woman you're attracted to is special.

Oh I disagree completely here. Whoever I fancy, she's fucking special. If you don't think she's special, then don't bother wasting both of your time.

[wufwugy]

Oh I disagree completely here. Whoever I fancy, she's fucking special. If you don't think she's special, then don't bother wasting both of your time.

You misunderstood

[OngBonga]

You misunderstood

I do that a lot.

[Jack Sawyer]

There is nothing wrong with sexting. It's fun, and some women will say and do far more via text early in a relationship than face to face. It's the ultimate safe sex hehe

The quality of communication on a societal basis has steadily gone down ever since the dawn of the texting phenomenon. Anyway: between 60 to 93% of what we say is said using nonverbal communication, and this is completely lost nowadays.

Not to mention how people prefer to socialize with people on their chat lists, rather than those in their vicinity as they should.

As you can see, I hate this shit. Not just the people who walk straight into fountains while texting nor those who have to text and send bb pins on every fucking stoplight they find themselves in, but the damage it's doing to our society.

[wufwugy]

To expand to Sir Ongs-a-Lot, of course you feel she's special, that's not what I was referring to. The point of no one woman being special is because we do things like bend over backwards or become depressed at rejection because we feel like she's "special." But she's not, there are countless women who are just like her that you could like just as much if only you tried.


There is a good contrast on this between myself and my close friend. We both had really awful breakups with women we thought were "the one." My response was to pull back from dating and try to get over her intellectually, his response was "date as many women as possible." Well, it took me five years to get over that bitch (and I'm still not over many of the problems I created for myself in the process), and it took him like 8 months to get over his and he's been in much healthier relationship with a better women for a couple years now.

[OngBonga]

Wuf... yeah I get what you mean. Thing is though, rejection and heartbreak, it's part of growing up. Very few people never experience these emotions. My first serious relationship, it tore me to pieces when I lost her. I sat in my room on my own crying like a fucking girl, thinking my world had collapsed. But, once I got over it (three months), I emerged stronger. Once you find love again, you realise it's not the end of the world when they leave you.

But all those I've loved, they're still special to me, they always will be.

[jyms]

Hmn. I'mma give you one chance to say you're sorry.

Sorry if that came across wrong I just don't think a woman is getting a first date with you anytime soon unless she fits within that very small filter of "man I'm gonna fuck the shit out of her"

[Chelle]

Idk, I don't think you have to find love again to realize it's not the end of the world when they leave you. It hurts like a mother fucker for a while, and there's gonna be a scar, but 'finding' love again, no. You do it by yourself. Of course you can have your fun while you're healing, but when you switch from depending on one person to make you happy to a new one that will fuck with your psyche, IMO.

I've figured it out by now, you have to figure out how to be happy without depending on someone for said happiness. Pull yourself up by your boot straps, imo, broskis.

[Chelle]

Sorry if that came across wrong I just don't think a woman is getting a first date with you anytime soon unless she fits within that very small filter of "man I'm gonna fuck the shit out of her"

Fun Fact: I'm not lesbo.

Now, apologize correctly.

[OngBonga]

Finding love again helps. I mean the first time you have your heart broken, it fucks your confidence up something bad. Like, was I fucking her badly? Am I a crap kisser? Did I annoy her? All these questions going round your stupid head, when the truth is you just weren't right for each other. Takes time to figure that out. When you find someone else, you realise there isn't just one person in the world you can love, that blow jobs aren't gone forever.

I'm mostly single now. I say mostly, been on and off with one of my exes for years. She's still my ex though. I'm very happy on my own, I like playng poker when I want, not shaving for a week, getting up at 2pm etc. But I'm happier when I'm in a relationship, can't deny that.

[Chelle]

Wait, you have to be in love to fuck someone?

....wat?

Anyways - exes are exes for a reason, never go back, never fuck them, you can try friendship, but anything else, you're fucking up and digging yourself deeper into a whole of emotional bullshit that isn't needed.

[Jack Sawyer]

^

This x10000000

[OngBonga]

Wait, you have to be in love to fuck someone?

Yeah this is where I'm weird. I tried the one night stand thing, didn't like it, felt wrong. I didn't like it that I was just using her for sex, didn't feel comfortable with it at all. So yeah I pretty much need to at least really fucking like a girl before I'll fuck her.

So instead of playing the field and fucking random pretty girls, I just go back to my ex now and then and have some fun. We're friends, and occasional fuck buddies. We know a relationship won't work, we tried three times, but we like fucking each other. Not sure where the problem is there tbh, so long as we're both single *cough*.

