First post and all I do is bitch…….wheeeeeeeeeeeeee
OK, I’m at work and have an hour off for once so I decided to put some thoughts down. Something just happened about an hour ago that made me question what the fuck I’m doing with my life. I was in between lessons at work and some unknown guy who looked 30 walked up and started asking me about which driver he should buy. I said it depends on a bunch of factors, blah blah blah, it will be $50 for me to fit you into the proper club. He says “great, let’s do it”. Well this guy turns out to be like my new hero. He is in-fact 30, is a member of the most-exclusive golf-club in Houston, is self-employed, and pretty much has an awesome life. Dude threw money around like it was nothing and seemed generally very pleased with his life. On top of that he’s a heck of a golfer and plays like 3-4 times a week (I’m very good but have played 4 times this whole year). He really started making me think about what I’m doing with my life and what I really want out of it. All I know now is what I do not want and it’s unfortunately what I currently have. I don’t want to be unhappy, I don’t want to hate my job, I don’t want to work for other people. I really have to admit that the past 18 months of my life have been extremely rough on me. From moving away from all my friends to LV where I knew no one, to having a rough job there, to moving back to TX but to a city where I know no one and having more trouble with my career I just have not been enjoying life much. It sucks, and my attitude really shows with everyone I come into contact with and especially on forums like FTR where I’ve taken some frustrations out on innocent people whom I’ve never even met.
At this current moment in time I’m getting pretty fed-up with my job. I would have to say my co-employee made up for about 80% of my frustrations and he is now gone. I’ve been here now for 5 months and to be honest it is just about nothing I would have hoped it to be. I mean, all I want from a job is decent money, pleasant work-environment, and the possibility for advancement. Currently I am seeing about 1/2 of one of these (decent money) and the others are nowhere to be found. I always said coming into this position that if it were not to work out I would be through with the golf business. I am going to give this job 6 more months of my efforts to see if this shit can turn itself around.
What do I really want to do with my life? I want to be wealthy, travel, party, live by my own rules, and generally enjoy myself. I am 100% certain I cannot achieve this through the golf business. I know I can do this by playing poker/stock market but I just need to get off my lazy fucking ass and do it. It’s really simple, by the end of the next 6 months I need to be rolled/playing a form of poker than can net me $100/hr. Either 200nl, 200PLO, 100nl HU, etc…something. Right now it’s going to be short-handed NL just because I have the most invested in that at the moment and I just need to commit damnit!
Here is what I would really like to do, if in 5 months I can convince myself that the online poker world is still stable I would like to quit my current job and try to play for a living. I need to determine what I can do 6 months from now. There is always moving back home and staying with the folks for 6 months. The plus side is my expenses would be ridiculously low, something like $500/month or less. They both work during the week so I’d have plenty of quiet time to grind. My dog is there and they live in a nice little town/area and I actually feel calm/relaxed/peaceful/at home when I am there. That’s option A. Option B is staying in Houston in my appt and having expenses of ~$2000/month. Option C which would have to be in the future would be to move out to Cali with 2 of my best friends and live there, it would be even more expensive than staying in Houston but I know I would have a great time. However, there wouldn’t be nearly enough quiet-time for poker.
So I’m basically torn, I want to play this game and make a lot of money at it but for some reason lately I’ve just been in such a funk that I haven’t felt like grinding. In the past I’ve bullshitted and said I was going to play this many hands and grind out all these hours and it just hasn’t happened. I’m going to find a way by the beginning of October to commit myself to this game. I look at ppls graphs, screenshots, etc… and go JEEZ, that would be nice. However, I do nothing to earn it. I’m going to make a HUGE effort in the next 6 months to clean my life up, get healty, eat right, exercise, all in the hopes of gaining more energy and a positive outlook on life. I will also hope to gain the drive it takes to become a truly great poker player and one who makes a lot of money. I mean, I’m not greedy, 100k/yr sounds nice enough.