[jyms]

Sorry Chelle, just playing, I hope you know I have shown nothing but respect for you. I love how you speak your mind. If only you were 10 years older and living near Canada, maybe we could get a coffee or a drink and see if there was anything in common outside of this shithole forum. hehe

[Chelle]

Sorry Chelle, just playing, I hope you know I have shown nothing but respect for you. I love how you speak your mind. If only you were 10 years older and living near Canada, maybe we could get a coffee or a drink and see if there was anything in common outside of this shithole forum. hehe

[OngBonga]

What difference is ten years? Unless of course Chelle is 8. In which case, stop saying fuck and talking about sex please.

[Chelle]

I'm just putting this out there...

I'd circumcise myself before jyms would have a chance.


Anyway.

Ong, it's best that you find a friend that you don't have an actual past with, and fuck them. Just be FWB.

hartbraker, text her cute pictures of cats, or send her a picture of your pp.

[BankItDrew]

bickes obv

[jyms]

I'm just putting this out there...

I'd circumcise myself before jyms would have a chance.

I guess not all women will let you down easy and still be friends. Maybe I was wrong

[bikes]

bickes obv

negatory.

[Chelle]

I'm not a woman.

I'm a ginger.

Huge diff.

[OngBonga]

Ong, it's best that you find a friend that you don't have an actual past with, and fuck them. Just be FWB.

Hmmm.... I do have several female friends that I'd really like to fuck... if by this time next week I have no female friends left, I blame you.

[Chelle]

You can't suck that bad at sex, just let them get on top, if you do.

[OngBonga]

And by blame, I mean move to America and stalk.

[Chelle]

Cool, I've never been stalked, before. There's no bushes to hide in outside, we have outside dogs, and my dad's a southern baptist preacher.

GL.

[Penneywize]

A few comments:

A: I knew, even as I was typing, that wufwugy would lose his shit when reading my bit about not being attracted to black women

B: I am enjoying the jyms / Chelle dynamic going on here

C: Let's here moar than a 1-line update from OP. I want you to go on a date with her and give us a TR. plzkthx.

[baudib]

First off, I'd check out personals and craigslist and whatnot for girls who want to bang virgins.

[Chelle]

...Fuck, I missed the part where he's a virgin. Lol. Oh god, he's never getting laid unless he pays someone, or finds another virgin.

[bikes]

...Fuck, I missed the part where he's a virgin. Lol. Oh god, he's never getting laid unless he pays someone, or finds another virgin.

you as cold as ice.

think of all them people who need solids.

[OngBonga]

Cool, I've never been stalked, before. There's no bushes to hide in outside, we have outside dogs, and my dad's a southern baptist preacher.

GL.

So come armed with some cooked sausages and a crucifix?

I'm too lazy to stalk anyone anyway. Plus I doubt I'd be allowed in America, since I have a caution for smoking weed. So you're safe.

[Chelle]

mebbe instead of sexy red queen for halloween i should be ice queen?

would not even have to wear outfit, just go as myself.

[hartbraker]

C: Let's here moar than a 1-line update from OP. I want you to go on a date with her and give us a TR. plzkthx.

It's okay I'm pretty tired I had to get up early and realized my phone was broken. Sort of hard to be super enthusiastic. Though I did get to hangout with my parents today before they went home.

____

So how much longer before I should ask her if she wants to meet? How do I find out what to do if she does end up agreeing to meet with me. How will I know when it's okay to touch her? What if she wants me to kiss her??? Do I have to pay for her? I'm in college so I don't have a lot of money.

[Chelle]

...had to google it.

Wholesale Ice queen costume Gothic faux costumes Indian queen sexy party costumes corset top, Free shipping, $31.8-43.24/Piece | DHgate

not sure if want this or red queen, now.

[bikes]

It's okay I'm pretty tired I had to get up early and realized my phone was broken. Sort of hard to be super enthusiastic. Though I did get to hangout with my parents today before they went home.

____

So how much longer before I should ask her if she wants to meet? How do I find out what to do if she does end up agreeing to meet with me. How will I know when it's okay to touch her? What if she wants me to kiss her??? Do I have to pay for her? I'm in college so I don't have a lot of money.

Going Dutch is never smooth. This ain't Happy Days. Pay the bill man.

[OngBonga]

...had to google it.

Wholesale Ice queen costume Gothic faux costumes Indian queen sexy party costumes corset top, Free shipping, $31.8-43.24/Piece | DHgate

not sure if want this or red queen, now.

Oh god FAP FAP FAP FAP

Wasn't it you who said blondes weren't cute? WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?

[Chelle]

They aren't.

I'm talking about me wearing outfit. Not gross tan blonde chick.

[OngBonga]

Well since you're ginger, I'm in no doubt you'll look better than her in said outfit, but still, FAP FAP FUCKING FAP at that model.

Also, two words that prove you wrong... Debbie Harry.

Admittedly, 30 years ago, but still...

[bikes]

thx.


anyways @ OP. don't take advice from all the betas and pua's itt.

except jack. that man is a god among men. truth. 4 wimmenz? hell yeah.

[Chelle]

Meh. I don't think she's a real blonde.

[hartbraker]

That sucks! I'd be lost without my phone lol as sad as that sounds! Where do they live?

Really? Why is that? They currently live in XXXXXXX.

___

So is this still the get to know you phase? At what point do I start trying to get her to meet me in person and touch her a lot?

[wufwugy]

...Fuck, I missed the part where he's a virgin. Lol. Oh god, he's never getting laid unless he pays someone, or finds another virgin.

Convincing a guy of this is the kind of thing that will keep him afraid of women forever. Reality is that girls don't care and some actually like the type.

[JKDS]

First off, I'd check out personals and craigslist and whatnot for girls who want to bang virgins.

Wait, this is a thing?

[Chelle]

Convincing a guy of this is the kind of thing that will keep him afraid of women forever. Reality is that girls don't care and some actually like the type.

IDK, I know how I was as a virgin, and I heard pretty much all losing virginity stories end up heart breaking.

Unless you get married to who you lose your virginity to, and stay with them forever, don't cheat, and don't experience with anyone else, ever.

But, some girls, they don't care, true, but usually they're looking to corrupt people. Meh, idk.

[OngBonga]

Meh. I don't think she's a real blonde.

Well anyone who thinks you're cold as ice is talking shit. You could've made me cry by saying Debs wasn't beautiful, but you didn't go there.

Convincing a guy of this is the kind of thing that will keep him afraid of women forever. Reality is that girls don't care and some actually like the type.

ok so my first embarrassing sexual encounter basically involved me thinking I was in, and I probably was until I told her I was a virgin, at which point she accused me of making assumptions. Oops. So that was a disaster.

When I actually lost my virginity, I didn't tell her until after. Fortunately she had an orgasm so when I told her it was my first time she was like putty in my hands.

Don't tell her you're a virgin unless she tells you she's a virgin, or if she asks.

imo

[wufwugy]

A few comments:

A: I knew, even as I was typing, that wufwugy would lose his shit when reading my bit about not being attracted to black women

B: I am enjoying the jyms / Chelle dynamic going on here

C: Let's here moar than a 1-line update from OP. I want you to go on a date with her and give us a TR. plzkthx.

hey broham i was laughing at the fact that she said she was 'tanned' but was really black. fwiw i dont like most black girls, i just like hot black girls. even though i talk a lot about them, my main type still isnt black (its the jen connelly, jessica biel, olivia munn type.....because i know how much you care to know)

[MadMojoMonkey]

So how much longer before I should ask her if she wants to meet? How do I find out what to do if she does end up agreeing to meet with me. How will I know when it's okay to touch her? What if she wants me to kiss her??? Do I have to pay for her? I'm in college so I don't have a lot of money.

Dude. You're seriously over-thinking this. If you want to call her, then fucking call her. There's no time limit. Avoid all that bullshit game playing. If she doesn't want to talk to you, well, then that relationship was doomed already.

You're at a university? Why waste your time online dating? Just hang out anywhere. Join clubs that interest you. Go to parties. Talk to people. Talk about whatever interests you. If they don't like it, well then you just saved yourself a lot of heartache down the road.

Seriously... you're asking these questions to us? You should be asking her. What are you afraid of? She'll judge you? Again... if she does, then she doesn't get you. Find someone who does.

As for paying for the date. That goes without saying. Be creative. You have so much more to offer than your wallet. Sitting in a park and talking is a great date, and it's free.

[OngBonga]

I want to nail a black woman.

[baudib]

Wait, this is a thing?

It's 2012 and the Internet is vast. Everything is a thing.

[OngBonga]

This thread is better than WW.

[wufwugy]

ok so my first embarrassing sexual encounter basically involved me thinking I was in, and I probably was until I told her I was a virgin, at which point she accused me of making assumptions. Oops. So that was a disaster.

Exactly, it was about her. It's always about her. That's one of the main differences between men and women in relationships. To men, it's about her, how hot she is, how cool she is, etc; to women, it's also about her, how hot she feels, how cool she feels, etc.

In a big way, women don't care about the truth, they care about the presentation. Act confident and with style, and she will give a fat flying fuck about who's beneath the facade. Of course, most of them don't realize this about themselves and thus can't admit it. However, the dynamic does change when they're looking for a deep long term relationship. That's when how he presents himself isn't the only thing she ends up caring about.

[Chelle]